Chapter 32
CHAPTER
THIRTY-TWO
Axel
“I had three years to date other people, Enzo.”
He draws back like I’ve struck him, and I realize how that sounded.
“Wait. Let me finish. I know that we weren’t dating back then, but face it, we probably should have. We probably should have started dating in college. I—” I shake my head. “I don’t know what I was thinking in not doing that.”
“You were thinking you were straight.”
I shift my legs.
His mouth drops open. “You knew you weren’t straight? Seriously?”
“I mean, it’s not like you’re unattractive, Enzo. You model all the time. Of course I noticed you. I used to get hard when we watched movies together.”
“Seriously?”
“Not the whole time! Sometimes those films were pretty violent. But I noticed you, definitely. But I wasn’t completely sure about you. And the men I thought you might be hooking up with never looked like me.”
He nods without looking at me. “I didn’t want to be reminded of you.”
“And, I don’t know, it felt like we were already intimate. I didn’t want to change anything and make it worse. It’s not that I had any experience with men. What if we made things physical, and it didn’t feel right? I was so happy with what we had.”
Enzo looks stricken. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” I soothe. “And it’s fine. I mean… it’s not, because you carved out my heart. But you know what? I also had three years to date other people, to find a happily ever after with someone not you, and I had no obligation to you. And you know what? All I did was miss you.”
His eyes go glassy.
“I can say with complete confidence that you’re all I want in my life. Well, you and Luca. One family. You like that?”
“I-I do.”
I take his hands in mine. “And you have to promise to tell me if you ever doubt me. You have to tell me if I do something wrong, because it will happen.”
“I-I promise.”
“And you might be so upset that you want to assume I’m bad or that I don’t care about you or that you’re self-sacrificing yourself by closing off from me because you think I’m busy or whatever, but you can’t do that. Promise me.”
“I promise. I will.”
I smile. “I know you will. But let me finish this.”
He nods.
“If you ever feel that I don’t care about you, you have to come to me.
You can say ‘remember that time I made you that promise to talk’ and I’ll know it’s important.
You can huff and pout, but you have to tell me.
And if I have questions about you—like if you don’t respond to my texts or something, you have to talk to me.
I need you to do that. I-I can’t bear another separation. I can’t.”
Tears spill over, tracking down his cheeks faster than he can blink them back. He pulls me into his arms, and buries his face against my neck, his whole body shaking. I pull my arms tightly around him.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you too.”
“I can’t function without you. I don’t want a day where I don’t end it talking to you.”
“I-I don’t either.”
I rub the back of his head. “I know. That’s a good thing.”
He gives a strangled laugh. “You’re so… you.”
“Words, Enz.”
He raises his head. His eyes are red and glassy, but when he talks, he looks directly at me, pulling me in. “You’re the sun, Axel. You’re bright and charming and have all these great friends and this great family and so many people who admire you.”
“Don’t forget my fan clubs,” I say.
He snorts. “Right. Your fan clubs.”
“You have fan clubs too.” I remember stalking them when we didn’t speak, looking at page after page of Enzo, wondering what happened.
“The point is, you dazzle everyone. I-I didn’t think I was important.”
“You’re underselling yourself, babe. You’re sweet and caring, Enz. You’re so beautiful too. I go deeper in conversations with you than with anyone else. We have a history, and we’re going to have a future. These three years will be nothing compared to all the time we’ll spend together.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yeah. Years and years and years.”
He sniffs. “I’d like that.”
“It would be pretty embarrassing if you didn’t.”
He shakes his head. “Never, Axel. I was yours from the moment you walked into our dorm room. Yours for life.”
My heart thunders. I squeeze his hand. “And you were mine. We were bound together.”
I pull him toward me.
Our bodies tumble together. I hoist him into my arms, and his legs lock around my waist, his ankles crossed at my back.
“I love you,” he says. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
I wipe the tears from his cheeks. Then mine. Then I laugh, because we’re both a mess, all salt and snot and shaky breathing.
I carry him to the bed and lay him gently down.
Maybe I always loved him. I just didn’t let myself name it. I wanted him in my life forever, even when it was inconvenient, even when we were thousands of miles apart.
I just didn’t realize I could have him. Not like this.
My life might have appeared full from his perspective, and I get that, I truly do.
I wish he’d called and yelled at me and told me I shouldn’t have slept with his sister, and I could have told him that I never, ever would have done that.
But I get why he assumed I did, and I get why that was a step too far and he felt he had to cut me away from him.
His father left him, and though he says it didn’t matter, of course it did.
Of course he heard other people talk about dads, of course he saw dads on TV, of course he met dads in real life, of course he wondered why he didn’t have one.
