Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
KIRA
I see the face of the boy I loved for so long in the features of the man who now stands before me.
Drew is as handsome as ever, with his sharp jaw, smooth skin and artfully plucked eyebrows. He still plays basketball on the weekends, I know, and his tall, lanky frame is well-muscled. I’m not surprised women like Becca still lose their minds for him, just like they did in high school.
We’re finally outside. I called an Uber because I can’t stand to drive home with Carol’s spy listening in to my every word. Drew clutches the arm I gave him with a desperation that feels familiar. I feel the echoes of my love for him, and it makes my chest ache.
“You know I didn’t mean to embarrass you in there, right?” Drew asks. “Nothing’s changed between us. I want you to be my wife. You know that, right? Kira. Tell me you know that.”
I nod and try again for a smile. “I know, Drew.”
Drew’s standing so close in front of me that he’s crowding out my vision of everything else. The mansion. Everyone inside. There’s only Drew and the night sky.
But I can still feel Isaak somewhere in the background. A pillar of sanity and protection in the confusion of emotions Drew always stirs up in me.
“Tell me you want to be my wife. Tell me you want me for a husband.” He squeezes my arm slightly, and I can feel him shaking.
I swallow. The teenage girl still inside me urges me to give him what I know he wants to hear.
“Please, Kira. I need you.”
I remember how much I used to love hearing him say that and I nod, my stomach clenching and twisting in on itself. My whole life, all I wanted was to be wanted. Being needed by Drew was even better than being merely wanted, right? My teenage brain has tried to desperately convince me of this for the past year.
“I want you to be my husband,” I say, but it feels hollow even as it comes out of my mouth.
Drew breathes out in relief, his grip on my arm relenting. In this moment, I see that all he cares about is the words. He can’t see beyond my surface to the pain churning just beneath.
But then, he never could, could he?
I keep looking up at his handsome face. What does he see when he looks at me? Does he even see me?
Or does he just see an object that makes him feel better? Has he ever once seen me at all? The me that I really am?
“Why do you want to marry me, Drew?” I ask suddenly. “Are you even in love with me?”
He blinks in confusion, and I continue, on a roll now. “I know we agreed that we could sleep with other people. That’s not what I’m talking about. Sometimes, I care about that, but most of the time, I don’t, which should be telling. But I want to know if you’re in love with me.”
He blinks some more, shaking his head. “Kir, why are you talking like this? I want to be with you. I thought that was what you always wanted? I’m here.” He touches his chest. “Ready to be with you.” He takes my hand in his, fingering my engagement ring. “To put my wedding ring on your finger and claim you in front of the whole world.”
I feel a little speechless, and it’s only after swallowing that I manage to speak. “You knew I always wanted to be with you? In high school, that whole time, you knew?”
His blue eyes search mine, and he nods.
“But then why didn’t you—” I feel my brow furrow. “Why did you just let me keep—” I swallow and look at the sidewalk under my feet, embarrassment and shame sweeping through me. “God, I feel so stupid.”
“No,” he says, finger lifting my chin so I look back at him. “It was sweet. It just wasn’t time yet. But now it is. In two months, we’ll stand in front of all our family and friends, and I’ll claim you as mine.”
I scrunch my forehead. “Why now? Why do you want me now all of a sudden?”
He chuckles. “It’s not all of a sudden. I meant what I said during the toast inside. I always knew we’d get here. We were meant to be together. Our parents literally worked out our engagement when we were little kids in the sandbox. It was written in the stars.”
I can only stare at him, mouth agape. There are too many thoughts zooming through my brain to quite understand what I’m feeling right now or grasp the implications of what he’s saying.
But it doesn’t feel good. That I know. My therapist says in confusing situations like this, try to focus on the most basic feelings—do I feel good in my body or bad? Right now, the bad alarm bells are going off, and I’ve learned to pay enough attention to notice them.
Drew’s just smiling at me now as if he’s just said the most romantic shit any man ever said to a woman.
“Oh, look,” I say, noting the car pulling into the roundabout. “That’s my car.”
I’m not sure this conversation’s over, but I’m suddenly very ready to get the hell out of here.
“I’m glad we cleared everything up.” Then he looks down at me, smile still just as big.
Did we?
I walk over to the back seat, and I’m so relieved when I see Isaak step up.
“I got her from here,” his deep voice suddenly rumbles from behind Drew.
I get in the car and scoot over, leaving the door open for Isaak to join me. But then I see the bottom of Drew’s tux, obviously trying to block Isaak from getting in with me.
“Don’t you take a separate car or something?” Drew doesn’t sound anything like the guy I was once in love with… or did I just have a na?ve teenage crush on him? I frown.
“Where she goes, I go,” Isaak’s voice rumbles.
Drew’s still blocking the door so Isaak can’t get in.
“Get out of the way, Drew!”
Instead, Drew opens it and leans over, half climbing in. “What? So he can take you home tonight, and I can’t? He can take another Uber. I’ll pay for it.”
I just stare at him. “He’s my 24/7 bodyguard, Drew. Didn’t you get my message? I told you the stalker situation has gotten really bad. I’m too scared to stay at my house anymore.”
He blinks like he finally gets it. “Then come stay with me.”
I snort. “I don’t think Becca would like that very much.”
“I’m done with Becca. Obviously.”
“What about everyone else crowding your DMs?”
“Is that what this is about? Fine. I can be done with them, too, until the wedding.”
“Aw, Drew, you say the most romantic things.”
I see the confusion wash over his face. “I thought you were okay with?—”
“I was. I am.” I breathe out a laugh. “Believe me, I so am.” Thank god I never gave my grown-up heart to this man. He would only break it again and again.
“Good night, Drew. Now get out of Isaak’s way.”
Drew frowns. “You’re on a first-name basis with your bodyguard? That doesn’t seem very professional.”
But then, Drew no longer has any say in it. One second, he’s there, and the next, he’s flying backward as if yanked by a bungee cord.
“The lady said good night ,” Isaak rumbles after he finishes literally picking Drew up from under his armpits and depositing him several feet away as if he’s no bigger than a toddler. Well, considering the little temper tantrum it looked like he was about to throw…
I look back at Isaak, huge muscles still flexing, as he climbs in the car and yanks the door shut behind him. Holy shit, that was sexy.
He pulls his seat belt on, and then, his strong-jawed face turns in my direction. “Seatbelt,” he says to me as the driver pulls out of the driveway.
I yank my seat belt on. “Yes, sir.”