Chapter 14
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
Enzo
Axel’s building is all glass and steel, the kind of place where people pay extra for a view and nobody knows their neighbors’ names. I hold Luca tighter. “He lives in a bachelor pad.”
Sofia winces. “At least it won’t have lead paint. Which floor is he on?”
“Fifteen.”
Sofia pulls my suitcase. “Ready?”
I carry Luca and his suitcase. “I already miss the hotel.”
“You checked out of the hotel.”
“Well…” I shift my legs.
“You didn’t check out of the hotel?”
“Not completely! We got adjoining rooms! I’m not going to give up that placement.”
“Maybe it will be okay.”
“Nothing is going to be okay again.”
She doesn’t correct me.
Even though Axel had knocked up Gaby, she was looking forward to having a child. She had a two-bedroom cottage in Manhattan Beach in Los Angeles, and she’d spent so much time choosing wallpaper and buying toys and doing everything to prepare for Luca’s arrival.
A security guard in a suit nicer than anything I owned in college waves us toward the elevators.
My heart is in my throat. The elevator is mirrored on three sides, which means I get to watch myself look terrified from multiple angles.
I look like a man about to face a firing squad.
A firing squad in a very well-lit, aesthetically pleasing environment.
A woman in a fur coat steps in after us, trailing perfume. Her gaze lands on Luca, and she presses herself against the marble wall like he’s contagious.
Okay, not everyone likes children.
Doesn’t mean this is a harbinger or anything.
But my heart races anyway. Maybe Luca notices my unease, because in the next moment, he opens his mouth and screams.
The woman’s frown deepens.
“Sorry,” I say. “He does that.”
“Of course, he does that,” the woman says. “He’s a child.”
Relief moves through me. This immaculately dressed woman understands.
“Which is why,” the woman says, “children do not belong in apartments.”
The elevator pings.
I stare at the woman, shocked.
“Your floor, I presume?” the woman asks. “Unless your little human pressed the button.”
I hastily leave the elevator holding Luca. Sofia is waiting for me in the hallway.
The elevator doors slam shut, then the elevator whooshes upward to the no doubt better, child-free floor.
“It’s going to be okay,” Sofia whispers.
“You don’t know that.” I look around the hallway. The carpet is white and fancy, and I wonder how quickly Luca could ruin it and just how angry the people here would be.
I want to go back to the before times, when Gaby was here and telling me about the wonderful future she had planned with Luca.
All of this is wrong.
I’m not supposed to be about to knock on Axel’s door.
I look for Axel’s door: 1508. The last thing any of these uppity Bostonians want is to have somebody ring their doorbell by mistake.
The door opens. “Enzo?”
Axel is barefoot, wearing gray sweatpants and a T-shirt that’s seen better days, and his hair is damp like he just showered. Water droplets cling to his collarbone. I tear my gaze away from his muscular chest. I feel Sofia’s gaze on me and focus on Luca. The hallway is too hot.
Luca doesn’t stop crying.
“This isn’t how you make a good first impression,” I tell him.
“He doesn’t need to make a good first impression.” Axel grins at Luca. “Welcome, Luca! This is your new home!”
His voice is bright and shiny, and I glance at Sofia.
She’s looking at him with awe, which so doesn’t help.
“You don’t have any other things?” Axel asks me.
“I-I wasn’t sure how this would work out,” I confess.
“He left some things at the hotel, and most things are in LA,” Sofia says.
Axel notices her for the first time. He raises his chin. “Sofia.”
“Axel.”
The air is icy between them. Huh.
Axel ushers Sofia and me into the apartment before him, his demeanor frigid.
The apartment is bachelor pad glam with black everything. This is nothing like Gaby’s pastel-painted wall cottage.
“Nice view,” Sofia says. Boston Harbor stretches out below us, the water glittering with reflected city lights.
“Uh, yeah.” Axel rakes a hand through his hair. It’s trembling slightly, which it never does. I know. I play hockey with him. He turns to me. “It’s better than the view we had freshman year. Remember how it faced onto a brick building. On the second floor?”
