Chapter 43 Verity
Verity
Declan's admission ricocheted through my brain as I lay in bed. The faint murmur of voices had woken me from a light sleep, just as Declan confirmed I was like a sister to him.
A girl much too young for him.
Any hope I'd had that there was something between us died. When he'd lifted me from the tub and carried me into the bedroom, naked, he'd been concerned for me. Nothing more.
I'd clearly read too much into the gesture, imagining things that weren't there.
I buried my face in the too-soft pillow, letting the sound of the howling wind and lashing rain wash over me. There was little point in wanting someone who didn't want me.
Evan had taught me that important lesson.
Nobody ever wanted me. Not for long, anyway.
Why would they?
I wasn't an ambitious, go-getter sort of woman like Bridget. Confident and outgoing, like Saoirse. Or badass, like my sister.
What could I offer a guy? Nothing.
Sure, I was pretty enough, objectively speaking. Some guys liked big boobs and a fat ass. At least social media said they did, otherwise, why would Kim Kardashian and Kylie Jenner be so popular?
Declan was right. Going to my sister's place was the right move. I could help Landon take care of the kids for the summer. Work on my tan.
Figure out my next steps.
Switch to a US college and complete my degree there.
Only none of those things felt right.
I loved my niece and nephew, but Landon didn't need my help. I'd only be in the way. Getting under everyone's feet. A spare part.
The wind roared louder, loud enough to drown out my black thoughts, and eventually, I drifted back to sleep.
Something pulled me from a dream of churning, black water sucking me under like quicksand. A hand stroked my cheek. A voice whispered in my ear.
"You're safe."
The lingering panic faded as I forced oxygen into my lungs. I wasn't drowning. This was a bed, not the ocean.
"Breathe, princess. In and out, in and out." Declan's warm voice grounded me.
"I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you."
He shifted next to me. I felt warm skin beneath my cheek, which startled me before I realized his shoulder was my new pillow. How had that happened? When I tried to pull away, embarrassed at how close we were, he tugged me back.
"I wasn't asleep. I heard you cry out, so I came in to check on you."
That didn't explain why I now lay half over him, but OK?
"Aoife had nightmares when she was young. The only thing that helped was cuddling her until she came out of them. Since my bedroom was next to hers, it woke me when she screamed."
"Where were your parents?"
"Pa was away a lot and Ma had Saoirse by then. As the eldest, Pa expected me to help Ma with the younger kids."
That seemed horribly unfair on Declan, but it explained why he felt the need to take care of everyone; he'd clearly embraced the caretaker role from a young age.
He sighed. "It's still really early, so try to get some more sleep."
"I'll be fine. You can go now." I tried pulling back, acutely aware we were way too close, but he refused to let me go.
"I will once you fall asleep."
Since arguing was way too much effort, I closed my eyes. Surprisingly, Declan's muscular arms wrapped around me eased the tension in my body. He wouldn't let anything hurt me; he'd proved that already.
I closed my eyes and let his steady heartbeat lull me back to sleep.
After listening to the raging storm howling around the hotel all night, the silence that greeted me when I next opened my eyes had me confused. Then I realized Declan was still lying next to me, and I'd curled into his muscular frame like a lovesick koala.
My robe had loosened while I slept, the top half now gaping open, leaving my breasts squished against his chest. His very naked chest.
He'd half turned toward me in his sleep. One arm nestled my head, and the other looped over my hip, our legs entangled like vines.
Attempting to extricate myself would wake him. I couldn't decide whether him waking to find me curled around him was more embarrassing than lying here pretending to be asleep.
There was no way out of this. No way to recover from the absolute shame of sleeping with another Kelly brother.
If Ronan and Conal saw me now, they'd be furious. And rightly so. What kind of woman beds one pair of brothers and then, a week later, ends up in bed with a third brother?
My heart pounded in my chest as various scenarios played out in my head, each one more horrifying than the last.
What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I keep making dumb decisions? I had to get away from here. Out of this bed and away from the man who had the power to ruin me.
I'd already fallen hard for Ronan and Conal and been hurt in the process. My bruised heart wasn't resilient enough to cope with more pain. Declan didn't want me. He'd made that quite clear. Sure, he'd fallen asleep in the same bed, but the poor man had been exhausted. I could hardly blame him.
