13. Alessia
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
ALESSIA
A stor is quiet for the remainder of the meeting; he doesn’t look at me or talk to me. He’s completely in his own head. My mother and Astrid are showing me wedding dresses in a catalog, but I can’t seem to focus on anything other than what his father told him that has him so upset.
My mother is grinning from ear to ear as she gets off the phone with the bridal boutique to set my appointment.
“They said they can get us in this Sunday at 11:00 a.m. and I’m already meeting with the florist tomorrow.” I cut her off and stand as she looks at me in confusion.
“Sorry, just give me a…Astor, a moment please.” He glares at me, but follows as I leave the room. “What the fuck did your dad say?”
“Cursing at me again?”
“Just tell me.” He shifts on his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looks nervous, almost scared in a way of my response.
“Do you remember Miles?” The name sounds oddly familiar, but I can’t remember why I know him or how. I also don’t understand the tightness that appears in my chest from hearing his name. I shake my head and he lets out a sigh. “When you do, come back and ask me that question. When you remember him, you’ll be ready for the truth. But I can’t give it to you any sooner.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ll figure it out.”
“Can we leave? I need to study and I’m wedding talked out.”
“Thought you were going to do everything you could to get out of this?”
He’s right, I did say that. And I meant it, and I kind of still do. But when I think about all of the people my father could have forced me to marry, I feel a little more grateful that it’s Astor. Yes, we don’t get along, but he also doesn’t have feelings or emotions, so at least I can probably get decent sex out of this. Caroline swears that the sex will be over the top since there’s so much history behind it. And I’m no longer being scared to find that out.
“Maybe I’m realizing this won’t be so bad.” He smirks at me and I think my knees are going to buckle.
“Is that a smile? Did I seriously get a smile? It’s a fucking?—"
“ Alessia ,” he groans. Honestly, he might as well get used to it, because I curse. A lot. That’s probably not going to change.
“Oh, yeah sorry.” He shakes his head, looking at my mother as she approaches.
“Honey, what colors would you two like?” I shrug my shoulders and look at Astor.
“It’s not like it’s a real wedding…” He grinds his teeth at my response and I turn my gaze to the floor. Oops. “Black.”
“It’s not a funeral, Alessia.”
“Ok, well let’s do red and cream. It’s a Christmas wedding, after all.”
She smiles at me as she types away on her phone.
“We’re actually going to head out, I have a lot of studying to do before finals next week.” She kisses my cheek, followed by Astor’s. He says something to his father before he opens the front door. I watch him as he glances over his shoulder and says my name.
“Alessia.”
“Coming.” I quickly hug my father and Xavier, giving Astrid a kiss on her cheek.
“See you Sunday, sweetheart,” my mom calls.
Astor is already in the car when I get outside. His face is stone and I can already tell that the little moment we had earlier has dissipated.
“Are you going to let me go home now?” He glances at me, but doesn’t answer. “Ok…I guess we’re back to hating each other from a distance.”
“How would you prefer this goes?” he questions.
“Honestly?” He raises his eyebrow at me and I pull my fingers together before whispering, “I’d prefer you not to hate me at all...” He doesn’t respond and I secretly hope that he didn’t hear the confession.
When he pulls up to my apartment complex, I quickly reach for the door handle and step out when he grabs my wrist. “Malyshka…” he says. I sigh and bend down to make eye contact with him.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to hate you. But if I don’t make myself, I’ll love you too fucking hard.”
My mouth goes dry at his words and I stand there frozen for a second. I nod because for the first time, I am fucking speechless. I shut the car door and walk to my apartment on auto pilot. What does he mean he’ll love me too hard? He thinks he could love me? What the fuck is happening?
I know Caroline is here, because she texted me to ask if she could borrow one of my shirts. I shut the door and throw my purse on the counter. I flop onto the couch and replay his words over and over.
“I thought he said you were staying with him from now on?” she asks, stepping into the living room with me. I barely register her words until she snaps her fingers at me. “Bitch, what the fuck is happening?” I tell her the entire story, but I’m not sure how much she understood considering I was talking like I was running a marathon.
“Ok, so let me get this straight. He basically told you that he only hates you to not love you?” I nod my head and push my fingernail in between my mouth. She smacks my hand down. “Why the fuck are you here? Go fucking talk to him! Or don’t talk, just fuck.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Feelings are going to change and it’s fine how it is.”
“Lessia, do you hear yourself? This is going to be your husband. You could make this work, like really work. He basically just confessed that his hate is not truly hate. That’s your window. Don’t be a scared bitch. Go.”
I know she’s right, but I can’t bring myself to get off the couch. I am scared. I’m scared because I saw how quick he switched after he kissed me. I know how cold he can be, but I also know how warm and secure he can be, too. How he can make me feel like I am important, like I’m not a burden.
Just like he did when we were younger.