Chapter 4
Ruben
Two days had passed since my escape. My behavior had been silly.
Determined, I picked up my phone and typed.
Hey. Everything okay? How’s beach life?
I sent the message. I regretted it. I wanted to call it back. But Shane shouldn’t know that I had written something and taken it back.
The message was immediately marked as read.
Are you kidding me? You disappear and that’s all you got? How’s beach life?
My stomach twisted into knots.
I typed. And deleted. And typed. And thought. My phone rang and I froze. I let it go to voicemail and finally answered.
I can’t talk right now.
Mhm. Can you at least tell me why you took off without a single word?
With trembling fingers, I wrote my truth as best as I could.
At the party, I realized that this isn’t going to last, that we’re too different. We’re not right for each other. We want different things.
I didn’t write that it would pull the rug out from under my feet to watch myself fall more and more for him while he made out with blond pretty boys.
My phone rang again, and I put it down next to me. I turned around. And burned inside.
Answer my damn call!
All the courage I had mustered a few minutes ago crumbled in the face of those words. His name flashed up on my display again.
I hastily swiped it and pressed the phone to my ear.
“Yes?”
Shane was swearing under his breath at the other end of the line. “Yes? Dammit, Ruben!”
“Sorry!” I muttered into the phone.
Shane grunted something inaudible. “What exactly are you apologizing for?”
“For . . . I don’t want to cause any trouble, but . . . ”
“But?” I had never heard Shane sound that impatient and angry. “Man, everything was fine. Suddenly you take off without a word, without any explanation, without . . . ”
I was trembling. He wasn’t letting me get away with my plan to throw a few words at him and then bury my head in the sand.
“But that’s what I meant. We’re not right for each other.”
Shane barely let me finish. “You know, I should just let it go. And I don’t know why I’m even trying here . . . where did this change of heart come from? Or did you always think that of me and . . . I mean, we never defined anything, but . . . ”
The fire in Shane’s voice died down. We hadn’t defined anything because I thought I could easily let things run their course for as long as possible.
We hadn’t talked much. When we weren’t having sex, I’d watch him surf or he’d come by to grab snacks from my kitchen.
We philosophized about nonsense like sunrises.
“No, we didn’t, and that’s why it’s okay. But I saw you guys at the party.”
“Saw who?” Shane sounded irritated.
“You and that guy. When you kissed.”
A rumbling sound came through the line.
“And that’s why you’re leaving? Are you . . . Aiden? It was only a prank. Fun. A bet. It meant absolutely nothing. And if I may say so, we never talked about exclusivity.”
He spoke casually, yet every word was a punch to my gut.
“I know, that’s why I’m not blaming you. But I’ve realized that I can’t do this. That your idea of fun is simply different from mine.”
“And how do you figure that? You never asked me. You’re assuming that because . . . I hang out on the beach all summer long?”
I groaned angrily. “Look at yourself and me. Do you think we’re compatible? Do you think we could last when you’re surrounded all the time by people who . . . who are like you?”
“Like me.” He sounded exhausted. “Good to know. I could have easily imagined that we were on the same wavelength. My bad.”
I stared ahead in silence. I couldn’t wrap my head around why he sounded so down. What he wanted.
“Then I guess you’re right. It is better to stop pretending. Take care, Ruben.”
My heart contracted, tied itself into a knot, and squeezed the air out of me. Why did I feel as if someone had sucked the life out of me? That was what I wanted. To end things cleanly. To focus on my work again.
Why did I feel like I had just made a huge mistake?