Chapter 20
twenty
ASTRID
I hopped into the arms of the man I least expected—Parker Westfall. He stared at me. I expected surprise or even disdain—the usual look he gave me. Instead, was that lust ? God, was that even possible? I realised his big brown eyes were trained on me, looking impossibly hungry. I had to get out of this. His arms were stronger and bigger than I anticipated. I thought about kissing him but beat that feeling down.
It wasn't Parker I wanted, right? I was here for Jeremy! So, I broke his stare and ran off into Jeremy's arms. He swung me around and laughed.
That’s more like it!
“Want to get another drink?” Jeremy asked.
“Yeah, sure.” I bit my lip, unable to hold back my feelings for him.
“What you want?”
“Beer is good still,” I said. “Yeah?”
“Sure.” Jeremy gave my ass a little smack as he let me go.
Fuck . I liked that!
Amara skipped over, spinning me around. “She's the champion!”
I giggled, shaken out of whatever spell Jeremy left me in .
“So, finally, huh?” Amara asked.
“I think a lot could happen, yeah!”
“Get it!”
Jeremy returned with a beer, and we celebrated by taking a few sips before ignoring them. Instead, we escaped to a hallway where we could be alone. I felt as if things might escalate—hoping that I’d finally been put out of my misery—when we were rudely interrupted. He would never properly kiss me!
“Jer! Brian just lost it all over the fucking kitchen. We've got to take him home, mate!”
Jeremy's friend stood there in a panic
“Sorry, Astrid,” he said. “Rain check?”
I wasn't sure what a rain check was, but I nodded.
Off Jeremy went—leaving me. I decided to tell Amara I was off, too.
My plan was soon upended. Once more, as if we couldn’t stop colliding, I ran into Parker Westfall. This time, it was my fault. My beer spilt all over his jumper. I expected him to lash out at me, but he didn’t.
“I’m so sorry,” I said.
He chuckled. “It’s only fair, right? Retribution?”
“It wasn’t. I just wasn’t paying attention.”
I realised we were standing too close now. Again, this urge flooded me. He wanted me, but I didn’t want him. Or did I? He walked towards the kitchen. I followed as if pulled into his orbit. I told myself it was out of obligation, but that felt like a lie the more I considered it. I knew Jeremy fancied me, but Parker seemed to lust for me. Was that the word? He used a kitchen roll to dab his jumper before returning to me. Our eyes met again. He went to touch my hand, then grabbed my wrist. I looked down to see him dabbing up spilt beer. I looked down and saw beer running down my cleavage, too. Panicking about that, I pulled back.
"Uh... I can do it,” I took the kitchen roll from him. “Thanks, though”
He looked offended by my rejection. I dabbed the beer from between my boobs, trying not to make it awkward and looked up to see him trained on me. He shook his head as if trying to scatter his thoughts visibly. He was checking out my tits! And yet, how he looked at me when he didn’t realise I was looking was priceless. No one had ever stared at me like that—not even my wayward rockstar. I could have leaned into it at that moment. Something pulled at me to kiss him. Maybe it was the way he nervously combed his fingers through his hair or the way he always stood arms crossed while thinking. Either way, if I were braver, I would have kissed him.
“I… uh… I need to head home,” Parker said. “I could walk you.”
If he walked me, he might kiss me. And if he kissed me, everything would get so complicated. On the one hand, I wanted him to go for it. Something about Parker changed. Maybe it was the silliness of the evening or my somewhat drunken state? Or perhaps it was our shared Model UN wrangling? Either way, I was holding out for something uncomplicated—something like Jeremy. This was messy . We had the same supervisor and taught the same class.
“No. I’m… gonna stay,” I said.
“Suit yourself.” Parker looked annoyed and left.
My heart sank, but I knew a crisis had just been avoided. I stayed for a few more minutes before I crept back into our house. Ole, never a partier, was on the couch still watching Crime Porn. I slipped upstairs and into my bed, undressing in a hurry.
Weeks passed since I'd properly gotten off. I flipped on my favourite vibrator, praying it had enough charge to do the job. Usually, I'd imagine a scene from one of my favourite romances—a hero taking charge, pulling her across the bed towards him, insistent on having her. I would think about him going down on her, trying to get her off first.
Instead, tonight, I thought about what it might feel like to be kissed—properly and hard by someone who found me irresistible. I wanted so badly to be wanted. I thought about Jeremy pressing me against the wall in that hallway and how it might feel for him to kiss me like he meant it. I clenched around the vibe as I thrust it in and out .
Then, without warning, a vision of Parker taking my face in his hands and going in for a massive, passionate kiss crept in. I wanted to say it felt terrible, but I couldn’t shake it. What would his lips feel like? He’d wanted me. Jeremy made me feel pretty and sweet, but what about hate sex? It could be hot. Parker could just pull me into the hall and fuck me hard. We’d think about how we hated having to share space, right? How much we loathed the other? That could be such fabulous fodder for shagging!
I continued, running my fingers over my swollen wet clit, and thrusting the vibe faster inside me. I wanted to lie and say I came thinking about Jeremy fucking me up against that wall, but I didn’t. My fantasy—the one I couldn’t ignore—was shagging Parker in the hall. Thankfully, lustful thoughts were secrets I could keep to myself. I’d never have to admit what got me off was the image of Parker Westfall’s tall body pinning me to that hallway wall. And, in a way, it didn’t matter what I fantasised about. I could still have Jeremy and that image of Parker all at the same time. Fantasy wasn’t reality.
“Damn. I need to get properly laid,” I sighed.