50. Astor
CHAPTER FIFTY
ASTOR
“ W anna tell me what you’re cleaning?” I ask Alessia when I walk downstairs. She’s on her hands and knees, cleaning what looks an awful like blood. I was in the shower for maybe twenty minutes, mainly because I had to fucking jerk myself off again at the thought of her.
“Oh! Um, hi!” she stammers, quickly standing up. I squint my eyes in curiosity when she hides the rag behind her back. I walk up to her and grab her hand, staring at the blood filled rag.
“Whose blood is that, little devil?”
“Umm…no one’s.”
“You have until the count of four to tell me.”
“Well, I’m not scared of you. So here, I’ll help you count. Ready?” Fucking brat . I step closer to her, fully expecting her to step back, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t move a fucking inch. Instead, she tilts her head up and stares at me.
“The only reason I’ve been so nice is because you’ve been so distant from me, so angry with me. But my patience is running thin. I haven’t touched you since our wedding night. I haven’t kissed you. I haven’t talked to you. I’ve jerked myself off more than I thought humanly possible. I am so close to losing my fucking mind over everything that’s going on, that the thought of you causing pain to anyone without me makes me furious. It’s the only way I’ve been able to cope with this shit. So, I’ll ask again. Whose blood is that and why the fuck wasn’t I in on it?”
“Anna’s…” she finally admits.
I blink once, twice, and then a third time. “Excuse me?”
She rolls her eyes and steps back, cleaning up the last bit of blood from the floor. I grab my phone out of my back pocket and pull up the cameras. I have to sit the fuck down at what I see staring back at me.
Alessia, cutting her fucking finger off. At least it wasn’t the whole hand. But why? I turn the volume up and Alessia stands, trying to take the phone out of my hand when she hears her voice.
“Turn it off.”
“No. Either tell me why you did it or I’ll just listen to why you did it.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“What’s the rules about cursing at me?”
“Except rules don’t fucking exist right now. Like the fact that you will not be touching me for a very long time.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” I press play on the video and she tries to take it again, finally giving up when she realizes she’s just too fucking small. I frown at what I hear come out of Alessia’s mouth. She was jealous, territorial. I have to admit, I got a sliver of happiness out of knowing that. That even though she’s being so cold towards me, she still cares. When the video is over, I yank her to me and she fights against me.
“Stop fighting me.” She continues for a few more seconds, finally settling when tears stream down her face. I wipe them from her face, palming her cheeks in my hands. “ Malyshka , I’ve got you. Ok? I’ll always have you. It doesn’t matter how angry you are with me. It doesn’t matter how long you ignore me. It doesn’t matter how long I go without touching you. None of it matters. I’ve got you. Always. But just this once, let me love you. Please.”
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I don’t know how to feel anymore. Six years of me walking in oblivion. Six years of you acting like you couldn’t stand me. Six years of not feeling anything other than confusion. I want to be mad at you, but honestly, I was more upset when I came home and saw her touching you again than I was at you hiding the last six years. That’s when I knew it wasn’t you I was angry at. But I didn’t know how to not be mad after days of shutting you out.”
“Wait, you’ve been angry with me because of Anna ?” I lean back to look at her face and she shrugs. “I did it to piss you off.”
“I know, she lost a finger because of it.” I can’t help it, I laugh. I full blown laugh and she joins me. “At least I put it on ice for her.”
“I love you, little devil.”
She sighs and tucks her lip in, wiping the last of her tears from her face.
Come on, Alessia, cave. Just fucking cave.
“I love you, too,” she says back, finally. I smile at her and lean in, intentionally stopping halfway. She’s going to meet me there whether she wants to or not. She scowls at me, but leans in the rest of the way, making our lips brush against each other’s.
We stay there for a moment, her wrapped in my arms. It’s quiet and I just take in the moment with her. I take in her being this close to me after days of her being so far away.
“Don’t shut me out again...”
“Don’t give me a reason to. And don’t think you’re off the hook for that Anna shit. You aren’t.”
“I tell you what, I’m dying to touch you. So how about you do whatever you need to do to get your anger out? Your anger about Miles, your anger about Anna. Fuck, I don’t care, even your anger about your dad. Take it all out on me. Do whatever the fuck you want to me, just fucking touch me. Please.”
“I’ve never…” she hesitates.
“Me either, but we’re going to.” I grab her hand and direct her up the stairs. I’m not a switch kind of man. I’m not the kind of man that gets told what to do, but I’m finding myself doing things I’d never do.
Except for her.
“What time is lunch?” she asks when I sit on the bed. I quickly check my watch.
“Three hours, why? Hungry?”
“No, just wondering how much time I have.”
“Time for what?”
“For you to be on your knees.” I raise my eyebrow and she cocks her hip out, placing her hand on it. “Now.”
I drop to my knees quicker than someone can take their next breath. She walks over to me, bends down, and fucking whispers in my ear, “Good boy.”
Good boy? Why the fuck is that a turn on?
“You want me to touch you?” she asks.
“Yes,” I grunt. She runs her hand over my chest, and the next thing I know, she has a blade in her hand, dragging it down my shirt and cutting it open. You’d think I’d flinch, that’d I’d be scared, but instead I’m intrigued. I hope she takes my word for it and does what I said.
I think I need it just as much as she does.