Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
COLE
I lean back on my bed and take another drink from the bottle of beer.
Lana left an hour ago, and after I finally managed to scrape myself off the floor, I showered and dressed before grabbing a beer, and I’ve been sitting here ever since.
What happened between us today has left me with more questions than I already had.
Like, what is it about her that has me so drawn to her?
I know I need more, but what does that even look like?
And what the fuck am I supposed to do now?
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve somehow managed to develop… feelings for her, but what am I meant to do with that information? It doesn’t matter from which way I look at it, I just can’t see an outcome.
I’d talk to the guys, but they wouldn’t be much help.
Noah would tell me to follow my heart or some shit, but I can’t do that when I have no idea where it’s leading me.
Harley would probably just laugh and tell me to fuck someone else to make myself feel better, but I don’t think that’ll help either.
And knowing Logan, he’d no doubt just tell me to kidnap her again, but she’s too wild to be tamed, and that’s not the way to get Lana to…what? Stay? With me?
I groan. I’m losing it.
Then it hits me: the one person on earth I have that I can talk to this about.
My sister.
I grab my phone from the side table and send a quick text to Gracie before throwing it down on the bed and closing my eyes.
My mind runs through images of what happened downstairs, of how expertly she played with my body like I was her toy and nothing more.
And I guess to her, that’s all it was.
That thought has a sickening feeling swirling around in my gut.
I’m pretty sure this is still all just a game to Lana, just something to pass the time.
But to me, it’s becoming so much more.
My door slams open and my sister barrels inside, frantically looking around before her eyes land on me.
“Oh God. What is it, Cole? Did someone die?”
Not yet, but it’s definitely a possibility.
“No one is dead.”
“Then what’s the emergency?” she all but shouts and I groan, running a hand through my still-damp hair.
“You. You did this to me. With your talk the other day about feelings and crap. How do I make it stop?” I plead with my eyes, hoping she holds all of the answers .
“Oh. My. God,” she whispers, clutching a hand to her chest dramatically. “You have feelings?”
I grunt in acknowledgement and close my eyes again, but she throws herself down on the bed beside me and punches me in the ribs.
“Ah, Gracie, what the fuck?” I say, wincing as the pain spreads to the cuts Lana made in my skin only an hour or so ago.
The cuts that are actually an A , so now I have LA written on my body, and I have no doubt that NA will be next.
She’s branding me. That has to mean something, right?
“I don’t know what to do,” I say with a sigh.
“Okay,” she says with a reassuring smile. “Tell me everything.”
Everything? Yeah… that’s never going to happen.
My sister does not need to know the ins and outs of mine and Lana’s situation.
But I guess I can give her the CliffsNotes.
I tell her about the arguments, the fights, the way she gets on my nerves whenever she’s in my vicinity.
I tell her about how she drives me fucking crazy.
About how sassy she is and how she’s not afraid to stand up against me, against anyone.
I hint that we’ve been fucking, but I don’t give her the details on that.
There are some things that my innocent baby sister never needs to know about, and I also skip out on the knives and the men she’s killed.
You know… plausible deniability and all that.
“So… you can’t stand her?”
“Nope,” I admit.
“But you want her?”
“Yup. ”
“And you hate her?” she asks.
I shrug. “Most of the time.”
She sighs. “What about if I told you I saw her kissing one of the guys on the football team?” she asks, cringing as the words leave her mouth, and I jump to my feet, immediately beginning to pace the room.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Who? I want his name,” I bark.
“You’re mad?” she asks.
Mad? Am I mad? I’m fucking furious. I swear, when I get this guy’s name I’m going to make him wish he was dead before I actually kill my pretty little menace.
She’s been seeing someone? How the fuck did I not know this? Why haven’t I heard about it before now?
I’m going to kill them both.
“There’s your answer, big brother.” My sister smirks at me, and it takes me a minute for the ringing to stop in my ears and to actually pay attention.
“Wait… what?”
“I didn’t see her with anyone, so you can stop plotting murder. But you clearly see this girl as yours if even the thought of her kissing someone else has you this… murdery. Jesus, Cole, I think I saw steam coming from your ears.”
She’s right. The thought of Lana with anyone but me has me wanting to tear this place apart, but that still doesn’t answer my question.
“But what do I do about it?”
She rolls her eyes. “My God, you’re all the same.”
She stares at me, waiting for me to clue in on whatever she’s thinking, but when I don’t, she just huffs. “Date her?”
I scoff. “You don’t know Lana, G. She isn’t the type of girl who wants to be dated.
Hell, I’m pretty sure she actually does hate me and is just doing this whole thing with me because she’s bored.
At least, that’s exactly what this started off as…
It’s not like I can just ask her out and she’ll go along with it, she’d never agree to something like that. ”
She ponders it for a moment before shrugging.
“So, just keep doing what you’re doing.”
“Huh?”
She rolls her eyes. “Keep things the way they are and just wait for her to catch up. You can’t force her into something she doesn’t want. It seems Lana isn’t the type of girl to do anything that isn’t her idea, so you need to wait until she gets to the point you’re at.”
Wait.
I have to wait.
I can do that.
Maybe?
“You realize I’m not the most patient person, right?” I ask and she laughs softly.
“Trust me, I’m well aware of the fact you’re an impatient asshole. You get it from Dad.”
I go to argue, but she waves her hand in the air.
“It’s true, and you know it. But I don’t think there’s any other way with someone like Lana.
From everything you’ve told me and from everything I’ve seen when she interacts with people, I assume she’s been through some shit, and you’re just going to have to let her heal before you make any more changes in her life. ”
Jesus Christ, this having feelings thing is a fucking headache.
But I’ll do it anyways, if only to see where it leads.
It could work, or it could end up with me being just another one of her victims. Though, for some reason, I have a feeling she wouldn’t be able to do it.
She wouldn’t be able to kill me. The way she was monitoring me earlier today told me she didn’t want to actually hurt me, so I’m choosing to believe that we might have a chance.
A chance at what, I’m not sure, but I know in my gut that when the time comes, we’ll figure that out together.