6. Bailey
CHAPTER SIX
Bailey
PAST
They’re going to find out it was me. Regret and guilt have been gnawing at me, threatening to eat me alive, but it’s only a matter of time until they know.
I regret it. I was just so mad I couldn’t think, but I’m glad Mirabelle wasn’t home and that she’s okay.
Aunt Blake stayed with Hunter and me for a couple of days until our parents came back. I’ve been watching them closely, but I don’t know what I’m hoping to find.
I don’t want to believe Carter, but his story adds up. All the evidence I’m finding pointing to the same damning conclusion: he’s my half-brother.
I want to ask them about it, but I don’t even know how to phrase the question. Besides, they’ve been so preoccupied with Henry and Mirabelle’s relationship status, there hasn’t been an opportunity to tell them.
I can’t lie, but I’m hurt my sister didn’t tell me about her and Henry. I guess I’ve done too many things to push her away, but it made me feel better when Kait said she didn’t know either. Even being in the same room as Kaitlyn makes me feel better .
I know they’re going to find out I lit the fire, which is why I’m going to come clean and tell them everything. Then, if they don’t murder me, I’m going to ask about Kiera and Carter and hope for once in their lives, they’ll be honest with me.
I’m about to walk into the kitchen where JJ and Hunter are talking on a video call about the situation with Mirabelle. “I talked to her yesterday, and she’s nervous,” Hunter says, and I stop before they see me.
“She told me the same. I’m hoping Mom and Dad have warmed up to the idea of Henry and Mira, though,” JJ says. “Think you can use this opportunity to convince Mom and Dad we need a dog?”
They’ve both talked to Mira? I pull my phone out of my pocket to check if I have any missed calls or texts, but I don’t.
I place another piece of duct tape over the new crack in my heart.
It serves me right after ignoring so many of her calls while trying to wrap my head around the lies in our family.
Hunter laughs, the sound loose and unburdened, and I hate how jealous I am of him for it. “Just because they’re pissed at Mirabelle doesn’t mean they’re going to let us get a dog. Besides, you’re not even going to be here.”
It’s just another reminder our home is never going to be the same, regardless of whether I lit the fire or not.
Mirabelle left and most likely isn’t going to come back, especially now that she’s dating Henry.
JJ’s on the other side of the country, and who knows where he’ll end up if he ends up playing professionally.
Everything’s changing, and so will they.
The odds of Hunter and me ending up at the same college aren’t high.
I wish things hadn’t changed, but if they hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have Carter. The more conversations we have, the more similarities I find between us.
Fuck, I really need to talk to my parents, whether I want to or not.
I walk away, keeping my steps light so they don’t know I heard their conversation. Not that there was anything they would’ve cared about if I’d heard, but I’m sure they’d think it’s weird I didn’t walk in and join.
Wandering the house, I look for my parents, tired from being consumed by the guilt wreaking havoc on my system. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve showered. It feels like I’ll never be rid of the smoke clinging to my skin. Hopefully, I can get some answers before they disown me.
The door to Mom’s office is cracked, and I hear a name I had still hoped was a lie.
“Bash, you don’t think the fire could’ve been Kiera, right?” she asks, her voice quiet, and I hold my breath, straining to hear.
“I don’t know why she would do anything now. It’s been years since our engagement ended, and I’ve never heard from her. Why would she want revenge now?” Dad asks, and my blood is pumping loudly in my ears. I don’t need to try holding my breath, because instead I can’t breathe.
It’s true?
I didn’t mishear Kiera’s name; the engagement was real, and they think she has grounds for revenge to even be considered for lighting the fire.
And then I’m walking through the door. Mom’s eyes are wide as she looks at me, startled by my entrance while Dad forces a smile.
“Hey, kiddo, what’s up?” Mom asks, and I don’t miss the way she glances at Dad.
They’re definitely hiding something.
They want to keep Kiera a secret.
They want to keep my brother a secret .
“I just had a quick question?” I try to keep my voice even, when all I want to do is scream.
“Okay?” Dad asks, coming up behind Mom to rest his hands on the back of her office chair.
What possible reason could I be asking this for? Why would I be questioning their love when I never have before?
“You guys have been together since college, right?”
Mom’s smile dims before she catches herself. “Yep. Right before my twenty-first birthday, and I never looked back.”
