Chapter 19
AIDEN
Ihit the call button on my phone and waited as it rang. And rang. My gut twisted, sure the call was about to go to voicemail.
“Hello?”
My shoulders sagged in relief, knowing he’d answered, even if it seemed to be reluctantly. But a new fear overtook me as I choked out a single word that had haunted my dreams. “Daddy…”
The pause on the other end was worse than any nightmare that had plagued me in the last fifteen years. For a horrifying moment, I wondered if he was going to hang up without talking to me. Or worse, maybe he already had hung up and I had just been too slow to realize he was no longer on the line.
“Little bird.”
Those two words, whispered like a tentative prayer through the phone, had my knees going weak. I clung to the dresser. In hindsight, I probably should have sat down before I tried calling Nate. Because I knew whether he was ready to forgive me or not, it wouldn’t be an easy conversation.
“I, um, I was hoping we could… talk.”
God, why was I so nervous? I was sure that if nothing else, Nate would give me the opportunity to say what I wanted to say. He would listen and he would be willing to talk. Even if he wasn’t willing to take me back.
The thought was like a stab in the heart.
I didn’t want to be without Nate. Without my Daddy.
In such a short time he had somehow become my everything and it terrified me.
Perhaps it should have been a sign that I should have walked away then, but I was weak.
I wouldn’t walk away unless my Daddy told me I had to forget about him.
Please don’t say we are over for good, Daddy.
“Of course.” He sounded too reserved, too cautious for my liking. I wanted my warm, teasing Daddy, the one who seemed to always know what I needed to feel better. Who was always willing to give me what I needed.
I rubbed my sternum, trying to ease the tightness that squeezed around my heart.
“Do you want to come over? Or…?” I didn’t know what other option would be the or, but I figured I should give him an out from having to see me, if he didn’t want to.
It was something we could do over the phone if he was going to let me down easy.
Or even somewhere that was neutral ground, I supposed, if he didn’t want to be somewhere with a bed where we could just be tempted to fuck and pretend our problems didn’t exist.
He didn’t say anything for a moment and I gave him the time he needed to consider my question without pressuring him.
Even though I wanted to scream at him to say something, or more accurately, to say that he needed me just as much as I needed him and that he’d been dying without me and he’d be right over.
“I am just in the middle of wrapping something up. But I could maybe meet you for dinner, if you are free.”
A little bit of the wind left my sails at the way he hadn’t seemed to be in a rush to fix things or talk, but I decided to look at the positive.
At least he wanted to see me and talk and he didn’t just brush me off.
He would have been well within his rights to tell me to get fucked after I ghosted him.
“Sure. That sounds great.” I tried to force a smile, even though he couldn’t see me. Anything to hide the disappointment in my voice. “Just text me like an hour or so before you’re planning to pick me up so that I can be ready, okay?”
Unfortunately, I didn’t think I’d need to be as prepared for this date—is it even a date?—as our other dates, so I probably wouldn’t even need the hour. But better safe than sorry.
“Will do.” He paused for a moment, muttering something I didn’t catch under his breath. “I need to go now. But I will text you when I am able to, so you can start getting ready.”
I had barely been able to get out an, “Okay,” when he’d hung up.
My shoulders slumped as I made my way to the bed with shaky legs that I wasn’t convinced would be able to carry me the few feet.
I wasn’t sure if that conversation could be counted as a win or not.
On one hand, he’d answered and agreed to talk to me, but he’d also been distracted and short with me.
Not that I felt I deserved his undivided attention after the shit I must have put him through.
When everything had gone down, I’d only thought about how it had made me feel. I hadn’t taken into consideration how Nate must have felt, meeting my parents for the first time, and having that secret exposed. Then, on top of it, I bolted and left him to deal with my parents.
I’d been such an asshole.
Plus, it wasn’t as though he hadn’t tried to reach out to me. I was the one who ignored his calls and texts until he finally told me that he was giving me the space I needed but that he would be there when I decided I was ready.
Except, I hadn’t gotten that impression from the phone call we’d just had.
What if I’d waited too long? Maybe he’d found someone else?
Oh God, what if he did find someone else? Maybe someone who wasn’t embarrassed by their relationship and didn’t bolt at the first public mention of him being their Daddy.
But I wasn’t embarrassed about him being my Daddy, was I?
I glanced back down at my phone, shuffling it back and forth between my sweating palms. My brows furrowed as I considered the question that had been plaguing my mind since the drive home that seemed to take hours from my parents’ house.
Turning around, I crawled up the bed and curled into a tight ball of misery. There was nothing I could do to change the past and I wasn’t sure I deserved to have a future with Nate. No matter how much I needed him, craved him.
A few tears slipped down my cheeks and I wiped them away, angry that I let a man reduce me to something so weak.
Vulnerability isn’t weakness.
