5. Fiona
Chapter Five
FIONA
I’m starting to feel dizzy from pacing around my room, but that also might be due to the lack of food.
Cormac didn't exactly set me up with a mini fridge and a coffee machine when he decided to lock me in my room for the foreseeable future.
Though, from how anxious I feel, I’m not even sure I could eat even if I wanted to.
I stood at the window, watching as Cormac left with his brothers and a team of men, but that was hours ago. I’ve watched the sun rise and set, and still, Scout has not returned. I can only hope that they’ve managed to track down whoever this Smirnov guy is and are on their way to rescue Scout.
But until then, I’m stuck in this room with nothing to do but ruminate.
“It’s no less than you deserve.” I press my forehead to the cold glass and stare down at the drive below.
Even from up here, I can still see the bloodstain from where Brennan lay unconscious.
Being locked in a room with an enormous bed and an ensuite bathroom that resembles a hotel spa isn’t the worst punishment Cormac could have given me. If anything, it was a mercy, which makes me hold on to an ounce of hope that once all of this is over, we might be able to work this out.
Why else would he be keeping me around?
Because he thinks you’ll go running straight to Lorcan…
Or maybe he wants to kill you himself.
“Screw you, logical brain,” I mutter.
A soft knock sounds at the door, and my heart stutters.
“Cormac?” I call out tentatively, even though I know it can’t be him because I’ve been standing at the window ever since he left.
“It’s me…Ciara. Can I come in?”
My throat suddenly grows thick with tears as I pad over to the door and press my hand against it, willing it to open.
“You can’t. Cormac… He…”
Ciara tries the handle and curses when she realizes it’s locked. “Oh, I am going to kill Cormac. All this time I thought you were just sleeping, but he had you locked away in here like some prisoner? Seriously, what does he think is going to happen? That you’re going to get snatched too?”
Knowing how Cormac currently feels about me, I’m sure he would see that as a blessing.
“It’s okay, really. I’m fine in here.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Just…stay right there. I’ll be back.”
I listen to her footsteps disappearing down the hall.
Knowing Ciara, she’s gone to find a sledgehammer to break down the door.
I shuffle back over to the bed and collapse on the edge.
My limbs feel so heavy. I can’t remember the last time I slept properly. It must have been before Lorcan asked me to find the laptop, but that was days ago…
I catch the sound of Ciara’s footsteps again, and I brace myself for whatever she’s about to do.
To my surprise, the door clicks open, and there she stands, looking bewildered.
She rushes to my side. “Fiona, are you all right?”
“I’m fine, really.”
She places her hands on her hips. “These Sullivan men are something else. At the first sign of danger, I swear their instinct is to just lock away anyone and anything they care about.”
I wish that were true in this case, but it’s not. But of course, I don’t correct her because that would mean coming clean about working with Lorcan, and I don’t think I can cope with Ciara hating me on top of everything else.
“Right, you’re coming with me,” Ciara states after a beat.
“Coming where?”
“To get some proper food. You need to get some color back in your cheeks.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Tough. Believe me, I’ve gotten very good at force-feeding my children, and I can do it to you too.”
Why do I feel like she’s not joking?
I sigh as I reluctantly get to my feet and follow Ciara out of the room.
After the chaos of the past twenty-four hours, the house suddenly feels deathly quiet. It’s unnerving.
“Where is Riley?” I ask, realizing I can’t hear any of the children crying as we head down the stairs.
“Asleep, finally. So, Elena is on kid duty, at least until Aubrey wakes up and needs to feed. Honestly, I have no idea how Ronan and I would have ever survived the newborn trenches without her.”
I nod, half-listening, as we walk into the kitchen.
Ciara throws open the fridge. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Honestly, I’m fine…” I slide into a chair at the kitchen table and fiddle with the sleeve of my top.
She looks over her shoulder. “I was joking about force-feeding you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I force a smile despite the enormous knot that has taken up permanent residence in my stomach. “What about some tea?”
