Chapter 28Sofia
Chapter 28
Sofia
Max nudges me. “Smile. You’re at a wedding, remember? Love and all that crap?”
I force my lips into a smile and try to swallow down the lump in my throat. I fail.
He pulls his brows together as he watches me. Wearing his Ledonian red formal jacket with a diagonal blue sash reaching from shoulder to hip, he looks every inch the handsome young prince, representing his country in a sea of Malveauxian blue, sitting in the pew beside his family, in the striking Gothic cathedral in Tleurbonne.
“What is with you today?” he asks under his breath. “You’re not planning to protest when the Bishop asks if there’s any reason Alex and Maddie shouldn’t be joined in holy matrimony, are you?”
“No! Of course not,” I hiss.
“Well, then? What gives, sis?”
I lift my eyes to his momentarily. He’s looking at me with such uncomplicated earnestness, my heart gives an involuntary squeeze. Would he understand why I chose to follow my head? Would he understand that the decision I’ve made will ultimately be the right course to take—even if my heart is broken in two?
I don’t utter a word. It wouldn’t be circumspect. Not now that it’s over between Marco and me and I’m doing my best to carry on—and certainly not with cameras trained on us in a public event as we represent Ledonia at the marriage of our brother to the future queen of Malveaux.
The music begins and the entire congregation rises to its feet, turning to watch the bride take her last steps as a single woman. She’s accompanied by her proud father as they move down the aisle toward the man she loves.
Maddie’s gown sparkles with delicate lace details, the off-the-shoulder neckline accentuating her graceful shoulders. Her full skirt flows into a breathtaking cathedral-length train that sweeps majestically behind her, her veil, equally long and ethereal, cascades down, adding to her regal presence. In her hands, she cradles a bouquet of small blue rosebuds for Malveaux and red rosebuds for Ledonia, the colors contrasting beautifully against the ivory of her dress.
The love for my brother in her eyes is plain to see, and a cold, numbing despair washes over me, like a dark cloud that blots out all joy.
I won’t feel like Maddie does right now on my wedding day. I won’t feel full of joy and possibility, safely cocooned in the knowledge that the man I’m marrying is my person, the man I choose above all others. The man I love.
The brick I’ve been carrying around in my belly for the last six days since I left Monteluce grows heavier. I’ve been wallowing in a pit of despair, consumed by my sense of loss, questioning the choices I’ve been making in my life.
Why did I want an arranged marriage when I would be giving up a chance at love? But if I hadn’t decided to pursue it, and chose Enzo Revera as my groom, I would never have met Marco. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
My head says bad .
My heart says good .
With Marco, the thing I can’t ever deny, is that with him I felt seen.
He saw the real me, the real Sofia. Not the princess. Not the image I project to the world. Not even the parts of me I've so carefully constructed to keep such messy feelings as love out.
Whenever I think of that time we spent in Monteluce, guilt spins it’s web around my chest, squeezing hard. We should never have gone there. We should never have shown one another how much we mean to one another. We should most certainly never have kissed.
But despite it all, I can't get him out of my head or my heart. It turns out it’s hard to forget a man who has somehow managed to breakthrough my defences, making me fall for him in a way I never wanted to again in my life. Not after what happened with Reynold.
I shake my head at the irony of the situation. I’d decided on my path. My mind was set. I was going to avoid all those messy, frightening feelings of love and entanglement and instead opt for an arranged marriage to a man with whom I could form a sensible partnership based on mutual respect.
What did I do instead? I fell head over heels in love with a man so very far from the sort of man I know I should be with, I may as well be a cat falling in love with the moon. Marco is wrong for me on so many levels. He’s younger than me, he’s irresponsible, he’s spent his adult life pursuing fun. Fun is a word that’s barely in my vocabulary. For me, duty has always come first. Duty and honor and doing the right thing. Being the best princess I can be for my country.
While I’ve been in Ledonia working with my charities and causes and being a responsible member of the royal family in the public eye, Marco has been travelling the world, doing whatever work comes his way before moving to the next place and then the next, without a care in the world until he stumbled across a career that he decided to throw himself into head first.
How different can two people be?
But I find myself drawn to him in such a way that I forget my checklist that had felt so important before. I forget that I’m a member of the royal family, who should be upholding standards of decorum, always doing the right thing.
I forget everything because in his eyes I’m beautiful.
