14. Cormac
Chapter Fourteen
CORMAC
Scout is already asleep when I push his door open.
The room is quiet, his nightlight casting soft shadows over the wall.
He still refuses to sleep in the dark, and I don’t blame him. After what he’s gone through, it’s a miracle he can even sleep for more than a few hours, though there have been a few nights when I’ve had to climb into bed with him in order to get him to close his eyes.
I creep across the room, wincing when the floor creaks, but Scout doesn’t seem to notice.
He’s curled on his side, clutching the blankets around him. His dark lashes brush his cheeks, and there’s a faint crease between his brows, even in sleep.
I’m meant to be heading out to pay a few visits to some potential contacts in the city.
Brennan is already downstairs, waiting for me in the car, but I don’t want to leave Scout until I can be sure he’s deeply asleep.
I don’t reach out and brush his hair out of his face or press a kiss to his forehead in case I wake him.
Instead, I hover near the bed, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath, wondering if we’ll ever be able to find a new normal.
I tried to leave him the other night.
Ronan gave me a talking-to, saying that hovering over Scout and acting like he might shatter at any moment isn’t going to help him forget what happened. It will only make it worse. To prove a point, he sent me on a job in the city, but I never got further than the front door.
The panic in Scout’s eyes still haunts me. The moment he saw me leave, he grabbed my jacket with both hands, his knuckles turning white, and begged me not to go. He cried so hard he made himself sick, and it took hours to calm him down.
Ronan hasn’t forced me to leave him since, but I know I will have to at some point, and I want it to be on my terms, when Scout is sleeping and completely unaware that I’m gone.
So, tonight, I’m heading into the city with Brennan to follow up on some leads.
It’s an easy job, and I should be back long before Scout wakes up, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared to death at the thought of leaving my son.
“I’m here,” I whisper. “I always come back.”
When I close the door behind me, I find Kieran leaning against the wall outside the room, his expression grave. He was the one who tried to wrestle Scout off me when I tried to leave, which landed him with an accidental hit to the jaw as my son fought his way back to me.
“I take it he’s asleep?” he asks.
It’s the most words Kieran has spoken to me in days. Ever since Fiona confessed to working with Lorcan, my relationship with my older brother has gone right back to square one.
“I wouldn’t be leaving if he wasn’t.”
“You don’t have to go, you know. Ronan offered to go with Brennan tonight.”
I shake my head. “Ronan’s picking up all the slack at Sullivan Investments.”
“So? You know what a workaholic he is.”
“I’ll be back in a few hours. Call me if he wakes up.”
I walk away before the guilt can claw its way any deeper inside me, and I go running back to Scout.
Brennan is waiting by the car, leaning against the trunk and scrolling on his phone while the engine runs. “Sure you want to come?”
“No offense, little brother, but we need information. And you’re not exactly the most threatening.”
Brennan flashes his teeth. “Want to bet?”
I roll my eyes and jerk my head toward the car.
“Enough dicking around. We’ve got work to do.”
The gates slide closed behind us, and the estate quickly disappears in the rearview mirror, swallowed by darkness.
Neither of us talks.
I keep my attention on the road, and Brennan taps away on his phone as he checks in with various men who are on the lookout for Lorcan.
The city lights bleed into one another as we head toward Lorcan’s old territory in Hell’s Kitchen.
The club we’re visiting tonight is one of his leftovers, a place he used to funnel cash through before he went underground and started coercing people like Fiona to do his dirty work.
We haven’t been back in a while, so I figured it’s about time we pay them another visit.
Neon flickers above the entrance when we pull up outside, the bass vibrating through the pavement. A line curls around the corner, and one of the bouncers seems caught up in an argument with a woman who can barely stand upright.
“He really does like to pick the shitholes,” I mutter.
Brennan points to a side alley. “Go down the side. It’ll draw less attention.”
I notice the group of girls who have rallied to help their friend, each one as drunk as the next. “Trust me, we’re the least of their worries.”
I pull down the side alley and park.
It doesn’t take long for the emergency exit to open, and one of the bouncers appears. He’s as tall as he is wide, with every inch of exposed skin covered in tattoos.
But I don’t even blink. I’ve already faced my worst nightmare. My son was stolen right out from under me, so at this point, I’m not afraid of anything, or anyone.
“Get the money,” I order.
Brennan reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out the envelope of cash.
I reach for the button to roll down Brennan’s window as the bouncer approaches, but he immediately stiffens when he recognizes who is behind the wheel.
“Didn’t expect you tonight,” he grunts.
Brennan waves the envelope of cash like it’s a fucking dog treat. “We’re feeling nostalgic.”
The bouncer’s eyes flick to the envelope, and he hesitates.
Interesting. It’s rare that someone doesn’t immediately take the bait.
But I don’t take it as a bad sign.
If someone can be easily bought by us, they can be easily bought by someone else. Loyalty is a rare thing to find in our world, so when we do, we make sure it’s rewarded.
I lean over Brennan to get a better view. “We need information.”
The man swallows, his eyes flicking from me to the envelope of cash.
He glances toward the street where the other bouncer can still be heard arguing with the group of drunk women. “Lots of people asking questions lately.”
“That’s the thing, and there haven’t been a lot of answers.”
He nods, hesitating for another beat before finally deciding we’re worth the risk.
He bends down so he’s close enough for me to see the white scar at the edge of his mouth.
“A few people have been sniffing around… You know, the ones who like to talk big,” he says under his breath.
“Who?” I ask.
“Anyone who’ll listen.”
