Chapter 11
chapter eleven
Getting back to the ship is chaos. But Nate thrives in chaos, so somehow, we manage it. It’s still at the dock when we both tumble out of the taxi he hired, and we make a run for it.
“Made it,” he says. “Just in time.”
“That was ...” I’m still trying to catch my breath. “The worst .”
“You’re a runner.”
“ Slow runner,” I remind him. “I don’t do it for speed.”
He laughs and leads me onto the boat. The best part of being so tired is that I couldn’t care less about the dock.
We stop in our room for a moment to wash up, and then hunger hits me. I skipped lunch, and only having fruit was a terrible idea.
Nate must know I’m starving because he already has plans.
“Are you sure the steakhouse is where we should go?” I ask as we walk up. “We’re still kind of a mess.”
“So is everyone else.”
“We’re not even dressed for it.” He’s in a half-buttoned-up shirt and shorts.
While it’s nicer than what a lot of guys wear, it’s not steakhouse level.
I’m in one of the new pairs of shorts and a tank top.
My hair is trying to escape the clip I’ve wrangled it into after taking it down at the ruins, and I know I’ll have a hell of a time getting it under control later.
“No one else is. This is a cruise.”
He has a point, but I can’t tell if I’m grumpy because I’m starving or if this place is too crowded. I sigh and give in. He smirks as we step into the line.
It’s loud, and I didn’t miss the rocking of the boat. I’m trying to get my bearings while also contending with the fact that I might eat my own arm when someone runs up to us.
Trixie pulls both Nate and me into a hug, squealing the whole time. I try not to grimace.
“Are you guys eating here too?” she asks. “What a coincidence. Aaron is just up ahead.” She points him out; he’s almost at the hostess stand.
“Hi,” I manage to say with a fake smile. “Nice to see you again.”
“Wanna join us for dinner? I’m sure Aaron wouldn’t mind.”
Nate and I look over at him. He’s watching us, and I’m pretty sure he’s still mad about us taking him down at the Newlywed game earlier.
“That’s okay,” Nate says. “You two should get some time to yourselves.”
“Oh, we got plenty earlier. We stayed in our room.” She winks, and I get the implication immediately.
Nate coughs. “Ah, well.”
“Come on! We’ll be getting a table quicker anyway!” She grabs both of us and takes us to Aaron. Now my face is red at the idea of what they did earlier and for her letting us cut in line.
“I brought us some friends,” she says to Aaron.
“Hey, guys.” He nods. “Enjoying your cup?”
“Still mad we won it?” Nate parrots right back.
“Kind of. But you guys are weirdly in sync.” He shrugs, seemingly more relaxed than he was the day before. “How was Cozumel? ”
I tell them about the island, grateful for small talk, as we move up in line. Trixie loves all the photos and ribs her husband for not wanting to go, but it’s decent conversation.
By the time we’re led to our table, I’m hopeful for the dinner. Maybe having it with other people is a good thing.
Nate gets my chair for me and I give him a smile without thinking.
Aaron and Trixie see it. “So,” she begins after we put our drink order in. “What’s the deal with you two?”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “We’re friends.”
“You’re the closest friends I’ve ever seen,” Aaron remarks.
“We’re not,” Nate adds. “We’re just normal. Platonic.” He says it casually, but there’s an edge to it that I’ve not heard before. I glance at him and I’m only pulled away when Aaron speaks again.
“Why?” he asks. “You guys could probably work together.”
“Definitely work together,” Trixie adds.
“That’s just not how we are.” Nate has a lot of practice saying this. He has for years. He said it to my parents, to Rob, and to Quinn. It’s simple enough.
It’s just not how we are.
Because that’s what it is. It’s a simple fact that we’re ... friends .
“Exactly,” I force out. “We’re happy like that.”
I don’t feel happy about it, and I hate that I don’t. But I’m also supposed to be married right now, and here I am on a cruise with my best friend who won’t even?—
Pushing the thought out of my mind, I stand. “Excuse me. I never went to the restroom when I got back.”
I keep it together until I get through the door. Then my breaths turn shaky.
We shouldn’t have left the boat. That already had me messed up, and now I’m having to explain my friendship to strangers, which I haven’t done in years . Being with Rob cemented the fact that Nate and I will always be friends, and only friends.
Now I don’t have that .
I’ve never liked having to explain Nate and me to people. We simply ... are. And I’m fine with that. No one else needs to know anything else.
But I’m far from fine in the bathroom. And I need to figure out why.
One of the stall doors opens and my gaze falls to my hands. I’d slipped away from the group to have a moment to myself, but now that I’m standing in the bathroom not needing to use it, I try to get my breathing under control while washing my hands, pretending I have a reason to be in here.
“You okay?” I know that voice.
My gaze snaps up to see Scarlett. She looks gorgeous in a tight red dress. Her hair is straight and falls over her shoulder.
“Uh, hi.”
She gives me a half smile as she washes her hands. “A bathroom isn’t a great place to have an emotional moment.”
“I-I’m fine.”
She raises one single eyebrow that tells me I’m full of shit.
Right. She’s a therapist.
“Are you?” she challenges.
