Chapter 40
Ani
No one knows what to add after that, everyone seeming lost in their thoughts until Ree says it’s time to get us settled into the main camp. I don’t accept Szhe’ka’s offer to carry me, wanting to get a feel of this new body.
It’s more than just Szhe’ka’s arms darting out to steady me as I figure out how to balance my weight with heavy wings clamped to my back.
We are all laughing by the time I figure out the rudiments of balance again, just in time to stumble my way into a little settlement, complete with ornately carved buildings positioned around a large fire ring with an array of different sized benches.
“You and Szhe’ka can take the hut over there,” Ree gestures to something akin to a tree house, hanging from branches. “We built it in mind for him but you might find it comfortable too.”
“I haven’t turned into a bird just yet,” I retort.
“We can talk once you’re settled in. I’m sure there is much you want to know,” Ree remarks, walking away to attend to another one of her tasks.
Szhe’ka helps me up the tree, climbing slowly until we are inside the tree house. Calling it a treehouse is extremely generous, as it is nothing but a giant nest with a roof, but it’s still just as beautifully carved inside.
Szhe’ka makes himself comfortable immediately, circling the grass used as bedding a few times before he settles in, curling in on himself like a pretzel. Even with his posture, there’s still space for me to fit.
“Like it?” I tease, caressing his neck.
“Comfortable,” he responds simply. I lean in and he pulls me closer, enclosing me in his embrace.
“Is that good?” he chirps and I respond affirmatively. It is such a comfortable cuddle that I don’t even realize my eyes have closed in slumber. My mind drifts off, my imagination barely forming a conscious dream to focus on.
When I open my eyes again, dawn is setting on the horizon. I know a fair few hours have passed and like always, any movement from me instantly alerts Szhe’ka. He raises his head, nuzzling into my feathers gently.
“Rest well?” he asks, giant eyes blinking gently at me.
“I did. Go out now?” I ask, staring at the huge hole that constitutes both an entrance and an exit.
He brings me out as gently as he brought me in, taking me down the tree, down to where the others are gathered.
Eli is there too, walking around with a log in her tentacles, hands scratching at her skin.
There is another purple alien there, making things out of collected materials.
Right in the middle, I see Ree giving out orders, eyebrows knit in concentration. She spots me almost immediately, beckoning me.
“You’re awake. I thought you’d sleep much later.”
“Do you need more hands?” I ask, surprised when the words come out of my mouth.
“Always, but not just yet from you. Learn how that new body works first,” she says, smile lighting her face.
“You seem prepared,” I comment.
“Well, years in the ER can teach you that. Just take a seat somewhere and I’ll get you something to eat.”
“You’re awake!” Eli exclaims. “I thought you would definitely take your time in bed.”
“Funny,” I respond, the Bitch stirring, turning to Eli. “Ree said the same thing. Do I look that lazy?”
“Not really,” Eli replies. “You just look, how do I put this… uh… like a delicate flower?”
“Do you recognize me?” I blurt, panicked.
Eli’s tentacles put down the log, drooping, her hands reaching from her skin to clasp each other nervously. “…am I supposed to?”
I blink rapidly, not sure how to process the fact that I wasn’t instantly recognized and they aren’t just being polite by not mentioning it.
They are just acting… normal. Well, normal for here, anyway. Kira is arguing with Drasuk about whether fermented lake grass counts as “adventurous cuisine” or “a biohazard,” and a new woman, with long white hair and green glowing skin, walks straight past me.
She glances at me. Waves a polite greeting. Keeps going.
No double take. No widening of the eyes. No sharp inhale and whispered, Is that—?
Nothing.
I just… exist.
For a second I stand there, oddly off balance.
I’m used to the shift in air pressure when someone recognizes me. The way attention bends. The way conversations stutter and then pivot. The way people look at me like they already know something about me, like I’m a story they’ve consumed.
But she doesn’t know me.
She doesn’t know the interviews. The headlines. The edits and angles and carefully crafted versions of me that lived on screens.
She sees a woman with unfamiliar features, altered skin, two alien eyes, feathers, wings folded tight against her back.
She sees this.
And she has no idea who I used to be.
The realization spreads slowly, then all at once.
No one here recognizes me.
They know Ani. The sharp-tongued bird woman. They don’t know the brand. The persona. The curated fragments.
My old face is gone.
My old name barely fits anymore.
