Chapter 10 #2
Ishmael required room now. It was no struggle creating it. My heart was expanding with each thought of him, mention of him, or sight of him.
“Are you comfortable here?”
I nodded.
“Yes.”
He tilted his head, waiting for more to escape my mouth.
“I’m comfortable, Teddy. I’m not here much. I–”
“You’ve made a choice, baby. Even if you’re not here much now, you will be here more often than not. Your comfort is priority.”
“His.”
He nodded.
“Maybe one day. But, today, it’s mine. Always have been.”
It didn’t surprise me that Ishmael was the topic of our conversation. Chemistry’s presence was a result of our arrangement.
He placed both hands behind his back. His chin lifted. His chest protruded. There was so much on his mind. So many words that would remain unsaid. However, I still read them. Read him. Like the open book he wasn’t.
“It –” I paused, running my finger around the rim of the water bottle, “It was supposed to b– it was suppos–”
“But it’s not.”
I shook my head.
“No. It’s not.”
“And your apprehension?”
“Public eye. Publicity in general,” I scoffed. “We’ve been thro–”
“Does he make you smile, baby?”
I nodded.
“Does he make you laugh?”
I nodded.
“Does he consider you in everything he does?”
I nodded.
“Do you feel like a burden?”
I shook my head.
“Do you listen?”
I tucked my bottom lip inside of my mouth. The smile forming threatened to tear the corners of them.
I moved my hand from side to side, pulling that bright smile of Teddy’s from that dark place that often consumed him.
“Then that’s all that matters.”
I couldn’t hold back that laughter.
“Richie said that if–” I hesitated, feeling my heart ache at the sound of my father’s name.
“He sai–” I cleared my throat, unable to continue.
“Richie was right, baby.”
I sighed.
“Yeah. He was always right.”
“We don’t choose who we love, Royce. I wasn’t the exception to that rule.
Should you be in the public eye, no. Is it risky, yes.
But what’s life without risk, baby? I risked everything for the woman I love.
And, if I had the choice to do it all again…
I wouldn’t change one thing. Make your bed and lay in that motherfucker. ”
“It’s not me I’m worried about.”
He shook his head, shrugging his shoulders.
“I can handle myself, baby. I’m not an assignment of yours. I can’t be handled. Don’t try.”
I took another sip, needing to clear the thickness in my throat. So many emotions were toying with my heart.
“And–” I asked.
“And?”
“Teddy.”
I didn’t realize my feet had stomped the ground and my lips were poking out until Chemistry’s thumb and index fingers squeezed his nose. His shoulders squared immediately after.
“You’ve done well, Royce.”
“Yeah?”
His approval lifted my eyebrows and widened my nostrils. Chemistry nodded.
“He’s solid, baby.”
“Rugger told m–”
“Rugger knows. Rugger definitely knows.”
“You look well,” he paused, taking a good look at me. His hand landed on his chest.
“Is it the children?”
“The children?”
“That have you showing a little emotion these days.”
He tilted his head and then lifted it as quickly.
“Jru misses you.”
“I miss her more.”
“Then tell her.”
His message was clear. He wanted me in St. Catana.
“I’ll be there. As soon as all of this is over.”
He stared, unblinking. Unmoving.
“Promise.”
“Bring your newest experiment.”
I chortled. Liquid spilled from my mouth and went up my nose. The burning sensation forced my eyes closed as I waited for the pain to subside.
“Ugh!”
I clipped my nose, hoping to speed the process. Slowly, the burning sensation vanished. I reopened my eyes, fully expecting Chemistry in my line of vision.
Teddy.
I turned around, peering down the hallway toward the door just as it connected with the frame.
I love you, too.
In every lifetime.
Sadness promised to swallow me whole.
I’ll find you.
I finished the mixture I’d been tasked with completing and tossed the bottle in the trash.
A shower was in my near future. The thought of changing into something more comfortable replaced the bleakness Chemistry’s presence left me with.
