Chapter 27 #3
I barely even say goodbye to the guy the second we pull in. My heart pounds as I race up the stairs to his apartment door. When I’m in front of it, I take a shaky breath before knocking.
“Nate?” I ask. “Hey, it’s me.” There’s only silence as I wait. I can imagine him on the other side, wondering whether to open it up or not. “Please open the door. We really need to talk.”
There’s still no answer. It feels like my heart is cracking in my chest and I shut my eyes, wishing I could go back in time and do it all differently.
But Rob can’t be right. Surely, Nate isn’t done with me.
“I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. I’m not with Rob, and I said it all wrong. You can absolutely have space from me, but please , can I explain myself? I’ll leave you alone after. I promise.”
I stare at the door, hoping my pleading will reach him, but nothing changes. The door doesn’t open and there’s no sound on the other side.
My breathing speeds up. No, no .
I wait, hoping he’s in the bathroom or he’s just getting dressed. I silently beg for the door to open. I don’t care if he’s mad or if he yells at me. I just need to talk to him.
Sinking to the floor, I wonder if this is really where it ends. I didn’t realize how much I couldn’t live without him. I didn’t realize how easily I could mess things up.
There’s no telling how much time passes while I sit there. I want to wait it out, but the longer the silence continues, the more I regret everything .
We had a chance to get this right, to be something.
And I fucked it up.
The sun has long since set as I sit on the dirty floor of his apartment breezeway. I’m curled into a ball when I finally hear the click of a door opening.
I sit up, hoping this is my chance.
But it’s not Nate’s door. It’s his neighbor, an old woman with two dogs .
“Oh,” she says when she sees me. “What are you doing down there?”
Disappointment makes me slump against the wall again. “Just ... waiting.”
She eyes me, and then the door behind me. “You’re that guy’s girlfriend, aren’t you?”
I flinch at the words. “I ... I don’t know, actually.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “Well, how could you not know? You young people make everything so complicated these days. Just be together or don’t be. There’s no reason to sit outside begging for a chance.”
“I’m guessing you heard me.”
“Oh, yeah. The walls are very thin. You’re wasting your time anyway.”
“I’m not giving up,” I say as my fists tighten into balls. “I just need him to open the door and talk to him.”
“Well, he won’t be opening that door.”
My shoulders fall. “Please, can you just?—”
“He’s not here, kid.”
I pause. “What?”
“He’s not been here for a week. I would know because I always listen for him. He’s very fun to talk to.”
“B-but he said he would be here.”
“He must’ve lied. I would know if he came back, and he hasn’t.”
“Fuck,” I say to myself.
“Language,” she mutters. “Jeez, have some respect for old ears. You’ll offend Mr. Fluff here.”
One of her dogs, a tiny ball of fur that doesn’t look like it’s capable of thought, runs right into a wall.
“Anyway, have fun hunting down your boyfriend. If I stay here any longer, Mr. Fluff might think you’re a fire hydrant.”
She walks away without saying anything else, but I’m too busy replaying her words. She said Nate didn’t come home, but where the hell would he be?
Out of habit, I take my phone out to check his location. But my phone is still dead, refusing to turn on for even a second.
“Fuck,” I mutter. I need to get to a charger, but I left my luggage with Rob. And I don’t have my extra key to Nate’s place.
Not that I should go in anyway.
My only option is to go home and let my phone charge, then continue tracking him down.
Technically, Nate lives close enough to walk. It’s not the safest thing, but it’s my only option. Heaving a sigh, I get up and pocket my phone, setting out to my house.
The second I step out from the staircase, it starts raining again.
“Are you serious!” I yell at the sky. “I get it, I fucked up! You don’t have to keep punishing me!”
The rain keeps falling.
With one more curse at the sky, I break out into a jog. The sooner I get home, the sooner I can plug in my phone and then find Nate.
I round the corner to my neighborhood and I push myself even harder. The second my house is in sight, I try to go even faster.
I’m pulling out my keys as I start to head up my driveway, but I’m stopped when arms wrap around me. My heart lurches and I let out a scream as I try to get away.
It would be my fucking luck that I would get robbed right on my own property.
“Wait, berry!” a voice breaks through my panic. “It’s me. It’s Nate.”
I blink against the water in my eyes. Pushing my soaked hair off my forehead, I finally see him. He’s not as wet as I am, but it’s definitely Nate.
He’s staring at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Wh-what?”
“Why are you running at night in the rain? Where the hell is Rob?”
My jaw is still open as I try to catch my breath. I’m not sure if this is a dream or if I fell and hit my head on mile two. Nate checks me over before shaking his head.
“All right, I’ll murder him for this later. Let’s just get inside and get you dry.” He goes to grab at me, but I step away as I shake my head.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
He pauses. “I—we can talk about that later.”
“You said you were going home. You’re mad at me. So, why are you here ?” I nearly yell it. Not because I’m angry, but because I don’t understand. I hurt him. I pissed him off.
I fucked up.
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. It’s nearly soaked by now. “I ... I regretted leaving you at the airport. I should’ve stayed. But by the time I went back, you were gone. So, I waited here.”
“Y-you said you weren’t watching me do this again, that you were going home .”
“I shouldn’t have said any of that. I’m sorry, Maisie.”
I shake my head. Nate shouldn’t be the one apologizing. I should be. I need to tell him that wasn’t what it was at all, that I only wanted to be civil with Rob, and that I’m so fucking sorry for not being clear.
