Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
LANA
D o I really want to let him in? Can I? I wouldn’t even know where to start. It’s not something I’ve ever done before.
“Dare is… well, he’s like my uncle. He was always there for me growing up, and he was my dad’s best friend. He’s the one who’s been helping me clean up the messes you keep walking in on, and he’s the one who made me join him here for my safety.”
He ponders over that for a moment before he speaks. “So, what? He lives in Blackwater?”
I scoff a quiet laugh. “Yeah. He lives on campus.”
His body tenses beneath mine before he relaxes.
“So, if he was your dad’s best friend, he can’t be a student. How the fuck does he live on campus when—holy shit,” he mutters. “That day at the dean’s office, I thought you were speaking to him like you two were familiar with each other. It’s him, isn’t it? It’s the fucking dean of the university?”
He phrases it like a question, but he already knows the answer.
“And I thought you were fucking him,” he mumbles under his breath, and my face screws up in disgust.
“Ew, Cole. That’s fucking disgusting.”
“Well, it made more sense than the dean being your super-secret pseudo uncle and him bringing you here as a student to keep you safe. Seriously, who in their right mind would have thought of something like that?”
I laugh at his obvious confusion before it dies off, knowing that he has more questions for me.
There are some things that I’m not ready to share yet, and I’m not sure I ever will be.
One thing I am sure of is that I actually don’t hate being in his arms like this. It’s kind of nice, actually.
“Why are you here in the first place? What are you running from?”
My gut twists as memories and facts collide inside my head, and I do my best to keep ahold of my emotions before taking a deep breath and answering him.
“There’s a powerful family that wants me dead.
I don’t want to get into the whys and hows right now, but years ago they put out multiple hits on my family.
My entire family died and I’m the only one left, but there are still contracts left over from that time for my death.
Tonight, I found out that the family who placed those hits now know where I am, and they won’t stop until I’m buried in the ground.
I’m here because this happens to be one of the most secure places in the country, and because Dare is here, though this place was only meant to be a short stop while I figured out my next move. ”
He audibly gulps, and his voice is a deep rasp when he says, “So you’re leaving.”
It’s not a question, it’s a statement. A statement that I don’t want to be true anymore. For some ungodly reason, I want to stay here.
“That was the plan.”
“And now it’s not?”
“Now, I’m not so sure,” I answer, trying to give him the truth.
I may want to stay, but that doesn’t mean I will. I don’t make promises I can’t keep.
“And the guys who were killed tonight. How did they know you?”
“Again with the hard questions,” I mutter, and he scoffs.
“I killed someone for you. The least you can do is tell me who the fuck it was.”
Okay, so maybe he has a point, but fuck, lesson number one is to keep the company a secret.
That’s been drilled into me for as long as I can remember, it’s hard to let go of that narrative, even though the very thing my father worked his entire life to take over is nothing like he imagined it would be one day.
He had only been in charge of it for a few years when he died, and he was already making changes, trying to shift the narrative that men are the fighters and women are the ones they fight for.
“There’s a lot you don’t know, Cole. There are organizations out there that are so hush hush even half of the members don’t realize who they really work for.
But the main thing you need to know is, I grew up under one of those organizations.
My dad took me in when I was a toddler and rather than hand me over to social services or whatever, he decided to keep me safe by raising me himself.
But it’s a dark world, Cole. And that dark world that he brought me into was hard and unforgiving.
Those guys tonight were part of that world.
We trained alongside each other for years. ”
His arms tighten around me, as though he’s trying to protect me from the memories that are attempting to invade my mind.
And to my surprise, it works.
I feel safe in his arms, which is a dangerous feeling.
“I’m glad you’re here, Lana,” he whispers.
Me too.
“I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for what you did tonight, so thank you, Cole.”
He hums under his breath. “Go to sleep, Lana.”
He shifts us so that we’re both lying on our sides, my back to his front with his head buried in my neck and his arm slung over my waist. There’s something so… normal about being in bed with him like this, and I know that I’ll miss the feeling of him when this all ends.
Because it will end. It always does.
Happiness is nothing but a fleeting moment, something that only lasts a few seconds before it’s ripped away and you’re left in nothing but misery.
Which begs the question…
“What are we doing, Cole?” I ask, and he presses a soft kiss to the back of my neck.
“Whatever the fuck we like, little menace. We make the rules.”
If only that were true, but I know how this thing will play out already.
This will only end one way, and I hope he’s ready for that reality.
“That easy, huh?” I murmur into the darkness.
“Lana,” he whispers. “I don’t know where we’ll go from here. But what I do know is that neither of us is the type of person to back down from a fight. And I’ll fight to keep you, little menace.”
How can he fight to keep me when we haven’t even established that I’m his to keep in the first place?
Maybe I need to stop being so cynical about things, or maybe I should just end this now before it really even begins.
The issue is, I’ve been trying and failing to end this thing between us since the beginning, and I don’t think I’m strong enough to deny it anymore.
I don’t think I can let him go, but how can I keep him when I know that being with me will bring him nothing but danger and pain?
And can I call him mine and not expect him to become another body in the ground, just like every other person I’ve ever let close to me?