I understand.
And now I can make sure that he knows how important he is to me and how I’ll never abandon him.
And we can be together, in a better way than I could ever, possibly have imagined.
He’s not just the guy I call when I arrive at a new hotel for the night and am bored and want to go over my day with someone. He’s the man I snuggle up to at night, the man I love, the man who loves me.
And together we’re raising a little boy.
“Life is going to be more magical than we ever imagined,” I tell him.
He laughs against my shoulder. “Oh, yeah? Like the Shire?”
“Like the Shire during the happily ever after,” I say. “Like Star Wars when the battles have been fought and won. Like Star Trek when—”
He chuckles. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And then we kiss and make out, and he’s really, really good at that.
He takes me apart with his lips and his mouth, and his strong hands undress me. I return the favor, tugging his shirt over his head, running my hands down his firm chest, the trail of dark hair below his navel prickling my fingers.
Naked Enzo is an Enzo I completely missed out on all those years ago. Our bodies slide together. Our cocks grind together, and pre-cum seeps between them. I kiss him, and my fingers brush against his hard peaks. He arches into my touch.
I laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“Just thinking about lesbian sex.”
“Um?” He scrambles off me. “You want to watch lesbian porn?”
My eyes widen. “What? Of course not! Why does everyone always think that?”
“We can watch lesbian porn if you want. I mean, if you miss, you know—” He does some sort of curvy hand gesture that I think is supposed to be a woman, and I snort.
“Nope, babe, I like a technology-free environment in our bedroom. Is that okay for you?”
He snuggles against me. “That’s absolutely okay with me.”
“I’m just glad we can be together like this.”
“Same.”
“Though,” I say, “I need lots of practice to catch up.”
“You can practice on me.”
“My hero.”
Then I flip him over. “How do you feel about tongue messages?”
“Tongue—” Enzo’s breath hitches as I spread his cheeks. “Tongue messages?”
“You spell things,” I explain, and demonstrate the letter I. “With your tongue.”
He gasps. “That’s—where did you even—”
“I’m full of ideas.” I trace the L. “Some women in a bar once called me a creep for this suggestion.”
“Well, I-I feel very good about those.”
I grin against him. “Thought you might.”
Enzo
Axel spends what feels like forever with his mouth on me—ten minutes, maybe more—until my thighs are shaking and I’ve forgotten every word except his name. Apparently, I’m not great at deciphering tongue messages.
“It’s okay, Enz.” Axel swings an arm around me. “You just need lots of practice.”
“You gonna help me with that?”
“I’m gonna give you so much practice, babe,” Axel says. “Though first let’s fuck. I need to spray you with my DNA. Painting time.”
And then he rearranges me so I’m kneeling on the bed. His thumbs dig into my glutes, kneading slow circles, and I melt into the mattress.
“You are mesmerizing, Enz.”
I wriggle my ass shamelessly.
He laughs. “You trying to make me blast off early?
Axel has already made me pretty open from his earlier attention, but he fingers me some more. When he finally pushes into me, slow and steady, the stretch burns in the best way.
My body relaxes when it feels him all around me, inside me. His chest is pressed to my back, his breath is hot against my ear, and his hands are braced on the mattress beside mine.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers.
Then he thrusts inside me, moving in and out, each thrust dragging against that spot inside me. I grip the sheets and try to remember how to breathe.
He groans against my shoulder, low and rough, and the sound goes straight to my cock.
Axel and I have never done this before, but our bodies know what to do.
Sweat slicks between us, his chest sliding against my back, the room thick with heat and the sound of skin on skin.
His hand slides around to my chest, fingers rolling one nipple, then pinching, just enough sting to make me gasp, before he moves to the next one.
His mouth finds the nape of my neck, open-mouthed kisses, then teeth. He sucks hard enough to leave a mark, and I shudder and clench around him.
The pressure builds low in my belly, coiling tighter with every thrust. When I come, it tears through me—untouched, just from him inside me—and I hear him groan, feel him pulse, his arms locked around me like he’s afraid I’ll disappear.
He slips out of me, and I feel the loss immediately. He turns me toward him, so our foreheads are pressed together, and I wrap my legs around his.
“I love you, Enzo Bellanti.”
“I love you, Axel Knight.”
He grins. “I know.”
I laugh, and it comes out watery, half sob, half joy. “Shut up.”
“Never.”
The room is quiet except for our breathing, slowly evening out. And then we’re kissing all over again, and we definitely, definitely will need to change the sheets.
We shower, the water turning our skin pink, his hands gentle as he washes me. We kiss some more, unable to stop touching, then we go to pick up Luca.