60. Back Home in STL
60
BACK HOME IN STL
WYATT
I returned to St Louis with Mom and Theo rather than Odette. I hated to leave her for a week but was relieved she’d mostly be busy with wedding planning and her new niece. Theo hadn’t been “home” since Christmas, but my mother was glad to be back stateside. I went to meetings and tried to sell the city on my plans to improve existing transit.
I also spent some precious downtime with my sister, Becca. We grabbed coffee together at the wonderful coffee shop on the edge of Forest Park. It was a brisk walk from the house for me and a quick one from where her brewery was located. We walked through the park towards the other side near our house. Theo skipped on the walk. He held a stick he’d picked up.
“So, things with Odette are good?”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to ask about that. God, you and Mom make big deals out of it. Yes, things are good. Things are excellent.”
“So, if you get this project, is she coming here?”
I let out a long sigh. “I don’t know. I have a nice life there. Theo has stability. He has a school he loves and friends. I won’t need to be here all the time. But if we returned occasionally and she travelled with me, I wouldn’t hate it.”
“So predictable. Wealthy man falls in love with an attractive, much younger woman,” Rebecca teased.
“I didn’t fall in love with her because she was beautiful—she is—but because she’s kind.”
“I know. I like her. She’s a winner, and Theo told me all about her yesterday.”
“He likes that she speaks to him in French,” I said. “There is some comfort there. It warms my heart.”
An older couple with a dog approached.
“Theo, you must ask if you can pet the dog!” I called out instinctively.
The older couple stopped to let Theo pet their elderly poodle.
“It’s like Grieg,” Theo said in French.
Not at all, buddy .
“He misses my girlfriend’s dog,” I said. “His name is Grieg.”
“Does he love animals then?” The older woman cooed.
“He does.”
I fluffed his hair.
“Thank you,” Theo said sweetly, letting them pass.
He took my hand, still skipping. “I miss Grieg.”
“I know. We’ll see him soon.”
“He needs to live in our house,” Theo insisted.
“Well, he lives with Odette. She’s his mom. And they live in another house.” A palace .
“Maybe she could live with us, too, so Grieg could?”
The words hit me like a sack of bricks in my gut. We were not ready for that. I made a face of pure discomfort. Thankfully, Becca rushed in.
“Well, maybe someday she could. I am sure she’d like that.”
Becca turned aggressively left. I stopped, unsure if I could follow her towards the intersection where a driver ran down Isla. It had been years since I hadn’t added two blocks onto my trip whenever we walked this leg. Becca must have forgotten.
“Oh, shit,” Becca swore. “I’m sorry. We can keep walking?— ”
I took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I should try. It’s just an intersection.”
“If you can’t?—”
“I can,” I said.
I held Theo’s hand tighter as we waited at the crosswalk. I’d paid for the addition of an elevated pedestrian crossing, as well as better signalling. It struck me that I’d not been through here on foot since any improvements were made. It seemed less intimidating. Cars couldn’t turn right. Things were better. Still, it was hard to shake the feeling of how it must have been to run across this and not know what was coming.
“It’s hard, but you did it.” Becca rubbed my back like she was proud of me.
“I did it,” I said.
Theo trotted along with his stick, now through the quiet, private lane that led up to the house. Here, cars couldn’t drive.
“I struggled to even be in the park after she died,” Becca admitted. “I always saw Isla running in the morning when I’d grab a coffee. It was painful to look out and not see her. I saw her that morning, remember? I waved. I wish I could have said more.”
I fought tears. “I am sure she was happy to see you. Honestly, it’s why I go to the park with Theo. I have such good memories there. It’s why we bought the house here. It’s this beautiful hub that—rain or shine, snow or sun—she got out and enjoyed. I like to believe we’re connected to her there. It’s a comfort I’ve missed.”
“So it’s good to be back home?”
I shrugged. “Sometimes. At other times, the house feels like ghosts inhabit it. Sometimes, it feels too lonely. Other times, I swear I catch a whiff of her perfume and long for its comfort. It sounds crazy, I know.”
“The grieving mind is strange. I felt like I could smell tobacco for years after dad died—even when we got the new car, and there was no way he was ever in it,” Becca said. “I still smell that tobacco and expect to see him right around the corner.”
“The new-to-us-car,” I laughed.
It was a terrible old boat of a car. Although it was new to us, it was still dinged and damaged. It was reliable, and Mom was proud to buy it herself.
“You can build new memories there and keep the old,” Becca said. “It’s okay to come back and stay here when you can, but if your life is in Neandia now, that’s okay, too. I am proud of you for crossing the intersection. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“Honestly, it was better than I expected. My therapist would be proud of me. That was hard, but at least I saw that it was a much safer place than it had been. It means people are safer there. So, I did some good. I am trying to do that to keep Theo safe in Neandia, too.”
“Neandia, in general, is much safer.”
“Yeah. Statistically. But it’s different. I will always feel more at home here. I like that he can speak French. I know Isla wanted that. I know he’s safe and has a lot of excellent opportunities he wouldn’t have here. However, I miss it all the time.”
“Funny how life changes you, but you still yearn for this little city.”
“Honestly, I want to bring Odette here to see everything. I only regret she was too busy to come,” I said.
“Next time, bring her. Maybe for Christmas?”
“Maybe,” I said. “The park is beautiful at Christmas, and nothing beats an American Christmas.”