Chapter 37 Tommy
“Ican’t find my tie,” I say, standing in the closet in my boxer briefs staring into the suit bag.
The tie was with the suit when I sent it out for dry cleaning, but now it’s gone.
“It’s in there, Tommy,” Giovanna snaps from the bathroom.
I step out of the closet as she is fastening her earring, glaring at me in the mirror.
“It’s not,” I say, irritable. I hate being late.
The New Year’s Eve gala is already hell, but it’s worse if I don’t get there early and get a feel for things first: who’s talking to whom, who’s smiling too much, who’s hanging back.
But now the clock is sprinting, and Gi’s simmering anger only tightens the vise inside my skull.
She brushes past me, yanking the suit bag from its hanger with more force than necessary.
Maintaining eye contact with me, she fishes her hand around inside, looking for the tie.
When she can’t find it, I raise an eyebrow, and she scowls.
“God damn it,” she mumbles. She rips the bag apart, the suit pieces spilling on the floor, then tosses it aside and stalks back to the bathroom.
“Pick another one.”
I stare down at the suit crumpled on the floor.
I don’t want another one. I want the silver tie she chose, the one that matches the liquid gray fabric of her dress.
There is no other option.
“Where the fuck is it?” I rake through the suit and the bag again, desperate.
Nothing. I rake my fingers through my hair.
Her eyes meet mine in the mirror. Cold. Distant.
“Just wear the black one.”
“No.”
“Fine. The blue one then.”
“I won’t match you.
”
She exhales sharply, eyeliner poised in her hand.
“It won’t matter, Tommy. It’s not like we’re ever next to each other at this thing, anyway.
”
I frown. “Yes, we are. At dinner. The pictures. If we don’t match, it looks off.
”
“We didn’t do pictures last year. And you missed the dinner.
”
I grin, remembering my fist deep inside her pussy, her period blood dripping down my arm.
I slide my arms around her from behind, circling her waist. “We were a little busy. And messy,” I say, nuzzling her neck.
She rolls her eyes and wriggles out of my grip.
“I’m doing my makeup, Tommy.”
I step back, watching as she deftly applies eyeliner.
She’s so fucking beautiful. But she’s so…
cold.
My gaze falls on the mess of the suit on the floor.
I’m supposed to meet with Councilman Donovan tonight and discuss his upcoming campaign.
If I help make this happen, then get him into the Senate, he said he’d endorse me for my own campaign.
Gi will be the queen of New York City.
But I can’t find the tie.
“You really think I should wear the black one?”
She drops her eyeliner on the counter, turning to me abruptly.
“I’m going to NYU for law school.”
“I know,” I say slowly.
What does that have to do with the tie?
“And I’m going to stay at my place on Bleeker Street during the week.
” She says the words forcefully, looking me in the eye and gripping the counter behind her like it’s holding her up.
The ground tilts. “You want us to stay at your old apartment on Bleeker? No, your dad bought that place, and I’m not living off him.
That was the whole reason I bought this place, to give you independence from him.
”
Her voice hardens to a point sharp enough to draw blood.
“Well, now I need independence from you.”
The words gut me.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means you’re not invited, Tommy.
” She turns back to the counter, stuffing makeup into the little bag that matches her dress, and slips on her shoes.
I grit my teeth. “You’re not living in the Village without me.
You’re not living anywhere without me.”
Her eyes flash as she whirls on me.
“Except that I am.”
She starts toward the door, and I grab her arm, too rough, whipping her around to look at me.
She jerks away, but I don’t let go.
“That’s not happening, Gi.
If you want to move closer to NYU, fine.
We’ll find a place together, but not one your father controls.
”
“We aren’t moving anywhere. I am going back to my apartment on Bleeker during the week and, maybe, if I feel like it and you suddenly have time for me, I might spend some weekends with you.
But I’m done being in this relationship alone.
”
I can barely process what she’s saying.
The air leaves my lungs. “Are you…leaving me?”
The words come out quietly.
I’m more in shock than angry. My heart is about to implode.
She holds my gaze, her silence saying everything.
The floor feels like it’s caving beneath me.
How long has she been wanting this, planning this?
Why didn’t she tell me? Or did she? I flip through the last months, the last year in my head.
She hasn’t been okay since I missed her 21st birthday dinner, and before that, she was hot and cold.
She finally exhales, her voice low, even.
“I shouldn’t have started this now. We’ll talk about it later.
”
“No.” I block the doorway. “We’ll talk now.
”
My phone buzzes on the counter, and she glances at it then holds it up.
It’s a text from my driver that he’s downstairs.
“Let’s go, Tommy. Just pick a tie, get dressed, and put on that fake smile you do so well now, and we’ll deal with this later.
”
At a loss, I do as she says, choosing the blue tie and struggling to put it on as I follow her out the door.
In the car, I keep tying and retying it, taking it off and trying again, until she takes it from me and ties it for me, her gaze fixed out the window.
Impulsively, I pull her into my arms, but she is cold and stiff and shifts away from me.
We pull up to Dragovari Tower, and the driver opens the door for us.
I get out first and wait for her, but she brushes past me.
Grabbing her hand, I pull her back before she can climb the steps to the huge concrete doors.
“Giovanna. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m not doing this here.
” She keeps her voice low, but she shakes off my hand.
“Doing what?”
“Come on, Tommy. This can’t be a surprise, even for you.
