Prologue #10
The contacts, codes, and passwords Odessa had taken from his computers would allow us to operate at his capacity without his help while simultaneously funneling our money through the systems he created so that every dollar was washed clean and stored in more secure accounts that he didn’t have access to.
“You’re far too pretty to be so fucking stupid, babe. Tighten up. In that folder is the best divorce attorney in all of Huffington. They owe us a favor. Use the contact. Take everything.”
Tearfully, she shook her head.
“He’s worked so hard for everything he has.”
“And your stupidity has helped him build every brick he’s used to get to where he is now. Take it all, Odessa. You deserve it.”
“I–”
“I’ve read your medical records. I don’t want to hear what he’s trained you to believe. Whatever beliefs he pounded into your skull has to be dismantled. Right now. Right here. This is your opportunity to run. And, run far.”
Quietly, she stared at me, eyes tearful and heart heavy. Her nostrils widened as she tried not to release the tears in her eyes.
“He’s all I know.”
“You have to become all you know. For you– for the children–”
“He’ll just find me. He always finds me.”
“The month is drawing to a close. I can be certain he won’t find you. Eve–”
“No. Please.”
Sucking my teeth, I tilted my head.
“I don’t mean it that way,” she clarified. “I just want him alive. If I make it out of this marriage, I want him alive to see it. To feel it. To feel my absence.”
I nodded. “Understood.”
“I’ll call the attorney.”
“And, if they can’t get you what you need from him, I will handle it.”
“I don’t understand. I thought we–”
“Everything that was once his will become yours, down to the pennies.”
“You could do that?”
“I can do anything, Odessa.”
I stood up, placing two one hundred dollar bills on the table. Before taking off, I stopped beside the booth Odessa had slid into.
“The moment you start believing it, you can, too.”
My exit was as swift as my entry. However, my progress took a direct hit as I made it on the other side of the doors. The scent of the beautifully aging woman stopped me in my tracks. I paused, trying to grasp its origins.
Long gray hair flowed down her back. She was swimming in a powdery blue dress. The wrinkle lines near her eyes revealed a lengthy life of leisure. She was stunning. Her caramel skin was glowing.
“You ready?”
“Yes, honey.”
The diamonds that lined her husband’s wedding band were evidence of their privilege. They weren’t facing financial annihilation. Their money was old and long. So were his legs.
Just like Richie.
And Rhea.
I was punched in the heart. The blow forced me to place a hand on my chest, attempting to rub away the soreness. There was hardly any use. It didn’t subside.
Not when I started my engine.
Not when I made it to the expressway.
Not when I pulled into the garage of my home.
Not when I sent the text canceling the lunch date with Range.
Not when I pulled the curtains and pretended the sun wasn’t beaming out.
Not when I undressed and flung my body on the bed and wrapped my sadness in my comforter.
Bzzzt.
Bzzzt.
Bzzzt.
I patted the bed, feeling for my cell. It had been silenced. However, the vibrations meant that the person trying to reach me had repeated their calls enough times to get through to me. I pushed the eye mask up onto my forehead once it was located.
Mindlessly, I swiped the screen. Blurriness wouldn’t allow me to make out the name, so I didn’t bother trying.
“Yes?”
“Good evening, Royce.”
My curled lips matched the smile of my heart as I slid up in the bed. Rubbing my eyes, I cleared my line of vision. Nothing and everything made sense at once. The soreness in my chest subsided finally. It bloomed with new breath and didn’t pain me as I exhaled.
“Mercer.”
“I woke you, huh?”
“Yes. What time is it?”
“Seven, baby.”
“Gosh. Your call was right on time.”
“Long nap?”
“Too long,” I yawned.
Silence trailed my revelation. I waited for Mercer to speak again. My heart thudded against the nippy air of my bedroom as I anticipated what was next to fall from his lips.
“I need your help.”
“You have it.”
“A favor–” he breathed out.
“I’m listening.”
