Chapter 53
FIFTY-THREE
KIRA
I feel sick from worrying about Isaak.
Not knowing what’s happening to him and just imagining the worst, hour by hour? It’s twisted my already-nauseaus stomach into even more knots.
Jump out the window.
Stab Drew in the eye with a fork .
Stab yourself in the thigh with a fork.
Why are my intrusive thoughts so obsessed with forks? God! Why not knives? It’s obviously the more logical stabbing utensil. But forks have all those lovely little sharp, stabby tines.
Sharp stabby tines. Sharp stabby tines. Sharp stabby. Sharp stabby. Sharp stabby. Sharp stabby. Sharp-stabby-sharp-stabby-sharp-stabby-sharp-stabby?—
Ugh! I grab my head in my hands and crouch on the floor of the bedroom where Drew has stashed me.
I need to stop imploding and focus my rage on fucking Drew.
Fucking Drew. Fucking Drew. Fucking Drew. Fucking Drew.
He’s gone back to pretending everything’s normal. Oh yeah. It’s so normal to be locked up in his house, where he’s keeping me prisoner until the wedding.
Does he think that’s just how it’ll be from now on? That I’ll be docile and obedient?
This is fucking ridiculous.
He hasn’t even mentioned when Isaak’s getting out. I’m not walking down that goddamned aisle until I get some assurances.
Plus… I want to see Isaak again before the wedding. No, I need to see him.
I breathe out and look down at my feet where I’m still crouched. For Isaak to be safe, he’s got to be long gone. If he does something stupid like show up at the wedding?—
There’s literally no telling what Drew might do to him.
Isaak’s not safe here. He’s not safe around me. Or my world. He never was, and it was obvious to anyone with eyes except me.
I was daydreaming, thinking I could escape. Because this always was my world, wasn’t it? I just didn’t have eyes to see the box for what it really was.
It was always crafted by violence and abuse and control. Drew’s father. My mother. My father, even, always so obsessed with money and power no matter the cost. And now Drew.
The box they want to put me in was never for my safety. I created it. My brain erupted with all these OCD symptoms screaming at me that something is wrong! because they were the dangerous ones all along.
They can only keep their power if me and everyone like me stay small so they can keep looming large.
Maybe there was never any way out for me, as narrowly as I’ve been backed into this corner.
But one thing’s for damn sure, I’m not taking a good man like Isaak Luther down with me.
So that means I’ve got to go handle Drew, no matter how fucking anxious or crazy I feel right now.
Fucking Drew. Fucking Drew. Fucking Drew. Fucking Drew. Fucking Drew.
My hands ball into fists and I climb off the floor.
I can put on the poker face needed to handle him. I’m capable of more than any of them realize.
I take a deep breath, swallow hard, and head off to find him in his study.
He barely looks up from the papers he’s sifting through as I walk in. He’s always working. Like father, like son.
“Has Isaak been let go yet?”
That certainly has his head snapping up. “What do you care?”
Be sweet. Be Southern. Be the little girl he expects you to be. The one who’s always waiting for him at the end of the night no matter what. “I told you why already. I hoped you would make it a wedding gift to me.”
His eyes narrow, but I try pushing further. “And one more thing. I want to see him tomorrow.”
“The day before our wedding?” I hear the danger in his voice but keep talking.
“Yes. He won’t leave us alone for good unless I make him. I don’t want him hurt. I just want to scare him away.”
It’s the terrifying truth. With as protective as Isaak is, the moment he gets out of jail, he’ll come for me.
Drew is violent, rich, and connected.
He’s not bluffing when he says he’ll have Isaak killed.
This was always my fate, but I refuse for it to be Isaak’s. I have to save him in the only way I can.
I look Drew straight in the eye, channeling the girl he knew. “And I need to see him so I can tell him the truth. That I never had feelings for him. It’s always been you. Then he can go his way, and I’ll go mine. With you.”
I smile at Drew as I reach his side, and he spins his chair out from under his desk to face me.
“You’ll get everything you ever wanted.” I smile, dropping down to sit on his lap. “Him gone and me as a willing and happy wife.”
I lift a hand to cup his face. “I’ll be the supporter that you can always count on. You know it used to be so good with us, Drew. I idolized you. You’re still that man. That great man. You’re going to be greater still, and you’re right. This is where I belong. In this world, with you.”
“Then why do you care what happens to that loser?” he seethes through his teeth, arms wrapping around me. It takes everything in me not to shudder and yank away.
“I’m softer than you.” I comb some hair back from his face, forcing myself to stay completely in character. “I have a gentle heart. I don’t want to go into our marriage with unfinished business. If I can set him free and send him on his way, then it’s a win-win for everyone.”
I meet Drew’s gaze steadily with mine. “We could be the best team together, Drew. I know it. I’ll never ask you for much, and I’ll be everything you need.”
“Well, then start now,” he says with petulant cruelty, “and don’t ask me for this.”
Shit. Of course. Someone with ASPD will only ever be concerned with their own motives and desires. He doesn’t care about what could be a win-win situation for both of us.
He only cares if he wins.
I breathe out, keeping my gaze and demeanor soft as I try to keep that in mind. “It will eat at me. I won’t mean for it to, but it will. And I might not be able to comfort you as much as I used to. Really, Drew, I didn’t know it bothered you so much, or I wouldn’t have hooked up with him. I just thought since you had your women?—”
“It’s different for men,” he snaps.
God, I’m walking such a careful line here between his ego and his impulsivity.
I lean in slightly and furrow my eyebrows as if begging for his approval. “Well, now I know the rules. You know I’m good at following rules. I was always a straight-A student,” I try to joke with a little smile. It kills me to stay in character, but I know I have to. I’m committed. Lives are literally at stake.
I pull back, keeping eye contact. “It was always you, Drew. You know I’ve only ever loved you.”
My heart squeezes at uttering the heresy.
But it works. He smirks, wrapping an arm around me. “I know. I liked how you used to pine after me.”
I bet. Asshole. Stringing me along forever just because it stroked his ego.
I share a small, flirty smile. “I’ll always pine after you.”
He leans forward and smashes his lips against mine in an awful imitation of a kiss, his horrible tongue forcing its way into my mouth. I freeze but try to allow him access without biting his tongue off.
This is just a negotiation , I tell myself. You can survive this because you have to .
I make sure to smile when he pulls back. I can’t tell if he’s satisfied by the awful kiss.
“Alright, get off of me,” he says, his attention back on his laptop screen. “I’ve got work to do.”
Aha. I know when I’ve been dismissed.
“Of course.”
I climb off his lap and dare to linger and ask nonchalantly, “So can I go by the jail tomorrow to pay his bail and get rid of him for good?”
Drew doesn’t look up from his computer as he waves a hand. “Whatever. Just don’t be late to your hair appointment for the rehearsal dinner.”
“Of course not.” I make my voice casual and loving as I call out, “Goodnight, soon-to-be husband!”
He grunts, and I’m about to step into the hallway when his next words stop me cold.
“You understand, if I ever find out you’ve even spoken to that man beyond tomorrow’s goodbye, I’ll gut him like a fish while he’s still alive to watch his own entrails spill out. That will be my wedding present.”
He doesn’t even glance my way but I can’t manage words, just a nod as I step into the hallway, forcing myself to keep my steps even.
I want to slump against the wall, but I can’t be sure he doesn’t have cameras on every inch of this place. He could be watching me walk away from him right now through a camera feed on his laptop.
With that in mind, I go straight to the bathroom, get in the shower, and turn the loud spray up to the max. Only then do I scream quietly with my fist in my mouth.