Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
SILVER
S he woke earlier than usual, earlier even than Ice. Probably because she’d fallen asleep well before her normal ‘bedtime’ after he’d so thoroughly worn her out.
Which was also probably why her limbs felt like someone had attached lead weights to them as she dragged herself out of bed and to the bathroom. She considered going back to bed, but her mind was wide awake even if her body didn’t quite agree.
Coffee. She needed coffee.
As she waited for the pot to fill, she wandered the spacious kitchen. It wasn’t decorated entirely to her taste, but she didn’t hate it, either. And it had a good flow to it, as did the rest of the house. At least, what she’d seen so far.
What would it be like to wake up every day in Ice’s bed? Maybe not this house, but one like it. Away from the crowds of L.A., away from the hordes of screaming fans. Just her and him and their new East Coast friends. Dinner parties with Braden and Lottie would be an absolute blast, she was sure. Beckett, too, though she couldn’t quite place the woman he might end up with. Someone much more reserved than herself and Lottie that was for sure.
Maybe she’d invite Holden and Frankie, but not tell them the other was coming, just to see what happened.
She could see it all so clearly in her head. So much so that when her phone buzzed against the countertop and she looked down, it was a nasty little shock to her system to see Ace’s name on the screen.
It was tempting to ignore him, to continue pretending he didn’t exist while they were here. But there was guilt now, slithering around her belly, wrapping itself around the knots anxiety had created and making her feel vaguely ill.
Guilt, because even though he’d hurt her in ways nobody else ever had, what she was doing now was possibly even worse.
Driven by the guilt, she picked up her phone and opened his messages.
The Asshole
Simon talked to Ice. Said he’s planning to head home soon. Where the fuck are you? Are you with him?
I bet you laid down for him the moment you found him, you fucking whore. That’s why you’re not answering your phone. Too busy sucking his cock.
Fuck you both. You deserve each other.
Shaken, she shoved the phone into the pocket of her leggings and poured herself a cup of coffee, somehow managing not to spill a drop despite her shaking hands. She carried it out onto the back deck, sipping it as she watched the sun rise over the crashing waves. The ocean helped to soothe her, a bit, but the knots in her stomach never quite unraveled completely.
Since they were still there when she drained her mug, she made her way back to the kitchen for a second cup of coffee. Just as she was pouring, the bedroom door opened and Ice stepped out, clad in nothing but a pair of gray sweatpants that perfectly outlined his thick cock.
“Morning.” Despite the roughness of his voice, he grinned as he crossed the distance between them. “You’re up early.”
“Mhmm. Apparently good sex and a good cry make for an excellent night’s sleep.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” His gaze shifted to the coffee pot behind her and the corners of his mouth dipped down into a frown. “How many of those have you had this morning?”
Irritation pricked at her, enough that she didn’t even bother to hide her eye roll. “This is only my second, Mr. Bossy Pants.”
“Have you had any water yet?”
Uh-oh. This was already off to a bad start. “No.”
“Water first, then coffee.”
“I don’t want water. I want coffee.”
One blond eyebrow rose. “Water, then coffee. Or it can be a spanking, then water, and no coffee the rest of the day. Your choice.”
Some incredibly perverse part of her was tempted to push for the spanking. If he’d only been threatening her with that, she might have pushed harder. But as before, he knew exactly how to gain her compliance. “I don’t understand why you’re being such a hardass about this.”
“And I don’t understand why you’re being such a brat about staying hydrated.”
Although he’d been calling her a brat on a regular basis for years, now it felt like an insult rather than something he found endearing, and she found herself blinking back tears. “I am not being a brat.”
“Aw, baby. What’s this?” Cupping her face, he brushed at the tears she hadn’t succeeded in holding at bay. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. Nothing.” Liar. Tell him about Ace.
But if she did that, it would just piss him off. Knowing Ice, he’d be on the next flight out of South Carolina without bothering to wait for their jet to be ready. And god only knew what kind of havoc that would wreak.
