Chapter 38
thirty-eight
ASTRID
I reported to class on Tuesday as if nothing had happened. Parker and I finally exchanged numbers, but he wasn’t much for texting. I was never quite sure how to read Parker. He’d expressed genuine feelings but didn’t show much vulnerability unless he was getting me off.
Parker greeted me professionally, not giving any insight into his emotions. I sat my bag down as he set up the canned data files the students would use to create and analyse descriptive statistics. Despite our sometimes-derision and sometimes lust for one another, we made a dynamite teaching team.
“You have a new bag every day, Astrid.” Parker stepped over to sip tea.
He always had a thermos, while I always carried coffee in a travel mug. We were just different, even if so similar. Perhaps that made us incompatible?
“I have several,” I answered.
“You like them?”
“Yes,” I said. “My sister spoils me sometimes. ”
“She’s generous.”
Without parents, Alexandra and Rick acted as spoilers-in-chief. Alexandra’s missing me manifested in grand gestures.
“Benefit to having a sister who is queen?” Parker asked.
I set my jaw. “Benefit of having people who love me. Does anyone spoil you with gifts?”
“No, can’t say they do.”
“Well, that’s sad,” I said. “Everyone deserves that much.”
He shrugged. “Not the way it ever worked for me, Astrid.”
Parker was shit at showing his emotions, but I realised he was probably a little stunted. I wondered if he’d ever felt love like I had—if only for a short time before my parents died. Mother doted on us with unconditional, never-ending love. And it was the same way Alexandra always took care of us. It made her a wonderful mother, too. I felt sad for Parker.
Parker led the lab while I assisted students with raised hands. You could easily see who was technologically inept and who “got” it. Our forty-five minutes of statistical hazing ended, and the students rushed out. We’d overwhelmed them with programming and technical jargon.
Parker packed up with nary a comment. I couldn’t square the reality of this nerdy and gruff pedant with the man who led me to deface my living room couch. What was his ish? I followed him back to the department but couldn’t shake my worries.
“Parker, are we cool?” I asked.
He turned, brow furrowed. “What?”
Unsure if he heard, I repeated my statement. “Are we cool? Good, I mean?”
Parker opened his office door. “Sure.”
“Sure, like…“
“Sure, we’re fine.”
I didn’t believe him. Still unsatisfied, I followed him into his office, annoyed.
“Did you get the rest of that regression table finished?” Parker changed the subject.
Yes, my grunt work. So important !
I answered, “Yes. I put it on the drive.”
“Brilliant. Thanks. I’ll finish formatting it this afternoon and get it to Briggs.”
My heart sank. It meant that the chapter was done.
“Why do you look so bereft? We finished the chapter. You’re getting published in your first year of postgrad. That’s amazing, Astrid. Well done!”
He smiled now. It was genuine.
I closed the door behind me, wanting to hash this out.
“Astrid, people will talk,” he kept his voice low. “What is going on with you? You’re being weird.”
“Parker, what the fuck? You ignore me and then get excited to finish this project with me?—”
“Because it’s such a big deal. I’m proud of you. Am I not able to be proud of you, Astrid?”
“How in the fuck do you just… act like nothing is happening?”
“Look, I am not saying it is okay, but the grad student relationship thing is played out, Astrid, and it never works out well for the female students,” Parker whispered. “We cannot risk anyone pigeonholing you. You’re too talented, and your future is too bright.”
His voice was tender. He stepped closer, his face softening. He took my face in his hands, brushing my cheeks lovingly with his thumbs. “I’m not being cruel. I’m protecting you. And I’m not happy to finish the project, but now I get to spend my Saturday afternoons with you withou t working, right?”
I smiled. “Okay.”
“Now take that spendy bag and get out of here. Go do something to celebrate it.”
He smacked my ass playfully as he turned to his desk and set his laptop down.
“It was a birthday present,” I protested.
He looked up from his laptop. “Was it your birthday, and I missed it?”
“If you ever bothered to text me, maybe you’d know. ”
I reminded myself this was not his judgment. He didn’t have a way with blue bubbles of text.
“Shit. I suppose I owe you something?”
“You could try being friendly to me,” I pulled him back towards me. “Take me out for a drink to celebrate. Like a proper date?”
“Sure,” Parker said. “If you… think that is best.”
I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. “Yes, I do.”
“Astrid, we cannot?—”
“Door is shut. I don’t care. I draw the line here. Fucking in an office only works in romance novels. Oh, it works wonderfully there,” I sighed.
“You read romance novels?”
“Yes,” I laughed. “And all of them suggest I should go for it. It will eventually end well.”
Parker took my face in his hands again, melting my heart. It was possessive and tender all at once. Rather than kiss my lips, he slowly and lovingly kissed my forehead.
“Sorry, I’ve been longing to do that all day. Is that odd?” Parker asked. “You are adorable. I loathe it.”
I snickered. “Fine. Get on back to work.”
There was a knock. Parker panicked.
“Come in,” I said instinctively.
It was a royal thing. I felt the need to tell people to enter unless Alex was present.
Briggs reported in. “Oh, good, you’re both here! Wait, what’s the secrecy about?”
We stared at him, confused.
“Door was closed.”
“Oh, we had a student issue,” I lied. “But I think it’s resolved. Privacy, you know?”
Parker seemed satisfied. “Yes, quite.”
“Would you two want to teach the advanced research methods course together next semester? I was going to ask you first, Parker, but since you’re both here.”
“Sure,” we said in unison.
I couldn’t believe I was saying yes. A couple of months ago, I hated this man. Now, I wanted to spend whole evenings with my naked body pressed against his. I longed for those ridiculous, sweet forehead kisses. I didn’t even mind his stupid, grumpy nonsense on occasion. Parker continued to grow on me.