Just as quickly, the thought of bringing the bags inside plagued me.
I dragged my feet across the floor, nearing the door. The bags wouldn’t be spending unnecessary hours in the car. I wouldn’t rest until they were inside, unpacked, and everything was in its rightful place.
I opened the front door. My right foot collided with the unknown. I lowered my gaze. The bags I was headed to the car to grab were at the door. So were long legs, dark skin, and a handsome face I loved more than my own sometimes.
“I’ll be waiting.”
My heart’s smile reached my lips as I stepped around the bags. My arms snaked Chemistry’s frame.
“As long as you’re happy, baby, nothing more matters.”
He didn’t wrap his long arms around me. Neither did he pull me deeper into his chest. He allowed me time to collect myself before demanding space.
Not with words.
His limbs tensed. His breaths grew shallow. His heart rate sped against my ear.
“You want me to let you go, huh?” I chuckled.
“You’re acting like a girl, Royce.”
“What happened with Derrick?”
“All is well. I’d tell you if it wasn’t.”
“Good.”
“I understand your position here, but make sure you handle your business… you have a job to do.”
“He’ll win the election.”
“He should.”
I breathed in his confidence. The fix was needed. Ishmael was rearranging so many things. In all the best ways, but the discomfort was presence, nonetheless. So was the confusion and uncertainty.
“Royce!”
I released him, pushing him in the process. He didn’t budge. Not until I was back inside, bags in tow. I appreciated his consideration. I hated to see him leave, so he never forced me to.
Nor Roaman.
Nor Range.
Nor Roulette.
Nor Rugger.
Nor Rather.
And, never Rome.
I reentered the home in better spirits. As I lifted my cell from the counter, heading up the stairs, it vibrated in my hand.
Black hearts lit up the screen. An image of Ishmael and I covered the background. I hadn’t saved the contact and neither had I saved the image.
Oh, Mr. Grayson.
“Yes?”
I pressed the phone against my ear as I leaned against the counter. Everything quieted around me, including the lawnmowers outside. All I could hear was him and the beat of my heart.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
“I miss you,” he rushed out, “I couldn’t let another second pass without you knowing that.”
I gnawed on my bottom lip. On the heel of my right foot, I turned and placed my elbows on the counter.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I hope you chose the black bag.”
“Hm?”
“The black Chanel bag. It’s never looked better on an arm.”
“Are you stalking me?”
“No, but the women of Berkeley are. And, their obsession is growing quicker than mine.”
“Was I on television again?”
“Nah. Social media. I’ve been tagged an obscene amount of times.”
Chuckling, I shook my head.
“Sorry.”
“There’s no need to be sorry. Not unless you didn’t make that purchase.”
“I have five bags just like that one.”
“I want you to have that one… here.”
“Good because, I was trying to justify the twelve thousand dollar charge on your card for a bag I already have.”
“Doesn’t need to be justified, my baby.”
“What do you know about fashion?” I questioned.
“Nothing. But, I know what I like when I see it. And, I know what I’d like you in when I see it on you. That’s enough.”
“I agree.”
Silence coated the line. I made circles on the counter with my index finger.
“Be ready at eight.”
“For?”
“Be ready, my baby.”
The line died. I held the phone in my hand, still trying to wrap my head around the man on the other end. Ishmael was doing things to me that hadn’t been done before. He was making me feel things I’d never felt before.
“Ahhhhhhhh,” I squealed.
I made note of the time on the phone screen. Three hours. It was just enough time to pull myself together and have an hour nap. I tiptoed up the stairs, hips rolling and hands high in the air.
“I let my thoughts run wild when I’m thinking of you,” I sang. “I get to acting like a child when I’m thinking of you.”
My cell became the mic and Mercer’s condo became the stage I wasn’t aware I needed.
“Okay with losing track of time when I’m thinking of you. You say you’re on the way. I say baby that’s cool.”