No, this was my fault. My inner slut must have subconsciously pushed me toward him while we slept.
I eased my leg from under his, taking care not to dislodge the comforter. Next, I lifted his ridiculously heavy arm and exhaled in relief when he rolled onto his back, still asleep.
Gods, he was beautiful. Broader than the twins. An older, more mature version of them with additional stress lines around his eyes. He'd inherited his father's strong nose and jaw, whereas the twins favored their mother's more delicate features.
Declan had her eyes, though. Amber flecked with gold, rimmed by thick, sooty black lashes. He'd allowed his hair to grow longer over the last few months, long enough to curl over the nape of his neck. I itched to run my fingers through it. Was it as soft as it looked?
But now was not the time to swoon over this gorgeous man. If I didn't move right this second, he'd wake, and then I'd have to face my shame head-on.
I slid across the mattress, grateful it was firm enough not to bounce under my weight. Declan grumbled some nonsense in his sleep but didn't stir. Before my luck ran out, I crept into the bathroom and closed the door with a faint click.
The realization I had absolutely nothing to wear hit me hard. The horrible dress from the club lay in a puddle of fabric on the floor. No fucking way was I wearing that monstrosity again, which left Declan's clothes.
I glanced around and spotted a carry-on bag by the vanity unit. It held a change of clothes, some joggers, and a loose hoodie. They'd do. I pulled on the joggers, silently cursing at how big they were on my much smaller waist. Still, it was better than roaming around naked, so I'd take it as a win.
The hoodie wasn't so bad. It hung over me like a sack, but helped hide my boobs. My hair was beyond help, so I dragged it back and secured it with a hair elastic.
After washing my face and using a complimentary toothbrush, I carefully opened the bathroom door.
"Going somewhere, princess?"
Declan stood glaring at me with his arms folded across his chest. Instead of meeting his eyes, which looked like they might smite me into a pile of ash, I focused on his chest. Only my gaze inevitably slid down and ended up resting somewhere around his abs.
Then a little lower. Which was a huge mistake, with a strong emphasis on the huge.
The thin cotton pants he wore hid nothing. He might be furious with me right now, but at least one part of him was semi-awake.
"I…I…" Ugh. Why did he always leave me tongue-tied like a stupid teenager with a crush? Oh wait. I was that girl.
"Let me guess. You figured you'd duck out before I woke up."
"Um…" Yes, that was the plan. Kind of.
He stalked over to the main door and unlocked it. When it swung open, I saw Connor leaning against the wall with a coffee in his hand. He grinned and waved at me before snorting with laughter at the sight of me swamped in Declan's joggers and hoodie.
"Hey, Verity! The boss's clothes look hot on you!"
From the way Declan growled, he didn't appreciate Connor checking me out. And from the way Connor's smile instantly faded, he recognized he'd crossed a line.
"Hot as in phew, it's fucking warm this morning!" Connor coughed awkwardly and pushed away from the wall. "Anyhow, I was just about to knock. The pilot says we have a slot to leave at midday."
Declan nodded once and then slammed the door in Connor's face.
"You can't keep running away, Verity!" His shoulder muscles bunched in anger.
I took a big step back as the memory of Anton screaming something similar shortly before he punched me triggered my stress response.
Even though I knew Declan would never hurt me, it didn't stop me from trembling like a leaf in a howling storm.
Flashbacks of Anton's fists driving into my ribs sent me to the floor. I curled up in a fetal position, instinctively protecting my fragile body from the blows that were surely coming.
But nothing happened. No fists, no kicks, no pain. Just the feel of Declan gently lifting me up before holding me tight like a comfort blanket.
"I'm so sorry, princess. I didn't mean to frighten you."
The words sounded genuine, but Anton had said similar things after hurting me. Promised to change. Swore he'd never lay another finger on me. Assured me it was a one-off.
I kept my eyes shut while listening to the thump of Declan's heart. The steady beat calmed my nervous system as the adrenaline faded, leaving nothing but exhaustion and nausea behind.
Declan wasn't Anton, I reminded myself. Declan had always taken care of me. Made sure I had somewhere to stay. Given me money when I needed shit. Hell, he'd even flown here to find me. The most Anton had done was beat me senseless and then stalk me when I had the audacity to leave.
