43. Lilith #3
It wasn’t jus t the pleasure. It was all of it. Him. This. The way he held me, touched me, filled me. The way I felt so safe and yet so exposed, so utterly, painfully alive.
The layer of fabric between us was suddenly unbearable. I needed more. I needed all of him. And I wanted him to have all of me too.
Discomfort curled in my stomach, sharp and tight, but I shoved it down, swallowed it whole.
I wanted this. I did.
My hands flew to his chest, and I pushed him back.
His movements halted immediately, eyes widening as his grip loosened on me.
“What?” His voice was rough. “Shit—did I hurt you?”
“No.” I shook my head as I steadied myself. “Sit down.”
A flicker of something intense flashed in his eyes, but he moved, sinking back onto the couch. His cock was still slick from me, flushed and heavy, standing thick between us. His jaw ticked, his hands hovering at my thighs. “Lilith—”
But I didn’t let him finish. I straddled him, lined him up, and sank down.
A ragged, guttural groan tore from his throat as his hands snapped to my waist.
I squeezed my eyes shut, my own moan slipping free.
Fuck.
So full.
So much.
“Gesù Cristo, Lilith—” his voice was a wrecked, desperate thing.
I sat there, breathing too shallow, like my lungs had forgotten how to work properly. My pulse was erratic, not from the way he filled me, not from the way he stretched me—but from this.
From what I was about to do.
My fingers curled tight around the hem of my shirt, so tight my knuckles ached. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. For my whole life, I’d made sure no one saw. I’d hidden behind layers, behind anything that kept me from feeling exposed. And now, I was about to lay it all out for him.
And I was so fucking scared.
“You don’t have to.” His voice was low as his hands covered mine, and something in it ripped through me.
It was like he knew exactly what this meant. Like he knew it wasn’t just my body I was revealing. That it was every piece of me I’d spent years trying to keep hidden. I swallowed hard, forcing myself to breathe through the panic curling up my ribs.
This was Silas. The only person who had ever made me feel safe. The only person I’d wanted to give all of myself to.
“I want to,” I whispered.
My hands shook slightly as I took a slow breath, then peeled the sopping shirt over my head, and let it drop to the floor.
I was bare. Exposed. Nothing left to hide behind. The soft stretch marks that lined my hips and waist, light and silver, but still there. The faint ridges of old scars that littered my stomach, some barely visible, others etchings of pain I’d once tried to carve out of myself.
I braced for disgust. For pity. For anything that might make me regret this.
“Fuck. You’re beautiful.” His gaze traced over me, dark and fathomless, and before I could overthink or shrink away, he moved.
His lips met my stomach in a soft, lingering kiss. Then another. Then another. One for every mark. One for every scar. One for every night I’d spent alone in the dark, hating the body I lived in.
A choked breath escaped me, my fingers tangling in his hair as he moved higher, kissing between my ribs, before trailing to the valley between my breasts.
His tongue flicked out, grazing over my nipple. His groan vibrated against my skin as his fingers found the other, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger, pinching firmly enough to send fire licking down my spine.
The emotion was overwhelming and all-consuming.
It wasn’t fear or shame, it was something else entirely.
Something that made my chest tight, my throat thick, my body ache for more.
And before I could second guess the way he was looking at me like I was something holy—I planted my hands on his chest, letting the heat of his skin and the hammer of his chest beneath my palms melt into me, and began to ride him.
Slow at first, testing the motion, getting lost in the drag and stretch of him inside me.
His head tipped back, hands gripping my hips, guiding me, helping me move. “Fuck—just like that, sweetheart.”
The words sent a bolt of heat straight through me, and my movements grew bolder and faster, into a rhythm that had me both unravelling and clinging to him all at once.
“Look at you, g oddamn, you feel so good,” he groaned.
Leaning forward, I bit down on his throat, sucking at his pulse point, and he shuddered, a whimper breaking from his lips. Fuck I could live off that sound alone.
