Chapter 2 #2
“No. But once you’re on your honeymoon, I bet you’ll feel better. I can’t believe you asked for a cruise of all things. You’ve come so far with your fear of water.”
I struggle to keep my face straight at the mention of water.
I’d managed to get both Mom and Dad to believe that I had conquered my fear.
Or at least it didn’t stop me. But the truth is, I’m going on a cruise for Rob .
This is what he wants, not what I want. When I agreed to do this, I’d hoped he would hear me out on living in my house and not his apartment.
So far, I’ve not had any luck. He reminded me that his parents were paying for the entire wedding and reception. Usually, the bride’s family pays for that, but Mom and Dad hadn’t been able to afford the wedding Rob wanted. All they could do was pull together enough savings to give us the honeymoon.
I’m hoping that I’ll manage to have fun, but deep down, I’m afraid that it’ll be just as miserable as planning this wedding has been. It’s very possible our happily ever after isn’t going to start until the wedding and honeymoon are over.
“Yeah, I’m growing as a person. Rob does that to me.”
“He’s the only person besides Nate who’s managed it.” Mom laughs. I try not to let any emotion show at the lie. Nate is still the only person that can drag me out of my life and make me do something fun. Rob’s tried, but it always ends in a fight.
Just thinking of Nate makes me flip over to his location again. I pause when I see that he’s leaving the bar and heading to my house early.And judging by how fast his little icon is moving, he’s booking it.
“Uh, guys?” I start. “I have to go. I think Nate’s plans changed.”
“Is he coming over?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Can’t I just say hi? I’ve missed him ever since school let out. He’s the best coworker ever.”
“I think this is a best-friend-emergency moment.” In fact, I know it is as I watch him take a shortcut to get to me.
“Fine, but you’ll have to let me know if something’s wrong. I’ll help him in any way I can.”
“I will.” I don’t want to tell her that I don’t think anything is going to be wrong with him . I have a feeling this is going to be directed toward me .
Both of them say their goodbyes right as Nate’s SUV barrels into my driveway. He’s at my door before I even open it.
“We need to talk.” He’s out of breath as he looks at me with wide eyes. “And you’ll wanna sit down for this.”
In the shaky video, Rob laughs into the mic like he’s having the time of his life. “It’s hard to believe I’m getting married in two days.”
“Hell yeah it is!” one of his friends, Scott, shouts.
“You all know I just wanted to get into Maisie’s pants when I first met her. Hell, I still do. All the time. It definitely makes up for the ...”
“Bitchiness?” Scott says. My jaw drops at the word as Rob considers it. He doesn’t even correct his friend.
“Boringness?” a guy I haven’t even met adds.
“Her general nature,” is what Rob lands on. “But the important thing is, she’s mine. And she’ll stay mine. Forever.”
“Until you hate her.” Scott snickers.
“I’ve had plenty of moments where I’ve hated her. You all know that. But still, when she’s looking at me, I feel like I’ve won. She’s the best prize I could ask for. And that’s why I’m marrying her.”
The video cuts off with a curse from Nate.
For a long time, I can only stare at the play button, wondering if I can stomach that again. But I feel like I need to. What I’ve just witnessed doesn’t feel real. This has to be a bad dream .
Of all the things that had gone through my mind when Nate sat me down, this wasn’t one of them. I thought that he would have cheated. Or that he was acting like a complete fool and I needed to go get him.
But this? This hurts .
Rob and I may not talk as much as Nate and I do, but I had no idea he felt this way. I had no idea his friends talk about me in this way. They’ve been nice every time I’ve hung out with them.
I press play and watch it all over again. As it repeats, I realize I would have preferred him to have hired strippers. Maybe even flirt with a woman at the bar.
Because this has my stomach sinking into my ass. This hurts me deeply. He hates me at times. And we’re supposed to get married.
The video ends and I go to play it a third time, but Nate pulls the phone away.
“I think you need to breathe,” he says. This isn’t the first time he’s seen me at my lowest. Hell, I’ve seen him at his lowest too.
When everything with our families fell apart in high school, it was all we could do to remind each other to survive.
I had hoped it would be a long time before I showed Nate that kind of hurt again. Obviously, tonight is the night to bring it back.