So she forced herself to shrug, to smile, to pretend like her heart hadn’t been broken yet again by the man who’d once claimed to love her more than the sun and the moon. “I just feel… off, I guess. Maybe I should go back to bed.”
“Let’s get some food in your belly first, see if that helps. Though I think I’m out of just about everything but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”
“That sounds amazing, actually.”
“PB&J for breakfast it is, then. I think I even have some milk.”
“Does milk count as water?”
The look he sent her was filled with warning, but she didn’t miss the way his lips twitched. “You may substitute one glass of milk for water, just for today.”
“Thank you, Daddy.”
She was well aware of how cheeky she sounded, and she was a bit surprised it didn’t earn her at least a swat before she scurried out of reach.
Though she’d never considered herself a Little, she couldn’t deny there was something sweet and rather lovely about having a man take care of her like this. And it helped to ease the ache inside her, at least a little bit, to watch him move about the kitchen, preparing her breakfast.
Eating the food helped a good bit as well, as did the second cup of coffee when he finally allowed her to have it. But there was a lingering sadness inside her she couldn’t seem to shake. Which was unlike her. Ace’s text wasn’t anything he hadn’t said to her before, about various men over the years.
So why couldn’t she seem to shrug it off like she’d learned to ages ago? Was it because the man he was accusing her of spreading her legs for was Ice?
Or was it just because for once he was right?
Whatever the reason, his words had taken hold inside her, sharp little talons digging themselves into her chest and refusing to let go.
“Better?” he asked when she’d polished everything off, including that second cup of coffee.
“Much.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. She was feeling better, she just wasn’t feeling good by any measure of the word.
And apparently she wasn't as convincing as she would have liked, judging by the way he frowned at her response. “I’ll clean up here. You go take a nice hot shower.”
“I can clean up.”
“It wasn’t a request, Amanda. Go.”
Considering he hardly ever used her real name, it was probably in her best interest to do as he said. But she wasn’t in any mood to be bossed around. Rather than argue, she simply rose from her chair and picked up her dishes. And tried to ignore the racing of her heart as she rinsed them clean before stacking everything in the dishwasher.
For the briefest of moments, she thought she’d gotten away with ignoring him. Until she turned around and found him leaning back against the island, watching her with his arms crossed and a carefully blank expression on his face.
“Do you need a spanking?”
“What?” The question shouldn’t have shocked her, but she felt her eyes go wide in response. “No!”
“You sure about that? Because you’re certainly acting like a naughty little girl in desperate need of a hot bottom.”
“All I did was clear my own dishes, Ice.” God, was she whining ? How humiliating. And yet, she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “You know, like any other grown adult.”
“And is that what I asked you to do?”
“No, but you weren’t being reasonable!”
“I see.” The words were clipped, with an icy undertone that had her freezing in place as he uncrossed his arms and reached for her. Catching her chin between his fingers, he forced her head back. “So, in your world, you only submit when you happen to agree with me.”
“That’s not what I said.”
Or, not what she’d meant to say, but replaying the conversation in her head she could see how he’d come to that conclusion.
Shit.
“Explain it to me, then.”
“Sir?” The honorific was likely too little, too late, but she figured it couldn’t hurt to start being a bit more respectful.
“Explain why you felt it was acceptable to defy me just now.”
“I wasn’t trying to defy you, Sir.”
“Daddy.” The grip on her chin tightened. “You want to act like a naughty little girl, you’re going to call me Daddy. Understood?”
“But—”
“Am I understood, Amanda?”
Oh, he was pissed . She could see it burning in his eyes, hear it in the tightness of his voice. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Much better. Now. When I told you to take a shower while I cleaned up, was there any part of that statement you found confusing?”
“No, Daddy.”
“Did my request in any way violate your limits?”
“No, Daddy.”
“And yet, you chose to ignore me anyway.”
To her horror, more tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
For a moment he simply stared at her, confusion etched into his face before he sighed. “Ah, shit. Come here, baby.”
Choking on a sob, she let herself be pulled into his arms. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to get out of my punishment. I’m just… I don’t feel good.”