Desired.
Loved.
My chest tightens and I roll my shoulders to try to release it. It’s futile because it’s not my muscles or my joints that hurt. It’s my heart. It’s broken in two, just like I always feared it would be. Marco inched his way into my heart bit by bit, breaking down my closely held walls, opening me up to the possibility of being loved in the way I had always hoped I could be.
I look over at Alex, waiting for his bride, resplendent in his red jacket with gold brocade, the smile on his face showing the world how he feels about this woman walking toward him. He only has eyes for her, and as she reaches him, they beam at one another, their hands laced together.
“Distinguished members of royalty, esteemed guests, ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today in the presence of God to unite these two lives in holy matrimony. It is with great honor and reverence that we welcome you to this most solemn and joyous occasion?—”
I’m barely listening as the Archbishop of Malveaux speaks. Instead, I’m riveted by my brother and his bride. Their gazes are locked, the love they have for one another written across their faces. Despite the turmoil raging inside of me, I’m happy for my brother. He always struck me as someone lost, not even sure what he was searching for, until he found Maddie. Now, he’s whole. Complete. Happy in the knowledge that his future is where he’s meant to be, with the woman he loves.
As the Archbishop announces the first hymn, I stand and mumble the familiar words, my throat dry.
“Are you going to be sick?” Amelia hisses beside me. “Because if you are, do it under the pew in front of you, or in your handbag.”
“Don’t hurl, whatever you do,” Max says, throwing his eyes over my face.
I shake my head. “I’m fine.” The idea that I might throw up during a televised wedding is enough to harden my resolve to push my negative feelings away. I need to focus on the joy today brings my family.
“You don’t look fine,” Amelia says.
Am I really that obvious? Both my siblings wondering what the heck is wrong with their sister, a sister who’s usually so poised and together, if a little bossy.
Eventually, the service comes to an end, and smiling so hard their faces could break in two, the newlyweds skip down the aisle, and out into the sunshine on this glorious summer’s day. The sound of the cheering crowd echoes around the stone building above the music, and we begin to file out of the cathedral, waving briefly at the crowd before we climb into the state vehicles and form a procession back to the palace.
“All right. Spill,” Amelia instructs as I wave out the window at the cheering crowds fluttering their dual Malveaux and Ledonia flags in the air.
I tighten my jaw. “There’s nothing to spill.”
“Do you think we’re complete idiots?” Max asks, sitting across from us. “We might be younger than you, but we’re not stupid, you know. We can tell something's wrong, Sofe.”
“Is it nerves? Is seeing Alex and Maddie get married making you nervous about whether you should marry Enzo?”
I nod because that’s part of the truth. Just nowhere near the whole truth.
“I really don’t know why you’re thinking of marrying that boring old git,” Max says, and receives a swift kick to the shin from Amelia. “Ow! What the heck did you do that for? He is a boring old git. You said it yourself only yesterday.”
“He’s our sister’s friend who may become her fiancé,” Amelia says, shooting him a stern look and looking more like me than herself.
“I don't care. He's still boring. I asked him what he thought of our chances at the next Rugby World Cup, and he said he doesn’t follow rugby. So, I asked him what he thought of the team we’ve got for the next European Cup, and he asked me for what sport? Can you believe it? Everyone knows it’s soccer.”
“So, he doesn’t like sport,” Amelia replies.
“What kind of bloke doesn’t like sport?” Max grumps, leaning back in his seat and waving at the cheering crowd. “I was just trying to relate to him. I asked him a whole bunch of questions.” He counts them off on his fingers. “He doesn’t like dancing, he only ever listens to classical music, particularly opera. Opera! He finds politics riveting and watches Parliament TV most days, and get this: he thought rap music was something to do with gift wrapping! I mean, if that’s not a total snooze-fest I don’t know what is.”
“Max,” Amelia warns. “He’s Sofia’s perfect match, according to her spreadsheet, and you need to get used to him because he’s going to be living at the palace after they get married, and now that you’re back from university, you’re going to be seeing a lot of him, just like I will.”
“Great,” Max replies with a sarcastic smile.
“Unless you’ve changed your mind about him, Sofe,” she says.
I concentrate on looking out the window and smiling at people, my hand lifted in a wave. The truth of the matter is that I haven’t seen Enzo once since I returned from Monteluce. I knew he was travelling, but during that time we didn’t message one another, neither of us called the other, and if I’m perfectly honest, he hasn’t been occupying my mind at all. The idea of us entering a relationship, of us becoming engaged, feels hollow. Empty.
