Chapter 30
CHAPTER
THIRTY
Enzo
Axel squeezes my hand as I click the Zoom link. “It’s probably nothing.”
It’s never nothing when a lawyer emails you out of nowhere. I learned that lesson when I was fifteen and Gaby was fighting for custody of me.
The laptop soon fills with the face of a professionally dressed woman in a black blazer and crisp white shirt. She has dark hair and bangs in front of a plain background of various shades of blue. In large letters is “Huang Family Law.”
The bed bounces slightly where Axel and I are pressed together, and I tighten my grip on the thin laptop. The screen light is bright in the dim bedroom.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Bellanti. Thank you for taking the time for this meeting.”
“Of course,” I say. “What was this case about?”
Why didn’t Gaby ask me to handle it? Why didn’t she tell me?
I don’t like the idea that my sister spent the last weeks of her life worried about lawyers.
She had to fight hard to keep custody of me when I was a child.
Massachusetts’ Child Protective Services apparently did not immediately think that my older sister was the right person to be raising a fifteen-year-old on her own, and she had to appear in family court multiple times and prepare a lot of paperwork before she was granted permanent custody of me at the age of twenty.
“I was Ms. Bellanti’s lawyer for three years,” Miss Huang says. “It’s nice to finally meet her brother in person. Somewhat in person.”
She smiles, and we exchange Zoom pleasantries.
“Ms. Bellanti was worried about the custody of her son, Luca Bellanti.”
“Oh.” I stiffen.
Axel brushes his thumb against my hand, and I exhale.
“I was preparing papers to inform the father of her child, Mr. Axel Knight.”
My brow furrows. I glance at Axel.
He leans toward the laptop. “I’m Mr. Knight.”
She frowns. “Axel Knight?”
“Yes.”
“The father of Luca Bellanti?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Oh, I hadn’t expected to speak to the actual father. You knew why I was calling?”
We shake our heads.
“Your sister felt guilty about not informing Mr. Knight that he had a child.”
“Oh.”
“I have full custody of Luca now,” Axel says.
“Well. You are the father. And you, um, seem to get along well with Luca’s uncle.”
Axel swings an arm around my shoulder and squeezes my cheek as I do my best to stifle a giggle. “We’re boyfriends.”
“Oh, that is unusual.”
Axel and I both stiffen.
“But good. Well. I’m sorry for taking up your time. I’ll just close out the case. I had wanted to offer my services to you, but I see that is not necessary.”
“Okay. It was nice meeting you,” Axel says cheerfully.
I put my hand on his arm. “You mentioned that my sister had been working with you for nearly three years? What was that in reference to? Did she have any other legal matters I should be aware of?”
“No, we only spoke about custody of Luca.”
“Three years ago?” Axel asks.
“Oh, yes, she was concerned about custody of Luca. I advised her against telling Mr. Knight about the baby.”
I go cold. “You did? Why?”
“Normally we advise our clients to give contracts to sperm donors. Custody is something to be decided before insemination, not after. Getting pregnant via a sample in a turkey baster is incredibly irresponsible.”
I blink.
No. That can’t be right.
“But Mr. Knight and my sister slept together. There was no, um, turkey baster.”
Axel’s eyes round, then he shakes his head. “Jane is correct.”
Ice forms in my stomach, and the mattress is too soft. I sink into it, helpless, as my pulse skitters. “You didn’t sleep with my sister.”
“No,” Axel says. “No, I did not sleep with my best friend’s older sister. Bro code, babe.”
Oh, no.
“I-I thought you did,” I say.
“Well, I didn’t.” Then he stops. “You thought I slept with her.”
I give a helpless nod. “I did.”
“And then—”
I watch the realization hit. It does so quickly—his eyes widening, his jaw going slack, his hand pulling away from mine—and shame crashes through me.
“Gaby told me the insemination was via turkey baster,” Jane says. “It’s in my notes. And I remember because it’s not a recommended method. It would have been fine if she had a contract, but—”
“Why do you keep bringing up contracts,” I say irritatedly.
“Because contracts are important,” Jane says, speaking to me like I’m a child. “Vital to the functioning of society. Mr. Knight could have claimed custody of the child from the beginning.”
I stare.
“I wouldn’t have done that,” Axel says. “It was a favor to a friend. A not very close friend, honestly.”
I inhale. I’d only seen Gaby and Axel interact a few times before.
Gaby had come to Concord for parents’ weekend, but she’d never been able to stay the entire time there, and of course, Axel had been hanging out with his parents a lot then.
And he’d seen her in LA when he’d come to visit me after our teams played and a bit during the summers when we both had off and…
I close my eyes. “You were doing her a favor.”
“Gaby wanted to have a baby. She asked me. I went to the bathroom, then came back with, uh, material.”
“Just like that.”
Luca sprang to life from that. It seems impossible.
“On the first try.” Axel gives a modest shrug. “I actually don’t think she thought I would bring it to her that quickly. She seemed surprised. But then she got out the turkey baster, took my sample with her to her bedroom, and I guess, made Luca.”
