7. Fiona
Chapter Seven
FIONA
I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, long after Cormac leaves. My mind is racing faster than my heart as I think back to the way he looked at me last night.
As much as I wanted to have some sort of intimacy with him, in whatever way he was willing to give me, it only left me feeling empty.
Even in the beginning, when we were just messing around in his office after work, he always made a point to make sure I was satisfied first.
But last night, he was different. His touch felt cold rather than comforting.
I roll onto my side, pulling the blanket up under my chin, trying to convince myself that it’s just the events of the last twenty-four hours catching up to all of us. But it isn’t. It’s my betrayal that has turned Cormac into a man I no longer recognize.
I can’t help but wonder how far Cormac will go to punish me.
It wouldn’t take much for him to decide to use Amber as a bargaining tool like Lorcan if he wanted. He has the power and the contacts.
I guess the only reassurance I have is that, deep down, I trust that he would never cross that line.
Lorcan, on the other hand, wouldn’t hesitate to pull the plug on Amber’s treatment, and from the sinking feeling in my stomach, I know he wouldn’t stop there.
After the last conversation we had where I threatened to come clean to the Sullivans, he now suspects that I’m not fully loyal to him, and he knows exactly how to use that against me.
But the terrifying part is that Lorcan doesn’t need to touch me to control me. He just has to remind me what’s at stake. One wrong move, one misstep, and Amber will pay, and he won’t hesitate to destroy everything I’ve fought so hard to protect.
I run a shaky hand over my face, trying to calm myself, but it’s no use. I can’t breathe easy, not while Lorcan is out there thinking I might already be working against him. Every sound beyond my bedroom door sets my nerves on fire.
If Lorcan realizes I’ve revealed anything, it’s all over.
I’m desperate to ask Cormac for help, but how can I after what I’ve done to him?
The sunrise comes early, streaking light across the carpet through the gap in the curtains.
My body aches, and my eyelids are so heavy with exhaustion that even a good night's sleep would be able to take the edge off. But at the sound of approaching footsteps outside my door, I sit upright and suck in a breath as the handle turns, and the door swings open to reveal Cormac.
My pulse spikes.
For a second, I think maybe he’s here for the same thing as last night.
But when his eyes meet mine, there’s none of that feral hunger I used to crave. There’s only that cold, distant look in his eye that tells me this visit is nothing but business.
I rub my eyes. “Cormac?”
The shadows under his eyes are the color of bruises, and his black shirt is wrinkled, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows.
I doubt he even bothered going to bed after he left my room last night.
“We need to talk.”
I fumble to turn on the bedside light, wincing as the room floods with light. “You’re not here for—”
“Not this time.” His voice is clipped. “I’m here to listen because I need to know every last detail you know that could help us trap Lorcan.”
This gets my attention. “Really?”
“Don’t mistake this for my forgiveness.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “Right now, I’m not sure that’s something I can ever give you.”
And just like that, the spark of hope extinguishes.
“I understand…”
My throat feels too thick to speak, and I can barely hear my own thoughts over the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears. But regardless, I take a deep breath and start from the beginning again.
I tell him about Carly and the debts, and how Freddy got involved. I try my best not to flinch as I say his name, but with it comes a rush of memories that I’ve tried so hard to forget.
I explain how everything backfired, and how Carly and Freddy betrayed me in the worst possible way.
Cormac stays silent as I speak, his expression nothing but a cold mask.
“And then…” I whisper, the words barely audible. “After she died, Lorcan said it was my responsibility to repay her debt.”
My hands curl into fists at my sides, my voice shaking with the anger I feel toward Lorcan.
“When I tried to threaten him by saying I would tell you everything, he reminded me that he has Amber’s doctors on his payroll.
He can pull the plug on her treatment at any time, and I can’t let him do that. ”
I look at Cormac once I’m finished and notice he’s dropped his arms to his sides and his hands are balled into tight fists, the skin over his knuckles now white.
I feel that familiar and somewhat terrifying undercurrent of controlled violence radiating off him. And yet, I know it’s not directed at me.
His voice is almost shaking with anger. “I promise you that Lorcan won’t touch Amber. Not while I’m still breathing.”
I swallow hard.
His words calm me slightly, only because I know Cormac well enough to know he is a man of his word.
Then, almost against my better judgment, I ask the question I’ve been dying to ask. “Do you…do you think you’ll ever forgive me?”
Cormac doesn’t answer immediately. He looks away, like he’s weighing how much of himself to show me.
His hand twitches at his side, the only giveaway that the storm behind his eyes is still raging.
“You hurt me,” he says finally, his voice low. “I don’t know if I can get past that, or if I can ever trust you again, for that matter.”
Even though I was expecting it, his answer still stings.
“Right now, we need to deal with Lorcan. Then…we’ll see.”
Cormac leans back against the wall, his expression far away as he stares straight ahead. When he doesn’t speak again, I realize the choice he’s silently offering me.
“Let me help you,” I say quietly.
Cormac’s dark eyes flick to mine. “I want you to tell my brothers everything you just told me.”
The room spins a little.
The thought of exposing everything to Ronan, Kieran, and Brennan feels impossible, but I know he’s right.
