Chapter 2 #2
We had talked about his love of surfing. About waves. About wind. About my food. About what friendship meant in an environment full of competition. About what made us happy in life. About sunrises. About the consistency of sponge cake.
God, where did my sudden desire for more come from?
But I was in no position to demand more from him.
I didn’t fit into his circle of fit surfers who always seemed to be glowing.
Whether it was their skin illuminated by the sun, their hair glistening with water droplets, or their eyes shining with happiness at their athletic achievements.
I was a pale cook with a strange, pear-shaped body who always smelled of food and spent the best part of the day in the kitchen.
Still, my stomach churned when I thought about leaving Shane behind. But I had a plan. Summer and fall with the truck. Winter at the hotel. Then I would decide what my culinary destiny was. With recommendations in my pocket, all I had to do was find the right destination for me.
Once again, I turned to a young woman placing an order that could feed a football team.
Movement in the direction of Shane’s group of friends made me hesitate. He was running his hand over the bare chest of the guy next to him. The group laughed loudly. A few of them got up dancing.
I quickly lowered my gaze. Damn. I hadn’t seen that scenario in days.
Shane was open and flirtatious with others.
But since we’d been sleeping together, I hadn’t noticed him getting up close and personal with other guys.
Seven days, Ruben! Seven! He had obviously quickly come to terms with the fact that my time here was up.
I hastily put together the order. A few people had approached the woman and were helping her carry the food.
I couldn’t resist and glanced back at Shane.
The guy had put his hand on Shane’s cheek and kissed him as if the two of them were alone.
I was in a free fall. My stomach fluttered through my body as if it were a punctured balloon.
This was what would happen if I weren’t here all the time. That was why Shane had been evasive that afternoon.
And I couldn’t blame him. We weren’t officially together. We weren’t exclusive.
But the fact that it hurt so much was a bitter surprise to me. The pain tugged at my stomach, and my knees went weak.
How was I supposed to deal with us knowing that he was spending our nights apart with someone like this adonis? I stopped abruptly in my thoughts. How did I come up with the idea that we would still be seeing each other?
I kept my gaze fixed on my tools.
“We’re closing!” I shouted over the waiting crowd.
Protest cries echoed back at me. But I was focused on finding mental closure here. I couldn’t care less whether I made sales in the last few hours. It was time for the next step.
And in my state of mind, it would only end with me cutting off a finger.
“Sorry. Family emergency.”
Sway had such an emergency. I decided it applied to me too.
I closed up shop without caring about anyone else or noticing what was going on around me.
With trembling fingers, I locked up behind me and hurried to the back entrance of the bar, which was located at the edge of the sandy area. Shane wouldn’t see me from where he was sitting, and all I wanted was to get away.
“Hey!” Ryan greeted me.
Shit. I had met some great people during these four weeks. I regretted turning my back on them already, but I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. I wanted to get away.
“Can you give me two bottles of your best red wine?”
I held out a few bills to him.
“Uh. I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything that will satisfy your refined palate.”
“Just give them to me,” I replied curtly.
“Are you okay?”
Ryan eyed me suspiciously, as if searching for clues as to what was wrong with me. But the commotion in front of the bar immediately drew his attention back there. He had no time for my childish breakdown.
He turned around and came back immediately with two bottles, which I took both from his hand. Thank the Lord for alcohol one-day special permits. Screw cap. Perfect.
“Thanks, man.”
But Ryan was already closing the door, and I ran toward the dark beach.
Unlike in the afternoon, I was now wearing my sneakers, even though the sand was surely cold. Once I reached the water, I made much faster progress, running past the surf competition buildings, away from the party, the noise, my disappointment.
I saw a few people sitting on the beach. When I was finally alone, I took a few steps into the dunes and sat on some wooden planks. They were still slightly warm from the summer sun. But the only thing I was interested in was my wine.
In one swift movement, I unscrewed the cap and took a big gulp.
Ah. Too much acidity. And the sweetness doesn’t harmonize with it, my diligent chef’s brain immediately reported.
