Chapter 14 #2
The way she put that motherfucker on me so effortlessly.
Her confidence.
Her care.
Her.
“I’m starving, Royce.”
“Food is in the kitchen. Fix your own plate.”
Her voice was cold. She’d iced that pretty heart of hers.
“Not for food, my baby.”
Silence.
“Royce–”
“You break into my house… you disturb my dinner… and continue to call my fucking name as if I can’t hear. Ishmael, I’m trying really hard not to put one in your arm. Your healing won’t take too long.”
“If that is the first step to forgiving me, then let that motherfucker rip, Royce.”
Silence.
I grimaced. The pain of her silence was far more excruciating than a flesh wound.
“Talk to me.”
I pulled out the chair next to her and slid it across the floor. I winched, remembering the first bullet she’d lodged in my side.
“Please.”
I sat down, placing the bouquet of flowers on the table and sitting the bag beside the chair.
Silence.
I removed the Birkin from the box, placing it in front of her. I shoved my hand inside, removing a stack of hundreds. A band of white paper with ten thousand dollars written on it kept the money from falling apart.
“Please, my baby.”
Silence.
Her eyes were on me. My eyes were on her.
I removed a second one.
“Talk to me.”
Silence.
A third stack slammed against the table.
“I despise your silence.”
Silence.
A fourth topped the pile.
“It’s heinous.”
Silence.
A fifth stack met the table linen.
“It makes me feel things I don’t want to feel.”
Silence.
A sixth fell on top of the fifth.
“When all I want to feel is you.”
Seven.
Silence.
“I miss you, my baby.”
Silence.
Eight.
Pausing, I watched Royce’s eyes glisten.
“I’m sorry. I was an impatient man.
Nine.
Ten.
Silence.
“A foolish man. A coward.”
Eleven.
Twelve.
Silence.
“I should’ve waited, Royce.
Thirteen.
Fourteen.
Silence.
Money filled the gaps on her table.
“I had no business giving someone else what I knew belonged to you.”
Fifteen.
Silence.
“But, I don’t want to suffer. I can’t stand it.”
Sixteen.
Seventeen.
“I can’t stand not hearing your voice or seeing your face or knowing I’ve hurt your feelings.”
Silence.
Eighteen.
“I love you. I love you, Royce. I love you.”
I scooted closer. I needed her to understand every word coming from my mouth.
“I don’t want to suffer no more. The last twenty four hours have been the rougest fucking twenty-four hours of my entire life.”
Silence.
Nineteen.
“So, please, my baby.”
Silence.
Twenty.
I stood on my feet. My right hand was around her neck in a flash. Through anguished eyes, she looked up at me.
“I’m sorry. Just talk to me. Cuss my Black ass out. Tell me how much you wish you’d never given me a chance. Tell me how you should’ve looked the other way. Tell me you hate me. Tell me all the things you need to tell me to break my fucking heart. But, talk to me.”
I lowered my lips to hers.
’Cause, I can’t take no more of this shit, Royce.”
“I wanted you to be different,” she forced out.
I felt the weight lift from her shoulders.
“I am. Don’t ever group me with other niggas, because I’m nothing like nobody. No fucking body.”
Silence.
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s not enough,” she whispered, briefly placing her eyes on the bills.
“Then tell me how much and it’s yours.”
Royce could have whatever the fuck Royce wanted as long as I could have her.
“Unlimited access.”
I shrugged.
“Unlimited access is yours, my baby.”
I, too, wanted unlimited access. To her body. Her heart. Her mind. Her soul. Her.
Silence.
“What else will make this right, Royce?”
“You.”
I lifted her from the chair.
“You have me.”
I sat her body on the table, pushing her food away in the process. Her legs fell to the side of her. Her arousal widened my nostrils.
“All of you,” she clarified.
“You have it.”
I wasn’t sure how much of me she thought was mine, but her assumptions were inaccurate. Everything was hers to have. Nothing belonged to me anymore.
The black shirt I wore bunched in her fist as she pulled me forward. The shift was coming. I permitted it. My baby craved control of something, whether it be her emotions, her body, her heart, or me. She deserved it and could have it.
Anything for you, my baby.
“I’ve missed you,” I admitted.
“Don’t make a fool of my heart.”
I shook my head.
“I’m a lot of things, Ish, but I’m human underneath it all.”
I nodded.
Her layers were so plentiful and so beautiful. Her tough exterior was shelter for the softest parts of her. Royce was a lover. Royce was a fucker. Royce was a listener. Royce was a caretaker. Royce was a resource. Royce was a big ball of fluff. Soft to the touch.
“I love you.”
Her voice was cracked with emotion. She closed her eyes, briefly.
“I love you,” I responded. “I’m sorry.”
“But, I won’t give you the chance to break everything I’ve built.
I won’t let you, Ishmael. So tell me right now– is this what you truly want?
