22. Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Two
Leah
I must have dozed off again, pulled under by overwhelming fatigue.
When I surface again, it’s dark outside.
A lamp casts dim light throughout the living room and my cheek is pressed to a different heartbeat.
Jax cradles me in his lap as solid and as sure as Ronan had, only I’m sitting sideways on his thick thighs.
My head rests against his shoulder, my nose against his gland.
His hands rest loose on my thigh and hip, anchoring me in the nest of blankets that smells of golden spice with an undercurrent of fresh, untamed greenery.
I can’t remember moving into his arms. They must have shifted me while I slept. I never sleep that deeply. I don’t know if I should be assured that they’ve allowed me to sleep or uncertain because I’ve lost my most basic survival instinct.
Jax quietly watches me, every inch of him relaxed, but there’s nothing lazy about the attention in his eyes.
He’s no less intense than Ronan. If anything, his steady gaze is alive with focus and warmth.
He’s devastating, all quiet power and patience, and the smile he gives me is pure sunshine and promise.
For one breathless moment I let myself sink in deep before survival instinct kicks in. I sit up straight, pulling away from his comfort, trying hard not to give into the urge to burrow back against him.
I rub my eyes, blinking to wake up properly. "I can’t believe I fell asleep again."
Jax squeezes my thigh. "It’s good, Sunshine. Sleeping means your body knows you’re safe enough to heal. It means you trust us, even just a little."
His words flicker through me, settling the flutter in my chest. Could that be true? That I’m letting my guard down because I really trust them to keep me safe?
A clatter rings out from the kitchen. I look past Jax to see Gabriel at the stove, sleeves pushed back, wooden spoon in hand.
He stirs a pot, humming something light and off-key.
He glances over his shoulder as though he senses me watching, and a smile lights up his face when he sees me.
"You hungry, Sweetheart? I hope you like lasagna. It’ll be ready soon.
I’ve cooked enough for eight, knowing how much those two can put away. "
My stomach growls. I flush, feeling how empty I am again, like I could eat three more breakfasts without slowing down. It’s strange how quickly hunger returns now that I know food is available regularly. Each bite I’ve had has flicked on an internal switch.
I hope that all this warmth, comfort and praise isn’t just a pause in my miserable life. That as easily as they’ve given things to me, it will all vanish. That it will soften me too much and the ensuing crash will do what Hardwick or Wallace never managed.
Jax’s arms gather me, and his cheek brushes warm against mine. "Whatever you’re thinking, let it go. Whatever you fear is not going to happen. "
"How did you?" I gape at him.
"I scent your doubt, Sunshine. Any more of that and we’ll have to up the ante, and I don’t want to scare you off with our good intentions."
They’ve already given me too much. I’m dressed in the sweats Ronan bought for me that feel like a cloud on my sensitive skin. They’ve fed me. Given me nesting materials I can use without going into a meltdown. What else could they possibly do?
Jax’s grin is sin. "Whatever you’re thinking now, stop that too. It’s wrong."
I frown at him. Surely he can’t read my mind?
I try to slip in a subtle breath, searching for something in my own perfume.
A trace of panic, or the doubt he claims he can detect.
All I catch is the mouthwatering aroma of lasagna drifting from the kitchen and the lingering warmth of being so close to Jax.
If there’s anything suspicious in the air, I can’t find it. Not the way Jax seems to.
He cocks his head, a smile tugging at his full lips as he sees through walls that are crumbling faster than I can rebuild. I can’t focus. Not when I’m cracked open and hungry for more of him. I scramble to my feet and swipe my hair off my face. "I…need the bathroom."
I bolt as fast as I can on unsteady legs. Jax’s chuckle follows me, sending the best kind of shivers along my skin. "Call out if you need our help. We’ll be here waiting for you."
I shut the door behind me and sag against the bathroom counter, breath slipping out in a weak, uneven rush.
I grip the edge of the sink, steadying myself, trying to remember how to stand on my own feet when safety tastes so sweet and fleeting.
It shouldn’t be so hard to hope. It shouldn’t feel like such a risk to believe.
I stare into the mirror, studying the sleep-mussed hair, the pink cheeks that have nothing to do with fever.
There’s a line between my brows that says I’m waiting for something to go wrong.
The old burn of arousal simmers low. It hasn’t roared back to life, but sits in the background as though biding its time.
Whatever Hardwick pumped into me, it didn’t do what she promised.
Maybe she bled enough out of me that the worst of it drained right along with my blood.
I’ve never had a heat that flickers and fades like this.
In the past, they’ve always wiped me out after a period of fog I’m grateful falls over me.
It usually ignites and burns itself out in a fireball.
This one feels like it’s choosing the right moment to pounce.
That unsettles me more than I want to admit, but there’s nothing I can do about that now.
I use the toilet, then wash my hands and face. I find a brush in the drawer and drag it through my tangled hair, scrubbing away the last tears and fixing my ponytail with shaking fingers. I brush my teeth, breathe around the memory of Ronan’s mouth on mine, focus on these simple things.
I pull the sleeves of my pink sweatshirt down and smooth wrinkles that aren’t there. I can’t stay hidden forever. The truth is, if I lock myself away, they’ll only come looking, and I’d rather walk out on my own than have three Alphas crowding me in the doorway.
I steel myself, drawing a breath, and slip back into the living area. The aroma of lasagna, sweet herbs, garlic and butter hits me so hard my stomach clenches.
