Chapter 16
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
Enzo
Once practice ends and I get out of the shower, Axel is waiting right outside the stall. Water still drips down my chest, and I clutch my towel tighter.
“Shopping time.” He grins, seemingly oblivious to my near-nakedness. “Let’s go get Luca.”
I change quickly, hyper-aware of him somewhere behind me in the locker room. We’ve shared locker rooms for years—at Concord, at the Olympics—but it feels different now. Everything feels different now.
Axel drives us to pick up Luca, chattering about bedding options the whole way. I focus on the road and try not to notice his hands on the steering wheel.
Patricia and Luca greet us inside. Luca is drawing on the kitchen table. He’s not crying. His pants aren’t wet.
“Luca and I made cinnamon buns,” Patricia says.
“Wow!” Axel sniffs. “They smell fantastic!”
Luca grins.
“We’re going to go shopping, Luca,” Axel says brightly.
Luca scrutinizes him. Axel helps Luca into his coat, then zips it up, like he’s been doing this for years.
“Better bundle up. It’s chilly here,” Axel says. “Pretty different from California, huh, Luca?”
I wince. “He needs a hat and gloves.”
“You need to dress warmer too,” Axel says.
I hadn’t realized he’d noticed that my jacket is thin. I never wear a hat or gloves in California, and should have packed them, but didn’t.
“I’m fine.”
“You and Unc-Unc are both going to get new outdoor clothes,” Axel informs Luca. “What color coat do you think he should get?”
Luca stares.
I open my mouth. Axel knows Luca doesn’t speak.
“Purple?” Axel asks. “Orange?” His eyes glimmer. “I know! Polka dots!”
Luca stares.
Axel frowns and takes out his phone. He types something into it. Axel’s mind moves so quickly. It always has. Has he forgotten that he’s having a conversation with Luca? At least the one-sided version that all conversations with Luca lately are?
“See? These are polka dots, Luca.” He shows Luca something from his phone. “Don’t you think Enzo would look good in them?”
“I like black,” I grumble.
Axel shrugs. “I can get anything you want, Enz.”
My eyes round. That sort of sounded like….
No. This isn’t a date. It’s not like Axel is going shopping for me. He probably did for his girlfriends. And he knows I have plenty of money. I’m not the same penny-pinching eighteen-year-old he remembers.
Soon, we’re bundled up, minus the hats and gloves I definitely should have brought, and we’re heading out.
“There’s a kids’ store on Congress Street, and then we can go to Whole Foods for groceries. They’re both in walking distance.” Axel leans forward and whispers in my ear. “I ordered a new bed already. They’re going to deliver it while we’re out. Patricia is in on it.”
I smile.
Axel and I each take one of Luca’s little hands, while Axel chats the whole time about the neighborhood, how awesome it is, and how Luca is going to like it so much.
Pretty soon Axel is telling me to lift my arm up so Luca flies over all the puddles.
I didn’t take Luca for a walk when we were at that hotel. I just stayed in with him, waiting for nannies to come and go. Why hadn’t I thought about that? Everyone needs exercise, and I know that.
Luca’s cheeks are rosy red when we arrive at the kids’ store, and Axel quickly takes off Luca’s coat.
“Don’t want him to overheat,” Axel tells me.
Well, that’s smart too.
“Let’s get you some things for your room,” Axel tells Luca. “If you see something nice, just let me know, okay?”
Luca nods.
The store is bright and cheerful—half toys, half kids’ bedding and decor.
For some reason, Axel looks a bit wistful when he glances back at us, but he goes to a row of stuffed animals. “Teddy bears!”
“Nice,” I say.
“Here.” Axel crouches down with two teddy bears. “Which one do you prefer? Just point.”
Luca looks at them. His hand reaches out—then drops. He turns away.
My heart sinks. Maybe this was too much. Maybe we shouldn’t have—
Luca points to a narrow column of nightlights: stars, animals, cartoon characters.
Luca points at one shaped like a crescent moon.
Axel follows him, crouching to his level. “You want a nightlight, buddy?”
Luca nods.
I think about all the nights he’s woken up crying in the dark. The way his screams would cut through the hotel room, and I’d stumble to him not knowing what to do, not knowing what he needed.
“Good choice,” Axel says softly. He picks up the moon and hands it to Luca, who clutches it to his chest like it’s precious.