His cock throbbed inside me, his body trembling, hands sliding up my back. “Lilith—please—so good, so wet—fuck, I can feel you dripping down me.”
I sat up straighter, grabbing his jaw, forcing him to look at me. His eyes were wild, pupils blown wide, lips slick and parted, chest heaving.
“That good, hmm?” I asked, squeezing him just right as I rolled my hips.
“Yes—fuck, yes, Lilith.”
I leaned down, dragging my lips over his jaw, his throat. “Do you want to come?”
“Yes,” his voice cracked. “Please, I need to come, please let me—”
“ Not yet.” A slow, wicked grin curled on my lips. His chest heaved, muscles tensing, jaw clenching like he was trying so hard to hold on. But he couldn’t. Not when I had him right there, pinned beneath me, desperate and begging and shaking.
And God—that did something to me. The power. The control.
In that moment, I decided that this was my new favourite game, and I never wanted to stop playing.
I let my breath ghost over the shell of his ear. “You’re so pretty and perfect like this. You know that, Silas?”
“God, I don’t deserve you—fuck, I don’t deserve this,” he groaned.
I froze for half a second. He was so gone—head tilted back, chest and neck flushed, eyes heavy with need. I moved again and his breath stuttered, one trembling hand travelling to my clit, the other palming my breast.
“Perfetta… cazzo.” His voice was thick. “The way you move—fuck—the way you feel. The way you let me have you like this. I’d do anything for you, Lilith. You’re everything. Fuck, you’re everything .”
His mouth latched onto my nipple, sucking, teasing, his tongue flicking over the sensitive skin, and I cried out, my fingers twisting into his hair, pulling him closer.
His hips bucked beneath me, but his fingers stayed locked on my clit, rubbing faster and tighter.
“Lilith, please,” his voice shook as he dragged his lips from my nipple back up to my throat, then my jaw. “I need to feel it. I need to feel you come on me, please—please—”
“I’m so close—I’m so close.” I moaned, my whole body trembling, right on the edge.
“Come for me, Lilith. Please come for me, I need it, I need you .” His hips jerked, lips finding mine, swallowing my moan as my orgasm slammed into me.
Pleasure exploded through every nerve, making me shudder, convulse, clutch at him as I rode it out, grinding down against his cock, chasing every last pulse and wave.
“Così—fuck, yes, just like that—Lilith—” his body locked up as he pulsed inside me. He buried his face in my chest, panting, lips brushing against my skin as he let out a strangled whimper, body wracked with aftershocks. “Holy shit.”
I grinned, breathless, fingers still tangled in his hair. “Yeah?”
“Yes. Yes. Grazie, cazzo—thank you.”
I blinked down at him, pulse still thudding in my ears. “You good?” I teased, dragging my nails lightly over his scalp.
A breathy laugh escaped him. “I think you just killed me.”
The storm still flashed behind me, lightning tearing through the sky in jagged, blinding streaks.
The thunder followed—low, grumbling, shaking the glass like it was rattling through my bones.
And still, he didn’t let go. Without a word, he shifted his grip to my ass and lifted us both from the couch.
I huffed out a breath, exhausted but stubborn. “I can walk,” I murmured, though my voice lacked any real conviction.
“Don’t care,” he said, his voice edged with exhaustion as he carried me through the penthouse to the bedroom and eased me onto the bed. Then, he settled in behind me, pulling me flush against his chest.
He pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder blade. “You okay?” he murmured sleepily.
I didn’t answer right away. My chest felt tight, but not in a bad way. There was this strange, warm sensation curling inside me, spreading through my ribs and settling low in my belly.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I’m okay.”
His arm tightened around me slightly, his breath slow and deep.
Outside, the sky cracked open again, flooding the room with light.
He mumbled something barely audible, then pressed one last soft kiss to the back of my head.
I let the storm and the warmth of emotion take me, sinking into sleep like a tide pulling me under.