“Tea sounds great.” Though, even thinking about drinking that makes me want to throw up.
I sit silently while Ciara moves around the kitchen, pulling out some boxes of crackers and various other snacks when she thinks I’m not looking.
As I watch her, I wish I had half the strength she has because throughout this entire nightmare, she has been solid as a rock.
And so has Riley, considering she only gave birth a few weeks ago.
These Sullivan men might be strong, but their wives are something else entirely.
Ciara sets down a steaming mug of mint tea in front of me as well as a small snack plate. “Here. Don’t feel like you need to eat if you don’t want to.”
“Thanks.” I wrap my hands around the mug.
The heat causes goosebumps to break out all over my skin, and I shiver.
Ciara joins me at the table, sitting across from me with her own tea and snack plate.
For a moment, we sit in silence, reveling in the quiet.
“Have you heard anything?” I eventually ask, but Ciara shakes her head.
“Not yet.”
We both fall silent again, and Ciara reaches for a cracker and delicately nibbles on the edge.
“I hate this,” she mutters. “Just sitting around and waiting. I’ve never felt so useless in my life.”
“You’re being a mother to your children. That’s not being useless.”
“Most of the time, I feel useless at that too. All the twins seem to want to do is cry.”
“It’s just a phase. My sister went through the same one with both of her girls.”
“Really?” Ciara asks, looking hopeful.
“Oh, yeah. I mean, with the teething and the sleep regression, it’s a recipe for disaster. The amount of times Carly would call me up and all three of them would be in floods of tears…” I stare down into my mug. “It feels like a lifetime ago.”
“What helped?”
“Wine and a boatload of chocolate.”
“For her or the kids?”
I huff a laugh. “Mostly just having some company helped. Someone to talk to.”
“I can understand that. I realize you, me, and Riley all living under one roof hasn’t happened under the best of circumstances, but…I’m grateful all the same.”
I keep my eyes downcast so that Ciara can’t see the guilt in my eyes.
“Do you want kids?” she eventually asks.
“Huh?”
“Kids. Do you want them? I mean, you’re so good with all of our lot, especially….” Ciara cuts herself off, but she and I both know she means Scout.
I quickly snatch up a cracker and force it into my mouth just so I have an excuse not to answer.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t pry, but Cormac is just so secretive. I realize he hired you as an assistant, but then he moved you into his house under the guise of being a nanny, and I just thought maybe… Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that you’re good together.”
I know she means well, but her words feel more like a catalyst that sends me over the edge. I clamp a hand over my mouth, but it’s too late.
A hysterical sound halfway between a laugh and a sob escapes me.
Ciara looks a little startled. “What is it?”
I bite down on my lower lip to try and contain my sobs, but it’s no use.
“I can’t do this,” I bury my face in my hands.
“Oh, Fiona. Please don’t cry. Scout is going to be fine, trust me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Maybe not, but I know Ronan and Cormac, and I know they will go to the ends of this earth to protect their family, and that includes you too.”
Every word she speaks only makes me cry harder.
How can I continue to take advantage of her kindness when I don’t deserve it?
“It’s not that…”
“Then what is it? You know you can talk to me about anything.”
I shake my head. “I… I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because…” I suck a breath. “Because I can’t bear the thought of you hating me.”
Ciara looks taken aback, but she quickly recovers her expression as she slowly sets down her mug of tea.
“Let me get one thing very clear. I could never hate you, Fiona.”
“You will…” I whisper.
When Ciara stays silent, I take another deep breath and start talking because, at some point, Ciara is going to learn the truth, and I would rather she hear it from me.
“Cormac didn’t lock me in my room because he was trying to protect me.”
“Then why did he?”
“Because…” I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Because he blames me for Scout going missing.”
Ciara looks outraged. “What? How could he possibly think that?”
“Because it sort of is.” I look down at my hands.
Ciara stills, but she doesn’t say another word, so I fill the silence with everything that I’ve been holding close all this time.
