Chapter 16
CHAPTER
SIXTEEN
Mateo
Gina’s eyes sparkle.
I knew she shouldn’t have come.
She was only supposed to pop in briefly. But apparently this is too interesting for her to skip. Gina knows Florian and I are not a couple.
“Florian and Mateo used to kayak down the Charles together,” Gina says. “They would share a kayak. It was very sweet.”
“That sounds like a fun date!” Florian’s mother claps her hands. “The Charles is beautiful.”
“Is this your first time in Boston?” I ask hastily.
“No…” Florian’s mother exchanges a glance with Florian’s dad. Annika frowns.
What have I said? I just wanted to make conversation and to change the subject.
“My parents met in Boston,” Annika says slowly. Her eyes are… Well, her eyes look exactly how they might look if she were deeply suspicious. I hope that’s a coincidence. “They went to Harvard together.”
“Oh.” My heartbeat quickens.
“You remember that Mateo, don’t you?” Gina says hastily. “I remember Florian telling us that.”
“Uh—” I chew on my lower lip, then give a wide smile. “I knew that. Technically, Harvard is in Cambridge. I wasn’t sure if they’d ever, uh, ventured into Boston.”
“You weren’t certain if we ever crossed one of the many bridges into Boston in the six years we were at Harvard?” Florian’s dad throws back his head and laughs. “Did you hear that, Greta? We study hard but not that hard.”
“Mateo has always been so enamored with Florian,” Gina says. “He never paid much attention to what Florian was saying.”
“Florian is very attractive,” Florian’s mother says dutifully.
“You are very kind, mother,” Florian says.
“Memory can emerge through the senses,” Gina announces in an authoritative manner. “Florian and Mateo used to dance all the time. Whenever I used to visit I would hear Frank Sinatra or Ella Fitzgerald or Bossa Nova.”
Florian’s eyes round. “You should have told me last night, Mateo!”
“It was sort of a sad night,” I say.
Florian swallows hard. I’ve made things worse.
“Though anytime I spend with you is romantic,” I say hastily.
Florian looks relieved. He squeezes my hand. “I find this time together very romantic too.”
And then he leans toward me and kisses my cheek again. He tightens his grip around my waist, and I sit perched on 6 foot 4 inches of sweet, muscular man in front of his family and his sister and pretend I am not the least bit affected.
Florian’s scent wafts around me. He brings the same care he took to choosing an enema kit and condoms to his lotions and body wash. The scent is complex and masculine, and I am going absolutely crazy by having him so close.
“You two used to waltz around the apartment,” Gina continues.
Florian’s mother beams. “The dance lessons! I told you they would be useful.”
I glance up at Florian. His cheeks are pink. “Yes, Mama. You were correct.”
“Your mother is a very wise woman,” Florian’s father says.
His mother sighs. “Florian never liked the lessons.” Then her face sobers. “Probably because of all the women.”
“It’s okay, Mama.”
“I’m sorry,” Florian’s mother says.
Florian shakes his head. “Nonsense. To think that now I ballroom dance with Mateo!”
“You ballroom dance by the pool too,” Gina adds. “Mateo told me how nice it was.”
“That sounds so romantic,” Florian’s mother says, clapping her hands, and Florian squeezes me happily.
“You should ballroom dance now,” Gina says.
Florian
“That is an excellent idea.” I guide Mateo off my lap.
He gives me a startled look.
“Let’s dance.”
“Now?”
“There is no time like the present to regain one’s memory.”
“I’m not much of a dancer,” Mateo says hastily.
“But you’ve gotten so much better,” Gina says.
“From a neuroscience perspective it might benefit Florian to be kinesthetically triggered,” Papa says.
Mama nods multiple times. “We have multiple senses. Is there a particular smell that you associate with each other?”
I slide my gaze to Mateo.
Perhaps we should be having sex after all.
No. Why did I think that? Why is my mind so dirty?
“Well,” Gina says. “Mateo and Florian used to love going to romantic restaurants. Perhaps the smell of the food might trigger something.”
“Not to speak of the taste sensation!” Papa looks at Mateo. “You must write down exactly what Florian ordered!”
“Well…” Mateo looks to Gina. Then he looks to the ground. “Maybe when you feel better, Florian. I’m not sure I can remember exactly what you ordered.”
“The best is all you can do,” I assure Mateo.
“Now… Let’s find some music.”
“You want to dance now?”
I narrow my eyes. I’m pretty sure that I already had this conversation. Mateo’s cheeks go pink. I go to the TV and find the remote control in its place on the third drawer to the left. I turn on the TV, then turn on the music. I find Frank Sinatra and start playing some music.
I turn around.
The others scrutinize me.
“You knew where the remote control to the TV was,” Annika says.
“Oh.” My chest widens. “I did.”
But then my lower lip trembles.
Because once again I have not remembered my dear wonderful amazing boyfriend.
I have remembered how to find remote controls instead.
What kind of boyfriend am I?
Papa and Mama’s faces pale.
