Ruin

5. Trixie

FIVE

TRIXIE

Walking into the house, I hear everyone in the sitting room. I make sure to come home just before dinner. The less time I have to be around these people, the better. I can’t wait to get out of here.

I don’t have a plan for what I want to do after high school, but whatever I do, it has to be better than my life here.

My life sucks at home, and Declan is making sure I won’t enjoy high school either. Luckily, he left me alone after lunch. I wanted to push his hand away from me, but his grip on my thigh was too tight. Fighting back would’ve only hurt me more because I don’t know what plans he has for me.

I stop by the bottom of the stairs when my dad calls my name.

“How was school?”

I have no idea why he’s asking me because he doesn’t understand my responses to him. So, I do the only thing I always do. I smile.

It’s the only way I can tell him I’m fine.

Even if I told him the truth, he wouldn’t believe me.

Did he believe me last time?

No.

He believed her - his wife. And she told him I was lying about everything because I missed getting his attention.

It’s fucked up that I lost my mom, but losing my dad a few years later, even though he’s standing right in front of me, he’s not my dad.

“Have dinner with us. I’ve missed having dinner as a family. You’re pushing me away.”

My dad takes the bag from my hands, and I have to wonder—who’s pushing who away?

He did. Not me .

“Are you making another dress? Do you need anything?”

I look up at him in surprise.

Is he really going to buy me something?

He hasn’t done that in a long time. Sure, he puts money into my account for me to use how I please. He never asks where I spend it. And there’s only ever just enough for food.

“Here, show me what you would like.”

He hands me his phone, and I have to hold back the tears.

Because for the first time in years, he’s acting like my dad.

Like the dad I had before he re-married.

Following him into the kitchen, I look up the sewing machine I’ve been saving for.

The one I have still works. But it’s breaking down on me, and I don’t want it to completely stop working on me before I can replace it.

It was Mom’s. I want to keep it safe.

I want to box it up, to keep a piece of my mom.

But I can’t afford a new one.

Maybe Dad’s in a good mood today.

Handing the phone back to dad, he smiles.

“You sure this is the one you want?”

He looks up at me, his finger inches closer to the buy now button, and I nod with a small smile.

“Okay.”

And then—just like that—it’s all ripped away.

She snatches the phone from him.

“What is this?”

She looks at the phone, then between me and dad.

“I thought we agreed to give her pocket money, so she can buy what she wants and we don’t have to.” She taps on the phone, most likely deleting the page.

I know dad won’t be able to find it again.

“I haven’t brought her anything in a long time, and-”

“And nothing. She’s barely passing school at the moment. Let’s wait and see before we spend so much money.” She walks away, and I don’t even bother looking at my dad because I know he won’t say sorry to me. He’s following her, to make sure she’s not upset about what he almost did.

“I can buy it for you.” I tense up when Robert places his hand on my ass and starts rubbing it. Asshole.

“I’m sure there is a way you can repay me.”

He moves my hair out of the way and kisses my neck.

I hate it.

He smells disgusting.

His touch is like nails piercing my skin, and every time he’s close to me I want to throw up.

“Let me have fun, and it will be a quarter of the payment.”

I have to hold the tears back, because he takes everything from me.

Now, even this has a price tag on it.

Declan is doing the same thing with the stupid fucking list.

That’s all I am.

A whore who’s paying with her body.

But not voluntarily.

He turns me around to face him, gripping my jaw so I have to look at him.

He licks his lips.

I already know what’s about to happen.

I’m praying dad walks back into the kitchen.

I’m not so lucky this time.

Robert slams his lips into mine, his other hand yanking up my dress. His fingers dig into my pussy through the thin material.

I try to push him away, but it never works.

So I do the only thing I can think of.

I knee him hard.

He stumbles back, but before I can react, he slaps me across the face.

Hard.

The force splits my lip.

Fucking great.

I touch my mouth. Feeling the blood.

I shake my head and look behind him, hoping my dad is coming in.

I hear footsteps.

Robert quickly passes me a tissue. “I’m sorry I didn’t see you there. Are you okay?”

Fucking asshole.

Playing the innocent boy in front of my dad.

“Patricia, are you okay?”

My dad rushes over to check on me.

I give him a nod, then walk away. I glance at the bitch who ruined everything.

She’s smiling.

