Chapter 19 #3
“Then it’s about time.” I gazed at him. My next question twisted in my stomach. Still, I wanted to ask it. It was a chance to build a real foundation. “Should I . . . um . . . I don’t have to go to every party. Or dance with anyone, I can try . . . ”
Ruben pushed me away violently. “No! For heaven’s sake, no!
Oh God, what have I done? Please don’t change!
I don’t want that. That’s who you are! I’m not saying I’m the best at dealing with it.
Rather, this exact point became more and more of an excuse—you’re different from me, that’s why it can’t work.
That way, I didn’t have to deal with myself. With me and my insecurities.”
I interrupted him by stroking his arm. Ruben watched me as I ran my hand back and forth.
“That’s why we need to talk—don’t imagine horror scenarios. Ask me questions—challenge me! I want to be right there with you in your insecurities.”
He let out a cute grunt. “That’s what you say now. But seriously, I want to learn to deal with it better. It was your nature that attracted me from the first time we met. You’re open minded, free, just perfect the way you are.”
My shoulders slumped with relief. Had I secretly hoped to hear that answer? We both still had work to do on our communication.
“Okay. That’s good. It was a stupid question,” I muttered. Ruben shook his head. “But what is it you need? Can I meet you halfway to make it easier?”
Ruben chewed his lower lip again. “Nothing. Or . . . patience? When I shut down and isolate myself, I hope you’ll still be there when I realize I’ve overreacted again. Not that I plan on making this a permanent thing.”
I smiled and stroked his hair. “That can be arranged. We don’t always have to be in the best of spirits. We can be in a bad mood sometimes and then come out of our shell in a better one.”
Now it was Ruben who leaned toward me and gently brushed his lips against mine.
“And what do you need?”
Surprised, I recoiled slightly and hesitated. He slowly opened his eyes and smirked.
“I . . . I need the guarantee that my partner will talk to me and not leave me hanging when there’s a problem.
I need someone who values my opinion and is at least willing to try to work together to find a solution.
” It was difficult for me to say the next words.
I didn’t want to hurt Ruben. But maybe now was the time to bring everything out into the open.
So that we could move forward from here.
“I can’t stand it when people turn away, as if nothing relevant could be expected from me, anyway.
Because I’m a stupid surfer from the beach. ”
Ruben pressed his hand to his mouth. “That’s what I did, isn’t it? That’s exactly what I did!”
I shook my head and took his fingers, kissed them, and placed them on my cheek.
He scratched them restlessly. Finally, he left them on my skin.
“Now I understand you much better. But it didn’t come across that way to me in the summer.
It gutted me. Because you were, you are important to me.
And I don’t want you to see me as someone who is incapable of understanding your dreams and goals and supporting you.
” I hesitated. Ruben had furrowed his eyebrows and watched me anxiously, but I continued, “If you want to go to Paris, we’ll find a way to deal with it together.
If you want to live in Europe, the same goes.
But please, don’t exclude me from the outset because it was never one of my goals. ”
“I don’t want to go to Paris!” Ruben blurted out.
“That’s my problem. I want to stay here.
Close to my parents, close to you. I love Ocean View.
I also love to travel. But not to leave permanently.
I want to be my own boss. I can’t tell you exactly what that means in the end yet.
Maybe a restaurant in the city to begin with?
The working hours will be hell. You’ll curse me. ”
He looked so contrite that I kissed him again to distract him from his worries.
“Maybe,” I said with a smile.
“What?” Ruben’s voice was rough and crumpled. “What maybe?”
“Maybe I’ll curse. Curse your working hours. But not you! I’ll be happy that you included me in your decision. And that you’re doing what’s right for you after all.”
He snorted. “What would your advice be for my future?”
I stroked his neck. “The easiest thing would be for you to live in my bed.”
Ruben nodded thoughtfully. “Like mites? You’d develop an allergy.”
A loud laugh escaped me. “In such a romantic situation, it’s customary to say something equally romantic.”
Still nodding, he continued. “I’m missing the romantic aspect here. You sound more like a kidnapper. But I’ll try to react in a way you find appropriate if we ever find ourselves in a romantic situation.”
With a cry, I threw myself at him and he tried to fend me off, laughing loudly. “Help! A mite breeder is trying to kidnap me.”
“You’re impossible.”
He held my wrists with a big grin. His gaze softened.
“Man. We don’t even know what tomorrow will bring.”
I ran my thumb over the parts of his wrist I could reach.
“We don’t have to. Let’s see what the future holds for us together.”