“Huh.” I furrow my brow.
“Like I said,” Jane says, “that was not responsible. You should have gone straight to a lawyer.”
“I would have signed anything she wanted,” Axel says. “I wouldn’t have taken her baby from her.” He gives me an alarmed look. “I wouldn’t have. I swear.”
A guilty expression moves over Jane’s face. “Yes, that was also the first assumption of Ms. Bellanti. But I told her that she was leaving herself vulnerable to having her child taken from her. You make much more money than Ms. Bellanti ever did, Mr. Knight.”
“The Boston Blizzards pay well,” Axel says, his voice flat. “I didn’t think it would lead to—”
I reach for his hand, but he’s already standing.
“I have to—” He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t look at me. “I’m sorry, Jane.”
And then he leaves the bed, leaves the room, maybe leaves my life.
Jane blinks at me from the other side of the Zoom.
“I hope you don’t think that my advice was poor, Mr. Bellanti. It is my job to consider every scenario. I wouldn’t be a good lawyer if I didn’t.”
“Your advice led me to not speaking to my best friend for three years,” I say. “I-I thought they slept together.”
Jane’s expression shifts. I wait for her to apologize. I wait for her to tell me that she never intended that, that she’ll change for future clients, that she’s so very apologetic.
And then I’ll tell her that that doesn’t change the past, but I will be gracious.
She doesn’t say any of that. Instead, she stares at me. “Well, that is not my issue.”
“But—”
“Did your sister tell you she slept with Mr. Knight?”
I try to remember. She hadn’t wanted to tell me who the father was, but I’d begged. I’d wanted to know who I should protect her from. It hadn’t been my business, but I’d pushed and pushed, and then she’d told me that Axel was the father.
Maybe she assumed it would make me happier. That I’d be glad Bellanti genes and Knight genes were mixed. That if Luca ever has children of his own, Bellanti and Knight genes will be mixed for generations upon generations until they’re flying into space.
Maybe she’d thought I would be happy.
But all I’d thought was that Axel and Gaby had slept together. I hadn’t wanted to think about Axel caressing my sister the way I’d wanted to be caressed. I’d been angry and rage-filled, more than I’d ever been in my life.
I thought I’d misjudged Axel. That I’d brought a man into Gaby’s life who’d ruined her. I’d known she’d wanted children in a hypothetical way, but I hadn’t known she’d wanted to become a mother badly enough to do it on her own.
I’d hated Axel.
And I’d apologized to Gaby. I’d told her he slept around and partied and was untrustworthy.
No wonder she didn’t tell me she’d intentionally asked for a sample from him.
“Well?” Jane asks briskly.
“She didn’t tell me she slept with him,” I admit.
I’d assumed.
Isn’t sex how most people make babies?
And Axel was so handsome. He slept with different women all the time.
“And you didn’t ask him about it or give him the chance to explain?” Jane asks.
“N-no.” My voice wobbles, and I hate it. My eyes burn, and I blink.
I glance up at the Zoom screen.
Jane sighs. “I cannot be blamed for that.”
“No,” I agree. “I-I should talk to him.”
I switch off the computer. The screen goes dark. My reflection stares back at me, horrified.
I failed Axel.
I kept him away from his son. He could have known Luca from birth. And I know he wouldn’t have been involved, but still—Gaby was my sister. He would have seen her from time to time.
Tears sting my eyes, and I blink hard.
I kept a father from his son. I kept Axel from Luca.
Just like—
No. I can’t think about that. I can’t.
But I do. Of course I do.
Why didn’t I ask him?
I didn’t want him to tell me that, oh yeah, he remembered that time with my sister, and that that was a really crazy day or night or whenever it was that he decided to strip her naked and rut into her.
I didn’t want to hear him confirm that he’d acted terribly. I didn’t want to hear him say ‘oops, the condom didn’t work’ or ‘he’ll pay for her to have it removed’ or whatever terrible thing I imagined he might say.
But I should have given him the chance to not say those things.
I-I just hadn’t believed enough in him, enough in me that he would have seen my sister as off-limits.
I slide onto the floor, tears flooding my face. The carpet is rough against my feet, and the wooden bedframe is hard against my back.
My head spins, and I want to lock myself in here forever.
But I can’t hide in my room—in Axel’s room, oh God, in Axel’s room.
He’ll want me to leave. He’ll tell me he’s disappointed, and I’ll say I agree. I’ll pack up and leave him with his son and tell Luca I’ll visit—and I hope to God he’ll allow me to visit.
Because I’m not Luca’s father. I’m the uncle.
The uncle who kept Luca from his father for too long.
Luca took to Axel at once, and if Gaby hadn’t told me to take Luca to Axel as she lay dying, I never would have.
If the truck had killed Gaby at once, Axel never would have known that he’d had a son, and Luca would never have known his real father.
I rise from the floor. I need to face what I’ve done.