CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Iturned around slowly, my torchlight travelling up over black boots, fatigues, and a dark fleece jacket, then up to eyes that seemed darker than the cave itself.
“Lucas,” I started, but he didn’t let me speak.
“Maverick was in the room when Ethan got the call notifying him that the boat carrying you to the mainland had never arrived,” he said casually, moving slowly towards me, trailing his fingers over the cold, wet cave wall. “Of course, we called around and even sent out boats to find you. I imagine you wouldn’t be surprised that we found our two betas clinging to a buoy not too far from the harbour.”
“I couldn’t go back, Lucas,” I said, backing away from him. “I couldn’t go back there. Whatever else I’ve lied about, I didn’t lie about what my father would do to me if I returned home, and I never worked for him. Never.”
Lucas shrugged. “Your words mean nothing anymore, Nova.” His emotionless tone hurt more than if he’d raged at me, and I swallowed. I deserved it. I deserved everything I got.
“How did you know where I was?” I asked, my steps faltering as I edged backwards enough to brush up against the fall of rocks under the chimney.
“Ethan set up a search for you. We’ve talked to contacts on the island and on the mainland. You hadn’t been seen landing anywhere there, and then someone rang in to report a small boat in this area. They were worried someone was going to get into a bad position because of the storm rolling in. I knew immediately it was you.”
He moved closer, and there was something cold in his eyes that made my shivers worse. He’d always told me he was a monster, and I hadn’t believed him, not really. Dark, yes, but monstrous? And yet, a small part of me wondered how far he could be pushed until he snapped, and I pondered if I was going to die here. His eyes were cold and dark, and I realised I didn’t want to die, not like this. Not at his hands.
“It really doesn’t have to be this way, Lucas,” I said. “We could talk—”
“No, Nova, I don’t think we can,” he replied, his smile tightening. “I’m going to take you back to the harbour and hand you over to Ethan, or I might even take you to the mainland myself just to make sure the job gets done.”
“Lucas, please. He’ll kill me,” I begged. I thought I saw something like pity flicker in his eyes, but it was gone just as fast as it was there.
“I don’t care,” he said. “You’re nothing but another of Caleb’s tools, trying to bring us all down. A little whore, just like I thought the first time I found you in my bed.”
I felt like he’d slapped me, and I gasped with the hurt.
He gave me a chilly smile. “Does the truth hurt, Nova?”
I shook my head. “What Ethan said is not true. I never worked for my father, and I had never heard of Jaxon before I ran into him at the bar I worked in. He hit on me, Lucas, not the other way around.”
“It must have been handy when he got sick, knowing you’d be rid of him soon. You must have been grateful when he died. It got you off the hook. How did he die, Nova? Did you just leave him to it? I know it wasn’t an easy death. Did you leave him, or did you sit and file your nails as my brother died?”
I slapped him across the face, anger replacing my guilt. “Fuck you, Lucas, you know nothing except what that snake told you!”
“It’s this snake I’m interested in,” Lucas sneered, narrowing his eyes. “You say I know nothing, then tell me, Nova. How exactly did my brother die?”
“What do you want me to say?” I cried, stepping back. “Do you want me to tell you that he’d been feeling ill for weeks? That we had to wait weeks for test results, and that I cried in his arms when we got the diagnosis? Did it occur to any of you that I lost the man I loved more than anything in this world? Would you even care?”
“You knew him for a few months,” Lucas countered. “He was our brother, and you kept his death a secret from us. Do I care? No, I don’t believe you, and I don’t give a shit.”
“You want to know how he died?” I said, glaring at him. “Fine. It took weeks. I quit my job to look after him. The disease destroyed him from the inside. He couldn’t keep food down, he grew weak, and he lost weight until he barely looked like himself. His skin turned grey, and his eyes sank back in his head. He was cold all the time, and even when I lay next to him to warm him, he couldn’t get warm. He grew confused towards the end, never knew where he was, and would get upset. Sometimes he didn’t recognise me, and he’d lash out. I was covered in bruises, Lucas, from where he grabbed or hit me when he was afraid. And on that last night, he sobbed like a child in my arms because he couldn’t stay with me, and he shook with seizures and screamed with pain as his organs collapsed, and you know what, Lucas? Yes, by that point, I hadn’t eaten in days, hadn’t slept for longer, and I was so tired of seeing the man I loved in pain, that yes, I was fucking grateful when he finally died.”
