Chapter 19
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
Florian
Last night’s dinner was wonderful and included oysters, but I haven’t remembered anything more. I insist on going to the arena with Mateo. I can exercise and watch my teammates practice. I don’t want to spend another day at home alone missing Mateo.
“Are you nervous?” Mateo asks me.
“Maybe,” I admit.
I look out at the arena. “It’s very new and impressive.”
“That’s what everyone says.”
“I cannot believe I lost my memory,” I grumble. “Now I must do the first day of work all over again.”
Mateo gives a delighted giggle, and I pull him into my arms and kiss him. I brush my lips against his tentatively, then suck on his lip. He gives a little gasp, and I tentatively rub my tongue against his.
Ever since we kissed at the pool, I’ve kissed him every chance I can. I love kissing Mateo.
My cells zing, and someone must have placed us on one of the fluffy clouds currently sweeping over Boston’s bright blue sky.
Someone whistles, and when we look, Troy is giving us two thumbs up.
Mateo waves, then I do.
We walk toward the arena.
“I am sorry I kept you a secret,” I say. “That must have been hard for you.”
“It was really okay.”
I nod solemnly.
Still, when we enter the arena, I take his hand in mine, and when he tries to let go, I rub my thumb over his to calm him.
Mateo murmurs something—it sounds like ‘I’m going to hell’, but obviously I must have misheard.
We walk past security, then Mateo leads me toward the massage room. I can’t wait to see where Mateo works. A few players spot us together. Their eyebrows raise, their jaws drop, then they grin.
“You’re a real Blizzard now,” Axel Knight says.
I beam at him. “I saw you play during the Olympics!”
He chuckles. “You know, we’ve actually played together too.”
“So you and Mateo?” Axel asks.
I nod happily. “He is my boyfriend, and I love him very much.”
Axel’s jaw drops, and Mateo gasps.
I look to make sure Mateo is doing okay. His expression is strained, which is weird, but he squeezes my hand.
“That’s right,” Mateo says. “We are boyfriends, and, uh, in love. Deeply.”
“That’s pretty obvious, dudes,” Axel says. “Wow. You are both excellent at secrets.”
“You didn’t know?” I ask.
Mateo stiffens.
“No way, dude. In fact, whenever you were in the same room, you always used to leave the room suddenly. I thought it was rude.”
My eyes round. “That’s horrible.”
“No!” Mateo exclaims. “He was…”
I turn to him. Mateo’s throat moves. His smile is suddenly too wide.
“We didn’t want to announce it to everyone,” Mateo says. “We were keeping it secret!”
“That sounds like me,” I say.
“So you wake up and discover that you have a boyfriend and that you’re a great actor,” Axel says. “How awesome is that?”
“It is excellent,” I agree, nodding firmly.
Mateo takes my hand. “Let’s go, Florian—”
“No wonder that you were so resistant when your sister gave you that book about manifestation,” Axel says.
Mateo stills. His hand is cold and stiff. I rub my thumb along his palm to calm him.
“That was acting,” he says.
“Detailed acting. It was a whole saga,” Axel says.
“I couldn’t have talked about it that much,” Mateo says.
“Oh, yeah. You did. You didn’t like that your sister wanted you to manifest a boyfriend. You said it was impossible. And that manifestation was silly. But now I know the truth!”
“You do?” Mateo asks. For some reason, his hand trembles. He must be cold. He’s been so focused on my health he’s forgotten to wear sweaters.
“Definitely,” Axel says. “You wanted to share that you already had an amazing boyfriend, but you couldn’t. Because of the whole secret thing.”
“Yes,” Mateo says happily.
I stare at him.
He’s definitely taking the reminder of my bad behavior well.
“I am so sorry I kept you a secret,” I say.
“Please don’t apologize.”
“I must. I promise to cherish you appropriately going forward.”
His shoulders droop. For some reason, he looks close to tears.
Or is it allergies? I’ll have to ask him about his health later. Perhaps we should stop at a pharmacy on the way home. Yes, that is what we will do.
“Actually, it was a mutual decision.” Mateo raises his chin.
“Ah. You didn’t want people to know you were dating the hot German hockey player.”
Mateo’s eyes narrow. “You used to be straight when I met you.”
“I was always bisexual,” Axel says. “Just obsessed with Enzo. I can notice that Florian is hot. It’s the symmetrical features. And the pink lips. And the blue eyes. And—”
Mateo takes my hand and squeezes it. “Later, Axel. I hope you’re looking forward to my Swedish massage.”
“Swedish massage?”
“I think extra firm is appropriate,” Mateo says, his chin high.
Axel snorts. “Oh my God. How did I not see it before?”
He’s shaking his head and smiling as Mateo marches us further and further away.
A few more team members say hi to us. They congratulate Mateo and me for our relationship. I guess normally you don’t announce your same-sex relationship to paparazzi before telling your teammates, and news has definitely traveled.
Everyone is happy for us though. I am on the best team in the world. I can’t wait until I remember everything.
The place looks far more familiar than I expected, and when Mateo says he’ll show me the massage room, then he’ll meet me for lunch, I actually know which turn to make to get there.
Which is weird.
I should remember Mateo first.
I don’t want to tell him how much I’m remembering in case I hurt his feelings, even though Mateo is so amazing, he would probably just reassure me and say his feelings aren’t hurt at all.
I definitely chose the best boyfriend I could.
I shiver as we get closer to the massage room. Maybe I’m getting the cold that Mateo has. My limbs feel heavier, and Mateo gives me a worried look.
We stop in front of the massage room, and my heart beats faster than it should.
Mateo opens the door, and I step inside.
My eyes dart to the gray stone wall, different from the exposed expensive wood panels that line the other corridors.
The room smells like eucalyptus, and I hate it. My eyes bounce from eucalyptus plant to eucalyptus plant.
“Florian?” Mateo asks. “You look pale.”
In the center of the room is a massage table. This is where Mateo works.
And then my pulse stutters. Something wraps around my chest.
I step back. “No…”
“Florian?” Mateo asks.
His voice sounds very far away. His eyes round more. Everything is wrong and terrible and horrible.
Ach, nein.
Nein, nein, nein.
Dummkopf.
“Florian,” Mateo says, his voice gentle. “You’re speaking German.”
I turn to him.
Memories crash through me.
This wasn’t a place I wanted to be. This was a place I avoided.
This was a place I hated.
And I know. “We’re not boyfriends.”