Annika’s brows furrow like she’s pretending to be one of those people who have to ponder things. Annika is so smart and everything comes naturally to her.
But now she seems suspicious.
“We Germans have very technical minds,” Papa explains to Mateo.
“It might not have been a memory,” Mama says.
They all know it is embarrassing that I am remembering the minutiae within my apartment and not my dear, amazing boyfriend.
“I am sorry, mi amor.” My cheeks are red. The back of my neck itches.
“It’s not your fault,” Mateo says. “It’s a good thing! It means you might remember everything soon.”
“You really think so?”
“Absolutely,” he says. “You knew where two remote controls were located. That’s wonderful.”
“And I remember that I used to call you ‘mi amor’.”
Mateo’s cheeks redden. He looks down. His long black lashes are so beautiful. He is so beautiful. I cannot believe he is mine. I am so lucky.
I glance back at the screen, then click “It Had to Be You.”
Mateo’s lips part.
The music is already playing, and I bow.
Mateo’s eyes widen. They look uncertain, which is strange.
I sweep Mateo into my arms, then I foxtrot with him around the room.
Mateo is…
Well, technically, he’s not the best dancer.
In fact, he’s probably the worst dancer I’ve encountered.
Actually, I know he’s the worst. By far.
He’s stepped on my toes multiple times.
He is surprisingly terrible. He cranes his neck up at me, and he clutches hold of my shirt, as if he thinks he might fall with each dip if he doesn’t do that. I won’t let him fall though.
We glide around the apartment. Mama and Papa look delighted, and even Annika smiles.
Maybe she is wondering how Mateo can be such a terrible dancer even though this was one of our favorite activities. I smile when Mateo steps on my toe for the sixth time. What might Mateo have been like before we started to dance together? He would have been even worse.
I grin. No wonder Mateo was embarrassed about dancing in front of my family.
When the music ends, I put on another romantic song. Then another.
The doorbell rings, and Mateo leaps from my arms. He bounds toward the door, then picks up the receiver.
“Who is it?” I ask.
“Um…”
I narrow the distance between us. He covers the receiver with his hands. “Some of your teammates came to visit. But I can tell them you’re not well…”
“They know I am not well and are coming to see me anyway. Please tell them to come up.”
Mateo nods. “Okay.”
Mateo says something into the receiver, then puts it down.
To tell the truth, I am nervous about meeting my teammates. But it is very nice they wanted to visit me. I do not feel good about turning them away.
Mateo’s body flutters, and I pull him back into my arms. I squeeze him tightly, and his eyes do some sort of rolling back thing, as my parents and Gina coo in the distance.
My parents have been so accepting. It is wonderful. Truly wonderful.
Perhaps I should have told them ages ago that I was gay.
But then they might not have understood why I didn’t want to tell anyone.
I told myself that there was no point in telling them anything when I did not have a boyfriend.
That it was fine if I went through life speaking only of sports and small-talk.
If I did not correct people when they asked me why I did not have a girlfriend and tell them that one day I wanted a boyfriend, that one day my deepest desire was to meet someone like Mateo.
Someone so beautiful and so sweet.
All I want to do is hold him in my arms and tell him how amazing he is.
The doorbell sounds again, and then a group of men my age stomp into the room. These must be my teammates.
They grin when they see me.
“You’re up!” one says.
“I am standing, yes.”
“Come in guys,” Mateo says, and I am relieved he is taking charge. “I’ll introduce you. Florian’s memory isn’t back yet.”
My teammates’ faces sober.
“That sucks, Florian.”
I nod solemnly. “The doctor says it will probably be back soon.”
The doctor also said if the memories don’t come back soon, that the injury might be more serious than they feared. I was hoping I would remember by now. It is a bad sign that I haven’t.
I don’t want to think about that.
I don’t want to imagine a world where I can’t play hockey and where my mind has become fragmented. How could I have lost six weeks of my life?
I stare at these tall athletic men. Some of them look familiar, but I watch a lot of hockey. Two of them I know: Finn and Noah, the married couple.
“This is Finn Carrington,” Mateo says.
“Pleased to meet you again,” I say.
He grins. “Pleased to meet you again too, Florian.”
Then he does a fist-bump thing.
“And this is his husband, Noah,” Mateo continues, gesturing to a man with dark hair and freckles.
“Hi Florian!” Noah says. “We play on the same line together.”
“Nice.”
Then Mateo introduces me to a tall man with dark curly hair. He is Troy and is the goalie. Then he introduces me to a smaller blond man named Jason and a larger blond man named Luke.
“Jason and I play on the same line with you too,” Luke tells me.
“Ah.”
I wonder what they’re thinking.
I swoop my arm around Mateo then pull him against my chest. My heart beats against his body, and slowly I calm.
My teammates stare.
“You’re really together,” Troy says finally. “Congratulations.”
I nod happily.
“I never would have thought it.” Troy furrows his brow.
“We tried to avoid each other in public,” Mateo says.
“Well, that explains it. You were excellent at avoiding each other,” Troy says.
I grin happily and kiss the top of Mateo’s head.