42. Bailey
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Bailey
PAST
My shirt is soaked with sweat from the soccer drills Carter and I have been running through, despite the cooling temperatures.
I underestimated how out of shape I would be after months of not practicing.
A couple of weeks ago, Carter asked if I wanted to work out with him, and I assumed we’d be running.
Instead, we went through his workouts from when he played in college, and it kicked my ass.
“Are you sure we don’t have time to run home and change first?” I ask, taking a long drink of my water, my breathing ragged.
“Trust me, no one will care, but Mom will complain if we’re late.” Carter laughs as we pull up to his parents’ house. “You know, I thought you were supposed to be some superstar soccer player. How are you this out of breath still?”
“Shut up, it’s been over a year since I’ve played. Give me a chance to get back to where I was, and I’ll kick your ass,” I retort, flipping him off.
He shoves my shoulder, and I shove him back. I consider it a win when he wavers to the side. I’m nearly as tall as Carter now. It’s starting to feel like I belong here .
It hurts when I see pictures of my family online or in the tabloids at the grocery store, but I haven’t let myself call JJ again. With his birthday and the holidays coming up in a few weeks, my family has been on my mind more than they should be.
“If my mom is making another casserole, we’ll plan to get pizza on the way back,” he says, and I shake my head at him. He isn’t wrong. Kiera’s good at cooking a lot of things, but casseroles aren’t one of them. I found that out last week during Thanksgiving.
“Deal,” I say, hopping out of his car. I’ve spent nearly as much time at this house as I do at Carter’s apartment, so I don’t think twice as I walk in without knocking. The shouting inside stops me dead in my tracks, and Carter bumps into me from behind.
It reminds me of passing a car wreck. It’s terrible, but you can’t help continuing to watch.
“How many fucking lies are you going to tell, Kiera?” her husband yells over his shoulder as he stomps down the stairs. We step into the house, the door clicking shut behind us.
Luna is down the hallway staring at me with her bright eyes and her mouth open, like a deer caught in the headlights.
I don’t have the chance to ask what’s wrong before her dad turns on me, realizing I’m here. “ You . Of course you’re here. I almost forgot it’s Sunday.” He scoffs, the look on his face faltering as he spots Carter behind me.
I mean, I know he doesn’t like me, but I don’t really understand why he’s acting like this toward me today, specifically.
“Darren, what are you arguing with Mom about now?” Carter asks as Kiera appears at the top of the stairs. Their relationship has soured over the last few months, as the arguments have started happening in front of everyone instead of only behind closed doors .
“Are you going to tell them, or am I?” he asks, looking back at her.
“Please, don’t,” she begs, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up.
What the fuck is going on?
“Your mother has been lying to all of you. Carter, Sebastian Walker isn’t your father,” Darren says, his words echoing through the house like a gunshot.
“She cheated on him during their engagement, and I don’t know who your father is, but I can tell you it’s not him.
Which means this kid is a fucking stranger living with you.
He’s not your brother. Just a pawn in some sick game your mother has been playing with all of you. ”
My body goes numb, as the information attempts to process. I don’t have to look at Carter to know he’s as paralyzed by this as I am.
He didn’t know.
He’s not my brother.
“What?”
I don’t know who says it. Everyone turns to look at me, and it dawns on me that I said it.
Kiera walks down the stairs quickly, not toward Carter, Darren, or Luna, but toward me .
Her hands land on my shoulders. “I didn’t mean to.
I swear, I didn’t mean to. I wanted to tell you the night Carter brought you here, and then again when I went to talk to you, but you look and act so much like your father.
It was like I had gotten a part of Seb back, and I couldn’t let you go.
I’d finally gotten my chance to make things right, and I?—”
I jerk away, cutting her off from the pathetic explanation. My skin is crawling, and I think I might be sick. Kiera was using me as a placeholder for my dad? Does she have any idea how fucking creepy and disturbed that is? “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask, my hands trembling at my sides.
I was wrong .