"I'll be fine. It's a stupid stress response," I said once my teeth stopped chattering long enough to let a few words out.
"It's not stupid, and at some point, I want to know exactly what happened to make you react this way.
" I tensed at the idea of telling anyone about the things Anton had done to me.
Nobody knew the extent of his abuse. Not even Saoirse.
Although she'd known our relationship was toxic from the few things I let slip.
Declan sighed. "You don't have to tell me right this minute if you don't want to. But one day, I hope you'll trust me enough to open up."
He scooped me up and sat down on the sofa, cradling me in his arms. Silence washed over us, neither of us acknowledging the fact he hadn’t let me go.
"I'm mad at you, but only because the thought of you running away again scares the absolute shit out of me, Verity. I can't protect you if you run."
"But I'm a burden." I'd always felt that way. My sister had endured so much pain to keep me safe. If I'd never been born, she could have escaped our father far sooner than she did.
"Princess, you are never a burden. Not to me, not to anyone who loves you."
My eyes welled up with tears. I didn't deserve love. Love couldn't fix the broken parts of me.
"We all love you and we'll always protect you." A thumb wiped the tears away. "Even from yourself."
Given how my life had played out thus far, protecting me had become a full-time job, but I stopped short of saying that.
Hearing I wasn't a burden to him helped loosen the knot of tension in my chest. I'd always been someone's problem, and I hated it. It was why I'd attempted to strike out on my own. Be independent. Build a life away from my sister.
I loved Thea; she was my sister, but she couldn't spend her life worrying about me. She had her own family now. Five husbands, two kids, and a business to run. There wasn't room in her day to clear up my messes.
"I wish I didn't need someone to protect me," I admitted after a beat. "I wish I was more like Thea."
Declan sighed. "I get you feel that way, but if you were more like your sister, you wouldn't be you. And you're perfect just the way you are."
"I'm not perfect." The voice in my head piped up in agreement, happily reminding me of all my faults. Too stupid to live. Fat. Useless. And so the list went on.
Declan cupped my face and glared at me. "Stop. Right. Now."
I blinked as my inner critic choked in surprise.
"You're amazing."
Was he trolling me? Amazing was Bridget with her flawless complexion, willowy body, legs for miles, pear-drop tits, and sultry cat-eyes. So perfect that she'd been a Vogue cover model. Twice!
I made the mistake of rolling my eyes. Apparently, he wasn't a fan of my newly discovered sass.
"You don't believe me," he observed, eyes narrowed.
"Well, no."
"Want me to list all the things about you I think are perfect?"
That sounded…embarrassing. I tried to wriggle off his lap, but he held me in an iron grip, and the more I struggled, the more he refused to let me go.
"Your sweet nature."
OK, so that wasn't too embarrassing, even if he was wrong. The blonde Australian bitch at the hostel hadn't called me sweet when I told her to fuck off and die after she woke me up with her incessant screeching.
"Your gorgeous hair."
Again, wrong. Nothing gorgeous about the tangled mess tied up in a hair elastic.
"Your eyes." OK, so my eyes were maybe my best feature. I'd let him have that one.
"Your ass." I flushed red. This was venturing somewhere I didn't want to go.
"Ass?" His hand slid down and cupped said ass.
"Yes, ass." I wasn't sure what to do with that statement. "The ass I've spent way too long thinking about these last few weeks. Inappropriate thoughts."
"Thoughts about what?" I regretted asking the minute the words fell from my lips.
Saoirse would probably hate me forever if I fucked her eldest brother, but in this moment, I wasn't sure I cared.
Besides, if what Declan had told me was true - and I had no reason to assume he'd lied - she had been highly economical with the truth about why she fell out with Katie.
"Dirty thoughts."
A blistering wave of heat swept over me, leaving me breathless. I wanted to believe him, but a big part of me still refused to accept that a man like him - older, self-assured, and used to having any woman he wanted - would look at a girl like me with anything other than platonic affection.
But the moment I shifted slightly and felt him harden between us, I knew he wasn't lying. A flutter of arousal shot through me.
"I thought you saw me as a sister?"
"I lied."