Chapter 55
CHAPTER
FIFTY-FIVE
EMMETT
“Aspen.” Wisps of dark hair tickle my face as I kiss a path down the column of her neck.
She hums softly, rolling closer.
Every morning with her beside me is better than the last. For a guy like me, who’s still learning to hold on to the good things in his life and stay in the present, I don’t take these moments for granted.
I hate to wake her up this early, especially after a long shift, but we’ve got plans today. In the long run, I know she’ll forgive me from waking her up, especially after an orgasm. Besides, she made me promise I wouldn’t let her sleep in and make us late.
When she hitches her leg over my hip it brings her flush with my already hard cock. I can’t blame the guy—she’s wearing nothing but my shirt, which is hiked up around her waist. I’ve woken up with a steel rod between my legs every day for the last two weeks.
This time, her name comes out a groan as she rocks against me.
She’s warm and wet and so ready for me.
“You want me?”
“Always.” It comes out breathy and only serves to make me grow harder.
That’s all I need to hear. I hook my hand behind her knee and drag it higher,
“Put me inside you, Angel.”
She doesn’t make me wait, canting her hips to take the tip.
“Nothing better than waking up with you.”
She stretches around me as I fill her completely with one long thrust of my hips.
“Feeling you like this, with nothing between us . . . I love it. Love you.”
I give her long deep strokes, using every once of my willpower to go as slow as I can.
“Emmett,” she whimpers.
“What is it, baby?”
“You’re torturing me and it’s not nice.”
“I’m taking my time.”
She huffs. “But I want you to take me.”
“Aspen, the sun’s barely up and you’re already begging for me to fill you with my cum.” I push deep, bottoming out fast and hard.
Aspen’s breath comes out in a gasp. “Yes.”
I sweep my hand up her side until my thumb is stroking the underside of her jaw. “Tell me what you need.”
“More. I want to feel it everywhere.”
“I can do that.”
I pull out and hate every second of it.
“Kneel, facing the headboard.” She does as I ask, looking over her shoulder to find me. I stroke my cock to the sight. It’s a close second to the feeling of her wrapped around me.
“So fucking perfect.” My palms slide over her arms, taking her hands and placing them on the headboard. “Hands here.”
So damn pretty, but I’m aching to be inside her. So I nudge her ankles apart with my knees and slide in behind her, gripping her hips and lifting her ass enough to bump her clit.
She shudders in response.
“Don’t worry. You won’t be empty for long.” I grunt in relief when I tug on her hips, and she sinks down on me to the base.
“God, Emmett,” Aspen whimpers, her knuckles blanching as she grips the frame.
She flutters around me. “I need you to move.”
I chuckle. “You need to give me a minute.”
I’m still not used to being inside her like this. Every time is a fucking test.
After taking a second to get my shit together, I flex up into her. She meets me, burying me to the hilt again and again.
It’s dizzying how good she feels, how quickly I go from thinking I’ve got everything under control to ready to spill.
“I want you right there with me,” I tell her, reaching between her legs. My finger slip to where we’re joined for a minute before I find her swollen bundle of nerves.
Aspen’s cadence falters as I push against it. She’s not kidding when she said she likes to feel it everywhere. My girl gets off better when she’s got as much stimulation as possible.
“Can you take over so I can touch you?”
She nods, taking over and riding me to her own rhythm now.
My other hand coasts up her stomach to her breast, rolling and tugging one nipple and then the other.
“Shit.” She moans when I pinch harder.
“Too much?”
“No . . . please don’t stop.” Her movements become frantic. “I’m right there.”
“That’s it Angel. You’re doing so well.”
With that, and a rough circle of my fingers over her clit, she gasps my name and clamps down around me as she comes. It’s all I need to trigger my own release. I pulse up until there’s nowhere left for me to go but to fall right with her.
My arms band around her hips, pulling her back from the headboard and into my lap as both of our hearts pound out of control. After a few moments, I loosen my grip, and she eases off me with a groan.
I don’t let her get far, scooping her into my arms and carrying her to the bathroom.
“This is my new favorite thing,” she says between kisses to my neck.
“Me cleaning you up?”
“You, holding me like this.”
Yeah, I fucking love it too. Physically I’m feeling more like myself than I have since we met.
“Shower?”
“You know I’m a fan of the planet, and I can’t think of a better way to conserve water.”
I tuck her against me and crank the water to warm, nuzzling her neck as we wait for it to heat.
“Did you sleep okay?”
I think for a moment, my arms still around her waist. “I did.”
She smiles over her shoulder at me. “That’s good.”
I kiss her shoulder.
Not every night is, though. Therapy isn’t a magic fix and sometimes after a particularly hard session, the nightmares come for me full force.
“There’s more good than bad these days.”
It’s not because I’m with her—she’s not a cure either. But she does make me see things in a different light.
“Are you nervous about today?”