I screamed the last few words as months of pent-up grief, guilt, and shame spilled out into the darkness of the cave like some kind of confessional box.
I stepped forward and hit him, bringing my fists down on his chest over and over, hammering at him. “Don’t you fucking dare say I didn’t care. I stood by that man and held him through everything when there was no one else there for him, when he was completely alone because he’d rather die alone than put his brothers in danger. I took it all for you. For months, I took it, and every day since, I bore the guilt, shame, and grief of losing him, of knowing I couldn’t do more and that his child will grow up never knowing how amazing his father was.”
“Nova, stop,” Lucas snapped, but I couldn’t. I continued to shout at him.
“You guys can hate me all you want, but I’m done. Ethan kept it from you too. His own nephew. He knew he was lying there dying, and he didn’t tell you. He didn’t even tell you when he died, and he knew, Lucas. He fucking knew. Those emails were real, and I don’t give a shit anymore if you believe me or not. I’ve had enough of your fucking family and their fucked up games. All I want is to be left alone. I want to leave and raise my child away from this fucking nightmare.”
“You betrayed us, Nova,” Lucas retorted, his voice bitter. “We trusted you, opened up to you, and you betrayed us over and over again. How on earth could you think that we could forgive that?”
“You’re so full of shit, Lucas Scott,” I snapped. “You’re so done up in your own little world that you’ve forgotten what the real one is like, and that there are people out there who don’t have a family, who haven’t been given everything they have ever wanted, and who have to work for everything in this world you take for granted.”
“And what exactly do you think I take for granted?” he asked, his eyes burning into mine.
“Oh come on. This whole I’m a monster thing? You push everyone away and use that as an excuse. You lost your dad as a kid, and you’re too fucking terrified to open up and trust anyone in case they leave you too, like your father, like Jaxon. Well, newsflash, Lucas, neither of those were about you. Your father died in an accident trying to save the son he loved, and Jaxon died trying to find out what your dickhead of an uncle is up to, because I think it’s big—big enough that Jaxon was hoping to find millions in treasure to pay him off. So stop whining, stop fucking about, and realise you’ve got people who love you, like your brothers, like—”
I stopped, afraid I’d go too far. Lucas watched me warily, the torch lighting his face, which looked pale against the darkness of the cave. Silence fell inside, and all I could hear was the roar of the wind, and the crashing of the surf against the rocks. The wind whistled through the cave, tossing my hair over my face, and I could hear the torrent of rain up above. For a moment, I was back in the city, holding Jaxon’s body against mine as he finally fell still, and I watched through the window as the rain fell in great grey swoops over the colourless city.
“Like who, Nova?” His voice sounded dry, cracked, like if he spoke too loudly, it might shatter.
I sighed. “Like me, Lucas.”
He shook his head. “No.”
The adrenaline that had filled me moments before as I screamed my heart out at the man who had once been my mate faded away, and I felt my legs tremble underneath me. I lowered myself to the rocky ground before they went altogether. The cold seeped through my wet clothes, and I shivered some more.
Lucas looked down at me. “No,” he stated more firmly this time.
“No, what?” I asked, running my hand through my hair and pushing it back from my face.
“You aren’t there for me, Nova. You lied to me, betrayed me. You don’t love me. I won’t fall for that again.”
I shook my head. I was too tired. Exhaustion spread through my limbs, making them feel like lead. “Isn’t that convenient?” I muttered.
“Convenient? What are you talking about?” he snapped.
“It must have been such a relief, Lucas, to find out that I was lying after all. That I’d deceived you. You were right all along, and now the danger’s passed, hasn’t it?” My tone was unmistakably sarcastic, and he frowned.
“What are you on about?”
“You. You’re off the hook. Safe from actually having to take a risk.”
“I don’t follow. You’re talking shit again.”