“Shhh, it’s okay baby. Daddy’s got you.”
She let herself be held as the tears came, hot and fast. At some point, she was vaguely aware of him lifting her up into his arms and carrying her to the bathroom, where he stripped them both down before guiding her into the steaming hot shower.
It helped, more than she’d expected it to, and gradually her tears slowed and stopped altogether.
“There’s my good girl,” he murmured, raining kisses over her face as the water poured down around them. “Feel better?”
“Yeah. Thanks. I’m sorry I’m such a mess this morning.”
He released her, only to pour some of her body wash onto the loofah he’d picked up for her the day before. She sighed as he scrubbed her clean, as if he was washing away all the nasty feelings she’d just sobbed out of her soul.
“Does this happen a lot?” he asked, his voice far more soft and gentle than she deserved.
“Does what happen?”
“Feeling off like this the day after a big scene?”
“Oh.” Did it? Closing her eyes, she thought back to previous scenes, but the day after was mostly a blur. “I don’t know. I always felt kinda down and sad after Ace would punish me, but that’s normal, right?” In the romance novels she hid away on her eReader it was different. The heroines always talked about feeling lighter and happier after an intense punishment. She’d always assumed that was just the difference between reality and fiction, but Ice’s questions were making her wonder if maybe there was something wrong with her and not the books.
“What about our night at Black Light? Did you feel like this after Roulette?”
“Well, yeah, but that was because I felt like a total bitch for hurting you.” And then you went away, and you broke my heart.
“Shit. I’m sorry, baby. That was incredibly fucking selfish of me.”
“How do you figure?”
“I was so caught up in my own feelings I didn’t take care of you the way I should have, especially after such an emotional night. I’m so sorry, Sil.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I got through it and now I’m here, with you, and everything is better.” Everything except Ace, but she couldn’t tell him that.
Ice had finished washing them both while he’d interrogated her, so he flipped the shower off and stepped out of the glass box to grab the giant fluffy green towel she’d claimed as her own the day before. After drying her off, he wrapped her up in the towel and repeated the process for himself.
“Sil, do you know what sub-drop is?” he asked as he led her back into the bedroom, where he grabbed a pair of her pajama shorts and a t-shirt from one of the dresser drawers.
“I’ve heard of it. Why?”
“Because I think you’re dropping. Pretty fucking hard, if I had to guess. Arms up.”
It didn’t even occur to her to argue as she raised her arms and let him pull the shirt over her head. From what she knew of sub-drop, it would explain some of her ‘symptoms’. And why Ace’s texts had gotten to her so badly. “How do I fix it?”
“Right now, you’re going to lie down and take a nap, which should help. And when you get up again, you’re going to let Daddy take care of you. Without arguing, this time. Understood?”
“But—” She cut herself off at the glare he sent her way. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Good girl. Back to bed with you. I’ll come check on you in an hour if you don’t wake up on your own.”
“Oh. Um, okay.” Bed sounded lovely. Going back to bed alone, however, did not.
He paused in the act of pulling the covers back—the covers she’d noticed he’d made up after he’d gotten out of bed, which she found uncharacteristically adorable—to raise an eyebrow at her. “If you want something from me, you need to ask, baby. I can’t actually read your mind.”
“I’m not sure I believe that,” she muttered.
“Amanda.”
The warning in his tone clearly said she was skating on thin ice. “I was just wondering… Could you hold me for a bit? At least until I fall asleep?”
“Of course, baby.”
He climbed into bed with her, pulling her into his arms and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m proud of you for asking for what you needed. Thank you for trusting me to take care of you.”
“Shouldn’t I be thanking you for taking care of me when I’m such a mess?”
“Never. It’s my job.”
Ace never would have done any of his. The few times she’d let him see what an emotional mess she was after what he considered a scene or even worse, a punishment, he’d just told her to stop sulking. And as she drifted off to sleep, she wondered if Ace had any clue what it really meant to be a Dom.
Or, perhaps more to the point, if he even knew what it meant to actually love another person.