I wonder, once again, can I kill her?

I’ve thought about it. Thought about how I’d do it. How slow I’d make it.

Sometimes I have to stop myself from acting on it.

“Dinner is ready.”

She kisses my dad’s cheek, and walks to the small table we have in the kitchen. We have a dining room, but I don’t think we’ve ever used it.

Waste of fucking money.

That’s all my dad is good for, his money.

Her boobs? Dad paid for them.

The lip injections? Dad paid for those, too.

Botox? Yep. Paid for by my dad.

Mom was never like that. She loved going on family holidays. We have the money, we should make memories with it . I have every picture we took when we were happy.

I sit down and try to ignore Robert as he takes a seat next to me.

Hold it together.

Don’t let him get in your head.

I block out the conversation happening around me, dads talking about a client not handing his accounts paperwork in. The bitch is trying to see if they can go away in a few weekends, just the two of them. Inside I’m praying dad tells her no, and he’s busy at work.

If he leaves, Robert has free reign.

No one to stop him.

No one to walk in on him raping me.

No one to save me.

I flinch when I feel Robert’s hand on my leg.

He pulls my dress up.

I close my eyes.

It’s just like Declan at lunch.

No different.

The tight grip on my thigh.

My dress inching up.

I eat as fast as I can, desperate to escape.

But, I’m not quick enough.

His hand moves inside my panties.

Do not cry, do not cry. He will get his one day.

He leans in and whispers. “I need you.”

He rubs my clit, hard, then moves his hand away.

I push back from the table, grab my bag, and plate of food, and bolt upstairs.

I slam my bedroom door shut, throw my bag on the bed, and set my plate on the bedside table.

Then I lock myself in the bathroom.

So I can cry in private.

Falling to my knees in front of the sink, sobbing.

Tonight is going to be hell.

He will come to my room.

He will hit me.

He will rape me.

And there is no one who can help me.

No one cares enough to stop him.

I rip off my bracelets, throwing them onto the tiled floor. I yank open the draw, pulling out the blade.

I bring it to my wrist.

There are scars already there.

From the times I’ve let out pain before.

Pain is all I know.

I live through pain every night when he comes to my room.

It’s a pain I hate.

A pain that makes me sick.

But this pain?

This is a pain I can control.

This is mine.

The only thing I have the power over.

I close my eyes.

The blade slices through my skin.

I lean my forehead against the drawer, and let it flow.

* * *

I stare at the dark blue periwinkle delphinium flower on my locker.

I swear this is just getting annoying now.

For some reason, my gut tells me it’s Declan. The only reason I even think it’s him is because the color of the flower matches his stupid car, the one he keeps crying over.

It’s a fucking car.

And I’m sure the family can afford to buy him a new one.

I read up about the Crawford family last night. They own one of the best clinics in America. I swear I’ve seen celebrities talk about it because I’ve read the clinic’s name in gossip articles online. I have no idea what the prices are, but when a website says you need to come in for a consultation before they give you a price, yeah, that’s how you know it’s expensive.

So, the family has money.

They can easily buy their big baby a new car, whenever they want to.

It’s not my fault his car went up in flames.

The only reason he’s picking on me is because I’m the new girl.

He said they’d get theirs. But as far as I know, nothing’s happened to any of them, not that I know of, anyway.

My night was ruined the moment Robert walked into my room. This time, I tried to fight him off. But he is triple my size. My fight didn’t get me anywhere.

All it got me was a hard slap across the face. Followed by a blow to my ribs. After he was finished, I spent twenty minutes throwing up. Then I scrubbed myself raw in the shower because I needed his disgusting touch off me.

Yanking the flower from my locker, I shove it into my bag, then grab the books I need for the morning.

I’m hoping Declan will leave me alone today.

Hopefully. At least I don’t have an English class, so I won’t have to work with him.

Maybe, for once, I’ll get lucky.

I slam my locker shut, ready to walk away. But I stop when Stephanie leans against the lockers next to me.

God, I’m not in the mood for her right now.

“You need to stay away from my boyfriend!” She snaps it at me, like I actually want to be anywhere near Declan.

She knows I’m not going to say anything back to her, so I nod, just to get her to go away.

Why the hell does she think I want to be with Declan?

“He is too good for a freak like you…”

I grab a handful of her hair.

