Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
She was even better than I’d remembered. She was celestial. Her round belly, swollen nose, puffy eyes, and growing breasts enhanced her beauty.
There’s a little me in there .
I placed a hand where there was movement. Six days had passed since I’d used every ounce of strength I could muster to find Rugger on the island. She wasn’t very hard to locate. Her favorite spot was near the water, close to the compound.
She claimed they had the best food and drinks on the island. After visiting a few times, I could concur. They served American and Catanian cuisine.
Day by day, I was regaining my strength. I was determined to get stronger and better before the birth of my son. I wanted to hold him without the fear of dropping him and rock him to sleep at night to give his mother a well-deserved break.
She’s having my son .
Knowing there was a little guy that shared my DNA inside of Rugger deepened my love for her. Even when faced with uncertainty, she pushed through like the champion I knew she was all along. She was resilient and it was her resilience that had drawn me to her.
In the midst of my joy, I couldn’t ignore the sorrow. I’d caused her a great deal of pain. I’d done that thing I promised her I wouldn’t. I’d forced her to be the person I was trying so desperately to show her she didn’t have to be. And the trust I’d gained, it had been lost.
She was elated that I was with her, but she was torn. I witnessed it every day on her beautiful face. Tears were plentiful. Pregnancy hormones made it hard for Rugger to contain herself or hide her true feelings. She wore them on her sleeves.
“Why do you still have that thing? Where’d it even come from after all of these months?”
“I kept it here, in St. Catana, because I knew this was where we’d both end up.”
“Hmmm.”
I rubbed her belly. It tightened at once. I watched her face contort as she turned over on the other side.
“Are you still recording?” She groaned.
“Are you still in pain?”
She nodded, “A little.”
Off and on, she’d been experiencing cramps. Roaman had been over twice and promised her everything was moving along according to plan. She wouldn’t be delivering for another few weeks.
Rugger was thirty-three weeks and two days. We had seven more weeks before she was set to deliver, which meant I had at least six to rebuild my strength.
Our son would be born in October, just a month and a few days shy of his mother’s birthday. I could hardly wait to kiss his cheeks and tell him all the wonderful things I’d learned about his mother since I first laid eyes on her around the same time a year prior. He’d be born in perfect timing.
“You want me to get your sister back over here?”
“No. I want you to tell your son to stop growing so fast. I’m a small girl.”
Our son was weighing in at six and a half pounds with seven weeks to spare. Roaman had made it clear that Rugger would be pushing out a ten-pound boy. She grew miserable every time she considered a baby of that size stretching her insides.
“You’re also six feet, Gazelle. His father and both grandfathers are over six feet. Yes, he will be a big boy, but you’ve got this, baby.”
“I knooooow,” she sighed, attempting to sit up in bed.
I closed the flap on the camera and placed it beside the bed. I extended an arm and offered Rugger the support she needed to lift herself up. When her back was finally against the wall, she looked up at me and shook her head.
“Never again,” she laughed, “So I hope you enjoy the next few weeks of this.”
“I plan to,” I sniggered as I rested my head against her belly.
“Psalem.”
“Huh?”
“Psalem. I was thinking about naming him Psalem. Just like your name, but with an em at the end.”
“Pronounced Sol or Say? You said it differently the second time.”
“Say– lem.”
“Psalem Rowan Santoro,” I finished.
“Psalem Rowan Santoro,” she repeated with a smile.
Psalem . The name was perfect.
“Whew. I’ve worked up an appetite,” Gazelle lied.
“Yeah? Doing what?”
“Thinking of his name.”
“You’re full of shit, baby,” I chuckled, standing up.
“Since you’re already up, you might as well go downstairs and grab me the tub of ice cream in the fridge and the Oreos from the pantry. Put a few in a ziplock bag and crush them up.”
“Were you dreaming about this shit? This sounds well thought out.”
“Yes, and my mouth was watering. That’s what woke me up. Now, please.”
She fanned me toward the door.
“I was going anyway, baby. You never have to beg. It might take me a while, but I’ll be back with your ice cream and cookies.”
I leaned over, gingerly, and kissed her pursed lips.
“Thank you.”
I began the journey to the kitchen. Just as my feet crossed the threshold, her voice stopped me in my tracks.
“I love you.”
I turned to face her.
Oh, how far we’ve come . It had taken Rugger so long to get to the point of loving me out loud, but since we were here, I planned to enjoy every second of her affection.
“I love you more.”
Warm water cascaded down my head and shoulders. My palms were pressed against the shower wall and my feet were planted firmly on the floor.
Thank you, Lord, for bringing me back to her. Rugger needs me now more than she ever has. Lord, I ask that you heal every part of her that my absence has broken. Bring us closer as we prepare to bring a new life into this world.
As we navigate new territory, please don’t let us lose sight of ourselves or each other. Help us mature in love and in parenthood, simultaneously. Help me be the best version of myself that I can be so that I can make it easier for Rugger to be the best version of herself.
Give me her burdens, Lord. I want to carry them. It’s my duty to carry them and to carry her. I want to make her life simpler, softer, easier, and less complicated. You’re the only person who can help me do that, so I am counting on you, Lord. I love you and I need you. Amen.