“It’s in Berkeley.”
“Interesting.”
“When should I expect you?”
I sighed, considering my responsibilities to the triad. My responsibilities to Teddy.
“I’m handling things,” I admitted, “But I will see you soon.”
“Royc–”
“Forty-eight hours, Mercer.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t. Kiss the babies and make room in their closets for me. Their aunt has a tab to run.”
“I will, but keep your money in your account. They have far too much already.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
Chuckling, Mercer quieted briefly. My heart ached for him. For them. The things they’d lost at such young ages were etched in their identity. It didn’t matter how many years got in between them and that tragic day, I could still hear the pain of it in their voices.
“Goodnight Royce.”
“Goo–”
The line died. I pressed the phone against my chest and released a shaky breath. The love I held in there for Mercer, Malachi, Makai, and Milo was immeasurable. Visiting Berkeley would be my pleasure.
Clink.
The sound of glass kissing startled me. I braced myself for impact while simultaneously gripping the Glock underneath my pillow. In the darkness, I aimed the pistol toward the sound of movement. Though stalled, my memory was impeccable. But, still, I halted. Hesitation stalled my trigger finger.
My nostrils bloomed. A familiar fragrance gripped me by the throat. Security. Comfort. Warmth. It surrounded me, promising one thing.
You’re safe.
“Shoot!” Teddy demanded.
I lowered my gun. Complying wasn’t in my interest. Neither was possibly harming him. Or worse, ending his life. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. It was a chance I just wasn’t able to take.
“Teddy.”
“You’re emotional.”
“I’m lonely,” I groaned, sliding my gun underneath my pillow case.
I slid from the silk sheets. Though my brother had changed my diapers, I wasn’t a kid anymore. He didn’t care to see me unclothed or in my under garments. It was one of the reasons he didn’t mind the darkness. The other was because it resonated with him.
Everything about Teddy was dark.
His humor.
His thoughts.
His mental state.
His eyes.
His skin.
His heart.
I slipped into the robe hanging from the edge of my bed.
I hadn’t put it there. But, I had an idea who had.
He always did. Feeling for it wasn’t necessary.
I could count on it. I could count on him.
While unpredictable to most, he was the most predictable to the ones he loved.
He was the most consistent piece of our worlds.
“Berkeley will be good for you.”
“Some dick and a decent suitor would be, too,” I confessed, making my way toward my side table.
I turned on the lamp, slightly illuminating the six hundred square foot bedroom with a golden glow. The sight of Chemistry was wavering. I tightened my robe as I headed in his direction.
Upon reaching him, he extended his hand. I accepted the wine glass, knowing that his offer was for celebratory purposes. He picked up the glass he’d poured himself.
Good job.
Well done.
Thank you.
They wouldn’t fall from his lips, but I knew how much he meant each. His presence and the risk of his freedom was his way of saying everything without saying anything.
I sipped from the glass after a swirl and sniff. Chemistry did the same.
“I’m assuming you already have the envelope.”
He nodded, his chin flattening and his bottom lip pulling upward. I closed my eyes, accepting my fate. He would be a figment of my imagination in the next few minutes. He’d always come but he’d never stay. That part of our lives were over.
“I’m listening.”
I opened my eyes and tilted my head. A snigger crept between my teeth as I rolled my eyes.
“Are you?”
“Always. You aren’t ready for me to leave, so I’m listening.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to. I heard your heart–”
“Because you’re listening.”
“Always, baby.”
“It’s nothing, Teddy.”
His eyes never left mine. Silently, he waited for me to spill. I hated his ability to make me do so. He was privy to my darkest secrets. Things I wouldn’t tell a soul, not even the women I shared blood with, Teddy knew.
I sucked in a healthy stream of air and then let it out slowly. The thought of facing him as my confessions rolled off my tongue was agonizing, so I turned on the tips of my toes and headed in the other direction. Absentmindedly, I began pacing my bedroom.
