Chapter 32
32
EMMA
It started raining when I arrived back at Chapman’s ranch. Lyssa came sailing out of the mansion in some kind of silk print moo-moo. “Emmie!”
I started crying the minute I opened the truck door.
“Oh no! What’s wrong?” She wrapped me in a hug. “Where’s the hot cowboy? Did you dump him?”
I couldn’t even speak–sobs wracked my breath. I was so relieved to be with Lyssa, someone who knew the real me. Who loved me for who and what I was. But my heart also felt cracked wide open. And I ached for Johnny. I missed him fiercely, as if driving off ripped something in my heart.
Still, he’d used me. Worse, I let my heart get involved .
I wasn’t sure if I was mad at him or mad at myself.
“Come inside.” She tugged me toward the front door. “Before we get soaked.”
We ran inside with our arms around each other, my tears mingling with the rain.
“Here, come over here by the fire.” Lyssa deposited me in front of the giant hearth and hit a button to make the flames light up. This was the fireplace in a small sitting room, not the huge wood one in the main room. The one that had a two story river rock chimney. She wrapped a blanket around me. “I’m going to make us some tea, and then you can tell me what happened to hot cowboy and whether I should hunt him down and kill him.”
At the mention of Johnny–my hot cowboy wolf –my heart broke open wide again. God, I missed him so much. The pain of being used filled me with shame and humiliation.
My phone buzzed in my purse, so I turned it off. I needed uninterrupted time with my sister right now. It could have been Stan at his new work, and he was the last person I wanted to hear from right about now.
“So what happened?” Lyssa asked, returning with two mugs of peppermint tea. She curled up next to me on the sofa, leaning her shoulder against mine in solidarity .
I swiped at my face then took a sip of tea. “Oh my God, it’s a crazy story. So crazy you won’t even believe it.”
“Last I heard you guys were going to break into that box of sex toys.” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows.
At the memory of that extremely hot night my stomach twisted up with pain. That was what I was giving up–the most incredible lover I’d ever had. “Yeah,” I sniffed. “That was awesome. It was all really awesome until this morning.”
“What happened?”
“Turns out, he was just playing me to get to Mitch Chapman.”
Lyssa’s brow furrows in confusion. “What?”
I took another sip of the hot tea. It helped calm me down, so I could think. There was so much to tell her. “Okay, so what I didn’t tell you is that…I was pretending to be you.”
I glanced away, suddenly ashamed.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…when I answered the door and found this hot cowboy flirting with me, I wanted to feel wild and reckless. I wanted to be more like you–taking risks and having sex with whomever I want. So I said I was you.”
Lyssa stared at me in confusion. “You’re not making sense.”
“I said I was Lyssa, the caretaker of this ranch. Not Emma. ”
“Ohhhh. I see. Like pre-calc. And he was only into you because he was looking for an in with my boss, is that it? So he was using you?”
A fresh sob welled up in my chest, and I let it out. “Yes.”
She threw her arm around my shoulders and patted my back. “So what? You were using him, too, right? You wanted to ride a hot cowboy, and you did. You both got something out of it.”
Of course, Lyssa would see it all as transactional. Obviously, she didn’t fall in love. Not with the sultan who took her halfway around the world for a beach vacation. She came back with her heart intact and a nice tan. I was the sap who let her heart get involved.
“Listen. Just because he saw you as an access point to Mitch doesn’t mean he didn’t feel something for you. There are always things that make people seem extra appealing. You loved the cowboy vibe with the hot body. He was into you, and you came with the added benefit of being an in to get to Mitch.” She shrugged. “What I’m saying is that it doesn’t mean he liked you less because of that.”
I considered her words then slumped back into the plush couch. “Maybe, but he didn’t even know the real me. I was pretending to be you.”
Lyssa’s forehead wrinkled in confusion once more. “What do you mean? ”
“I mean, I had to channel you. I kept thinking, what would Lyssa do? And then did that thing.”
Lyssa’s eyes widened, and she laughed. “What? Are you kidding? Why would you want to pretend to be me? Give me an example.”
“Like making out with him ten minutes after meeting him. Then leaving with him to go to his ranch. Skinny dipping. Horseback riding. Mechanical bull riding. Playing with the sex toys.”