How could it not when it’s competing with my feelings of love for another man?
Right now, I don’t want to think about anything at all. I just want to get through this wedding .
We reach the palace and make our way to the throne room, where the reception is to be held.
“There you are, Sofia,” Enzo says, offering me a glass of champagne. “How did you enjoy the wedding?”
“It was wonderful,” I tell him as I take a sip, the bubbles tickling my nose, the taste a little bitter. Malveauxian champagne has always been pretty awful, but it would be rude not to drink it on an occasion like this. Shame Alex isn’t here with his hip flask of cordial to disguise the taste.
“The music was a little too modern for my tastes.”
“Wasn’t it Mendelssohn’s Wedding March ?” I ask, referring to the gorgeous music that had floated around the cathedral.
“Too populist,” he dismisses.
“As in too many people like it?” I ask carefully.
“Exactly.” He pulls his brows together and swallows. “Sofia, I must talk with you about something, if I may?”
“Of course.”
He shifts his weight, and it strikes me he’s nervous.
Oh no! Is he going to do something stupid like ask me to marry him in front of all these people? No no no no no! That would be nothing short of a disaster! Surely he won't do that.
It's my turn to swallow, my pulse kicking up a notch or ten. “What did you want to say?” I ask and hold my breath.
“It would seem I’ve fallen in love.”
Of all the things I expected him to say right now, that wasn't it.
I blink at him in disbelief. “I beg your pardon?”
He clears his throat. “Miss Sigrid Olsson is her name,” he says and his face morphs into a radiant smile, his furry caterpillar mustache reaching up toward his eyebrows. “ She attended the garden party where your dogs ran amok. A friend of your sister’s, I believe. She really is a most remarkable woman, and, well, I didn’t plan this but I’m sorry. I’m sure you understand I won’t be able to follow through on our agreement to become engaged to be married.”
I stare at him, open mouthed. Enzo has fallen in love with someone called Sigrid Olsson? The cogs in my brain whizz and whir.
“I know we had an understanding that we would spend some time together, getting to know one another, with a view to forming an engagement. I for one am disappointed in myself for not being able to follow through with my commitment to you, Sofia. But?—”
“But the heart wants what the heart wants,” I finish for him.
His eyes sparkle. “Indeed.”
I know a little about that myself.
I place my hand on his arm, and it strikes me that this is the first time I’ve ever touched him off the dance floor. How odd to think I once thought he was the perfect man for me, the man I thought had all the qualities I wanted, the man I should marry. “Enzo, I release you from any commitment to me, and I wish you and Sigrid Olsson a lifetime of happiness together.”
His features relax. “I don't know quite what to say. You are very gracious, Sofia.”
“Not gracious. Just happy that one of us is getting what we want.”
He raises a brow in question.
“If you’ll excuse me,” I say, feeling the sudden need for air.
There really is a certain irony in being dumped by someone you’re not even in a relationship with in the middle of a wedding reception.
I weave my way through the guests, spying an exit. I dash through it, out into a wide hallway, lined with mirrors. It’s impossible not to look at my reflection. My red Chanel skirt suit is tailored perfectly for me, my usual string of pearls in place where it always is, my hair pinned up neatly at the nape of my neck.
So very different from that cornflower blue dress I wore in Monteluce with my hair flying free, happy.
Without overthinking it, I grab the pins at the nape of my neck and yank them out, tousling my hair with my fingers. When I look back at my reflection, I see a hint of the woman I was in Monteluce—not Princess Sofia. Not the tightly controlled, poised woman who follows all the rules. But a woman on a grand adventure. A woman in love.
That’s who I want to be. That’s who I need to be.
Voices pierce my thoughts, and I jerk my attention to the door at the end of the hallway as it swings open. In sweeps an exuberant Alex and Maddie, the very picture of love.
“Is that you, Sofe?” Alex says as they move down the hallway toward me.
“Are you okay?” Maddie asks.
“I’m fine,” I bluff, plastering on a smile.
“Your hair looks… different,” Alex observes and immediately, I smooth it down with my hands, pushing it behind my shoulders.
“Don’t. It looks pretty,” Maddie says. She adjusts my hair over one shoulder. “Beautiful Sofia. You should always wear your hair like this.”