Our schedules lined up so Aspen can come with me this weekend to visit my grandmother, and we’re spending the weekend in Coyote Creek. She doesn’t know it yet, but I worked out a deal to buy the parcel of land from Perdition Ranch, so that little section of wilderness will always be mine.
Aspen steps under the spray, holding out her hand for me to take. I do and she pulls me close, looking up at me.
“Hey, you went all quiet on me.”
“Just thinking.”
“Dangerous,” she teases.
“A little,” I admit. “I know my grandma is excited to see you, but I don’t know what kind of day we’ll get.”
“Whatever we get from her, we’ll be okay. We’ll take it as it comes.”
“Okay,” I agree. “Together.” I let a beat slip between us and Aspen clocks it, tilting her head. “I also need to tell you something.”
“Why do you look like you’re about to confess to committing a crime?”
“You’re the only delinquent here,” I tease.
“Oh shut it.” Her eyes light up. “Jeremiah totally deserved the punch.”
“He did.” I nod. “I’m so fucking glad he’s gone.”
When his visit to Aspen’s came to light, he was let go immediately and no one’s seen or heard from him since he hightailed it out of town.
“I heard back from Vail.” Her grip on my shoulders tighten. “The land is ours to keep.”
“Ours,” she repeats.
“That’s where you showed me what having a future could look like, and there’s no one else I want to be there with. It can be our home away from home.”
She presses up on her toes, brushing a kiss across my lips. “Good. Because when I fell in love with you, I fell in love with all of you. And that place is a part of you.”
She pauses then asks, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“When did you decide you don’t want kids?”
My whole body goes still.
Not because I regret it.
But because some small part of my brain was waiting for the part where I wasn’t enough. It takes a second to push that away and just hear Aspen.
“I can see your wheels spinning,” she says like she’s got a window directly into my brain. “I know what I want, Emmett, and I’ve known for a long time. But I want to know when you knew kids weren’t part of your future.”
“I’ve made a lot of decisions because I was scared. If I didn’t have anything, I couldn’t lose anything.”
I brush my thumb over her hand, bringing it to my mouth.
“That wasn’t one of them?”
“I never pictured myself as a dad.”
“Not because you thought you’d be bad at it?”
And damn if she doesn’t know exactly where to look for the wound.
“No.” For once, the answer is easy. “Not because of that.”
“Good.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Good?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Most people don’t respond to that with good.”
“I’m not most people.” She smiles then adds,“I want a life with you, Emmett. I never said anything about needing it to look like everyone else’s. Tell me this, did you think through this decision or did you make it out of fear?”
He shakes his head. “Not fear. I’ve never seen myself as a parent. It’s not something I think you should do unless you’re sure and yeah, maybe my circumstances influenced that but only to an extent. I know better than most what can happen when you leave these things to chance.”
“I couldn’t agree more. And I love kids but I’ve never really needed them to be mine to love them, you know?”
I press a kiss to her forehead because I can see that so clearly.
A life where Aspen gets to be surrounded by family and friends without feeling like she's missing out on anything.
A life full of noisy holidays, birthday parties, and little voices she gets to spoil before sending them home. And one that I get to be a part of.
Two hours later, my hand rests on the small of Aspen’s back as we walk through the doors of Coyote Creek Memory Care.
I’ve walked through these doors hundreds of times, but this time feels different.
And it’s because of the woman at my side.
“How are you doing?” Her touch as she runs her palm over my forearm grounds me.
When I look down at her, the automatic answer that used to spill out of me so easily isn’t there. I take a beat and think about it.
“Anxious.”
Her hand slides lower and she links our fingers together. “That’s okay.”
She doesn’t try to calm or fix anything. There’s no false promise that everything will be fine. There’s just her presence and acceptance.
It makes walking through her door a little easier.
I knock on the door frame before we enter. Her light blue eyes find me, and after a flicker of confusion, there’s recognition.
“There you are.”
It’s a win, and my shoulders drop a few inches and I exhale a breath. I was prepared for anything but this is good.
Her eyes drift to Aspen, still at my side.
“And remind me who this pretty thing is?”
Of course it hurts that she doesn’t remember Aspen, but instead of letting that fuel my fears, I let myself feel the sadness for what it is. I remind myself that this is what Aspen signed up for and she doesn’t need me to try and shield her from it.
Aspen squeezing my hand is all the confirmation I need that this too will be okay.
“This is Aspen, my girlfriend.” It hardly seems a big enough word to describe everything I feel for the woman. My everything, would be more accurate.
“Hi, Monica. I’m so happy to be here with you and Emmett today.”
“Oh, darling, I think I like you.”
It’s that easy today for Aspen to win her over, taking the same seat beside her as she did last time. Everything I need is right here in this room, and I feel that too as I watch, leaning against the wall by the window.
I didn’t let my fears ruin me and this is the payoff.