Chapter 36
NATHAN
Ipaced back and forth as I waited for Aiden to return from the police station. Everything in me told me I could trust him, but that small voice in the back of my head that told me to trust no one, still hadn’t learned to shut the fuck up.
When I spotted his car pulling up the driveway, I let out a sigh of relief and went to meet him at the door. I hated any moment I didn’t have eyes on him. Anything could happen and I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions if I ever lost him.
I was a possessive, obsessive psychopath, so sue me. He loved it, and me. That was all that mattered.
His smile was dazzling as he jumped out of the car and raced up to wrap his arms around me. I held him tight, while still being mindful of his healing side, my face buried in his neck as I breathed him in.
Fuck, I never wanted to let go of this man. But all too soon, he was pulling back and dragging me into the house.
“How did it go?” I could guess, but I hoped it went well, though from the way his shoulders sagged, I knew it wasn’t all smooth sailing.
“It wasn’t bad. The police chief accepted my resignation and told me if I needed a letter of recommendation, or even wanted my old job back, all I had to do was ask.” He trailed off and had a faraway look in his eyes.
“Vic,” he whispered, “on the other hand…” A deep sigh escaped from his lips and he knocked his forehead against mine. “She’s not taking it well that I’m leaving.”
My little bird pulled away and I felt a chill envelop me as he moved toward the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge.
We both knew she had been the wild card and the only one he would actually miss when we left.
Not to mention, I knew that she had tried to warn him against me and that there had to be a million alarm bells ringing for her.
For both of them, really.
I sighed as I followed him into the kitchen and watched him grow more agitated as he wandered around.
Though I wasn’t sure if it was from him worrying about whether she would try to cause trouble for us or from the sorrow he felt about leaving her, and his family, behind.
But I had to trust him to take care of his own problems and only offer my support when he asked for it—or, at least that was what he kept trying to tell me.
But honestly?
Fuck that.
He was my man, my heart and my soul, and I’d be damned if I let anyone get in the way of that or let someone hurt him.
“Do you think she’ll be a problem?” My voice was soft and I tried to sound unthreatening, but the way his back stiffened as he stared into the fridge told me I hadn’t succeeded.
“No,” he bit out as he reached in and started to yank things into his arms.
My eyebrow shot up as he kicked the fridge door closed and slammed the pickle jar so hard on the counter, I feared it would shatter. Before he could injure himself, I walked over and wrapped my arms around him and held him against me. The way his body melted against me made my heart soar.
There had been a lot of things in the last couple of weeks that I knew had caused him distress, and I hated to be the cause of it for even a moment.
“Little bird,” I whispered as my lips ghosted across his ear. “I know I’m asking a lot of you and I hope you know that every day I thank every deity I have never bothered to believe in, for bringing you into my life.”
My lips grazed his jaw, my throat tightening at the twinges of emotion that threatened to shake me to my core. “For letting me love you, and for the miracle of you loving me in return, despite all the sacrifices you have to make for me.”
Aiden let out a sigh and his head lolled to the side, exposing his neck to my wandering lips. “Nothing about loving you is a chore or a sacrifice, Daddy. I love you and I’m here because this is where I want to be.”
He turned in my arms and wrapped his own around my neck and pulled me into a searing kiss. The type of kiss that is a brand, a claim. I was as much his as he was mine.
I couldn’t believe how selfless my little bird was. He was a miracle I’d never deserve but would always cherish. “I love you so fucking much.”
He smiled up at me and cupped my cheeks before stealing another kiss. “I love you, too.”
My gut clenched with guilt. “I wish I could stop, for you. You deserve that. To be with someone who is normal, who doesn’t have these urges that drives him. But I—”
“Hey, hey.” He cut me off, squeezing my cheeks together tight as his smile turned to a frown.
Fuck.
“Look at me. And listen to me. Very carefully. I know you would change for me if you could. I know that. I do. You’ve already explained that you can’t, and why, and the consequences if you did try.”
He let out a frustrated sigh that left me even more confused. “And it’s not up to you to say what I deserve or don’t deserve.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Yeah, you did.”
