Chapter 10
ten
PARKER
I arrived at my solicitor’s office, ready to sign the papers and wrap this up. Instead, he wanted to chat. I was forced to sit in his expensive office at this very well-appointed conference table and drink posh tea out of an uncomfortable but elegant teacup, all so we could sign papers I wish he had just sent in the post.
“You seeing anyone then, Your Grace?”
“No,” I answered.
“Up to anything new?”
“No.”
Can we just get on with it ?
“You getting ready to graduate then? Move on?”
“Have to finish my thesis first,” I answered.
“How long until you do that?”
“Well, as long as it takes. It’s not like an exam. It takes time.”
He nodded.
“You got any pets or… anything? Friends?”
Did he assume I was incapable of forming any bonds with anyone?
“No pets, plenty of friends,” I answered. “Now, what is it I need to sign? ”
“Ah, the papers. Charity, can you please pass those over to His Grace?”
The assistant nodded, staring at me for too long. Did she fancy me? Was that what that was? Or was it just more derision?
“Sorry, Your Grace. I’ve got something in my eye, I think!”
She passed the papers over before excusing herself.
No, she wasn’t amorous. She was in pain. It seemed I had such an effect on most women these days. The meeting left me feeling worse. It wasn’t the hangover as much as feeling a failure. I headed back to the station, stopping for a pasty to further ease my hangover. My mobile buzzed. It was Ashleigh.
Ashleigh
How are you? I hope you’re not dead.
Me
Nope. Alive. In London.
Ashleigh
Oh, really! Want to take me to dinner?
I chuckled. She assumed I could get her in somewhere good. Although, if I texted Niall, I could probably swing it.
Me
Fine, give me a list and I will see what I can do. Don’t you have a show?
Ashleigh
A matinee this morning. I am hungry. I could eat.
Me
Let me see what sticks.
Ashleigh’s list included several posh places Niall couldn’t dream of landing at and one Japanese place that sounded good. Thankfully, the early start didn’t hurt. I rarely missed home in Devon, but I did enjoy spending time with my youngest sister. Given the age gap, we weren’t incredibly close, but I didn’t mind catching up .
She met me at the restaurant with a big hug.
“I am so famished!”
“Good, we have endless possibilities and can pick and choose whatever rolls we want.”
“Yay!”
“Since when do you like sushi?”
“Since forever, Parker.”
I figured it was about her posh friends at the ballet company, but she said nothing more. She grew cultured and much less childlike since moving to London. I was proud of her for sticking with it in a rough industry but worried she’d lose that pure, sweet side in the turmoil. Carolyn lost herself completely running with the social set. She now demanded a bigger allowance all the time as if money had fallen from the sky. Mother only encouraged it. Dad wasn’t cheap, but he was reasonable . The women of the family respected his word more than mine. I didn’t want to be cruel, but I needed to find a sensible balance between lighting money on fire at every whim and being a miserable asshole.
“How are you?” I asked. “Generally?”
“I’m happy. My course is going well. I am dancing loads . I cannot wait for Christmas. You? Making progress on whatever you do?”
“I am preparing for the start of classes and finishing up summer work.”
She looked bored.
“Parker, I know you are older and wiser, but do you ever worry about what happens after?”
“What do you mean? After what?”
“You say you will graduate. What happens after that?”
I swallowed hard, wanting to avoid the topic. I didn’t want to think about the next steps. I knew what my responsibilities were, as Mother always said. I knew what I had to do to remain in her good graces and the eyes of society. The problem was that I wasn’t my father and didn’t want to run the estate.
“I try not to think about it.”
“Don’t you want to be happy? ”
“I want to, yes. Do you think I don’t?”
The server arrived.
“Sorry, just a minute while we figure this out,” I apologised.
She nodded and left. I turned back to my sushi selections, silently seething. Ashleigh was a child. She didn’t know what life was like for grown-ups, how miserable running the estate was, or how awful it was to feel like a walking pocketbook. I shielded her from that.
The server returned, and we ordered. I hoped the subject was dropped, but it wasn’t. Ashleigh looked at me, her eyes boring a hole into my soul.
“I love you,” she said, “but I worry—about all of us. Since Daddy died?—”
I cut her off. “I don’t want to talk about what Daddy’s wishes were. He wanted me to finish my degree. He wanted me—all of us—to be happy. Mum keeps twisting it, and it’s not true.”
“I know.”