“You’re the one full of shit.” I glared up at him. “This lets you off, doesn’t it? You don’t have to face the situation where someone actually fell in love with you, where someone saw every side of you and still loved you, because that goes against every story you like to tell yourself—that you’re a monster and that no one could love you, because you aren’t worth it.”
He recoiled like he’d been shot, but I’d had enough of pulling punches, and he wasn’t getting off that lightly.
“It must have been terrifying when you finally realised I’d fallen for you. Did you know before I did? I bet you did. You see everything except yourself, but it’s fine. I lied after all, which must mean I lied about that too, and now you can slink back into your hole of self-pity and meaningless sex and not have to worry about messy emotions anymore. But the joke’s on you.”
“And why is that?” I could barely hear him, his voice a rough whisper under the noise of the wind, rain, and waves.
“Because I did love you, Lucas, shadows and all, and I still do. I probably always will. Well, until you hand me over to Caleb, and he orders his men to rip me apart.” I sighed and held out my hand.
He stared at it, like it was a dead fish or something. “What?”
“I’m five months pregnant, and I’m utterly exhausted. Won’t you at least help me up before you deliver me to my death?”
He hesitated, then shook his head.
I rolled my eyes and struggled to my feet by myself. My legs shook under my weight, and my foot turned on a loose rock, wrenching my ankle. “Ouch. Shit!”
Reacting fast, Lucas grabbed my arms to steady me, then froze. Even in the near darkness, I could see the expression of horror cross his face as he looked down where his hands were wrapped around my upper arms—my bare, cold, damp upper arms. Fuck.
“Lucas,” I said, pulling my arms out of his grip. “Lucas, look at me!”
He wouldn’t, continuing to stare at my arms, his expression almost vacant.
“Lucas!”
His chest rose and fell rapidly, and his breathing was shallow and fast. He was going into shock, and I needed to stop it. I reached up and grabbed his shoulders, trying to shake him out of it and make him look at me. He raised his eyes to mine, but there was no recognition there.
“Lucas, please. It’s Nova, you’re here with me. Come back to me, Lucas.”
He shook his head slowly and took a step backwards, then another, and another. I followed him, thinking if I got him out of the cave, he would be okay. I turned to him, trying to guide him through the narrow gap that led to the main cave. As I looked past him, I realised with horror that we’d nearly been trapped. The two boats were farther out, the waves were higher than before, and the water was almost at the mouth of the cave.
Lucas saw the water too, and his eyes went wide. He gasped and froze where he was.
“Keep going, Lucas. We can make it.”
He was too far gone, too far back in the past, and he backed away, turning to scramble through the cave, away from the rising water.
“Lucas!” I screamed, the sound of the surf almost deafening. “Lucas, stop! Wait.” I climbed back through after him, going as fast as I could. I stumbled and came down hard on one knee, feeling a flash of pain and a trickle of blood as the sharp rock tore through my sweatpants. “Shit! Lucas, where are you?”
I made my way carefully back to the main cave and nearly fell over something as I squeezed through the opening.
“Lucas!”
He was on the ground, completely collapsed, and terror flooded through me.
“Lucas! Fuck, Lucas! Talk to me.”
I skimmed over him with the torch, then rolled him onto his back. He groaned quietly, and my heart hammered in my chest as I let out a sigh of relief. At least he was breathing. I checked him over quickly. He must have tripped when he came back through. The torch revealed a nasty gash on his head and a trickle of blood that dripped onto the dark rocks beneath him.
“Lucas?” I called.
He groaned again, his eyelids fluttering.
“Lucas, it’s Nova. Can you get up?”
“Mmm.”
“Lucas, I need you to get up. The water is rising, and we’re going to be trapped here if we don’t get to the boat soon. Lucas, please!” I pleaded as if it could make a difference.
“Go,” he murmured.
“What?” I leaned closer to hear him.
“Go... now. Leave.”
“Not without you,” I told him firmly. Lucas moaned again, and his eyes closed completely as he lost consciousness.
“Lucas? Lucas! Fuck!” I screamed into the darkness, but my echo and the sound of waves were my only response.