“I despise men.”
I swallowed back more wine as the truth revealed itself to me and Teddy simultaneously.
“I’ve been trying to avoid saying that, but it feels so good to finally let that out.”
“There’s not much you don’t despise, Royce.”
“True. True. But, men are at the top of that list.”
“Mm.”
“But–”
I exhaled.
“I’m beginning to despise being lonely as much.
I’m getting older. I don’t like having the entire bed to myself.
Or the entire closet. Or the entire bathroom.
I want someone to take up space with. Someone to comfort my emotions.
Understand my morals and feelings and how much I truly despise.
Someone who keeps choosing me every day no matter how out of touch with reality or insufferable I am. ”
“You’re not insufferable.”
“Because we’re so much of the same. All of us. But, to the average person, Chem, we’re insufferable.”
“Your husband won’t be an average person, baby.
We don’t fall in love with that kind. We don’t run in the same circles as them.
Walk the same paths. Head in the same directions.
Dine at the same restaurants. Shop at the same stores.
Catch the same flights. Vacation on the same beaches.
Know the same people. Have the same resources. ”
His accuracy forced a nod from me.
“You’re right.”
“So, don’t worry yourself with that part of it all. Just like you have shit with you… your person will have shit with them. Our kind comes with all kinds of luggage. Just make sure you don’t hate them in a week.”
“I probably will.”
“Egypt hates me sometimes. It’s the fact that her love runs deeper than any other feeling she’s ever experienced that keeps me around. That’s what matters. That’s what saves me.”
“She belongs to you and knows that any man after you would have hell. That’s what saves you.”
“That man would be in hell the first time he looked at Egypt, baby.”
“Exactly.” I chuckled.
While Teddy didn’t share a laugh, his face lit up with a smile. That was more than enough for me. That look on his handsome face healed a bit more of me. Parts of me that were hurting somehow vanished altogether. Just for a moment. Just for a second.
“I want love,” I exclaimed. “That kind of love. It doesn’t have to be fairytale. Perfect. Or, even gentle. I’m no gentlewoman. It just needs to be real. And consistent. And unpredictably predictable. And true. And honest.”
“As it will be.”
“When?” I scoffed, taking another sip.
“When you’re ready.”
Teddy stood on his feet, breaking my heart into pieces. Everything he’d fixed he’d broken again. I released an exaggerated sigh.
“Don’t give me that look, Royce.”
He sat down his glass and obliterated the space between us. His hand was around my head in an instant. His lips were on my forehead, bidding me farewell. A single blink and he’d shifted positions again. His body was no longer in front of mine. My head was no longer in his hands.
“Turn away.”
Nothing had changed. When it came to Teddy, they hardly ever did. I turned my back and closed my eyes. With my heart, I listened for his footsteps. With each second they grew more faint and my heartbeat grew louder.
Just like when I was a little girl.
I couldn’t stand to see him leave then. I couldn’t stand to see him leave now. I swiped the lone tear from my right eye and then lifted my head.
Chin up. His words stuck with me. I can’t see that pretty face when it’s down.
“In every lifetime, Royce,” Chem tossed over his shoulder.
“Wait for me. I’ll find you,” I called out to him, reminding him of the promise I’d made to him.
I didn’t hear the door close.
I didn’t hear an engine start.
I didn’t hear tires on the pavement.
Chemistry’s presence had always been the eye. His absence had always been the storm.
I placed the glass up to my lips again. The heaviness returned as I slipped slowly. I was feeling every fucking thing. Past. Present. Future.
“Berkeley,” I whispered. “Berkeley doesn’t sound too bad right now.”
I ran down the mental checklist of things that I needed to handle.
“Twenty-four,” I concluded. “I’ll see you in twenty-four hours, Mercer.”
And Makai, I remembered, rolling my eyes. The headache he’d caused had already began and my journey hadn’t.
And Milo. I smiled.
And Malachi. My heart smiled.