57. Silas
CHAPTER FIFTY SEVEN
Thirteen Years Ago
S tale pizza, cheap beer, and damp laundry. The holy trinity of a college dorm.
The overhead light flickered every few seconds, casting restless shadows along the chipped plaster walls. Our single window was open a crack, letting in the cool autumn air and the faint scent of rain from the street below.
Empty takeout boxes teetered on the tiny desk we both shared, wedged between battered textbooks and a decaying fern Finn swore was essential for ‘ good vibes. ’ The only personal touch I’d added was a beat-up Colorado Buffaloes poster tacked above my bed, its corners curling from the humidity.
We didn’t have much, but it was ours.
Both twin mattresses were in their usual state—unmade, sheets tangled and slipping onto the floor. A half-full beer bottle rested beside mine, the condensation bleeding into the pages of my open notebook. I should’ve cared. But I didn’t.
Finn sat cross-legged on his bed, a slice of cold pizza hanging halfway out of his mouth, controller in hand as he squinted at the old boxy TV.
“Dude, focus—” I barked, hurling a basketball at his head.
Without missing a beat, he caught it one-handed, grinning as he lobbed it back, smacking it off my shoulder.
“Focus on what? Beating your ass in Mario Kart?”
I snorted, grabbing another slice of pizza. “Focus on not sucking.”
He flipped me off and leaned back on his elbows, unbothered.
I shifted, wincing slightly at the sting on my ass cheek.
Last night, we’d been shitfaced, and Finn decided that the only logical course of action was dragging me into a shady-ass tattoo parlour at two in the morning.
Now, I had a ti ny, barely detailed stick figure with floppy hair permanently inked on my ass. And he had one to match on his, except his had curls.
Both were fucking awful, but he’d slung an arm around my shoulder, grinning through the buzz as he explained, ‘So we’ll always have each other’s asses, dude.’
Idiot.
But it felt good.
It all felt good.
Simple. A kind of freedom I hadn’t known growing up. Just two best friends, a messy dorm, and a shared fridge full of nothing but questionable leftovers and protein shakes.
We’d busted our brains to get here. Every shift, every late night, every godforsaken summer job we could scrape together. Fast food joints, warehouses, mowing lawns in the dead heat of July—whatever it took.
It wasn’t just about getting into college. It was about clawing our way out of where we started. About proving—to ourselves, to the people who doubted us—that we belonged here, that we could carve something bigger than what was expected of us.
And now? We had dumb tattoos, too many arguments over the shared space, and a ridiculous amount of pressure riding on us to succeed.
Neither of us could afford to screw this up. So yeah, we messed around, we pushed limits, but we still took it seriously.
The classes, the work, the relentless grind.
And somehow, we were still here. Still scraping by, still making it work, still making it out.
My phone buzzed from the cluttered nightstand.
Katie .
I left it to vibrate against the wood, shoving another bite of pizza into my mouth like I hadn’t seen the screen light up.
Finn glanced over, raising an eyebrow. “Dude, seriously? You just gonna keep ignoring that?”
I chewed slower, shaking my head. “It’s just Katie. She won’t let me breathe, man. I need a minute.”
The buzzing stopped—only to start again, this time with a voicemail notification popping up.
Finn watched me, waiting for some kind of reaction, but I just shrugged.
“She’s nice,” I muttered. “But… I dunno man. It’s a lot.
She keeps calling, checking in, asking where I am, who I’m with.
Every time I don’t answer, there’s a text.
Or another call. She told me she loved me last week, and I—” I blew out a heavy breath, running a hand through my hair.
“I wasn’t expecting it. This was supposed to be fun, you know? ”
Finn snorted. “So tell her to back off. It’s not like you’re married.”
“Yeah, I know . I just—” My phone buzzed again, and I groaned. “I don’t wanna be a dick. She’s sweet. I don’t wanna make her feel like shit.”
Finn leaned back, tossing a crust at me.
“Sounds like she’s making you feel like shit,” another voice chimed in.
I glanced over to Mia. She sat cross-legged on the floor, textbook in her lap, highlighter cap between her teeth. She was the mirror of Finn in every way. Same eyes, same sandy hair. But she wasn’t loud, she was quiet and sharp, like she saw too much and was filing it all away for later.
“Yeah, I actually kind of agree with her for once even though she’s dumb as shit.” Finn said.
“Oh, bite me, asshole.”
“You’d cry.”
“Try me.”
They bickered like that for another minute or so—Finn flinging insults with his mouth full, Mia firing back without even looking up from her notes.
Then the door banged open.
“Ori!” Mia squealed.