I softened. “You know?”
“I do,” Ashleigh said. “She does it because she wants to appear perfect for everyone. And she’s horrid at covering up how hard it is for all of us sometimes—and how much she hates asking you. Money and status are just… they’re her way of controlling things.”
“It’s unfair, though.”
Ashleigh shrugged. “Maybe? But I think you are unhappy—even with school. You just won’t admit it.”
I shrugged. “I dunno.”
“Parker, you don’t miss having a girlfriend?”
“Having a girlfriend was a nightmare! Do you remember how broken I was? Ashleigh, you don’t know the half of it.”
“I know she broke your heart, and you felt she was using you for a title. And while Mummy and Carolyn will disagree with me, I think that’s a fair reason to run away. I never liked her.”
“You didn’t?”
Ashleigh laughed. “No. I thought she was a bitch to you.”
It surprised me. “Okay. ”
“I think you need a girlfriend. Or want one, rather.”
“Everyone keeps saying that! Let’s be clear: I would like an honest girlfriend with whom I could share things. Believe it or not, I’m not a dreadful boyfriend. And it’s not that I don’t like people. I like my people—the ones I choose. I don’t want to spend every waking night out here in London going to parties. If that is the expectation about my next steps or is what a partner would want, I don’t want it. I like other academics.”
“Then date another academic. I’ve dated other dancers because they understand, Parker.”
“It’s not that simple. I will finish up my degree and run back to Devon. My only prospects think I am invisible or won’t defend their thesis for years. It’s a long-distance thing, and I cannot do that again.”
“Parker, if you always put up walls and judge people, you will never move forward.”
“So, are you going to matchmake for me? You think you can do better?” I joked, wanting to end this conversation.
“I don’t know anything about the academy .” She spoke with dramatic flair. “But I think you are judging women too harshly. Do I think a society girl like Mummy or Carolyn would pick is good for you, No?”
I frowned.
She giggled. “God, you’d be miserable! And any woman who signed up for a nerd like you would be a gold digger. I’d hate her.”
I snickered. “True. I follow.”
“Okay, well, I think you’d have better luck in your little ivory tower. A nerdy girl you could respect would understand your words and world. We’re not all idiots, Parker. Just because we don’t speak your bizarre little language doesn’t mean we aren’t clever. That said, a girl who does might relate to you better.”
“You make me sound like another species!”
“Parker, you’re a pedant, and people think you are an asshole.”
I stared, gobsmacked and speechless.
“That’s rude! ”
“It’s honest. I didn’t say you were an asshole, Parker. People don’t get to know you because they assume you are judging them from the outset. I know it’s not like that. I know you are the sweet type of guy who would take your baby sister to dinner on a whim because she’s hungry, even if you don’t care to hear about her dancing.”
Our wine arrived, and I waited for things to settle again. My heart was a little bruised.
“I adore you. I care about your dancing. I am so proud of you and amazed by your bravery, Ash. I could not do all the wonderful, wild things you do. Don’t ever think I don’t care. I love you to bits.”
“Okay, but my point is people would never expect that. Since Dad died, you’ve been even more guarded.”
“I had my heart broken—twice by the same person.”
“Don’t bring that baggage onto the next girl, alright? It’s not fair. The perfect person could be somewhere on that campus right now, but if you approach her like this, she will run.”
“Like what?”
“Dressed like a slob and always on the defensive.”
“I am dressed comfortably .”
“If you always wear these trainers and shirts that are a size two big, how will a girl know you can clean up properly in a tux when you try?”
“You sound like Mum.”
“Maybe she has a point, huh?” Ashleigh gave a cheeky grin.
“I will give everything a better effort,” I said. “You make good points. I dispute the veracity of some of it, but I could stand to buy some new clothes and maybe a new pair of trainers.”
She rolled her eyes. “God, Parker, you kill me!”
“I’m your big brother. That’s my job.”
“Well, as your little sister, it is my job to tell you to buy some proper shoes and dress to attract the sort of woman you want rather than to wallow in self-pity and miss out on someone you can come home to. I know you don’t want someone showy, but even someone nerdy will expect to see your loving side. First dates and such are about putting your best foot forward, yes? ”
I groaned. “Don’t say the d-word. It is so torturous to think of dating again, sister!”
“If you don’t try, you’ll never get laid.”
“Let’s never, ever speak of either of our sex lives again,” I said, mortified.