Chapter 22
AIDEN
Sweat soaked my body as if I’d run a marathon without ever leaving my bed. I wished it had been from a more pleasant experience. Such a long time had passed since I’d had a nightmare that I thought I was over them.
I wiped a hand over my face and tried to shut out the images that lingered in my mind.
Living through the events of my childhood once had been more than enough, even if I didn’t remember a good chunk of it.
But having the bits I did remember, along with the aftermath, constantly on repeat in my mind while I slept wasn’t my idea of a good time.
A low groan escaped my lips as I pushed myself into a sitting position. My head throbbed and felt cotton-y, as though I had a hangover. I frowned, trying to remember the night before. I didn’t remember drinking myself into a stupor.
Truth was, I wasn’t much of a drinker. A few beers, maybe a shot or two.
I didn’t over-indulge due to my anti-anxiety medication that kept the panic attacks at bay.
Clamoring out of bed, I wondered if I forgot to take my meds before bed and that explained the nightmare and the weird feeling I’d woken up with.
With a shake of my head, I tried to dispel the weird thoughts that had twisted and merged in my sleep.
Memories of my childhood plus thoughts of Nate and everything that had been going on with him had sunk their claws into me and refused to let go.
I didn’t need a shrink to psychoanalyze me with their mumbo jumbo to know that the stress was eating me alive.
As I stumbled to the bathroom and turned on the shower, I wondered if I was ever going to catch a break with this fucking case. For every step closer we got, I felt like I got pushed two steps back. It was beyond frustrating.
Everyone made mistakes, and eventually, this guy had to as well.
I closed my eyes as I stepped under the spray of the shower and let it soothe away some of the stress and wash away the sweat and desperation that clung to my skin.
While I shampooed my hair, memories of Nate drifted through my mind.
I still couldn’t believe how well he meshed with my family.
I didn’t date much; too much trauma, I supposed.
But the very few people I had introduced to my parents, it hadn’t gone well.
They’d instantly known they weren’t right for me.
But with Nate, they’d liked him right away. Even after that embarrassing first morning.
Thinking about Nate, while naked and in the shower, had my cock twitching in anticipation. Except he wasn’t there to offer me any relief. I needed him like an addict needed a fix.
How had I become so dependent, so needy, so desperate for him in such a short time?
No man had ever driven me to the point of obsession before, where I felt like I’d die without him by my side, let alone filling my greedy little hole.
I groaned as my hand slid down my body and gripped my hardening length. But just as I slid my fist up and down in a teasing temp, my phone went off with a text.
“Son of a fucking bitch.” It was the first of my days off, so it had better not be work. And anyone else better have a damn good reason for interrupting my time with my hand.
Knowing my sexy shower time was over, I quickly finished washing and turned off the water. As I stepped out, I grabbed the towel and quickly dried before I grabbed my phone off the edge of the sink and my breath caught when I saw the message waiting for me.
Nate
Are you free today? I was thinking maybe we could catch a movie and a bite to eat? Maybe that diner you love so much?
Are you asking me out on a date?
Nate:
Absolutely.
Then, yes. Actually, I am off today. But… I have a feeling you already knew that.
I bit my lip as I stared down at the screen. My eyes drifted around the room, brow furrowed. There was no way he could have known I’d just been thinking of him, right?
He’d admitted to stalking me, but I’d never asked how far it went. Maybe I needed to remedy that. But I didn’t think he actually would have gone as far as to break into a police officer’s house and what… Bug it? Set up cameras?
No. I shook my head. It had to be a coincidence. He had just been thinking about me at the same time I’d been thinking about him.
Didn’t stop me from worrying my lip between my teeth.
Nate
If I knew, I wouldn’t have been asking, little bird.
A thrill went through me at the nickname. There was something about it, something forbidden. In the back of my mind, there was a whisper of a memory, long forgotten, that stirred when he called me that name. But it didn’t elicit fear like the memories of my nightmares.
I’d love to go out on a date with you, Daddy…
Do you want me to meet you at the diner or the theater?
There wasn’t a response for a few minutes, so I trudged back into the bedroom and debated what to wear.
Ultimately, I settled on a black jockstrap, tight dark wash jeans, and a soft dark gray sweater.
I stared at my reflection and ran my fingers through my hair to tame it—and my heart, since Nate still hadn’t answered my last text.
I sighed, wondering what I’d done, or said, that had upset him and made him not answer me. My shoulders slumped as I made my way to the kitchen. But as I opened the fridge to find something for breakfast, my heart, or stomach, wasn’t interested in eating anymore.
How do I always manage to fuck things up so royally?
Leaning against the open fridge, I let out a frustrated groan and backed away, slamming the door closed. It wasn’t fair that I’d finally found a great guy, and I didn’t even know what happened, but in the span of a few texts, he ghosted me.