"Hey there, Sweetheart. You’re just in time." Gabriel’s bright smile trips my pulse and unleashes another round of butterflies in my stomach.
Ronan juggles steaming slices of garlic bread while Jax pours fresh orange juice into glasses and sets them with each plate on the table.
It’s all so comforting. So…normal. I could almost believe the past years of my life were just a nightmare.
That the hell I endured is bookended by the love of my parents, and now I’ve fallen into another picture-perfect life.
A reward, perhaps, for enduring that hell.
I don’t think fate would be that kind.
The urge to give into this softness is beyond tempting. This is a place where I could truly belong. Where I really could believe I’m a part of their chosen family. Longing flickers up but then scrapes raw because this could all be a projection. Maybe I’m only seeing what I want to see.
Jax pulls out a chair near the center. "Come and sit down, Leah."
They catalogue my every micro gesture and something sharp burrows into my mind.
What if this really is the test I thought it was?
Only this one is more subtle. Bigger. Badder.
The kind meant to destroy and control. Mom used to say you can catch more flies with honey.
Now I fully understand the meaning. Only what I’m facing has less to do with flies and more to do with the idea of killing with kindness.
Good Omega. Perfect Omega. Perfect soul.
Pretty words that will control me better than any cage.
A leash disguised as affection.
They also said instincts don’t lie. I try to find comfort in the clean layers of Alpha presence drifting around the kitchen.
I try to trust my gut the way they’ve suggested, but what if I’m just believing what I want to believe?
Fooling myself into thinking I’m safe when only the cage is different.
They’ve tapped into my greatest desire and I’ve been so easy to read.
I want to believe their words. Their patience. Their care. I want to believe it so fiercely I almost reach for it, but I’ve been bought with cushions, and cookies, and pink sweatpants. A sick lump forms in my stomach when I see how easy I was taken in. Any Alpha knows how to control an Omega.
The only difference is that they’ve chosen sugar over pain.
I am so stupid. So utterly, abysmally, monumentally stupid. Bamboozled by scents and orgasms. Bought so cheap.
"Are you all right, Leah?" Gabriel asks, his brows creased. His nostrils flare and I know he’s scenting me, trying to work out what his next move will be to control me.
I school my features because they see too much. They’ve told me they rescue Omega victims from bad places. They’ve told me how they understand trauma. They’ve laid it out for me, and I was too taken in by them to see their true motives.
"I’m fine." I’m far from fine, but now I know what they’re up to, I can reinforce my walls. I can fight back and make sure I don’t fall farther than I already have.
Because I know I have. The stupid Omega part of me is attracted to them.
She’s hissing in the back of my mind, keening for them.
I’m not going to listen to her anymore, She’s nothing but a mindless bitch who will do anything for cock.
Hugo’s words cycle through my mind. I thought it was torture.
I thought it was punishment, when all along it was the truth. If I could cut her out, I’d do it .
She’s the cause of everything. If not for her, then Mom and Dad would still be alive. I’d be free. So many things would be better if she wasn’t part of me.
She screams louder. I clench my eyes, drowning her out with Hugo and Lars’ words. I’m not a good Omega. I’m a stupid Omega. I’m not perfect. I’m ruined.
Stupid ruined little Omega.
Cock chaser.
Alpha cum whore.
Good for nothing but the holes in my body.
I hate her. I hate her so much. She nearly made me give in to them. Nearly made me bind forever to Alphas who would turn on me once they had me to use, and if we bonded, there would be no more freedom.
My mind blurs one cage for another. Always her fault.
She cries inside my mind. I place one more brick in the wall. She begs. I place another brick. She wails. I put more and more until she’s nothing but a murmur. And it’s quiet. So, so quiet.
That’s what you get, you stupid, ruined Omega. You want a cage, then you get one. Somewhere it won’t affect me.
"Leah. Leah !"
I blink hard, vision swimming until the room snaps back into place. Ronan’s arms are around me, his chest pressed to my nose. My skin prickles. He’s right there and I never felt his presence crossing the space between us, nor his arms closing around me.
I jerk away, stumbling a few steps until I catch my balance which only makes everything more exposed. All three of them tense and I’m caught beneath their scrutiny once more.
They notice too much.
An acidic taint drifts from my skin, but I push it away, refusing to let it stick to my thoughts.
"Leah, are you okay?" A line etches between Ronan’s brows.
I force a smile to my lips. My cheeks pull tight around it. It holds, stiff and unmoving, but it feels all wrong. I keep it there anyway. "I’m fine, thank you. "
His nostrils flare, testing for lies, but he won’t catch one because what I just told them was the truth.
If I keep myself in this vigilant numbness, I know exactly what I have to do.
I bring my gaze to Gabriel’s. "Dinner smells amazing, Gabriel. Thank you for cooking. I’m looking forward to the first taste of lasagna I’ve had in years.
" Again, not a lie. We were lucky to get gruel.
I slide into a chair at the table and fold my hands, keeping my mantra running through my mind. I’m going to remind myself exactly why I have to stay focused. Stupid Omega. Ruined Omega.
I smile at them while I wait for them to take their seats.
Let them see what they want to see. I’ll play their little game, eat what’s in front of me, get strong and learn their patterns.
I’ll wait it out, make them think I’m settling, make them believe they have me safe, tame, right where they want me.
But when the time is right and the trap opens, I’ll run.
I’ll beat them at their own game.