I take a shaky breath and it does nothing.
“What else did you see?” I ask.
“They were talking like this for a bit. I didn’t record that, mostly because I was in shock. I figured the speech would be bad, but not that bad. I’m sorry, berry. I knew once I had the video, I needed to show you.”
“I know. It just ...” I don’t have words as I curl into a ball on the couch.
“Maisie, I?—”
“I don’t understand. If he hated me at times, why would he continue to date me? Why not just talk to me?”
Mom and Dad have fought. And I’ve seen it. I’m sure Mom briefly felt like she hated Dad and vice versa. But they always talked it out. That has been my goal too.
I’ve always had an idea of what I want in love. It should be warm and inviting, like a cozy blanket on the softest couch. That’s what Mom and Dad have.
Did I have that with Rob?
Could I ever, if he’d often thought he hated me and never brought it up?
“Can you send me that?” My voice shakes and I must be close to crying, but no tears escape my eyes. Probably because my body still feels like it’s in free fall.
“Only if you promise not to rewatch it.”
“I won’t. I need it for something else.”
“And what do you need it for?”
I have a feeling Nate doesn’t want me to reach out to Rob, but I have to know if this is how he really feels. I need his side of the story. So I take Nate’s phone before he can try to stop me. Once the message is sent, I throw it back at him.
“Maisie, what are you doing?” Nate asks as I get my own phone out.
“Nothing.”
“You don’t need to talk to him. Just take a minute?—”
My message is already sent. I’ve forwarded the video too.
Maisie
Is this how you really feel?
Rob doesn’t respond immediately. He doesn’t have his read receipts on, so I have no idea if he’s even seen it.
And I frown. I remember that I asked him to turn those on months ago.
“Maisie, talk to me.” Nate’s voice is urgent, and I don’t blame him for it. When I go silent is usually when something big has happened.
“What is there to even say? ”
“How about what you’re feeling?”
“I feel exactly like any woman would when she finds out her fiancé hated her at any point in their relationship.” I run a hand over my face and find tears on my cheeks. “I mean, was it obvious to everyone? Am I just an idiot?”
“Not that he hated you. I always thought he talked a different way with his friends, but I didn’t think it would be ... this .”
“Fuck,” I mutter as I stand. “I can’t—why would he say this right before our wedding? Couldn’t he have told me this, I don’t know, before he proposed?”
“He didn’t think he would get caught, Maisie. This is probably why he didn’t want me there.”
It makes complete sense.
That’s when my phone goes off.
Rob
How did you see this?
He’s more worried about how I saw it than what he said.
Every cell in my body burns. I’m angry. I’m devastated. And the idea of putting on that stupid white dress hanging in my room makes me want to scream.
“What did he say?” Nate asks.
Rob
It’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s just some guy talk.
“Guy talk. He says it’s guy talk.”
My phone is out of my hands and Nate’s reading the messages with a furrowed brow. “Come on, he’s not even denying it.”
I hear a ding and now Nate’s glaring at my phone. He doesn’t get angry often. I’ve only seen it happen twice. Once when someone rear-ended me and tried to blame me for it, and once when his mom tried to make his graduation about herself .
“What the fuck ,” he mutters as he reads it. I sit beside him and do the same.
Rob
Who sent you this? Was it Nate?
“Like I wouldn’t let you know what he was saying,” Nate says. I grab my phone just as another text message comes in.
Rob
Let me guess, Nate snuck in. He has it out for us, Maisie. He’s probably spinning this to be something it isn’t. Don’t listen to him. I didn’t mean it in any negative way.
I thought I was burning before, but something about this turns up the heat.
I answer before my rare bravery fades.
Maisie
All Nate’s done is showed me what you said.
Rob
That was never meant for you to hear.
Maisie
So you truly felt that way about me at one point and you didn’t want me to know?
Rob
It doesn’t matter now.
Maisie
I think it does.
He calls.
Nate tries to stop me. “Maisie, don’t?—”
I answer it and go to my bedroom, slamming the door shut. “What, Rob? What could you possibly say to make this better?” I hiss out. Usually, I go into arguments wanting to fix things, to get things back to normal.