Huffing out a sigh, I shoved the voice to the back of my mind and swallowed the tears.
They didn’t do any good. Not now. Not anymore.
I’d cried enough for him when I first started to ignore him.
And I had no reason to cry, considering it was all my fault.
I was the one who stopped answering his calls and texts, so I had no one to blame for my misery except myself.
It was just easier to try to find some reason to blame him.
But I didn’t want to be angry. Especially when I had finally swallowed my pride and contacted him. I just had to hope he’d listen and try to understand. That he would give me another chance to prove I wasn’t an asshole and that I was worth his time and the effort.
Fuck.
None of this was doing me any good. And I didn’t have anything else planned for the day, so I dragged myself back out of bed and into the bathroom.
I turned on the water for the shower, as hot as I could stand it, and while I waited for it to heat up, I went to the medicine cabinet over the sink and grabbed my meds.
I fucking hated taking them. But they helped. Most of the time.
Swallowing the pills, I looked in the mirror and cursed the puffiness in my eyes. With a shake of my head, I turned away and got undressed and slid into the shower with a hiss as the water heated my chilled skin.
While I debated with myself on whether or not I should jerk off, I washed my hair.
All I could think about was how I wanted my Daddy to fuck me and take me apart, to own me and ruin me for all other men.
But if there was even the slightest chance things would go my way, I wasn’t sure I wanted to have already come.
I wasn’t supposed to come unless Daddy said I could.
My eyes traveled down to my dick as the water rinsed my hair and I frowned.
Not even a twitch.
Dammit. I was so in my head over all the shit, that even when I was thinking about getting fucked, I didn’t get hard.
But I guessed that answered whether or not I was jerking off in the shower, since my dick wasn’t on board with the suggestion.
Sighing, I grabbed the soap and made quick work of washing and rinsing my body. The shower was no longer the relaxing activity I had hoped it would be, that would help me get my mind off of all thoughts that wouldn’t leave me alone.
I let out a frustrated growl as I turned the water off and reached for the towel to dry off. Nothing was going right and I couldn’t figure out how to get it all back on track.
The thought crossed my mind that Daddy would be able to help, that was what he was there for and good at, but a bitter laugh escaped my lips because I wasn’t sure he would.
Not anymore.
I stepped out of the bathroom, towel loosely wrapped around my hips, and stopped dead in my tracks.
“What are you doing here?” I hadn’t meant for it to sound like an accusation, but the way his eyebrow quirked up as he leaned back on his hands, lounging on my bed as if he had every right to be there, made my heart flutter.
He stood with a smirk and his eyes glinted as he took in my appearance. “I thought I’d surprise you. Didn’t think I’d be the one getting the surprise.”
My mouth opened and closed a few times as confusion clouded my mind. There were too many thoughts bombarding my mind, not to mention horniness at his sudden closeness. “How did you get in here?”
Nate chuckled and trailed a finger down my arm, leaving goose bumps in its wake.
“I’m serious.” I took a step back. At first, I’d been annoyed at myself for that being the first thing out of my mouth. But I had a damn good alarm system. I was a cop, for fuck’s sake. He couldn’t go breaking into my house.
Except, it wasn’t the first time.
I eyed him warily as I sidestepped him, adrenaline spiking.
“Where do you think you’re doing, little bird?” He watched me with the eyes of a predator and I was so fucked that it made my dick hard. I wanted to run, but I also wanted him to catch me.
“You said you were busy. Why did you brush me off if you were just going to come over?”
He folded his arms over his chest, his lips pursed in a thin line. “You mean like you brushed me off since we left your parents’ house?”
I cringed, knowing he was right. No matter how much I regretted it, that didn’t change the facts.
My shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Defeated, I walked over to the bed and plopped down. “I’ve been miserable without you. Every day, I wanted to call or text.”
“But you didn’t.”
I let my head hang in shame.
“I didn’t.” The words were barely a whisper. “I got so wrapped up in my head, worrying about what other people—what my parents—would think of me, of us, that I couldn’t deal with it. I didn’t want to think about it.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nate lean against the wall. He didn’t look happy and my heart sank. I’d fucked everything up and I was going to lose the one man who I could have loved for the rest of my life.
Shit.
I didn’t know when the hell that had happened, but the realization had tears streaming down my face. Biting my lip, I tore my gaze away from him, afraid he’d see the truth in my face.
“The truth is, I’ve never been with anyone like you, never had a Daddy. And all of it, I think it scared me. How much I liked it, wanted it, needed it… you. That I became terrified I’d lose you.
My breath hitched and I wished my pills would kick in faster or I was going to have a full-fledged panic attack on Nate. And that was the last thing I wanted him to deal with.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on anything else. “You never answered me. What happened to whatever you were busy with?”
Nate grunted. “I left an associate to take care of it. It’s fine.”
I looked up, biting my lip. “What about us? Are we?”