Chapter 15 #2
Heat rushes to my cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Please." Zoe rolls her eyes. "I just witnessed the most sexually charged 'security protocol' in history. The testosterone was so thick in here I could barely breathe."
"Daniel was just doing his job."
"If that's his job, then security has become sexy as hell. Seriously, Lucrezia. What's going on between you two?"
"Nothing," I say too quickly. "Nothing is going on. Nothing can go on. I'm engaged to Bruno, remember?"
"An engagement you agreed to yesterday," Zoe points out. "For business reasons."
"It doesn't matter why. I gave my word."
Zoe studies me for a long moment, her expression softening. "You know, when I first came here, I thought I understood how this world worked. The arrangements, the alliances, the sacrifices. But some things shouldn't be sacrificed, Lucrezia."
"Like what?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Like the way you looked just a minute ago." She reaches out, squeezing my hand.
I shake my head, pulling my hand away from Zoe's. "There's nothing there. This is his job, Zoe. Daniel takes his responsibilities seriously."
"I know that," Zoe says, leaning against the wall. "Daniel's always been a professional. But being married to Damiano has taught me something important—where there's a spark, there's desire and need underneath."
"You didn't see what you think you saw," I insist, crossing my arms over my chest. "Besides, me with a bodyguard? Come on. Damiano would kill him just for thinking he could have anything to do with me."
Zoe tilts her head, considering. "You're right, but not because he's a bodyguard."
"What do you mean?"
"It's not about Daniel's position. It's because Damiano cares so much about you that he doesn't want any man to destroy you." Her voice softens.
"I know Damiano doesn't want this Bruno thing for me, but the family needs this alliance."
Zoe steps forward suddenly, grabbing both my hands. "Lucrezia, Damiano and Enzo are freaking out about it."
"What?"
"They're trying to find another way. Any other way." Her green eyes are intense, searching mine. "Damiano was up all night after you made that announcement at the funeral. And Enzo..." She shakes her head. "I've never seen him so angry. He punched a hole in the wall of his office."
"But they agreed to the dinner. The engagement party is happening."
"Because you insisted and right now they don't have any other plan," Zoe says. "They're respecting your choice and why you do this, but they hate it. Damiano told me he feels like he's failing you all over again."
The weight of her words settles over me.
"I thought I was helping," I whisper.
"I know." Zoe squeezes my hands. "That's what makes you so special, Lucrezia. You'd sacrifice yourself for whoever needs help without hesitation."
I pull my hands away from Zoe's grip, suddenly needing space to breathe. "I think I need to lie down for a bit. It's been... a lot."
"Of course." Zoe's concern is written all over her face. "Do you want me to come with you?"
"No," I say quickly. "I just need to be alone for a while. I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."
Zoe nods, though I can tell she wants to say more. I turn away before she can, walking quickly toward the stairs. I feel her eyes on my back the whole way.
Once inside my bedroom, I lock the door and lean against it, sliding down until I'm sitting on the floor. My head falls back against the wood with a soft thud.
What Zoe said about my brothers hits me hard. They're trying to find another way. They don't want me to marry Bruno. They're respecting my choice, but they hate it.
And still, I insisted.
I close my eyes, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. Of course I did. It's what I always do.
Even as a little girl, I was always the first to share my toys, my snacks, my everything. If Madison or any of my friends even glanced at something I owned and mentioned they liked it, I'd give it to them on the spot. Even if it was my favorite thing. Even if I'd just gotten it.
"Here, take it," I'd say. "I want you to have it."
I'd feel good about it for a moment—that rush of being needed, of making someone else happy. But later, alone in my room, I'd miss whatever I'd given away.
I push myself up from the floor and walk to my dresser, staring at my reflection. The woman looking back at me seems like a stranger sometimes.
Maybe I've been giving pieces of myself away for so long that there's not much left. My time, my energy, my body, my choices. Everything up for grabs.
Sometimes I think it's because I've lost so much since I was born. My parents. My innocence. My sense of safety. Giving is the only purpose I have left. The only thing that makes me feel like I matter.
Other times, in my darkest moments, I wonder if I'm just not a good person. If I'm punishing myself for some reason. For being born into this family. For the blood money that pays for my clothes, my food, my shelter.
And after those men took my virginity... God, the things I've thought about myself. That it was my fault somehow. That I'm paying for something in this world—something I must have done that I'm not even aware of.
I reach up and touch the scar on my cheek from the casino shooting. Another reminder of violence. Another mark left on me by men who wanted to hurt my family.
And now I'm giving myself to Bruno Sartori to fix another problem. Another sacrifice. Another piece of me gone.
I stare at my reflection until my vision blurs with tears. I don't even know if I have anything left to give.