17. Wait, is this a date?
Chapter seventeen
Wait, is this a date?
Neil
When I got back to my desk, the reality of what I’d agreed to hit me. I was going over to Sawyer’s house. He was making me dinner.
Unlike our trip to Boardwalk Books and Bite, I’d be alone with him.
Hot and available Sawyer, who I’d been crushing on since I met him.
The thought made me break out in a cold sweat.
“Sawyer called it a date. I should tell him I’m trans?” I asked Bubblegum, pushing back from my desk to look down at where she lounged in her bed under my desk. Arthur wasn’t here, off helping downstairs with shelter things, so I felt comfortable enough talking to myself out loud. “But more importantly, you’re not going to scare Sawyer, are you, sweet thing?” I cooed. “You couldn’t scare anyone. You look like a dandelion gone to seed.”
After I got home, I sat cross-legged on the floor watching reruns of Drag Race and brushed Bubblegum out while I tried to figure out what to wear to this date tomorrow.
Bubblegum, of course, I’d dress up in her little pink bedazzled collar that she wore to my oldest sister’s wedding. Nobody could be scared of a fluffball in a pink sparkly collar and two big pink bows at the base of her ears.
For me, a suit would be too much. Perversely, I felt I should dress down to match Sawyer’s casual nature.
But how far down? Sawyer seemed to live in board shorts, T-shirts, and flip-flops. I didn’t even own any shorts because I hadn’t exactly needed them in Boise.
Once Bubblegum’s fur was soft and silky, I set her on the couch and dug through my boxes until I found an old pair of khakis looking a little threadbare. Cringing inside, I took scissors to them and chopped them off at the knees.
Now a top. I had a T-shirt a friend had given me from the Boise Pride Parade. I don’t think I’d ever worn it. First time for everything. After digging about for a bit, I found it.
Shoes. Shoes were going to be the problem. Besides my loafers, I only had a pair of worn Converse I used at the gym. They’d have to do.
Feeling silly, I pulled it all on and modeled for Bubblegum. My pasty white knees stuck out from the bottom of the shorts, and the T-shirt was made of a thick, scratchy fabric that I hated. But it looked nice. The black color of the shirt went well with the cut-off khaki shorts, except for my blinding white skin.
“I’m so nervous,” I told Bubblegum. “Do you think he’ll like you?” I paused and then resumed pacing, tearing at my hair with both hands. “Do you think he’ll still like me?”
Bubblegum barked and wagged her tail.
“How do I tell him?” I muttered as I paced. “All my former partners were trans too. I’ve never had to come out to a potential boyfriend before. Awkwaaard. You can’t just bring it up out of nowhere, like, ‘Hey bro, thanks for inviting me and Bubblegum to dinner. Btw, I’m trans.’
“I need to ease him into it. Find out what he thinks about trans people first, to find out if it’s even safe to tell him.”
I ran my hand through my hair again, tugging on it as if I could massage my brain.
“But how?”
Drag Race still played in the background at low volume. That reminded me; hadn’t there been a trans-guy on a few years ago? That might be a good way to find out. I didn’t think I owned that season, but it’d be easy to find and download.
Okay. I had a plan now. That helped. But I was still nervous.