My eyes burn. I look away before anyone notices.
Axel notices anyway. He doesn’t say anything, just shifts slightly, so he’s standing between me and the long line of people at the register, blocking the sightline and giving me a moment.
“Your uncle likes space too,” Axel tells Luca. “He majored in astronomy in college.” Axel’s voice is teasing and warm. “What hockey player majors in astronomy?”
Luca blinks, the concept of majors and astronomy not mentioned in most children’s books. Axel happily explains both to Luca in the toy store.
A few people smile at us.
“You have a lovely family,” the cashier says.
I open my mouth, ready to explain.
“Thank you,” Axel says, smiling. He puts his finger out and Luca clutches it. “Did you hear that, Luca?”
Luca smiles.
I guess technically we are a family. Luca is related to both of us. I’m sure the cashier thought Axel and I are a couple, but I won’t tell Axel that.
He seems to be cool with all his teammates who have come out as gay or bisexual, which is nice.
When he was captain of our hockey team back at Concord University, he also made a point of announcing in his first team meeting that he had no problem with gay or bisexual people, but that was probably because the previous captain had used a lot of slurs and he’d wanted to set up a new environment.
At the time, I’d wanted to kiss him for it. I’d also wanted to throw up.
Luca’s eyes drift to a crate of dinosaur stuffies. Axel hands one to the cashier.
“Dinosaurs are super cool,” Axel says.
Luca beams, and now I’m blinking again. I need more sleep. I do.
“You okay, Enz?” Axel’s shoulder bumps mine.
I look at Luca, at Axel carrying bags like this is normal, at our reflection in the store window—the three of us together.
A lovely family.
“Yeah,” I say. “I’m okay.”
Axel
We win again.
Naturally.
We’re all grinning in the locker room.
“Congratulations, guys.” Coach’s gaze drifts to Enzo and me, at us sitting side by side, and he presses his lips together. I think I see him smirk before he leaves the locker room.
He’s probably too suspicious to say, “I told you so” or even worse, “when exactly am I supposed to start regretting hiring Enzo?” Still, he’s thinking it, I’m sure.
Enzo actually has been great.
We continue to play well together, continue to line up assists and goals.
If Enzo isn’t hanging out with Luca, he’s in a corner of the living room doing yoga or sit-ups or some other form of exercise.
What Enzo hasn’t been doing is sleeping.
He’s barely slept at all, and I know: we live together.
I thought he would be better once I moved him into my apartment, but his eyes still have dark circles under them.
And I get it.
He’s been through massive, terrible change.
The couch isn’t the best place for him to sleep. He needs his own room.
Enzo is Luca’s uncle, so of course I want to protect him.
Noah whispers something to Finn.
“So you two are living together now?” Finn asks.
“Yes,” I say.
“I knew it!” Noah squeals happily.
“What did you know?” Finn asks.
“They’re together.”
“People have roommates, babe,” Finn says.
“They’re rich. And they hate each other. Had to be chemistry.”
Enzo jerks his head away from me, and his skin flushes.
I sling an arm around Enzo. His shoulder is warm and damp through his shirt, and he goes rigid under my touch, but he doesn’t pull away. “Enzo and I are family.”
Finn blinks.
Noah blinks.
“I’m a dad,” I explain. “To Enzo’s nephew.”
Finn and Noah continue blinking with all the force of two athletes when talking about something besides hockey or nutrition or exercise.
“So you’re brothers?” Luke asks.
Finn elbows Noah. “You got this so wrong, babe.”
Noah’s freckles disappear into a full-body blush. “Oh, God. I’m sorry.”
Finn turns to Enzo. “I bet you have a sister.”
Enzo stiffens.
“Enzo’s sister was in a car crash last month,” I explain, flicking a worried glance at Enzo.
“I’m so sorry. That’s terrible!” Finn exclaims. He turns to his husband. “I can’t believe you thought they were together.”
Noah’s skin reddens. “I thought they might be! There was tension.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Not everyone is gay or bisexual,” Finn says.
Noah apologizes again, but I’m barely listening. Enzo looks small and pale beside me, and I have the sudden, bizarre urge to pull him onto my lap.
I shove the thought away, then I drop my arm and stand too fast, busying myself with my locker so I don’t have to look at anyone.