Everything from Carly’s past to the truth behind my job at Sullivan Investments, but most of all, how Lorcan has been the one pulling my strings this entire time, and how it led to us being upstairs in Kieran’s office when Scout was taken.
“So, if Cormac and I hadn’t been upstairs arguing, we would have realized what was going on. Cormac could have stopped those men from taking Scout and hurting Brennan.”
“Fiona—”
“You have to believe me when I say I never meant for any of this to happen—”
“I know.”
I blink. “Wait, what?”
“I know you never meant for this to happen.”
I stare at her in complete disbelief. “You…do?”
“Of course. I’ve seen how you are with Scout. I’m sorry, but no one is that good of an actress.”
“I don’t understand…”
“Understand what?”
“That’s it? You’re just going to accept everything I’ve just said?”
When Ciara doesn’t answer, I tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But to my surprise, she gets up from her seat and comes to sit beside me.
She places her hand over mine and squeezes it once. “Why didn’t you tell us earlier?”
“How could I?” I mumble as I try to blink past the tears.
“Is this really why Cormac locked you in your room?”
“Yes. And I don’t blame him.”
Ciara shakes her head. “I sure as hell do.”
“Please, don’t be upset with him. He was just doing what he thought was right.”
“Don’t defend him, Fiona. Regardless of what you have done, that doesn’t give Cormac any right to treat you the way he did. You’re not the only one in this house with a history.”
“No, but—”
“But nothing. Riley and I… Let’s just say neither of our journeys to becoming a Sullivan was smooth sailing.”
I let out a watery laugh. “That doesn’t surprise me.”
“If you think Ronan is a grumpy bastard now, that’s nothing compared to what he was like when I first met him. I swear, this life that we have built? It’s beyond anything I could have ever imagined. But that doesn’t mean it was easy.”
“But you weren’t secretly working with Lorcan.”
“You were doing what you thought you had to do. And while I think you should have told him the truth earlier, I understand why you didn’t.
Hell, even I’m terrified of Lorcan. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for you to be indebted to him for something that wasn’t your fault.
And then for him to use your niece's health against you? That’s low, even for him. ”
“I hope you know it means a lot to hear you say that.”
“Has Cormac even tried to hear you out?”
“Not yet.”
“Well, he’s had a lot on his mind. Hopefully, once Scout is home and all of this blows over, you can talk it out because I stick by what I said, you two are great together. And it would be a shame for Lorcan to ruin it.”
Ciara’s acceptance of my past gives me hope that Cormac might eventually understand it too.
Suddenly, the sound of tires crunching over gravel comes from outside, and the two of us jump to our feet, knocking the table and spilling our untouched tea in the process.
Ciara gasps as she rushes over to the window. “Oh my god. They’re back!”
I almost trip over my own feet as I hurry to her side just in time to see a convoy of black SUVs hurtling up the drive.
I forget to breathe as the passenger door of the first car opens and out climbs Cormac with—
“Scout,” I sob, grabbing hold of the edge of the table to keep me upright.
Ciara bursts into tears as she grabs my hands, the two of us watching as Ronan, Brennan, and Kieran climb out of the cars.
“Come on.” She sniffs, tugging on my hand, but I don’t move. “What is it?”
“I shouldn’t be here.”
“Scout will want to see you.”
I want to see him too, more than anything, but I know that would only anger Cormac more. So, I pull my hand free from her grip and take a step back.
I force a smile despite the gaping hole in my chest. “You should go and meet them. I’ll be in my room.”
“If you’re sure?”
I nod.
“Okay, well, I’ll come and give you an update when I can,” she offers before hurrying out of the kitchen.
I stay rooted to the spot, and a few moments later, watch as Ciara hurtles down the front steps and throws her arms around Ronan.
I look away, feeling like I’m being torn open by grief.
Scout is safe, but it’s another kind of torture not to be able to go and wrap my arms around him and Cormac too.
My knees buckle, and I sink to the floor, burying my head in my hands as my body trembles with the force of my tears.
I wish I could tell them both how sorry I am.