My throat tightens before I shake my head. “What am I thinking? Congratulations, you two. You make the most stunning couple and I’m so happy for you.” I clasp both their hands in mine, planting kisses on their cheeks.
“We are kinda hot today,” Maddie agrees, grinning at her new husband.
“The hottest,” Alex agrees, and to my horror, tears threaten my eyes. I try my best to blink them away.
Alex shoots me a concerned look before he whispers something to Maddie.
“Silly me. I forgot something in the carriage. You two catch up. I’ll be back in five,” she says, and with a sweep of her lace dress, she dashes down the hallway, leaving Alex and me alone.
“Okay. Level with me. What’s going on?” he asks.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” I choke out.
“Convincing.”
I sniff and he pulls a freshly pressed white handkerchief from his pocket and hands it to me. “You always were the gentleman,” I say as I blow my nose.
“You can keep that one,” he says with a light laugh. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on? Because I’ve kind of got a thing of my own going on right now,” he says softly, and suddenly I don’t want to keep it all in, allowing my feelings to fester. I want to tell someone what I’ve been through, how I feel.
“I’ve fallen in love,” I tell him simply, echoing the very words Enzo just told me.
Is that ironic? I think it is.
He clutches my hands in his. “But that’s a good thing, no?”
“It should be, but it’s not,” I croak.
“He might not be the person I would choose for you, but I’m sure Enzo is a good enough bloke under all the pomp and superiority. ”
I bite down on my lip. “It’s not Enzo.”
Realization dawns on Alex’s face. “Oh, Sofe.”
“I know. You don’t have to tell me. I’ve messed everything up royally.”
“Well, you are a princess,” he says with a smile. “Who is it? Can I ask?”
My lip trembles. “Marco Revera.”
“Marco Revera? I don’t know—” His eyes widen. “Enzo’s brother?”
I nod.
“You sure can pick ’em.”
I tell him about how we’ve been spending time together, first as Marco’s role as Enzo’s assistant, and then on our quest, our trip to Monteluce, our wonderful kiss under the lanterns. I then tell him what Enzo just shared with me, how we’ve both fallen in love—just not with each other.
He leans back on his heels, taking it all in.
“But I’ve wasted so much of your time. This is your wedding day. You should be with your new wife, celebrating with all the people in that room.” I gesture behind me.
“I’ll get to them, but I want to say something first. I know you never approved of the way I lived my life before I met Maddie.”
“Can you blame me? You were a total womanizer.”
“I was, but meeting Maddie changed my life in the very best of ways. She’s what I was looking for all along, I just didn’t know it.”
I nod, struggling to keep my emotions from welling up and spilling out.
“Love is a rare and precious thing. I know it’s a cliché, but Sofe, it’s a cliché because it’s true. When you finally meet the one who lights up your world you hold on to that person and you don’t let them go.”
“But… he’ll break my heart,” I blurt in a rush.
“How do you know that? The truth of the matter is none of us know where a relationship will go, but if you love someone, really, really love them, you take that leap of faith. You trust in your love for them. Who knows? You may end up marrying the guy.”
I bark out a laugh. Mixed with tears it sounds more like a gurgle than anything. It makes Alex smile.
“I want the best for you, Sofe, and if Marco is the best, don’t let your fear stand in your way. Take that leap.”
Maddie appears in the doorway once more, clearly waiting for a signal from her new husband. Alex waves her over.
“Now, my dear sister, I need to take my beautiful bride through to greet our guests.” He reaches for Maddie’s hand. “You’ll be okay. You’ll make the right decision. You always do. Well, other than thinking you can choose a man based on how many boxes he checks in a spreadsheet.” He flashes me his smile and Maddie gives my arm a squeeze.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m super happy you’re my new sister,” she tells me with a kiss to my cheek. “See you back in there?”
“Of course. I’ll just take a moment,” I reply.
The happy couple make their way down the hall and into the reception room, where they’re announced to applause and cheers from the eight hundred or more guests.
I take in a deep breath and scrunch my eyes closed, Alex’s words buzzing around my head.
Could I take the leap of faith with Marco?
Could I trust him to take good care of my heart ?
With my mind whirring, I open my eyes to look in my reflection. Staring back at me, more handsome than I’ve ever seen him in my life, is the man I love.
Marco.