If I don’t tell them, they will never know.
A strange, electric exhilaration floods my chest.
I am free. Whoever I might be… I am free.
Free. Not in the dramatic, break-the-chains way. In the quiet, almost disorienting way of walking through a crowd and not feeling it close in around you.
No expectations. No prewritten narrative. No one assuming they know my politics, my heartbreaks, my worst mistake, my best performance.
I can introduce myself and mean it. I can choose what to share. I can choose what to leave buried.
It’s because of the transformation.
The irony almost makes me laugh.
The thing that stripped me of control… of familiarity, of certainty… is the same thing that has erased the version of me Earth thought it owned.
Not marketable. Not recognizable. Not searchable. It’s just me. Raw. Strange. Unfinished.
A clean slate.
The thought makes my pulse quicken, but not with fear.
With possibility.
I don’t have to live up to anything I used to be. I don’t have to defend it either. If I want to be quieter, I can be. If I want to be sharper, I can be.
If I want to build something entirely new out of these bones and wings and claws, no one is standing there comparing it to an older draft.
I feel giddy. For the first time in years, I am not being watched.
Unless I invite it.
I tilt my face toward the sun and let myself smile. Not the practiced one, not the trained angle.
Just mine.
No one here knows who I was.
And for the first time, that feels like a gift.
“No, there is no reason to know me. It was just a turn of phrase,” I respond to Eli, who’s looking at me like I’ve lost my mind after staring into space as I thought through all of that.
“Oh…” Eli responds, voice trailing off.
Thankfully, Ree seems to be particularly skillful at rerouting a conversation, her eyes boring into me like they can see far more than I will ever say, but in a way that lets me know she will take whatever she sees to the grave.
“This place is crazy, but you should see an ER,” she comments.
“Hectic is an understatement. It’s a whirlwind of experiences, each coming at you faster than you can blink.
You can’t imagine just how stupid people can be until you visit an ER.
That’s not to talk about the sheer number of cases I got daily from people who decide to stick various things up their rectum. ”
“Up their ass? For fun or… ?” I ask, eyebrow raised.
“The most bizarre case I ever saw was from a plastic femur, you know, the leg bone, stuck up a teenager’s rectum. Male, of course. Said his classmates dared him. Safe to say, it was an educational day for the both of us.”
My eyes widen as I try to imagine such a sight.
“What the…” Eli remarks, her face cringing in response.
“You can bet he won’t be doing that again,” Ree chuckled. “What about you, Eli? What’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen while cleaning?”
“Hmm, let me think,” Eli muses, rubbing her chin.
Beyond us, some kind of construction is going on, the purple furred alien directing Thivoll with bowed shoulders and shy movements.
“Oh, this one is good!” Eli says, tone bursting with eagerness. “On the days I desperately needed cash, I accepted jobs to be a crime scene cleaner.”
“Okay, that’s actually insane,” I remark, getting in the spirit of conversation.
Eli grins, seeming to relish my response and it brings a thrill along with it to have made her happy instead of seeing her shut down, like people usually do when I remark.
Or… when the Bitch remarks.
“Well, it was only for a little while,” she says, her tone suddenly hushed like she is about to tell a grand tale, “but a few times was all I needed honestly. Most of the scenes there were… graphic. The most bizarre one I ever cleaned was like a scene straight from a horror movie. According to what I heard from the others, the victim was murdered with a chainsaw, sending blood and guts everywhere. The entire clean, I felt a shiver down my spine, like the ghost of the deceased was watching me.”
“Ghosts aren’t real,” I scoff.
If they were, my mother would’ve gotten her karma earlier.
“We thought the same of aliens but here we are,” Ree points out in a dry tone. I raise my hand in surrender, smiling.
“Perhaps Ani is right and ghosts don’t exist. However, the chill persisted the whole time I was there. What about you, Ani? Got any bizarre work stories to tell?” Ree asks and Eli turns to me expectantly.
“I dabble in the arts,” I respond, raising my pinkie, the claw somehow making the sarcastic gesture more grand. “Of course I know a good story.”
After a pause, I think of how to scrub it of identifying information.
“I… helped on the set of a survival type reality tv show, but with famous people, so you would not believe the drama. I was only there for one season and well, let’s just say things got weird fast. The first signs things were going wrong was when the director decided to shoot the whole thing outdoors instead of using the studio like a regular person.
Those actors nearly burned the place down. ”