This time, I’m tempted to burn it all down.
“Maisie, don’t get all in your feelings about this. You’ re logical. You know how guys talk.” He speaks loudly, and I know he’s still at the bar. He hasn’t even left to come and try to see me in person.
I don’t feel logical. “Oh yeah? You think it’s normal to let your friends call me a bitch behind my back?”
“That’s just how Scott talks. You mean to tell me you think Nate never calls you that behind your back?”
“No, I don’t. Actually, I know he doesn’t.”
“Of fucking course you do.”
“Hey!” I hear Scott in the background. “Get off the phone with her! This is supposed to be a guy’s night!”
“Hang on! She’s talking about that fucking best friend again!” It’s muffled, but I hear Rob call it out.
“The one that you hate?”
“Yeah. He’s putting ideas in her head again.”
“Tell her it’s you or him!”
My blood runs cold as I hear it. Rob sighs and comes back to the phone.
“Come over. Get away from Nate. I’ll explain it all.”
“I’m not leaving Nate.” I say it immediately. “You know I won’t.”
I don’t know if I’m talking about tonight or in general.
Both are true.
There are many things I’ll let go. There are many things I won’t fight about.
Nate is neither of those things.
“Yeah, because he’s your best bud. I fucking know , Maisie.” I can practically hear his eye roll. “But things will be changing once you move in with me. No more nights with him when I’m not around. No more hanging out, not in my apartment, or I’ll?—”
I hang up.
I wasn’t moving in with him in the first place. Nor would I ever give up my time alone with Nate. Rob always said he trusted me. Now he’s changing his tune .
Was he always going to do this? Tell me I needed to not be around Nate?
Rob calls again. I send one text.
Maisie
I choose Nate.
Rob
Seriously? You’d choose him over your fiancé? Because of some guy talk?
Maisie
Did you forget all you said about me tonight when you thought I wouldn’t hear?
Rob
You’re the one making it a big deal.
Maisie
Because it is.
You’ll get your ring back in the mail.
Then I turn my phone off before I take it back.
My heart pounds as I stare at the black screen. Did I really just dump him?
Until five minutes ago, that wasn’t an option. I thought I could work it out. Sure, we may have delayed the wedding. We may have had to do counseling, but it could work out.
And then he made me choose between him and Nate.
I squeeze my eyes shut as I slide the engagement ring off my finger. Everyone is going to be pissed at me. The wedding is in two days, and I just called it off.
“Maisie, open the door,” Nate says from the other side. “Please. I need to know you’re okay.”
I’m not okay. I’m very much not okay . My hands shake as I slowly do what he asks. Nate stands on the other side. His eyes go wide as he takes me in.
“What happened?”
“I . . . dumped him.”
“You what ?” His eyes dart to my hand, which is now bare. “I ...”
Silence envelops us both as a tear escapes me.
I’m pulled into a hug before I know what’s happening.
It’s been a very long time since Nate and I hugged.
Actually, I can’t remember the last time we touched at all.
The scent of orange and cedar is foreign to me, and nothing about him should be foreign to me.
Still, I cling to him, gripping his dress shirt tightly.
I realize that his height has its advantages here.
He’s everywhere, and it’s hard to have any other thoughts when he seems to be able to make the world melt away.
He’s the one stable thing in my life right now. How could I ever not choose him?
It feels right, just like this hug feels right. I miss this. I need this.
And that’s when he lets me go. I blink back into the moment, trying to figure out how to ask him to do all of that over again. My entire body feels cold in a way that has nothing to do with the temperature.
“It’s gonna be okay, Maisie. I can get sorbet and we can talk about how awful he is.”
Another tear escapes and I wipe it away. He’s mentioned the one thing I also really want.
“Good idea,” I say. “Do you know what kind to get?”
“Lemon.” He laughs. “What kind of question is that? Do you have any in your freezer?”I shake my head.“Then we’ll go get some and then start shit talking.”
“You expect me to go out like this?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to be alone?”
I don’t. Both of us know it.
But the way he knows me makes me want to cry all over again. Deep down, I know that between him and Rob, Nate is the one who would know both the dessert that I need and that I don’t want to be alone.
And that thought is humbling.