“Bailey, I swear I didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”
Why the hell does she keep saying that? How do you continue to tell lie after lie for months and then claim it was an accident? There were multiple times for Kiera to come clean—thousands of chances, and she didn’t take any of them.
Luna looks just as horrified as I am, and I don’t have to ask if she knew and didn’t tell me.
“You’re still lying, or is that your default setting now? You could’ve corrected Carter when he asked you about Sebastian Walker, but you didn’t want our kids to know what kind of person you are,” Darren says, and she shakes her head.
“Darren, please. It got out of hand so quickly.”
“I’m done. Do you hear me? I’m done with the lies and the games you’ve been playing with everyone.”
A desperate sound comes from Kiera as the glass castle she has built shatters around her, leaving jagged cuts in the process while she takes everyone down with her.
My brain is struggling to keep up, the last year playing on a loop in my head.
“How could you do this?” Carter asks, finally speaking. I honestly forgot he was there for a minute.
“I . . . I didn’t know how to explain.”
Explain? That’s what you do when you make a mistake.
This is so fucking far from a mistake. If I didn’t know Carter, I’d think this was all some elaborate scheme.
Regardless, I was so desperate to fit in somewhere I pushed away everyone I loved for this lie.
I made my parents out to be these horrible people and convinced myself they deserved to hurt after the lies they’d told.
I treated everyone horribly and then ran away without facing the destruction I left in my wake.
Is there any way I can come back from how I’ve acted?
Carter scoffs, opening the door to leave. I turn to follow, but I’m too slow. He’s already pulling out of the driveway, and I feel like I’m a million miles away from here .
Luna’s behind me, apologizing profusely for sins that don’t belong to her, but I don’t trust myself to speak because I don’t know what will happen next. I feel . . . numb.
“Do you want me to come up with you?” Luna asks from where she’s parked in front of Carter’s apartment building. I know we need to talk, but I’m afraid this will change everything.
I shake my head, but I can’t avoid this. “That’s okay.”
“It’ll be okay.” She reaches to squeeze my hand.
I don’t have the energy to tell her I don’t know how any of this can be made okay, but I appreciate her trying to make me feel better. I think I’m a pretty shitty friend because her life imploded today as well, and Lu’s trying to comfort me.
“Thanks. I’ll call you later?”
“Of course.” Luna smiles faintly at me before pulling out of the spot, driving away.
Every step I take that brings me closer to the apartment feels like a step closer to my execution.
The dark and scary thoughts are swirling in my head, but at least we’ll be going through this together?
We were both lied to. He might not be my real brother, but it doesn’t erase all the time we’ve spent together over the last eight months.
I briefly consider knocking but decide against it because I live here too, instead opening the door.
I’m greeted with silence. After Carter left the house earlier without me, I didn’t know what to expect coming back here.
Carter walks into the living room with a familiar bag in his hands— my bag. His dark eyes fall on me, and I recognize the regret shining in them.
“Can we talk? ”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk. I’m sorry for dragging you into all of this, but I think it’s best if you leave.”
The little hope I had that maybe he would still want to be something to me is crushed, and I don’t think the pieces will ever be able to fit together again. Everything I touch, I break.
“Leave?” The words echo throughout the walls of the apartment. “Where am I supposed to go?” I hate the panic that slips into my voice, but I don’t have anything.
Carter presses my bag into my chest, forcing me to take it. Now he can’t look me in the eyes. “You go back home to your family.”
“Wait, Carter, it doesn’t have to be like this. We can?—”
“What? Continue pretending we’re brothers?
We’re not, Bailey. We are not the same. I’m a bastard, and you’re a poor little rich kid throwing a tantrum because your actual brother stole your girlfriend, and your sister grew up without your permission.
Congratulations—your parents aren’t the liars you thought they were, but we’re not anything.
” His words are carefully placed, hitting me exactly where they can inflict the most damage. “Go home, and don’t contact me again.”
Carter still won’t look at me.
So I do what I do best.
I leave.