I opened my eyes, but my head still hung and my feet were still planted on the shower floor. A gush of wind sent a chill up my spine, but the warm hands that surrounded me a short second later put my worries to rest.
“Showering without me,” Gazelle whined, “Not fair.”
“You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you,” I explained.
“And, I didn’t want to sleep without you,” she told me.
I understood exactly where she was coming from.
“It’s been enough nights of sleeping alone.”
Yeah . She was absolutely right.
“What’s on your mind? You’ve been quieter… more reserved this evening. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
I exhaled with a smile. Rugger was observant. There was hardly anything I could get past her if there was even a slight shift in normalcy.
“Not much is wrong, baby. Almost everything is exactly where it needs to be for once in my life. I am just focused on building my strength for Psalem’s birth.”
“You’re getting better.”
“Yeah. I am.”
“But that’s not what’s haunting you tonight, so don’t try to pacify me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I shook my head. She was insufferable, but she was mine. That’s all that mattered.
“My father–” I cleared my throat. “I’ve been thinking about my father.”
“I went to see him when it all happened.”
“You told him?”
“Yes.”
“Which means he still thinks I’m–”
“Yes.”
My heart hurt at the thought of how he must’ve felt. How he must still feel. And, how he’d be feeling until someone reached out to let him know that I was alive.
“Is he the barrier?”
Her question caught me off guard. I didn’t understand it or it’s context.
“Barrier for what?”
“True happiness?”
Tingling surged through me. I grew numb and sensitive to the touch simultaneously. She placed her head on my back as she waited for a response. I wasn’t sure which version to give her. Four of them circulated in my head.
“Hm?”
“Yes,” I breathed out, “And as much as I try to avoid the idea of never finding peace without mending my relationship with him, my efforts are pointless. He is the barrier. Not because he wants to be, but because I made him.”
“Then fix it, Psalms. Only you have the power to do so.”
“I know, but with everything so fresh–”
“The risk is greater.”
“Than ever.”
Frustrated with the fact that more time would come between our reunion, if there was ever one at all, I turned around and pulled Rugger into me.
“We’ll figure it out, baby. Together.”
Her words were bandages on my wounds. I kissed her forehead and then her lips.
“We will.”
“I’ve missed you… too much,” she whispered into my mouth. “It’s almost as if you aren’t real. I’ve been in pain so long I don’t know how to stop it. The thought of never holding you again– it broke me into pieces.”
“I’m going to spend the rest of my life piecing you back together. I’m sorry I made your heart hurt. I’m sorry I made you mourn the love we’d founded. I’m sorry for the pain my absence caused. I’m sorry for making you miss me. But, understand that I am too stubborn and too fucking in love with you to leave you like that. Ten steps ahead, baby.”
“Ten steps ahead.”
I kissed her lips again. She was the sweetest thing I’d ever tasted. It didn’t matter how lethal she was or how well she worked her tools. She was putty in my hands. And, that’s exactly how I liked her.
“Touch me,” she murmured, grabbing my hand and placing it on her treasure box. “Touch me like you used to.”
I buried two fingers deep inside Gazelle’s warmth. She didn’t have to ask more than once to be brought the pleasure that only I could bring her. She was deserving of it.
“Like this?” I asked, turning my fingers upward to massage her g-spot.
“Yesssss–” she moaned against my ear.
Fuck. I’d missed the sound of pure ecstasy rolling off her tongue.
For six months I was unable to move, blink, or say a fucking word. But, my brain was still active and thoughts of Gazelle kept my head above water. Thoughts of her smile. Thoughts of her smell. Thoughts of her laughter. Thoughts of her arousal. Thoughts of her climax.
My thumb rotated around her clit. Only a few seconds had passed and her limbs were locking up. She’d been deprived and for that, too, I was sorry. The night would be dedicated to her. And, as much as her body would allow it, she’d cum. Over and over again.
“Uhhhh– Yesssss,” she moaned, rotating her hips. “Yesssss. I’m gonna cum.”
“I’m waiting,” I uttered as I stuck my tongue down her throat.
She splintered right on my fingers. Her body convulsed as she began to lose her balance. I wasn’t one hundred percent, but I garnered the strength to keep her from falling in the slippery shower.
“Baby–” Gazelle whimpered, “Baby.”
Her pleas fell on death’s ear as I dislodged my fingers and turned her around. I guided her body forward and placed both of her hands on the shower rod for support.
“Ughhhhhh.”
She pulled in a wad of air as I slid into her. She was as snug as she was warm.
“Shit.” I could feel my ending before I had even begun.
The first stroke proved to be the most difficult. Her pussy had reset itself, forgetting there was a nigga that was willing to breech its threshold each chance he got. But, rather quickly, it adapted to my girth.
From the way that it polished my pole, I knew I’d jogged its memory. It remembered all the work I’d put in. It remembered the offering I gave faithfully. And, it remembered how I liked to be surrounded by its moisture and warmth.
Whap.
Whap.
Whap.
Whap.
The sound of our skin colliding was stripping me of my sanity with each blow. Her pussy, her protruding stomach, her hair, her skin, her flesh, her moans… It was all-consuming. It snatched the nut from my balls and delivered it to her pussy in record time.
“Argh,” I growled, unable to come down from the ledge.
I was a goner.