“Yeah.” I don’t like being reminded of how Axel and I used to live together. It makes all the new tension between us feel extra unwelcome and strange, like someone has thrown a prickly blanket over us.
Luca is still screaming. His face turns red.
Axel crouches on the ground. “I’ve got you, Luca.” He turns to me. “Ever thought we would be sharing genes, Enzo?”
I shake my head quickly. My heart does something complicated—a lutz or flip, like the figure skaters who sometimes used the ice in LA.
Axel is still the guy who got Gaby pregnant. Was he not careful enough about using a condom correctly? Was he carrying expired ones around?
No, Axel would have no reason to carry expired condoms. He’d probably use any he got right away. It’s not like there was a shortage of women for him to sleep with. At Concord, I frequently came back in the morning after spending the evening at Sofia’s to find a new woman draped around his body.
Always a woman.
Even if he talks about genes mixing and things that make my heart dip.
He takes Luca into his arms. Luca continues to scream in Axel’s face, insufficiently appreciative of Axel’s charms.
Axel babbles and bounces Luca up and down.
Luca’s screams taper off into hiccups, then silence. His small fist curls into Axel’s shirt. Sofia sends me a knowing look I don’t particularly appreciate.
I don’t know when she decided I had a crush on Axel, but she’s been teasing me about him for a decade. I don’t desire to give her more fodder. I don’t want her teasing to turn to sympathy, because yeah, she does that well too.
She wasn’t the first person in my life to ask if I was gay, but she was the first person in my life I admitted the truth to.
The buzzer sounds, and Axel leaps toward the door. “That must be Patricia.”
I exchange a glance with Sofia.
“Is that your girlfriend, Axel?” Sofia asks.
“Girlfriend? What? No.” Axel shakes his head. “I haven’t had a girlfriend in ages. There was Francesca, but…” His skin reddens. “I think I talked about things that bored her.”
Sofia laughs. “Who is Patricia?”
“Patricia is the nanny,” Axel says. “Remember, Enzo? I told you I would hire someone permanent.”
“I need to meet her first.”
“And you will. Right now. Look. I told her we’re giving her a three-month trial. That will carry us through the end of the season.”
“And playoffs.”
“We won 7-2 last time! Dude, it was incredible. We’re making it to playoffs.”
I grin back at Axel. “That was awesome.”
“Yeah.”
“If you don’t like her, we can always go back to the nanny anonymous company.”
“That wasn’t what it was called,” I grumble, but my shoulders are less high than before.
The doorbell rings, and Axel swings it open.
Patricia steps inside, all little old lady-ish with curly gray hair that reaches her waist. She stretches out her arms, former art teacher style. “I’m here to take care of Luca!”
Luca gazes at her wide-eyed.
Axel chuckles. “Here he is.”
Patricia shakes Luca’s hand, then turns to me.
“And you must be Axel’s partner,” Patricia says. “Mr. Bellanti.”
“Uh…” I swallow. “Teammate.”
Axel swings an arm over my shoulder, and I have to consciously stop myself from leaning into it. “Baby-raising partner.”
“Baby-raising partner.” Patricia winks at me before kneeling and chattering with Luca.
“Enzo is Luca’s uncle,” Axel explains. “His sister carried the baby.”
“That was very kind of her.”
“I mean, she was planning to raise him on her own, but she, uh, passed.”
“How terrible. I’m so sorry, Mr. Bellanti.”
“You can call me, Enzo,” I say.
Axel claps his hands and flashes Patricia his bright smile. “I’ll show you to your room, Patricia. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Perfect. I need to unpack.” She turns to us. “Nice meeting you all.”
“Time for a tour of your new home, Luca.” Axel swoops him into his arms. “Remember me? We met in New York. But now we’re going to live in Boston, isn’t that cool?”
Luca watches him.