“That’s not an answer.”
He exhales, his eyes flicking to the envelope of cash once again. “Two accountants, one club owner, and shipping broker down by the docks.”
“And?”
“And your uncle’s name keeps coming up.”
My jaw tightens. “I have a feeling you’re going to keep hearing things. And when you do, you’ll remember who paid you first.”
I nod at Brennan, who hands over the envelope.
The bouncer nods quickly, snatching the money out of Brennan’s hand and disappearing through the side door.
As we drive off, Brennan lets out a low breath as he rubs his hands up and down his thighs.
“Should we be worried at how easily these fuckers are bought?”
“At least he hesitated. That shows some semblance of character.”
Brennan scoffs. “Yeah, but he still took the cash.”
“I think we have bigger things to worry about.”
The city thins as we head back toward Washington Heights.
I drum my fingers on the steering wheel, trying to shake the nervous energy that seems to follow me around like a dark cloud these days.
If it’s not Scout I’m worrying about, it’s Fiona.
A few days ago, I thought that we were over for good. I couldn’t imagine being able to trust her again or being able to move past what she did.
But I’m starting to think that’s a whole load of bullshit.
Why else would I go to the trouble of getting her leverage that she can use against her brother-in-law?
If I really didn’t care, I would use her as a pawn and discard her once I’m done.
Instead, my thoughts are constantly consumed by her, and the mental gymnastics I’m having to do to try and convince myself that I can never forgive her are starting to wear me out.
At some point, I either have to cut her out or let her b—
“Cormac?”
“Huh?” I snap out of my thoughts and glance at Brennan to find him frowning at me. “What?”
“Are you thinking about Fiona?”
“What makes you say that?” I ask a little too quickly.
“Your defensive-ass tone, for starters.”
“Things are just…complicated.”
“No shit.”
I exhale a long breath, trying to focus on the long stretch of road ahead.
Brennan stays quiet, giving me the space to talk if I want to.
Normally, I wouldn’t, but I’m tired of keeping everything to myself.
“It’s just… Fiona didn’t choose this. She was cornered,” I say, hesitantly. “And Lorcan used the one thing against her he knew she wouldn’t walk away from.”
“And you respect that.”
I don’t answer right away.
“I hate that I do,” I admit finally. “I hate that a part of me understands why she did it.”
“Because you would burn the world down for Scout.”
“Yes.”
“Then you already get it.”
“I know all of this, but that doesn’t mean I can simply forget what happened and automatically be able to trust her again.”
“No. But it’s obvious Fiona has been bending over backwards to make things right. And as pissed as I am about what happened, I also know that what she did has to count for something.”
“So, you’re saying I should give her another chance?”
“I’m saying, you would be crazy to let Lorcan’s actions ruin how happy that woman makes you.”
I say nothing, and Brennan soon returns to checking his messages on his phone, leaving me to dwell on my own thoughts for the rest of the drive home.
However, when I pull up to the house, before I’ve even parked the car, the front door opens, and Fiona comes rushing down the steps, her phone in hand, and her eyes panicked.
Instantly, I’m on alert, my mind racing.
“What is it?” I demand, rushing over to her. “Is it Scout? Is he—”
Breathlessly, she hands me the phone. “It’s Lorcan. He wants to talk.”
I scan the text on the screen and bite back a curse.
Brennan slams the car door shut. “He really needs to get a hobby.”
“Should I call him?” she asks.
“Go up to your room. I’ll meet you there in a minute,” I order.
She hesitates for a second before disappearing back inside, not bothering to shut the door.
I watch her go, needing a moment to get a grip on myself before I have to hear my uncle’s voice. But of course, Brennan doesn’t give me any respite.
“So…” He sighs, appearing at my side.
“So what?”
“So, are you going to let Lorcan decide whether you forgive her?”
“No, but I don’t know if I can survive trusting her again.”
Brennan claps my shoulder as we head toward the house. “Honestly, you’ve got bigger things to worry about right now, and having someone to warm your bed will make it a hell of a lot easier to get through.”
“This isn’t just about sex.”
“Isn’t it? The whole house can hear you two fucking at every hour of the day.”
The blood drains from my face.
“You know about that?”
Brennan groans. “Believe me, I wish I didn’t. If it wasn’t for the fact that we’re all on lockdown, Kieran would have kicked you both out weeks ago for defiling his house.”
“As if he needs another reason to hate Fiona.” I run a hand over my jaw.
Shit, this isn’t good.
“This isn’t what it looks like. I don’t want Ronan or Kieran thinking that I’m choosing my dick over family loyalty because it’s not like that. Fiona and I…”
Brennan is smirking, quirking a brow. “So, you are back together.”
“I never said that.”
“But you want to be.”
“Ever thought about keeping your nose out of my business for once?”
“I wish I could, brother. But you don’t make it easy for me.”
“I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself.”
“Why? Everyone knows—”
“Scout doesn’t, and I don’t want him getting hurt. He’s already been asking too many questions about Fiona as it is.”
“Then I suggest you better hurry up and make a decision. Before Fiona decides your grumpy ass isn’t worth the fight and takes a ride on this—”
“We’re done here. Go do something productive.”
“Like fuck one of the maids in the study? Or have you already called dibs on that tonight?”
I flip my brother the finger as I walk away, leaving Brennan chuckling to himself.
I reach the top of the stairs and pause, trying to focus my thoughts.
Lorcan is only calling because he needs Fiona to do something, something that will test her loyalty.
I just hope it’s still to me.