“Jesus,” I muttered, dragging a hand down my face. “How many more of you are gonna cram in here? Gonna start charging rent soon.”
The room was too damn small for this many people. Too warm. Too loud. Too… much.
Finn groaned around another mouthful of pizza. “Oh, fucking gross.”
I didn’t even have to look to know what he was reacting to. Orion’s long, slightly greasy black hair flopped over their faces as he grabbed Mia by the cheeks and kissed her like he was trying to suck the soul out of her.
Finn muttered something under his breath, cramming another slice into his face like it might erase what he’d just seen.
Orion finally pulled back, still cupping Mia’s face, both of them grinning. “What’s going on in here?”
Finn snorted. “Talking about Katie.”
“Oh,” Orion drawled, flopping onto the end of Finn’s bed. “Is that still going on?”
Mia leaned forward, rolling her eyes. “Yes. And I think he needs to cut it off now.”
“Yeah,” Orion agreed. “You should.”
I shot him a look. “Thanks for the insight, asshole.”
“Hey, I’m not here for dick swinging tonight,” he said as he stood up again. “We gotta get out of here. Little Miss Genius has some big-deal chemistry thing tomorrow. And I’ll be on the sharp end of the stick if she doesn’t get enough sleep.”
Mia stood, brus hing her hair back as she grabbed her textbook from the floor. On her way out, she paused beside Finn, bumping her fist against his. Then she stepped over to me.
“You good?” she asked softly.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Liar,” she said with a smirk. “Just don’t let this mess you up, okay? Do the right thing.” Then she pressed a kiss to my cheek and shut the door behind her with a click.
“She’s right, you know,” Finn muttered, wiping his greasy fingers on his jeans.
I stared at the screen as it lit up again, Katie’s name still sitting at the top of my notifications.
It wasn’t like I didn’t like her. She was nice. Pretty, too. But it really was too much. She always seemed to be waiting for me to say something more, be something more. I never promised her anything, never led her on. At least, I didn’t think I had.
But the way she looked at me? Like I was something bigger than I actually was? It made my skin crawl.
I didn’t want to hurt her. But I didn’t want to be this guy—the one dodging calls, making excuses, pretending not to notice the way she clung a little too tightly.
The phone buzzed again, and I shut my eyes, exhaling through my nose.
Finn snorted, breaking the silence, and tossed the basketball that had rolled back to him lightly against the wall before stretching with an exaggerated groan. “Gotta take a piss, bro.”
I gave a nod, chewing on a slice of pizza that suddenly tasted like cardboard.
As the door clicked shut, I sank back against the wall and grabbed the shitty Nokia off the nightstand.
Six missed calls.
Three voicemails.
I groaned. It wasn’t like she’d stop. If I didn’t answer, she’d just keep calling, keep reaching out, keep waiting for something I wasn’t sure I could give.
I hesitated, my thumb hovering over the voicemail icon.
The first message played, her voice light and cheerful.
“Hey, Si, it’s me! I’m walking over. I want to see you. I think we need to talk.”
I sighed. Of course she did.
The second message clicked on before I could dwell on it.
“Hey… actually, could you meet me maybe? It’s pretty dark out, and there’s this guy who—I dunno, it’s probably nothing. Just… call me back, okay?”
Then the third message started.
“Si, are you ignoring me again? Look, I just—”
A sharp yelp. My breath stalled.
“Hey, get off me! No—what are you doing?! ”
The message cut out.
Silence.
Every cell crystallised into ice.
No, no, no.
I should’ve answered.
The phone slipped from my grip, clattering against the floor as I shot to my feet, but I didn’t stop to pick it up.
I was moving, bolting for the door, shoving it open so hard it ricocheted off the wall.
I barely registered Finn’s voice as I barrelled past him in the corridor.
“Graves? Where the hell are you going?”
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I just ran.
The corridors blurred past in a smear of dim light and cold tile.
Freezing air slammed into my face as I shoved the door open.
I was running. Barefoot.
Sharp slivers of glass and jagged pieces of gravel sliced into my feet, each step a fresh burst of pain.
Didn’t matter. I knew where she’d be.
She always took the same route, cutting through the side streets to get to my dorm. I’d walked it with her plenty of times before.
But now? Now the streets felt wrong.
Too dark. Too empty. Too still.
A coil of dread wrapped tight around my ribs, squeezing me, suffocating me.
“Katie!”
No response.
“Katie, answer me!”
Nothing.
The only sound was my own ragged breath, the slap of my bare feet against the pavement.
I scanned the streets, eyes darting from one dim pool of flickering light to the next. Shadows stretched long against the cracked pavement. Empty sidewalks. Empty roads.