Lyssa’s expression softened. “Wow, you’ve been busy! I’m so flattered I could be your inspiration for taking risks with a relationship. But Christ, Em, I’m the fucked-up twin.” She set her hand on her chest. “I’m the one who couldn’t get through college, or hold a steady job, or be relied on for anything. You’re the one I channel when I’m trying to make decent, responsible choices with my life.”
I let out a watery laugh. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Me? Why would you? Your jobs pay so much better and are far more glamorous. Without a jerky boss like Stan.”
“And they always end with a bang.”
“Yeah, speaking of…” I wiped my tears with my fingertips. “It turns out Mitch Chapman is a wolf and human trafficker. I mean shifter trafficker.”
Lyssa blinked at me. Stared for a few seconds. “Excuse me? ”
I waved my fingers in the air. “That’s the craziest part of this story. Turns out Hot Cowboy–his name is Johnny–is actually a wolf. They aren’t werewolves, they’re a different species that can shift from human form to wolf. And Mitch is one of them, but he’s a supervillain.”
“Um. Okay, that is crazy. Did you do some kind of drugs, too, while you were channeling me?”
I shook my head. “No, you idiot. You need to quit.” I glanced around this gorgeous mega-mansion. “We should get out of here before he comes back.”
“He traffics women?”
I nodded.
“Fuck. Where should we go? The sultan’s out. Do you still have your apartment in L.A.?”
“Yes.” The idea of going back to Los Angeles felt like a brick on my chest. “And Stan offered me a new position at triple what I was making before.”
Lyssa looked at me doubtfully. “Are you sure you want to be working for that asshole again?”
“Well, one of us is going to need a paid position while we figure out our next move,” I said glumly.
She brightened, even when things were far from cheery. “See? That’s Ms. Responsible again. That’s who I always try to be but never quite manage.”
I laughed. “You shouldn’t. She’s terribly boring and never has any fun.”
“I think you mentioned a mechanical bull? That sounds like tons of fun. Remember though, Ms. Wild and Reckless over here is all fun but not substance. I have literally nothing to show for my life. I think I have two hundred dollars in the bank.”
“You’ve had years of adventures!”
“But I’m nothing on paper.” She shook her head. “No college degree. No real job experience. I make up my resumes to go with whatever job I’m looking for.”
“Who cares about paper? What matters is the heart.” As I said the words, I realized how clear my heart was.
Lyssa peered at me like she saw the change in me. Her voice went soft, and she took her hand in mine. “What does your heart want, Emmie?”
I blinked back tears. “My heart wants Johnny.”
As I said it, memories of all the tenderness he’d shown me, all the attention and concern came flitting back. The way he held me this morning. His horror over biting me last night. The way he carried me out of the saloon, suffering over how I’d feel about him for getting in a fight.
It hadn’t just been all hot sex–although the sex had been incinerating. What we had was real. But I’d allowed my own insecurities to let me believe it wasn’t.
If Lyssa tried to be me sometimes, then maybe I wasn’t always doing the wrong thing.
With Johnny, I’d overreacted .
Lyssa fished my phone out of my purse and handed it to me. “Call him.”
I gave a dark laugh. “I don’t even have his phone number. I did steal his truck, so I guess I could drive back.”
She nodded. “Yes, drive back. I mean, I’m sad because I wanted to eat cookie dough and binge watch Gilmore Girls with you, but you should go.”
Then I remembered the full situation.
“No, you have to come, too.” I jumped up. If Johnny really was so serious about Mitch, then we shouldn’t even be here. “Come on, get packed. This place isn’t safe for either of us.”
Lyssa didn’t look appropriately worried. I grabbed her wrist and tugged her to her feet. “I’m serious. Mitch is a sex trafficker or something like that. We could be in danger. Let’s go.”
The crunch of gravel outside made us both dart toward the window.
“Oh shit,” Lyssa said, her very familiar gaze meeting mine.
A gorgeous black Jaguar SUV pulled up and parked in front of the door right behind Johnny’s truck.
“Is that him?” I whispered, my heart hammering in my chest.
She nodded. “Yeah. Mitch is here.”