At least before now, I could try to defend them, but she just lied to me.
Dad doesn’t react, going along with it like it’s the truth.
“So why didn’t you guys get married until after Mirabelle and JJ were born if you’d been together that long?” I press, hoping they’ll just come clean.
Dad chuckles and shakes his head. “Because your mother is extremely stubborn. I also had to make sure she wasn’t only staying with me for my money,” he says, joking, but I don’t feel like laughing.
It’s painfully obvious how much they love each other, but is their love worth it if it’s hurt other people along the way?
“Right. What makes you think I’m not playing the long game, and I’m out for your life insurance?” she teases, and I don’t trust myself to speak without bursting into tears.
I offer a tight smile when Mom winks at me. It’s the best I can do right now.
“Anything else?” Dad asks, and I hate how calm he is—like he didn’t abandon Carter twenty years ago.
I shake my head, opting to stay silent before walking out of the office. I walk down the hallway before changing my mind and going back. I want to scream and let them see how angry I am for all the deceit.
“Do you think he knows?” I barely hear Mom whisper.
“No. He can’t. B would have no reason to go looking that far back in the past,” Dad says, but he gets quieter, and I can’t hear what happens next.
The anger feels like a ruse to hold onto because if I don’t focus on how pissed off I am . . . I’ll be forced to realize how fucking sad it makes me to know everything was a lie.
“Dude, you quit soccer?” Hunter asks, barging into my room.
I slam my laptop shut, the screen filled with old articles. I’m trying to pin down a timeline using Mom’s old photographs to determine when my parents’ relationship could have ended before Dad met Kiera.
“Keep your voice down, and shut the door,” I say, pressing my hand to my chest to help slow the panicked beating of my heart. Well, that secret lasted about a day. “How the hell do you even know that?”
His eyebrows skyrocket, and Hunter drags a hand through his short blond hair—one of the key markers that help distinguish us from afar. “You’re not going to deny it?”
“Look, I haven’t told Mom and Dad ye?—”
“What the fuck is the matter with you? I thought you were supposed to visit Duke this month. You know, your dream school that already offered you a spot , but now you’ve just quit?” he asks, his normally calm exterior slipping under the weight of this surprise.
I never responded to the head coach’s email telling me to pick any day I wanted.
Technically, I should have committed last spring, but I knew if I picked a school, it’d be overshadowed by Dad’s looming retirement, Mirabelle graduating from Duke, and JJ graduating from high school.
I don’t think it’s wrong to want a day to be about me. Selfish— for sure —but wrong? No.
I had a couple of different offers from Division I soccer programs, and I know it’d be stupid to pick somewhere other than Duke.
Their program is the best, and some of my teammates who graduated last year play for the Blue Devils.
They’ve had nothing but great things to say about the coaching staff and the facilities. And Kaitlyn’s planning to go to Duke.
It’s where everyone in my family has gone before JJ detoured by choosing Beaumont University in California.
I know it’s the one way I could ever measure up in the same way my brothers have, but I’m forever stuck in their shadows, haunted by a choice I made as a kid to play soccer instead of football.
“What’s the point?”
Hunter blinks, staring at me. “ What’s the point? You love soccer, B,” he says, and I do love it, but I also hate loving it at the same time. I hate loving something that makes me different.
“Just drop it, okay?” I say, trying not to think about the gaping wound that’s been left in my chest after I walked out of my coach’s office yesterday afternoon, giving back my jersey and team-issued gear.
“Is this because we moved here? I’m trying to give you space, but if you weren’t fine with changing schools, you should have said something instead of quitting soccer.”
While I do miss my old friends, we’ve still been staying in touch when I log on to game with them.
My head hurts too much to go in circles with him about this right now. I haven’t been sleeping well, spending more nights out on the roof staring at the stars and the moon, hoping they’ll give me the answers I’m desperate for, than sleeping in my bed.
“It’s not that,” I answer vaguely, and I can tell it’s pissing him off.
He pinches the bridge of his nose like our dad does when he’s trying not to yell, exhaling a sharp breath. “Then what is it?”
The truth burns in my throat as the memory of breathing in smoke and the heat of the fire paralyzes me. I can’t tell him. He’d try, but he won’t be able to understand. Hunter’s careful and deliberate with every choice he makes, and he’d never make the same mistakes I have.
I clamp my jaw shut, shaking my head.