You don’t come home half the time, and when you do, it’s usually after midnight.
I’ve been staying out later and later, and some nights I don’t come home at all; you never notice.
You just don’t have time for me, and even when I tell you how important it is, you blow me off always with the excuse that it’s for ‘us.’”
“Giovanna, why don’t you understand—”
“Why don’t you understand?
! I’ve made it clear to you that I just want to be with you, have a relationship where we spend time together, talk, fuck, like a normal couple.
” She hisses the words out with a glance over her shoulder to make sure that no one is listening.
“But you seem constitutionally incapable of that. I’ve tried to pretend that I could accommodate that for you, that your idiosyncrasies are harmless, and maybe they are, but this relationship doesn’t make me happy anymore.
Being with you doesn’t make me happy.
Because I’m not actually with you, Tommy.
I’m on the sidelines hoping that you’ll decide that I’m worth your time and attention.
”
I grip her shoulders, bending low so she can’t escape my gaze.
“Baby, you’re worth everything. Everything I do—”
“Tommy, don’t say it.
”
My heart claws at my ribs. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. The real you. The guy who had a special smile just for me and no one else. This polished fake version of you, the one you’ve cultivated, it’s fine when we’re around other people.
But that’s the you I see most of the time now, and I just don’t…
I don’t recognize you anymore.”
“Giovanna, tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this.” People are maneuvering around us as they navigate the steps, but I can’t take my eyes off of her.
She drops her gaze to the ground, and when she looks up, her hazel eyes are a cloudy green that I’ve never seen before.
“I’m sorry, Tommy. Please just let me go.
”
I don’t know if she means to let go of her shoulders or let go of her entirely, but when I shake my head and don’t do either, she pries my fingers off and climbs the steps without me.
Blood is rushing in my ears so loudly that I can’t hear.
Everything is blurry, and I can’t think.
Did my girl just end us?
I climb a few steps weakly, then turn and look out over the traffic on the street.
I don’t know how long I’m there before I feel a hand on my shoulder.
Matti is looking at me with concern, and Vin stands behind him with a drink in hand.
“You alright?” Matti asks carefully. I don’t know what he sees on my face, but it must not ease his concern.
“I saw Giovanna.”
Fuck, this is real. I can barely breathe.
Vin throws a heavy arm around my neck and yanks me into his side.
“Come on, I’ll buy you a drink. Or five.
Step one to getting over a woman.”
Matti groans.
“Maybe we should take him up to his suite. Step one may not be suitable for public consumption. I know your ‘step two’ won’t be.
”
Vin pulls me toward the doors. “Come on. Whiskey is in here.”
I don’t know what to do except follow them in, so I do.
It’s warm inside, and people greet me.
I think Matti and Vin cover for me, saying hello, as they pull me toward the bar.
But I’m only looking for her.
She’s over by her parents, talking.
Her mother catches my eye, giving me a small, sad smile.
Her father is beaming. I guess she’s spreading the word.
At the bar, Vin snaps his fingers at the bartender.
“Give me a bottle of Whistle Pig Boss Hog Edition 6 and three glasses.”
“The Samurai Scientist Straight Rye?” When Vin nods, the bartender pulls three glasses and sets them with the bottle on the bar in front of us.
Vin pours a finger of liquor into each of the glasses.
He and Matti take one, flanking me on either side, and turn to look out over the crowd while I lean on the bar, unable to do anything but replay Giovanna’s words in my head over and over.
“Fuck,” Matti mutters, and Vin swallows the rest of his whiskey and turns back around, slamming his glass on the bar.
I start at the noise and see Giovanna over Vin’s shoulder.
She’s a few feet away at the other end of the bar.
She won’t look at me. I start to move toward her, but Vin blocks me and Matti pulls me back.
“Not here, bro,” says Vin.
Matti picks up my glass and hands it to me.
I take a swallow and turn away from the bar, one eye on Giovanna—and realize that Antonio is standing on the other side of her.
Vin is saying something to Matti and I slip past them, listening to Gi and Antonio’s conversation.
“—sure you’re okay?” Antonio acting like he’s so fucking concerned.
“Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it,” she says, sipping a glass of wine.
“I got you.” He puts his big hand on her bare arm, touching my girl’s skin, and rubs softly up and down.
“I’m here whenever you want.”
I don’t think.
I don’t speak. I can barely see.
I hurl my whiskey glass into the wall of bottles behind the bar, push Gi out of the way, and punch Antonio square in the face.
I get in one more good shot while he’s off balance before Vin and Matti grab me amidst a collective gasp rising up from the crowd around us.
Giovanna is in my face, shoving my chest. Angry.
But she’s looking at me. I don’t say anything, I don’t fight my brothers as they hold me back, I just watch her mouth as she screams at me.
Her beautiful mouth.
“—not fucking acceptable! Get out of here, Tommy! We’re done!
”
Matti pulls me away from the bar while Vin grabs the bottle and the glasses with a grin.
He says to Antonio, “Might wanna put some ice on that, fucker,” and laughs.
I can’t tear my eyes off Giovanna as Matti leads me toward the elevator at the back of the lobby.
She turns Antonio’s face so she can see where I hit him and takes the ice offered by the bartender, then holds it to his cheek.
He’s glaring at me as he puts his hand over hers to hold the ice in place.
I watch her, waiting for her to look back at me.
To choose me.
But she doesn’t.
She keeps looking at him.