Chapter 10
Ruben
Damn it! Goddamn it! What was Shane doing in my cabin?
“Get out!” That was the best I could come up with.
Shane twisted his mouth and seized me up with a raised eyebrow. Without breaking eye contact, he dropped his luggage on the floor.
“This is number seven, right?” he asked.
“What? Yes! My apartment. Get out!” I barked again.
With a rip, he tore open his ski jacket. “Then it’s my apartment too, and I’m staying.”
“You! What?” I gasped. “That can’t be.”
“Not only can it be, it is. . . . ” He gazed around.
At the two beds pushed up against opposite walls.
“I’m guessing this is your bed.” He pointed to my unmade bed, which was on the side of the bathroom and away from the front door.
“Then I’ll take that one.” With a smug sigh, he flopped down on the second bed.
His legs, still wearing boots, dangled off the end. He stretched luxuriously, and I stood there as if struck by lightning.
What was happening here? Water was still dripping from my hair onto my shoulders. The cabin door was ajar, and the ice-cold air rushed around my calves.
Shane raised his head slightly and let his gaze drift over me. “I didn’t think I’d ever see that again.”
I inhaled deeply. What did he mean by that?
That he didn’t want to see my flawed figure?
It was one thing that I constantly questioned myself about my appearance, that I used my insecurities as an excuse to avoid discussions and possible pain—okay—to run away from these discussions as if the devil himself were after me.
But it was something else entirely when someone else made fun of me. I wouldn’t tolerate that.
I lifted my chin, put my hands on my hips, and stared at him defiantly.
“What’s that supposed to mean? That you can’t stand the sight of me?”
Shane’s eyes widened almost comically, and he stared at me. “Okay?” He pushed himself up on his elbows and checked me out unabashedly.
Oh. Well. The crumpled T-shirt thing hadn’t covered anything on me, anyway. Frustrated, I threw it on my bed.
“What? Okay?” I snapped at him. “What is it, that repels you about me?”
“Nothing. I said that I didn’t expect to see you and your body again.”
My shock-addled brain processed the last few sentences. Ah. Right. That’s kind of what he had said. And his facial expression, which was more than marked by astonishment, did not indicate any mockery. Hm. What did he mean then?
There I stood. Akin to a Greek statue that no longer knew what or why. Adrenaline was still pulsing through my veins. Damn. What were we doing here?
I was standing stark naked in front of my ex- .
. . ex-something. It was so cold that the hairs on my whole body stood on end, and Shane continued to stare at me openly, as if he had nothing else to do today.
The fact that my body hair stood on end was not because of Shane’s gaze, but solely because of the damn cold.
That look.
Was it the same he had given me hungrily in the summer? I couldn’t think with him lying there in front of me and me wearing nothing at all. I couldn’t bear to see him any longer. I could hardly stand his self-assured smugness.
Ignoring Shane, I went to the door to finally close it.
“Really? Even now, you’re running away from me?” His words were malicious, bitter, and wrapped around my neck like a tightening noose.
I slammed the front door shut with a loud bang. “I’m not running anywhere. Someone didn’t close the door,” I snapped.
“Is that so? You’ll forgive me for suspecting that, considering our last few encounters.”
I gritted my teeth and stomped back into the bathroom. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shane get up, take off his jacket, and open his luggage.
Argh. Why was I still naked? I hurried to the closet and slipped into a pair of sweatpants.
When I returned to the main room, Shane was already unpacking his bags.
“What . . . what are you doing? Stop!” I stammered.
He turned around, his eyebrows furrowed. “What do you think?”
I raised my hands and immediately dropped them again. “You can’t stay here. The guests stay in the main house.”
“I’m not a guest here. I work here.” Shane had turned away and continued unpacking calmly.
“Shane!”
He glanced over his shoulder at me again and stared at me blankly. “Ruben.”
“I . . . I was here first. You have to find a new place to stay.”
Shane stuffed a pile of clothes into his closet and turned around completely.
“I don’t have to do anything, and I’m not going to.
If you can’t stand being around me, that’s your problem.
I’m employed here as a snowboard instructor, and I’m certainly not going to cause a ruckus because you don’t approve of me. ”
“What? What are you talking about? That’s not what this is about.
You have to understand . . . ” What the hell was Shane talking about?
I didn’t approve of him? What was that supposed to mean?
I approved of him more than enough. Only .
. . I couldn’t say that, considering what had happened since I announced that I was moving on with my truck. Damn it.
“I understand enough. For example, I’m not going to get on my team leader’s nerves on the first day because my roommate would rather live with someone else.
I bit my lip. Damn it. Who could I talk to? Human resources? The thought made me shudder. They would just stare at me with dead administrative eyes and go back to their desks. My head chef, who had brought me onto the team?
My stomach turned at the thought. Connie might be an affable person. But she was my boss this season. The person I had come to on recommendation and who would decide how my recommendation to the next kitchen would look like. Damn.
George?
What would I say to George? George, get Shane another room. He’s a knucklehead. He doesn’t love me; he replaced me immediately when he found out my ass wasn’t freely available every night? I rubbed my face. Fuck. Fuck. My. Life.
When I opened my eyes again, Shane was watching at me with that damn grin that had fascinated me from afar for years.
“Yeah. I guess that settles that.” As if he hadn’t turned my entire winter—my entire life—upside down, he turned back to his stuff and continued to make himself at home.
I looked longingly at the door. Run away. That would have been nice at that moment.
As dogged as I was in my work, I was just as easily thrown off balance in my private life.
Unlike my work, however, I had not received years of education and training in matters of love. There was no manual for me to consult on how to get my exuberant insecurity under control.
The words of one of my old professors ran through my mind. “No textbook will get you as far as life and experience. Every mistake in the kitchen will stick with you more than the explanation in a textbook.”
Shit. But in a kitchen, there was always someone on hand to correct my mistakes. Here I was, alone with Shane, not knowing what to do.
Angrily, I grabbed my pants, sweater, socks, and T-shirt and changed in the bathroom. After today’s shift, I wasn′t up to anything other than lying in bed and listening to an audiobook. How could I ever relax again with this person lying next to me?
I would sign up for all the late shifts from now on. When Shane was out on the slopes during the day, I would sleep and work and clean the kitchen at night for as long as possible.
I quickly got dressed and rushed into the main room of the cabin. While I was putting on my snow jacket and boots, Shane paused and watched me.
I ignored him as best I could. I steadied my breath and calmed myself. I would find a solution.
As I stood at the door, his words overwhelmed me, engulfing me and choking out the fleeting calm I had worked hard to achieve.
“You’re running away after all. No surprise there.”
White anger settled on my speech center, and the only sound I was capable of making was slamming the door loudly behind me.