“Boston is the best place in the world. You’re probably an LA guy currently, but trust me, you’ll love Boston. It’s where your uncle and I met.”
Axel smiles happily at Luca.
“Oh my God,” Sofia says.
“We can see the harbor with the cool boats, including an old ship that looks like the ship where the Tea Party started. You probably don’t know about the Tea Party, but interestingly, it wasn’t really a party.
” Axel frowns. “Or if it was, people have gotten way better at throwing parties. We use fewer feathers now.”
Sofia puts her hand over her mouth.
“So, this is the kitchen, Luca.” Axel waves his hand around. “It’s sort of magical. Those look like normal cabinets, but they actually hold special things.” He presses his knee against a cabinet, and it opens to reveal a dishwasher. “Ta-da.”
Luca blinks.
“I don’t think Luca knows what a dishwasher is,” I say.
“Oh. Well Luca, a dishwasher is super cool. It holds dishes. Like a cabinet.” His face falls. “And it looks like a cabinet. But trust me, this is special. You put dirty things inside it, and magic water pours inside it, and washes everything dirty away.”
Luca reaches for it.
“Tell you what, tomorrow after breakfast you can make your dishes super dirty, and then we’ll put them in the magical dishwasher, and you’ll see how clean they get.”
Luca’s mouth quirks.
Axel turns to me. “You know, they should totally make clear dishwashers.”
“Clear ones?” Sofia frowns.
“Oh, yeah. Out of glass. Or, uh, durable plastic. You don’t want the glass to break, but you don’t want the plastic to release the wrong chemicals. It’s a job for a material scientist. Lots of those at MIT. We could start a company together!”
I blink. “You want to start a company with me selling see-through dishwashers?”
“We can expand it to see-through washing machines.” Axel’s whole face lights up. “And see-through toasters. That would be super cool!”
“I think the market is open for you,” Sofia says.
“Right?” Axel’s grin widens. He takes Luca to another cabinet. I’m pretty sure from the shape that it’s the refrigerator. “So, this is also magical. You can press it and see what it turns into.”
Luca leans closer.
Axel takes Luca’s hand and presses it against the cabinet. The door opens, and there’s another door.
“Ta-da!” Axel says happily, then opens the refrigerator door. “This is where we store food. Isn’t that cool?” He glances at me. “Your uncle can tell you all your favorite foods.”
I swallow hard. Axel must see something in my face, because he turns to Luca. “Tell you what, we’ll all go shopping together. First family outing!”
He raises his hand for a high-five. Luca studies Axel’s open palm.
“Just press your hand against mine,” Axel says.
I hold my breath, then Luca does so tentatively.
“Yeah!” Axel says once Luca’s hand makes contact with his own. “Sparkle finger time.”
He wriggles his fingers, then Luca does too. Axel laughs, bright and unguarded.
Luca throws me a look that says can-you-believe-that-man, and I shrug. “That’s your daddy.”
“Okay,” Sofia says. “I’m going home. You’re going to be fine.”
“But—”
“My kids are waiting, Enzo. Nice seeing you though.” She kisses my cheek, but when I turn to look at Axel, he’s glaring.
Weird.
Sofia giggles though, which is also a weird reaction. “My husband’s waiting too.”
Axel exhales. “You have a husband?”
“Uh-huh.”
Axel’s shoulders ease. “Next time, you should bring him.”
Sofia giggles again, then leaves the apartment.
The door clicks behind her, and then it’s just Axel, Luca, and me. The harbor lights glitter through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Axel is holding Luca, pointing out the window at the boats in the harbor, and Luca is actually looking calm.
I should feel relieved. Instead I feel like I’m standing on the edge of something I can’t take back.
Axel bounces Luca on his hip and grins at me, and I have no idea what my face is doing. “Roommates again.”
I look around at the sleek black kitchen, the leather couches, the view I’ll wake up to every morning. I’m going to live here. With him. The man I’ve been in love with for ten years.
My lungs forget how to work.