But the words get clogged in my throat. I’m so relieved he’s here, so angry at myself for letting us even get to this point, and hurt by all the things Rob said.
Before I can stop it, tears are running down my cheeks and mixing with the rain. I’m a complete mess, and Nate is seeing it all.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s get dried off.”
Tears turn into sobs as he leads me to the house. He grabs my keys from me and unlocks the door before finding me a towel. I don’t understand why he’s willing to be here with me.
Didn’t I mess this up?
Warmth wraps around me as he dries me off. I step away and take the towel myself, trying to get it together so I can say something .
“Don’t be with Rob.” Nate says it softly, and the words are so shocking that I finally look at him. “That’s what I came here to say. Don’t give him another chance. Not this time.”
“I—”
“I want the chance instead. Just one. Let me prove that I can be better. If you say no, that’s fine.
I’ll let it go and we’ll be friends. But please , let me be better than he is.
It might be too late. Maybe he already got through to you, or maybe not, considering you were in the rain, but still. Just ... one chance. Please.”
“You came here ... while angry at me for going with Rob to ask for me to be with you?”
“Yes. And it might be stupid, but?—”
“It is,” I say. “Because you ... you walked away.”
He winces. “I did.”
“You’re angry.”
“ Was. And I stupidly hoped for more when I knew I was just a rebound to you.”
All the breath rushes out of my lungs. “You ... what ?”
“I know you’ve never felt like that about me. But maybe there’s an inkling there. If there is, then let’s try it. Please. ”
“What ... are you doing ?” I manage to ask.
“I’m telling you how I feel?”
I shake my head, still stuck on what he believes has happened. “You thought I was using you as a rebound and got back with my ex. You should be pissed at me.”
“I’m not, I?—”
“Don’t make excuses for that.” I push his shoulder and his eyes go wide. “If that’s what I did, then you should absolutely never talk to me again. ”
“I would never do that, Maisie. You have me for life. Whether as a friend or ... whatever else.”
The words are what I need to hear, but I still can’t believe I’m hearing them. I’ve not apologized yet. I’ve not told him what I meant.
And yet he’s here. He’s asked for a chance.
He would forgive me if I asked.
Nate’s love isn’t conditional. It’s just here. Always here.
And I refuse to be blind about it.
“Nate, I wasn’t giving Rob a chance to get back together with me tonight. I was giving him a chance to be civil with me. For Quinn’s party tomorrow.”
He jerks back. “You did?” I nod. “Did he know that?”
“Obviously not at first. I tried to make it clear, but he ... wasn’t thrilled.
I don’t think I did myself any good, which is probably why I let him call all the shots like a fucking idiot.
” I rub my forehead. “But he did make me realize how it sounded. And I would never use you like that. You hear me? Never .”
Nate takes a shaky breath. I give him a moment to answer, but he looks lost, like these were the last words he ever expected to hear.
So I continue. “You don’t need to ask me for a chance. You never did. I chose you. And I’d do it again.”
He blinks. “You chose me tonight?” His voice is quiet and raw.
I shake my head. “Not just tonight. I never told you about why I actually dumped Rob last week. Honestly, I was afraid of what it meant until recently.” I hold the towel tighter around my body and suck in air before continuing. “Rob wanted me to move in with him. It was about to be a huge fight.”
“Wait, why? You own the house. It makes more sense for him to move.”
“That’s what I thought. But while he was drunk, I heard his friends saying to make me choose. And he told me that he wanted me to move in with him so he could make sure you never came over. It was forcing me to choose between you or him. And I dumped him.”
Nate only stares and I look away. I need to fill the silence with something .
“I should’ve done it a while ago. The only reason I was fine with how Rob acted was because I had you.
And that wasn’t fair to you. I should have seen it for what it was, but I was .
.. afraid, I guess. I’m trying to be better about that.
If anything, I should be begging you for a chance.
And I would. I want this. So bad that I?—”
Lips cut me off, and I let out a squeak of surprise as Nate invades my space. He holds me tighter than when I fell in the water, tighter than when we had our fight. A whine escapes me as I run my fingers through his hair.
He’s here . He’s kissing me.
I can’t believe it’s real.
“Maisie, I love you,” he says against my lips. I pull away only to stare at him with wide eyes. “I know it’s too early to say it. But I do. I have since the day we met. Since before I fucking knew what love was . And I always will. That’s why I’m here.”
“All this time?”
“All this time,” he replies as he puts his forehead against mine. “And I didn’t care that you didn’t feel the same way. I was serious when I said I’d take anything you would give me.”
“And what if I want to give you everything?”
His breath hitches before he smiles. “Then I might just be the happiest man on the planet.”
“I love you too. Probably for way too long. Probably when I was with someone else. And I’m sor?—”
He kisses me again. “Don’t apologize. Admittedly, I didn’t have the words for it until it was too late. And then we both lost people and ...”
“Then I met Rob.”
“The timing wasn’t right. ”
“I still wish we had more of it.”
“Well, honey, we have it all now. What do you want to do with it?”
The world shifts, turning into something that once felt impossible to me. I’d only just realized I wanted Nate, and now I have him. Instead of the dread I felt only a week ago, there’s hope.
So much of it that tears gather in my eyes.
“I don’t know.” I tighten my hold on him. “But let’s figure it out together.”