Cooking! Exactly. That was my destiny. Cooking. I hastily screwed the cap back on and fished my cell phone out of my pocket.
I quickly dialed the number I was searching for. Sway answered after only two rings.
“Hey, sorry to bother you again today. Is everything okay with your sister?”
She sighed. “Yes. Everything’s fine. Sorry again for leaving.”
“No problem. I need to ask you a huge favor, since I had to leave myself.”
“What? Is everything okay? What’s going on today?”
“Don’t worry about it. But I left in such a hurry that I didn’t clean up.
I’m unbelievably sorry to ask. Could you please go back and collect the leftovers?
Take whatever you want for yourself, and whatever’s left should go in the cooler at Conrad’s.
I’ve rented it until next week. I’ll take care of that during the next days.
Oh. And the cash register. Can you take that with you?
But most important is the leftover food.
If you manage to put everything in the small refrigerator in the truck, all the better.
Then forget about Conrad’s. I’m not usually such a pig. ”
“I know that. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
Although she couldn’t see me, I shook my head. “No. Everything’s fine. It’s just that my plans have changed. I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
“What? But . . . ”
“If you want to, you can come with me. Or you could commute.”
There was a short pause, during which I grabbed my bottle again and took a sip. It still didn’t taste any better.
“I’ll have to see how that works out. I share the car with Mom. Can I think about your offer and discuss it with you later?”
“Of course! I’ll help you however I can. I’d be happy to have you back at my next stop.”
She paused again. “I would love to learn more, Ruben.”
“You will, Sway! We’ll find a way. I promise.”
“Okay. What do your parents say about you packing up and leaving again? They finally had you close by.”
Ah. My parents. I’d take care of them tomorrow.
“They’ll be fine.”
Sway laughed softly. “Okay. I’m on my way. You’ll pick up the cash register from my house tomorrow, right?”
“I will. I truly am sorry I am asking you to go back tonight.”
“No problem. Consider it done. Take care, Ruben!”
There was genuine concern in her voice.
“You too.”
When we hung up, I held the phone in my hand and stared at it. When it started to light up and vibrate, I flinched.
Shane.
I let the call go to voicemail.
Seconds later, a message popped up.
Hey. I can’t find you anywhere. And the truck is locked. Is everything okay?
My stomach tightened. Why was I such a wimp? For him, this was probably business as usual. But that didn’t make him a monster. Why the hell had it affected me this much?
I typed out a reply. Deleted my pathetic attempts at explanation. Started all over again. Deleted again. Until finally a second message from Shane came through.
Ruben? Do you need help?
I was an idiot.
Everything’s fine. I’m okay. A minor family emergency. I had to leave. Don’t worry about it and go party.
It only took seconds for his reply to arrive.
Say the word and I’ll be there.
The tugging in my stomach grew stronger. Shane was completely messing with my head.
No, don’t worry.
Okay. If anything changes, let me know, okay?
Yeah. That’ll never happen. First, I had to figure out how to get rid of this addiction to Shane. After seven days! I could call myself lucky that this connection was cut off now. I couldn’t imagine a breakup after months with him when he’d finally move on to new adventures.
Another notification lit up on my phone.
TopDavey contacted me. Are you nearby? How are things? Have you lost weight yet? If so we could meet up. I’m on my way to a Pride party in Ocean View.
Since I was a polite person, I replied.
Nope. He could interpret that however he wanted.
Then I blocked Davey, the top stud, turned off push notifications from Grindr, and turned off my phone.
Why hadn’t I’ve done that after my first encounter with Davey? I didn’t have time for that special brand of negativity in my life.
If Shane’s last messages made me doubt what could’ve been between us, Davey had reminded me of the reality of dating life. At least for someone like me.
It was difficult enough for me to find someone for a quick hookup. That I had allowed myself to dream of a relationship—with Shane—didn’t make things any easier. I had to be realistic.
But first, I was allowed to wallow in self-pity. Tomorrow, I would go back to making grown-up decisions and manage to talk to Shane. That was enough of a resolution.