My mouth snapped shut and I stared at him for a moment. Things had gone off the rails somehow and I wasn’t sure how or why. And I didn’t know how to get things back on track. I still had so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t know how. Not when he was starting to get angry.
I let out a frustrated grunt. “I was just trying to say that while I can’t change what I do, I can change how I go about it.”
Aiden froze and I pulled away, giving him the space he needed to sit up. He stared at me, blinking like he couldn’t comprehend the meaning of my words.
I shoved my hand through my hair and tried not to get agitated with him and take out my feelings on him. None of this was his fault. He had no experience in dealing with any of this. It was up to me to make him understand.
“You’re giving up so much. Sacrificing so much. But I feel like I’m just taking from you and not giving anything in return.”
When he opened his mouth to undoubtedly rebuke my sentiment, I silenced him with a kiss.
“But there is something I can give you. You’re a cop. You have amazing instincts, whether you believe it or not, after your experience with me.”
When I shot him a grin, he rolled his eyes and shoved me away with a wet laugh.
“No, I’m serious, little bird. You do. And I can give you the gift of using those instincts to find people who have escaped justice. People who have gotten away with the most vile, heinous crimes. And I can punish them.”
Aiden’s face drained of color as I spoke and I feared I’d come up with the worst possible solution.
I’d thought being a cop, he would want to see criminals who had clearly been guilty but got away with their crimes, be punished.
That he would be happy if I turned my focus from random victims to those who deserved to die.
Clearly, I had misstepped somewhere along the lines.
“Aiden?” My voice came out shaky and unsure when he still hadn’t said anything after a couple of minutes. In fact, he hadn’t even moved or looked at me.
“If I’m out of line, please tell me, little bird. And it was just a suggestion. You don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
He looked up at me, a beautiful frown marring his face, his eyes watery and teeth digging into his teeth. Normally, that would be a big no-no, but given the way I’d just sent him into a tailspin, I figured I could let it go that once.
“Yo-you want me t-to find your victims?” His lip trembled and he caught it between his teeth. For once, I didn’t pull it back and scold him.
I smoothed his hair away from his face. “Don’t think about it like that, little bird. Think of it more like I want to save the rest of the people who are sharing in this miserable existence.”
The questions were there, rapid firing in his eyes. Along with horror and just a touch of intrigue. It was obvious a part of him was more comfortable with me only killing people who were truly evil and deserved to die.
Made things palatable. But if it was something he truly didn’t want a part in, then I wouldn’t force him.
I’d never force him. “If you would rather I do it alone, I will. It’s something I’m used to doing alone.
But I thought maybe you would want to be a part of this and make sure they truly deserved it. ”
I almost felt guilty for the war that clearly played out across his face.
Almost. But this was a part of me. And if he was going to be with me, then he needed to be comfortable with all parts of me. Not necessarily being an active participant, or even discussing my victimology, but in having the knowledge of who and what I was.
Or we were going to be doomed before we ever really had a chance.
And I wasn’t going to let that happen, not if it was up to me.
It was time I showed my little bird just what he meant to me as I scooped him up in my arms, ever mindful of his healing wounds, and took him up to what would still be our bedroom for the next three weeks.
The deadline loomed over us, and it was longer than I was comfortable with, but I needed to give him time to work on his parents to get them used to the idea that he was moving away and they wouldn’t see him as often as they were used to.
I’d give him the holidays, Christmas and New Year’s. Hell, I’d give him anything.
But I liked his parents and his sister, and I didn’t want to hurt them either, with Aiden moving away. So, I was happy to be able to give them all one more holiday season together before we left. After that, their time together would get briefer and briefer.
Sure, there would be a few visits for the first year or two. But slowly, he would be forced to make them fewer and farther apart. I knew it was going to kill him, but knowing his love for me was that strong left the heart I’d thought to be long-dead beat rapidly in my chest.
I gently lowered him onto our bed, nipping along his jaw as I did. The moan he let out went straight to my cock that ached to plunge back into him. But I had to refrain. He was still healing and the last thing I’d do was hurt him even more than I already had.