I have no other choice. If I want to help take down Lorcan, it starts with telling his brothers the truth about who I really am.
“Okay,” I say, my voice cracking.
His expression softens a fraction, just enough for me to see that the man I fell for is still there beneath all of the anger.
And yet, the reminder of what I’ve done still hangs heavy in the silence.
“Good. Be ready in an hour,” he eventually says, tearing his gaze from me.
He leaves without another word, shutting the door behind him.
I sit staring at it for a while, feeling both relieved and terrified at the thought of admitting the truth to the rest of the Sullivan family.
But I have no choice. Not if I want to make sure that the people I love the most don’t pay for my mistakes.
Half an hour later, I step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. My hair is damp and clinging to my neck, and my skin feels almost raw from how hard I scrubbed it.
I pull on a simple blouse and jeans and quickly dry my hair before pulling it back into a ponytail.
Right now, this feels like the only thing I can control, considering I’m about to face the men who could decide the fate of my entire life in one conversation.
I take a deep breath, giving my reflection one last once-over in the mirror, before finally braving going downstairs.
On the way, I pass Scout’s room.
The door is closed, but I know he’s in there.
Part of me wants to peek inside, maybe sit on the edge of the bed and offer him some comfort. But I know better than to cross that invisible boundary Cormac has put up.
Right now, Scout needs his father’s protection, not mine, so I force myself to walk past his door and head down the stairs.
Inside, the kitchen is a different kind of chaos.
Elena flits between the stove and the counter while she makes breakfast, doing her best to avoid bumping into Ciara, who is wrestling with the twins, who are refusing to eat.
Riley sits at the table, holding Aubrey over her shoulder as she rubs her back, laughing as she watches Ciara try to wrestle Nico into having a spoonful of porridge.
For a moment, I let myself watch them, absorbing the chaos, because underneath it, there’s a warmth and stability to it that has felt so out of reach over the past couple of days.
For a brief moment, I thought that it was something we were never going to get back.
Elena is the first one to notice me hovering. She glances up from whisking a bunch of eggs and offers me a tired smile. “Morning, Fiona. Coffee?”
I nod, grateful for the semblance of normalcy, even if it’s fleeting.
Riley glances over her shoulder. “Hey. Where have you been, stranger? I figured you would be first in line to hug Scout after Cormac.”
I freeze, my stomach tightening as I catch Ciara’s eye across the kitchen.
I force a casual smile. “I…uh, I thought I’d give you all some space. You know, let you have your family reunion without me hovering around.”
Riley frowns, not buying my excuse for a second. “Space? Fiona, that’s ridiculous. You’re basically family now. Scout would have loved to see you. Hell, we’d love to see you.” She gives me a pointed look as she adjusts Aubrey on her shoulder. “Don’t hide yourself away.”
I avoid her gaze as I take a seat and reach for the coffee pot.
She frowns harder. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing,” I say a little too quickly. “I just didn’t want to intrude. I figured Scout would need some time to settle in.”
Ciara appears then, taking the chair to my right.
Thankfully, Aubrey chooses that moment to spit up all over Riley, distracting her long enough for Ciara to subtly reach for my hand and squeeze it.
I glance at her and almost crumble at the flicker of understanding in her eyes.
Riley looks at me and Ciara. “Well, from now on, breakfast is family time. And that includes you too, Fiona.”
Elena brings over plates of scrambled eggs and bagels. I try to hold my mug hard enough that Riley doesn’t notice how badly my hands are shaking as I drink my coffee.
I wish I could tell her that this could be the last time we all sit around this table, or even beg her to speak to Kieran on my behalf.
He would be more likely to listen to Riley than to me.
But that’s not what Cormac asked. He wants his brothers to hear the truth from my mouth, and my mouth alone.
“Fiona.”
I glance up to see Cormac in the doorway.
He’s changed into a freshly ironed shirt and pants, and his hair is still a little damp from the shower, causing it to curl slightly at the ends.
I guess my hour is up.
I turn to the girls. “I’ll see you later.”
“Where are you going?” Riley shoots a glare at Cormac. “Stop hijacking Fiona’s attention.”
“Fiona,” Cormac presses again, ignoring Riley completely.
“Do I need to play the ‘my house, my rules’ card?” Riley grumbles.
Ciara scoffs. “I’m still here, or am I nothing but chopped liver to you?”
Riley shrugs with a grin. “That depends on whether you’ve had more than a few hours’ sleep. You’re no fun when you’re sleep deprived.”
“Says the woman holding a newborn.”
“Well, until you learn how to clone Elena, this is what you get.”
“Can I get you something to eat, Cormac?” Elena offers, but Cormac quickly shakes his head.
“No, thank you. Fiona and I have a meeting.”
“A meeting?” Riley asks. “Please don’t let that be code for—”
“I’ll see you both later.”
Riley narrows her eyes as I quickly get to my feet, but Cormac and I leave before she has a chance to grill us any more.
I follow Cormac silently down the hall toward the door to Kieran’s basement office.
He punches in the code. “It’s more private in here. And remember, leave nothing out. If you do, I’ll know.”
“I have no more reason to hide anything.”
The door clicks open, and he ushers me inside the lion’s den.
“We’ll see about that.”