Is this what your heart needs? Is this too much for you to handle?
Will this still be enough for you twenty years down the line?
Or am I just something to do for now? Someone to keep space.
Someone to keep your dick wet. Your thoughts occupied? ”
“I want this, my baby. Not for now. Forever.”
“I can’t deal with heartbreak. I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
“Bury me next to the biggest fool in the cemetery, Royce. Because the second I break your heart, I would have become an even bigger fool.”
Silence.
She searched my eyes for a reason to doubt me but all she found was the regret from my actions and the parts of my soul she’d uprooted with her weariness.
“Don’t be mad with me,” I pleaded.
“I’m not. I’m sad with you.”
I closed my eyes and released my next breath.
“How can I fix it?”
“Put your tongue on my pussy.”
I opened my eyes, staring into those mirroring dark orbs.
“Anything else?”
Her requests would be granted. All she had to do was say the fucking word.
“Your phone.”
I winced from the pain of loosening my grip. There was nothing more I wanted at the tips of my fingers than Royce. Still, I fought through the aches to retrieve my cell. She removed it from my fingers and typed in the code I’d never given her but had never hid from her either.
“Ishmael.”
Her legs widened. Her elbows carried her weight.
Taking heed to her warning, I pulled up the chair I’d lifted her from. Dinner was ready.
I buried my head between her legs. Her arousal was potent. Her pussy was precious. Her vulva was soaking.
Deprivation was an issue for us both.
“Mmmm.”
My tongue touched Royce’s clit. Greed wouldn’t allow me to ease into the assignment. I pulled her into my mouth, sucking on her sensitivity.
The sound of a connecting FaceTime call didn’t halt my movement. I slid my index and middle fingers inside of her.
“Uhhhhh. Yessss.”
“Hello?”
Asia’s voice registered immediately. Royce was playing dirty, but I admired her game, nonetheless. The woman on the phone had put an unnecessary stain on my campaign. Her jealousy could easily be the end of my run. It could be the reason I wasn’t victorious at the polls.
And it was all due to her jealousy. She’s birthed false narratives in her head, forcing herself to believe we had something we didn’t. Asia had never been more than a piece of pussy for me. Nothing more had ever been evident. Boundaries were clear. So were roles. Asia knew hers.
It was Royce who confused her. Her presence. Her power. Her proximity. It turned wheels in her head that should’ve remained still.
“Ishmael?”
I massaged my baby’s insides.
“Mmmmm.”
She rolled her hips, feeding me that pussy on a fucking spoon.
“Yesssss.”
“Hello?”
My dick stretched in my briefs. Royce’s goodness was indescribable. Her mercy didn’t exist. I was hanging on her ledge, and didn’t want to be rescued. Not now. Not ever.
I released her clit from my mouth. Her inclination was near. However, prolonging her pleasure was far too satisfying to let her have what she wanted. We were both in need. Compromise and consideration was key.
“My baby.”
Royce’s creaminess coated my tongue and lingered on my lips.
“Ishmael,” she moaned.
“Ishmael!” Asia yelled.
“Tell me you forgive me.”
“Forgive you fo–mmm. For what?”
“Putting my dick in places it didn’t belong.”
I massaged her pussy. Her walls clamped around my fingers.
“Even before I’d had the chance to know you.”
“Because–”
“Because I knew I was yours all along.”
I pressed my thumb against her slipperiness.
“Uhhhh.”
“Tell me.”
“What the hell is happening here?” Asia grumbled.
“My baby–”
Royce was addictive. She gripped the back of my head, pushing it back between her legs.
“I need a little– a li– uhhh more time to–Mmmmm.”
I stroked her with my tongue, flattening it against her clit. A foot lifted to my shoulder. Royce pushed her body forward, deepening her pussy in my mouth.
“Uhhh. Fuck.”
Her ass lifted off the table, evidence of her pending pinnacle. She was near the top. I beckoned for her gratification, bending my fingers inside of her.
“Yesss. Yesss. Just like— Ohhhh God.”
Her body plummeted, colliding with the tabletop.
“That’s it, my baby. Let that shit go.”
“Ishma– Uhhhhh.”
I forced my pants down my legs. My dick sprang from my bottom, ready for total consumption. I removed my fingers from Royce’s pussy and wrapped them around her legs.
“Mmmm.”
I pulled her body to the edge of the table.
“Ishhhhhh.”
I returned home. My chest deflated as I settled on my property.
“Fuck.”
Her pussy pulsated around me.
“Goddamn.”
I wouldn’t be long. Her wetness wouldn’t allow it. Her warmth wouldn’t allow it. Her snugness wouldn’t allow it. Her gushiness wouldn’t allow it.
I was lost at sea, not wanting to be saved. Not by a passing ship. Not be the coast guard. Not by any fucking body or any fucking thing.
“I love you, my baby.” I breathed out, managing the first stroke. “Fuck, I love you, girl.”