Men fucking sucked. And not in a good way.
I made my way back to the bathroom, yanked open the medicine cabinet, and grabbed my meds, since I had been so wrapped up in Nate earlier that I forgot about them and my head was still feeling all funny.
I’d already felt the dark edges of anxiety creeping up on me from not taking my meds on time, letting me know I was in for a hell of a day.
And logically, I knew that was where my anxiety over Nate was coming from. But fuck logic.
Swallowing the two tablets dry, I looked at myself in the foggy mirror and bit back a sharp laugh at the funhouse-like image that stared back at me.
The fucked up, warped image reflected perfectly what I felt on the inside. It was no wonder Nate had realized he could do better than my needy ass and ditched me. I was pathetic. Saved me the embarrassment of ever having to tell him about my past.
My cheeks heated at the thought. It was the biggest reason I didn’t date. Letting a man see my scars and having to answer the inevitable questions was just too much. I couldn’t handle it. Didn’t want to handle it. So far, I’d lucked out and Nate hadn’t asked.
Probably should have taken that as a sign he hadn’t been serious about me. Men who were serious about relationships tended to want to know why their partners had scars from practically being gutted.
I shuddered and wiped my hand across the mirror as I turned away, unable to look at it any longer. The person looking back didn’t even resemble me anymore. But then again, I didn’t know who I was most of the time.
Good thing my parents didn’t know I had stopped seeing my shrink or they would have been on my ass about that.
But fifteen years later, I didn’t think she could help me any more than she already had.
So, I kept the meds refilled but as far as talking shit out, that hadn’t seemed to do me any good for a long time.
Though, I wished I had someone impartial at the moment to talk to about Nate. Lord knew Vic wasn’t impartial, and apparently, my sister was her new cohort.
When my phone dinged again, I was tempted to ignore it.
Part of me wanted to crawl back into my bed, pull the covers over my head, and go back to sleep for an eternity.
Or, at least, long enough to start the day over again.
But a second message had me rolling my eyes and hunting down where I had left it.
I found it on the kitchen counter. And I was still half tempted to ignore it, but when I picked it up, the screen lit up and showed me the preview of Nate’s message.
Nate
Understood?
Brows furrowed, I swiped my phone open and went into our chat to see what he was talking about. I wasn’t prepared for the sucker punch of emotion his words delivered as my eyes went wide as I let them sink in.
Nate
Last time I checked, I was your Daddy, which means it’s my job to take care of you.
So I will pick you up in an hour, if you’ll be ready.
Understood?
I swallowed thickly, blinking back tears.
Maybe I had made him angry, but not for the reason I’d originally thought.
But because he wanted to take care of me and I hadn’t been allowing him to do that.
I just wasn’t used to it. Sure, my parents did when I was younger, but that was because they had to.
As an adult, I think we forgot that it was okay to lean on others, to let someone else take care of you. I certainly wasn’t in the habit of letting anyone do that. Not that I had anyone lining up and volunteering to do it.
But there Nate was, demanding to be given the job.
My hands shook as I typed my response back.
I understand Daddy. And I’m ready, whenever you want to come pick me up.
After another moment, I sent him another text.
Should I not eat breakfast?
Nate
You didn’t eat breakfast yet?
A quick glance at the clock had me realizing it was almost noon and I grimaced.
Oops?
I could practically hear him growl in response, in my head, and it brought a smile to my face.
Nate
I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. We will eat and then we can see a matinee. After, we can spend the day however you wish, little bird.
Sounds good, Daddy.
Thank you.
I went back to the bathroom and washed my face, needing to get rid of the evidence of my earlier distress. Worrying Daddy was the last thing I wanted. After another quick look in the mirror, my fingers twitched with a need, but I wasn’t sure what Nate would think of the addition.
Feeling brave, I reached back into the medicine cabinet with trembling fingers and pulled out a rarely used bag.
I dug around for what I needed, and for a minute, I frowned, thinking maybe I had thrown it out.
But then, I cleared away everything and found it sitting at the bottom of the bag, waiting for me.
After taking a deep breath, I leaned forward in the mirror and concentrated on what I was doing, getting into the zone. I was out of practice, but in the end, I thought it looked pretty good. Not overdone, but the light charcoal lines under my eyes were just enough to make them pop.
I bit my lip, eyeing the rest of the contents in the bag. But I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough.
A minute later, my phone buzzed with a text from Nate to let me know he was pulling into the drive.
I took a deep breath and grabbed the clear, cherry flavored gloss before I could chicken out.
Staring in the mirror, I swiped it over my lips and my reflection offered up the first real smile I’d seen in a long time.
My heart pounded in my chest as I walked out the front door, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake in showing this part of myself to Nate.