“No. Not really.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“I thought you were off duty.”
“I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t help a fellow gal who’s nearing a panic attack.”
My shoulders slump. “Just bill me later.”
She laughs. “This is what I consider community service. What happened?”
“I think ... coming on my honeymoon with my friend was a poor choice.”
“I see.”
“But not for the reasons you think,” I rush to say. “Nothing is happening with him. Not at all.”
Scarlett stares me down. “Really? ”
“No. We’ve been friends so long that I can’t ... I won’t do that. I’m just confused. He’s got these walls I never noticed until now, and then other people are asking about us and I ... I hate it. I hate all of it.”
Scarlett is quiet for a long moment and her lips press together. “It’s safe to assume that your friendship is very important to you.”
“Yes,” I say. “So important to me.”
“I’ll be honest with you, there’s a lot to unpack there. More than should be dealt with in a bathroom, but I will say this. You’ve had a lot of change, right?”
“Too much,” I say. “And I hate change.”
“Then there’s going to be discomfort.” She says it slowly. “But that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. It means you’re changing. Sometimes it’s a good thing.”
I think about it. Am I changing?
Hell, I’m on a ship willingly . I’m branching out. Or trying to. And I’m getting time with Nate that I could’ve lost. The alternative was letting Rob separate us.
“Is it possible that things changed between Nate and me because of my ex?”
“Definitely,” she says. “And now you have to find your footing without someone else in your life. The biggest question is where you’ll end up.”
“We’ll be friends.”
“Fair enough, but what kind of friends is the question.” I don’t know if I want to answer that. “Give it time,” she says softly. “And maybe enjoy the boat while you’re at it. Have you been to the pool? It’s where I’m heading next.”
I flounder for an excuse. “It’s a little late.”
“It’s the middle of the summer and there’re lights for after dark. There’s plenty of time.” She waves her hand. “You don’t have to spend the whole time mulling in your friendship. Have some fun.” She winks at me before leaving the bathroom .
I sigh when I’m alone. I have no idea if I know how to have fun on a boat in the middle of the ocean.
But I need to try.
By some miracle, I manage to make it through the dinner without any more incidents. The talk with Scarlett helped more than I can say, and I feel a little more levelheaded in her presence.
It also helps that Nate must have said something while I was gone, because Trixie and Aaron drop the subject of us and talk about other happenings on the boat.
The food is delicious, and I’m happily full as we retire to our room for the evening.
“Feeling better?” he asks.
“I was fine the whole time.”
“Oh, you mean when you lied about having to go to the bathroom? You went right when we got on the boat.”
I gulp. “You caught that?”
“I catch everything. Also, next time you make an escape, choose a place where I can follow you. The ladies’ bathroom is a terrible place for me to try to make you feel better.”
“Sorry,” I say. “I really needed a minute alone.”
“Was it what Trixie and Aaron were saying? They barely know us, berry.” He waves it off. “And they know how we are now. It shouldn’t happen again.”
I think about what Scarlett said about finding my footing. She was the only one who didn’t make things out to be more than they needed to be.
And I let myself feel uncomfortable.
“I know,” I say. “It’s just been a while since we had to deal with it. People got quiet when Rob was around. ”
“We’re too old to worry about what people think about us.” He says it like it’s simple. “We’re both happy as we are, right?”
The answer should roll right off my tongue. Yes. Of course I am.
But that’s not true, is it?
I’m not happy.
It’s not because Nate isn’t good to me. It’s not because he doesn’t care. But there’s something missing. Something I want more than anything else.
Nate waits patiently for my answer, but my silence makes him narrow his eyes.
“Hello?” he asks. “You there?”
“Oh, um. Yes. Sorry.”
“You must be tired. You’re slower than usual.”
“I thought I was always slow because I had short legs.”
Nate smiles. “You said it, not me.”
“You thought it.”
“Is it a crime to have thoughts?”
“It is if it’s about me.”
“Put me in jail, berry. I think about you a lot.”
My gaze cuts to his. There’s no way he knows how that sounds. I open my mouth to continue our usual banter, but find ... nothing.
“I’m ... feeling a little off, actually.” All I can say is the truth.
He raises an eyebrow and my entire body tenses. I should talk to him, but I’m way too scared to.
“We did a lot today for me. And I’m feeling bad that you didn’t get to see the beach.”
“I have the pool.”
“Which you haven’t been to today.”
“And you’re feeling off. I’m not going swimming and leaving you alone.”
I’m a total idiot, because a suggestion escapes me that I should not be offering.
“I guess I could go to the pool deck.”
He pauses. “What? Are you serious?”
“I won’t swim,” I clarify. “Obviously. But I know someone who’ll be there. And I could watch you in your element.”
A slow smile spreads on Nate’s face. “You’re being very nice. Are you hiding something from me?”
Shit. “No, of course not! You’re just doing a lot for me. And I wanna return the favor. You know, like a good friend does?” I say. Nate hums as he considers me, and I know I’m close to convincing him. “And I think the pool deck might be slow.”
“You have a point there. Are you sure you’ll be okay on the deck?”
I laugh as I prepare to lie through my teeth. “You know me. Fear never stops me for long.”