Chapter 14 #4
“Was it me or them?”
“You or them?”
“Your inspiration?”
I hesitated, watching her twirl so carelessly on the bed. Her smile was bright. So were her eyes. The weight and the worries were gone. A gentler version of Royce had replaced the cold, calculated woman I encountered last night. Though I loved her too, this was who I’d been after.
“Both.”
“Hmm. Understandable.” She paused to catch her breath. Her orbs were on me again. “You look like you have something to say. What is it?”
I folded the cover over the sketch pad and set it beside me. When time permitted, I would finish. For now, Royce had my undivided attention.
“What are your views on marriage?”
She looked in both directions, never turning her head. Wheels were in motion, although her body had stilled.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to be a wife, Royce?”
Slowly, she nodded. Her hands went on her hips as she pondered her response. It wasn’t long before the words in her head met her lips.
“I do. I haven’t always known I wanted to be or that I would be.
I’ve always known, however, that I was not like most women.
I’m different. Not in the sense– you know– I’m wired differently.
I was raised differently. My emotions were shoved to the back of my mind and heart since I was a little girl.
In the business I’m in, they mean you no good.
“Not having them at the forefront helped me compartmentalize so much better. Because, it’s required in my line of work.
But, life happened for so many people I love.
I began to feel like I was ready for it to happen to me.
Slowly, I began to revisit that room I tucked my feelings in.
Every time I came out, I noticed something different about myself.
Yet and still, I kept those things hidden from view.
“I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could…
making sure I wanted to unleash those parts of me.
The loneliness began to creep in. It began to reserve space in my everyday life.
And, eventually my cravings for companionship arose.
And blossomed. And spilled over to the point of seeking love.
“Dating apps became a thing. So did accepting dinner invitations from people I’d turned away before I started visiting that room in my head.
The yearning for partnership was the first sign that I wanted a husband.
But, admittedly, it wasn’t until I met you that I realized I wanted to be a wife.
It’s not the glitz of marriage I aspire to have.
It’s the longevity. The stability. The safety. The security.”
“Do you feel safe with me?”
She tucked her bottom lip in her mouth and nodded.
“Yes. And, quite honestly, it scares me to give up so much control.”
“Is that why you demand it during itima–”
“Yes. It’s then when I am most empowered. I can’t give that away, too.”
“I won’t require it.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you feel stable?”
Her eyes rested on my wound. Wrinkle lines creased her forehead.
“For the most part.”
It was her chortling that forced a laugh from me. I loved when she did that. When she parted heaven to bring me life with her laugh.
“I deserved it.”
“You did.”
Shrugging, I straightened my face and ran a hand down my neck.
“Do I offer you the security you desire?”
She nodded, again.
“Undoubtedly.”
“If I asked, would you leave your Glocks at home?”
“You wouldn’t ask,” she responded.
“I wouldn’t,” I agreed.
“And that’s part of the security you offer.”
I understood her well. There was no need to explain further. I allowed Royce to be herself. Still, she knew that I wouldn’t allow anything to happen to her on my watch.
“Longevity. Am I a nigga you can rumble with for the rest of your life?”
“The only place we rumble is in the bedroom, Ish. Maybe in the car. The closet. A restroom. And an office, occasionally, but I don’t see us fighting.”
I shook my head.
“You’ll win.” I lifted my hands. “You’ll leave the earth undisputed if I have anything to do with it.”
There it was again. That smile of hers.
“But answer me, my baby.”
“Yes. If there’s anyone I’m shooting, I’d want it to be you.” She sighed. “Deal?”
I couldn’t help it. She was magnetic. She was magic. She was mystical. She’d shot me right in the heart with her bow and I didn’t have the strength to remove it.
“I want you to be my wife, Royce.”
I watched her chest swell with air.
“Ish.”
“It doesn’t have to be today. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow. But, I’m warning you now. I will ask. And, it won’t be about me and what I want or what I think you want. I’d rather you tell me.”
She paused, plopping down on the bed. Her feet touched the floor. Her body lifted. Each step she took brought her closer to me.
“Privacy.”
“Private proposal, it is.”
“And for the ring,” she paused, lowering her naked body onto me, “I want a band of diamonds. Not two. A single band. And, one diamond in the center. No halo. No diamonds around it. A single stone. A blinding stone. Nothing too large. Something that reeks of elegance and charm.”
“Simple?”
She kissed my lips.
“Simple.”
I lifted slightly, pushing my pants down far enough to give my baby what she’d come for. Her eyes lit up at the sight of him. My heart expanded at the thought of her.
And the ring.
And the wedding.
And the stability.
And the safety.
And the security.
And the longevity.
And the lifetime.