Slamming her head into the lockers.

Shoving her face inside my locker.

Bashing the door into her head a few times. God, that would feel good.

“Do you understand me?”

Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

Instead of bashing her head in, she slaps the books out of my hands.

Then she pushes me against my locker. Her bitch crew follows as she struts over to Declan and the hockey team. Stephanie wraps her arms around him, but he doesn’t even acknowledge her.

I roll my eyes.

“You didn’t join me for a smoke last night.”

I turn to Ash and mouth the word sorry .

Do you have one on you?

I quickly scribble the words on a piece of paper.

I need to forget about last night.

Forget the pain in my wrists too.

“Here.”

Ash slips a joint in my bag. I give him a small smile. He knows I’ll pay him back later.

A sharp whistle makes me turn my head.

Declan nods for me to come over.

I sign to him.

I’m not a fucking dog.

He laughs. A genuine laugh. And it’s crazy, but he looks good when he does it.

“You’re whatever I want you to be.”

His voice is taunting.

“So get over here, or crawl here like a dog. Your choice. You have until I count to three.”

Is he fucking joking? There’s nowhere to run, but if he’s going to be a dick, I’m not cowering down to him that easily.

“One…Two-”

I slam my locker shut and walk over to him.

Asshole.

He laughs again.

Then he walks away. And I stand there. Not sure what the hell that was about. Something to fuel Stephanie’s bitch mode, preferably.

He opens the door to the janitor’s closet and nods his head for me to follow him in. Closing my eyes, I sign. Asshole. A s I follow him inside. I jump when the door closes, and before I can move, he grabs my face and slams me against the door.

“What’s in your bag?” His voice is low. He closes the space between us.

He kicks my legs apart.

“You know I like this look today, a nice short skirt, with…

His hand moves higher.

“..let’s see.”

His palm presses against my thigh.

‘Stockings.”

“So I can play whenever I want.”

I feel his hand moving.

And I can’t fucking breathe.

“You need to stop fighting,” Robert shouts, as he moves his hands up and down my thigh, whilst pushing my hips hard into the mattress.

Declan takes a step closer to me, leaving no space between us. “What’s in the bag?”

“You know you like it.” He climbs on top of me, and grabs my face so I look at him.

“Give it to me, and the punishment will be a little less than what I have planned.” My eyes widen, and I dig my hand into my bag, pulling out the joint and handing it to him.

“This stuff will kill you, you know.” Oh how I wish it was true, if only it was so easy to rid me of this earth.

“Stick your tongue out.” I do as I’m told, there’s no point denying him. He smiles.

“You know I’ve never been sucked by a girl who has a lip or a tongue piercing. Can’t wait to fuck your mouth.” He brings his mouth closer to mine and licks my tongue. “If I wanted, I could get you on your knees right now, but instead I’m going to see what else you have pierced.”

His other hand pulls out my top from my skirt and places his hand on my stomach. “Belly button…” he moves up to my bra, and pulls it down to feel my nipples. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” He pulls the ring on my nipple a few times, and I jolt a little to get out of his grip, but he’s too close for me to move.

“Both of them?” he asks, and I nod, again there’s no point lying. “Now, let’s see if the fun continues.” I feel Declan moving my panties. He did this at lunch, but he didn’t explore my pussy, he just touched me along the edges of my panties.

I close my eyes, not wanting him to see the look of shame for letting him touch me.

For letting him do this to me.

Robert slaps me when I try to push him away, and before I can fight again, he grabs my pussy so hard, I want to scream.

Declan’s hand continues to move up and down. “Ohhh, fuck. The clit, and both sides of the pussy.” He finally pulls his hand out and licks it. “Now, I’m not much for eating pussy, but you might make me change my mind. You smell so good and taste sweet.”

Declan removes his hand from my face and quickly slams his lips into mine. I fight to keep my mouth shut, but he bites my lip and pulls on the ring. Opening my mouth, his tongue glides along mine. He pushes his body against mine, as his hand moves into my hair, pulling a little hard, as he pulls away from me.

“Pool party after school. Be there. I have plans for you tonight. You don’t show up, I’ll come find you myself.”

With that said, he leaves the closet, slams the door as I fall to the floor. My head fights the images of last night, and what just happened.

Hell at home.

Hell at school.

Fucking kill me already.